A/N This is supposed to be funny, just so you know.
Demon Pups
Once upon a time there was a vampire named Edward Cullen. He was sparkly, and he had the density of a brick wall.
The entire universe thinks that hes a gigantic perv who bones a teenage girl who is DAZZLED by him, but THIS IS A LIE.
Edward cullen is a homosexual. He is in lust with a space heater. This space heater's name is Jacob Black.
So one day Edward was skipping down a lane. He told Bella he had gone hunting, but he was actually going to see his secret lover.
"La la la, I'm a sparkly vampire…" Edward was singing, unnaturally high and he giggled every ten seconds. Then all of a sudden Jacob appeared, half naked cause that's how he rolls.
"My love!" Edward cried and he threw himself at Jacob, who took the midget vampire in his arms like he would any of his female groupies.
"Edward my lovely leech!" they made out. "lets go bone."
"Kay."
The two lovebirds skipped off into the forest, and within ten minutes managed to level half of it, cause yanno Edward levels buildings when making babies with women, so with a werewolf he can destroy forests, yay!
When they were done Jacob got pregnant with Edward's demon baby. "Oh no!" Jacob cried. Edward consoled him by telling the fictional Jake that he was far too hot to die.
Edward left Jake and went back to bella, who he promptly half ate, then got sad and abandoned her to go to his precious jake and demon child.
2 days later Jake's tummy blew open and a litter of vampire-demon-puppies came out. There were twenty eight puppies, who were all vampires, and therefore turned a lot of animals into vampires too. The demon puppies created an army, went to Arizona and ate stephenie meyer.
The world was once more a safe place to write bad fanfiction in, the end.