Reflection
Pain is what I see inside when I look at my reflection. You see something different; because I make sure there is no detection. I see the scars that mark my soul when I look into my eyes; because of what they've done to me I cloud my life with lies.
Living in the past, is not something I should do, but it's kind of hard to let things go after all that I've been through. I came to you for help; I thought you would be kind. But truly in a way, you left me behind.
You said it was for the best, but you left me there to rot. 9 years old to 11 years old, I cried on my little cot. The small room that was my prison, soon became my home. Never in all my years was I ever so alone.
Punishment for feeling has made me who I am today, why should I tell you anything when I know you will send me away. I have never been able to trust after that, I bottle up all emotion. I will never show anyone anything; I have made it my life's devotion.
So now only 5 year later, I still have nightmares about my past. I often wonder why won't the memories leave and how long this pain will last. I cry myself back to sleep, when I wake up dreaming of the horror, as of now, because of this, I want to feel no more.
You complement me on how I've grown and became what you wanted me too. So I stand there, smile and nod, what more am I supposed to do. Your plan for my life sets my expectations too high, but all you say is you "care for me" and just want me to "touch the sky".
Now when you look into my eyes' you see a "happy young woman" without a care at all, but as I stare into the mirror that's not what I see at all…
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Caitlin Hunter ©2005