Her lips were dry from her ridiculous assault. Which was to say, she had bitten them more than usual today.
"Maybe we should—"
"Yea, we should."
They walked awkwardly in silence. Of course he would know what she was thinking before she thought it. He was Finnick, her best friend. Or well, at least he was till she decided it was a good idea to confront the cliché so dramatically portrayed in all the movies she liked to watch these days and just make a move. It was awkward, all teeth, noses where they shouldn't have been and worse, he stiffened. Stiffened, like it was repulsive. Like she was repulsive.
"I am going out with Johanna."
"We could just forget this ever happened."
They spoke together, rushed, confused, but they both heard each other and just as fast as they attempted to ignore it, the awkwardness shrouded them like a quilt.
"I am going to go now", she muttered, then turned and ran as fast as her legs would take her. Hardly minutes away from him and hot tears spilled down her cheeks, burning her. Stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid. She couldn't swallow, couldn't breathe, and no matter how much she told herself it was okay, it wasn't. Not in any universe.
When she calmed down, as part of her pep talk she told herself, "You have two choices, Annie Cresta, you can pretend like it never happened or confront him with your feelings."
"Finnick!" she waved out at him, "Come here, and sit with us."
He looked at her warily. She could hardly fault him with that expression. Twenty two days, it wasn't like she was keeping count, (of course, she was!) but he was avoiding her not the other way round. She made sure of that.
"Annie."
He was still at a distance and she was going to irritate him about it but a senior interrupted them. Or rather interrupted their silent eye conversation.
After that she found it difficult to look at him at all. It was anyway difficult when Brad felt a celebratory kiss was in order after getting her to agree to go to the winter formal with him.
But she still had two choices, she could mope and sulk about her unrequited love or date someone she did not love, or even like for that matter.
She felt hollow. Everything she did, she failed at, everything she started, and she gave up. She was a mess, broken, a train wreck. A month. A month since her parents died in a freak accident and she still couldn't pick up pieces. Her house stank of dust, old food and dirty underwear. It was too soon to get over the trauma, but she had stopped functioning as a decent human being. In sudden bouts of rage she would pick the fancy glassware her mother loved and throw it against the wall, her eyes blurring from the tears as she blindly picked the glass and ignored the numbness in her hand. It was only later when Finnick visited her, finally ready to drag her out of her pity party that she realized it was bleeding, tiny shards just short of getting logged in the wounds.
"What the fuck, Annie?!" she couldn't recall a time she had heard Finnick yell and now he was yelling and cussing her out.
She didn't reply. Just cried harder, for her parents, for Finnick and for herself. And then he was holding her, rocking her gently as she cried, like a guardian angel. Her guardian angel. Not her guardian angel, she reminded herself bitterly.
But she realized, she didn't have to stay here anymore. Nothing was holding her back, she could start anew in a new place, a city maybe. Nothing was holding her back. Nothing except—Finnick. It was time for another choice.
Stay here, broken or move out and start anew, she made her decision.
Ten years later, she was very familiar with the New York lifestyle and boy, was it different. Busy, rushed and so glamorous compared to the quiet life she led in Virginia. She had dated, kissed till noses had stopped becoming an issue, fucked, she cringed as she thought of the word, not as familiar with the crass nature that accompanied city life.
When she reached home, a surprise awaited her in the form of a mail. A mail from Finnick, he had received a job offer, could he stay with her? He wanted to know. Of course, they were friends, she wrote back, he didn't have to ask really.
He arrived a week later, looking more wonderful than she remembered, awakening all those feelings she thought she had gotten rid of. Oblivious to her turmoil, he wrapped lean hands around her, hugging her and she could feel his warmth. Was she always this aware of him? She didn't know, all she knew was that it was going to be difficult, living in the same house as he, seeing him shirtless, oh god! She would see the lean muscle he had developed, and it was going to be very difficult.
For the first time, Annie Cresta didn't like her two choices. Live with the love that never died or ask him to move out without any valid reason. Both would be strenuous for their relationship, so she sat on the fence, waiting for something that would make her choice easy. There was nothing, these were her crossroads to deal with after all.
Then a month later, it changed. They were walking back from their weekly Friday dinner out. A tad tipsy because they thought it would be fun to try the selection of cocktails. She leaned on him, somehow he managed to hold his liquor.
"I love this!" she declared to the sky and he kissed her. It was gentle and firm and so Finnick. She knew her initial assessment of him kissing enough for noses not to become an issue was true. She didn't know how to feel but it didn't matter. He felt enough for the both of them, holding her shoulders when she thought her knees would give out—and then it was over, just as quickly as it began.
He didn't apologise, she was glad for it, she hated when she had to deal with an apology after a kiss. No, he just looked at her and waited. Wondered if she wanted him just as much.
And Annie was scared, what if he didn't love her the way she loved him. She had after all, more experience loving him.
And Annie decided she didn't care, the choices had changed and this time she liked them.
Take a leap of faith or be scared forever.
She leapt.