Family Insanity-Written by Gabe Ricard
Number ten in the ff7 series.
Once again here it is the latest and greatest fic in the ff7 series. The last one didn't do too hot and while most authors would take that as a sign that people have grown tired of the same shit over and over and move on I will continue to peddle my garbage mostly because no one gives a shit. Ahhhhh to be so unpopular nothing you could do could change someone's opinion of you…anyway enjoy the fic and lemme know what ya think.
One more thing though I've mentioned this before a lot of credit has to be tossed towards the fic entitled Family Insanity and though I regret a great deal not remembering the author behind this hilarious fic. It served as the inspiration for the changes the series saw. Things I blatantly ripped off from this great fic include
1). A few lines
2). Cloud and the gang moving to New Nibelham and Cloud becoming mayor
3.) The title
Sorry about that but I just figured some credit was due. Thanks for bearing with me through my usual long boring and horribly redundant intro. So enjoy the fic. Go on you deserve it ya crazy bastards
The moment Gabe tried to open his eyes intense pain came upon him. The mother of all hangovers. "That was one hell of a drink Tifa made at the housewarming party. I can't even open my fucking eyes" He thought groaning. He rolled over slightly and at that moment his heart froze as he felt his bar legs touch another set of bare legs. Oh…shit I slept with someone…" his hand creeped over to where the body was sleeping and felt a small amount of relief as he realized the legs of whoever happened to be sleeping in the bed belonged to a woman. He still couldn't fully open his eyes but at that moment the last image of last night flashed in his mind. I was stumbling over to Tifa who was waiting for me with open arms…oh my god…I slept with Tifa…I got to make love to the woman of my dreams. At that moment he could finally feel his vision returning and decided that while she was sleeping he would do something he always wanted to do. Feel her breasts to either prove or dispel three years of debating. He took a deep breath and slowly reached over smacking his hand into her knee then reaching up and expecting to grab a handful of flesh but instead felt a small. Gabe quickly went back to his knowledge of womens breasts to figure out what was afoot. Now…these breasts are very small…they could only belong to a………teenager….but the only teenager at the party last night besides me was,"
"Yuffie."
At that moment Yuffie slowly raised her head off the pillow. "Wow Vinny…that was some party last night." She turned her head and opened her eyes. At that moment Gabes eyes finally opened. Both stared at each other in open-mouthed shock until they reacted in a manner that was fairly acceptable for the given situation.
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
"Shut the fuck up fore I bash yer perverse love sick heads right the fuck in!" Barret pounded his gun arm against the wall of his room and shook his head rubbing the temples of his head with his good hand. Today was Marlenes first day of school and it was now that he was starting to realize that a young impressionable girl like Marlene didn't belong in a sick, perverse "family" like this one. He cursed himself for turning down Aeris's moms advances from long ago and opened the door and stepped into the hallway trying to remember where the bathroom was. After a moment he decided it was two doors down from his room to the left and walked over to open it. Yes a nice shower would soothe his nerves as today also happened to be the day he was starting his job as a high school gym teacher. He opened the door and expected to be greeted by one of the large, comfortable bathrooms he recalled from the tour but instead was greeted by Vincent who leaped out of where his coffin happened to be and tackled Barret into the wall.
"I will feast on the blood of the innocent bwahahahahahah!!"
"Vincent! Get the fuck off me NOW!" roared Barret.
Vincent stopped his attack cold and looked around as if awakening from a dream. "Hey this isn't 17th century Europe and you most certainly aren't a large breasted blond female virgin."
"Your god damn right I'm not now get the hell off me!!!"
Vincent quickly got off of Barret and apologized, "I was curious, have you seen Yuffie? I didn't find her in my room."
"You sleep in a coffin," replied Barret. "That aint no room."
"See for yourself," Vincent motioned towards his coffin and Barret poked his head inside to see an entire room with a large bed and various unpacked boxes stacked around. "So where is Yuffie?"
Barret pointed towards Gabes room were arguing could be heard and Vincent silently thanked Barret and walked towards Gabes room.
"I still can't believe you raped me!" screamed Yuffie who was still not wearing any clothes.
"Come again?!" screamed Gabe who thankfully was wearing boxers. "Now that I think about it I recall an ugly flat chest thieving dirty three cent trash bag, bottom feeding Materia whore stumbling into my room and raping ME in my ultra drunken state.
"That is SO much bullshit You nazi assh-" Yuffie words where cut off as Vincent swung the door open and walked in standing next to Yuffie.
:"What happened?" asked Vincent.
"Gabe raped me!" cried Yuffie.
"Rape you?! That is so much-"
BLAM!
"Ahhhh Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit! Vincent you fucking shot me!" screamed Gabe holding his bloody leg.
"BBBBBBBBBBRRRRRRREAAAAAAAAKFASSSSSSSSSSSSST," came the cheery voice of Aeris.
Vincent turned and walked out of the room while Yuffie slipped her clothes while sticking her tongue out at Gabe who limped down a few minutes after she left refusing to miss out on Shera's world famous chocolate pancakes bullet ridden leg be dammed.
"Vincent….I think shooting Gabe in the leg before he could tell his side of the story was a tad on the-"
"Completely fucking psychotic side," snapped Gabe interrupting Aeris who was healing Gabes leg.
"What the hell happened last night?" asked Red XIII lifting his head up from his dog bowl.
"I can explain," replied Cait Sith
"Please do!" snapped Gabe who turned cheerful for a split second to thank Shera as she placed a plate of chocolate pancakes on the table in front of him.
"Well as Gabe recalls he stumbled over to Tifa then mostly blacked out," Tifa blushed slightly as Yuffie Cait Sith said this. " He missed Tifa by a good thirty feet and fell in the giant punchbowl.. A little while later like twenty minutes, Gabe pretty much went to his room and passed out. Vincent and Yuffie came up a short time later but Vincent in his drunken haze fell through his casket first and shut the door locking it as he did. Yuffie who I recall was even worse then Vincent continued to walk and stumbled into Gabes room. Then, thinking it was Vincent for some odd reason tore off his clothes and had hot sweaty monkey sex with him."
"How do you know all this?" asked Cloud curiously looking down from his paper and coffee.
"I video taped it. It should be circulating the major hentai sites as we spea-whoops said too much."
"You WHAT?!" screamed Gabe, Yuffie and Vincent in unison.
"Kidding."
"Oh…well that wasn't very damn funny!" Gabe mumbled under his breath and returned to his pancakes.
"Heh heh heh."
"Daddy can I ask you somefing?" asked Marlene as Barret packed her lunch.
"What is it honey?"
"What did Uncle Cloud mean when he wanted Auntie Aeris to make him her bitch? I thoughts you said a bitch was a female doggy daddy so why would Uncle Cloud want to be a female dog?"
Cloud spat out the coffee that was in his mouth as Aeris rushed in and scooped up Marlene and her lunch and took her downstairs to go wait for the bus and came back a minute later.
"It just aint right," sighed Barret finally sitting down to enjoy his chocholate pancakes which by now where unpleasantly cold.
"Don't worry Barret," assured Aeris. "Marlene has survived the apocalypse and eight straight screenings of Mallrats she'll get through this just fine."
"Jesus Christ…." Mumbled Barret.
"Yes my son?"
"Shut up Cid."
"That's another thing," mentioned Cloud. "We need to get Cid off whatever that mad scientist next door put on him." He stood up and finished the last of his coffee. "Well I better get going being the mayor of New Nibelheim is a tough job. Gabe as one of my advisors you can finalize negotiations with the lesbian terrorist group that the last mayor had been working on." He then turned to Cait Sith, "You can speak to that kindergarten class."
"And you?" asked Gabe annoyed.
"I will do what all elected officals from all levels and forms of government do. Sit behind my desk and look important. If they can do it why can't I?"
"Great rationale," grumbled Cait Sith walking out with Gabe. Aeris walked over and gave her husband a deep passionate kiss and smiled as Cloud turned and walked out the door.
"Aww don't you play little Suzy homemaker to a tee," remarked Tifa with blatant and obvious sarcasm in her voice.
"Fuck you silicone queen!"
"Just because most twelve year old girls have bigger tits than you doesn't give you the right to bash my 100 % real breasts."
"The hell it doesn't!" snapped Aeris.
"I'm going to be late for the class I'm teaching," snapped Tifa getting up.
"I wasn't aware learning how to fuck every suit in a company to make it into a video game was something they where teaching."
"Neither was I until you came along,' retorted Tifa disappearing from the kitchen before Aeris could give a comeback. Soon everyone else finished their breakfast and separated to various parts of the house to lounge around for the day.
"So what are you going to do about Cid?" asked Vincent to Shera.
"Red and I are taking him to see one of the greatest scientific minds in the world."
"Who would that be? His grandfather?"
Shera shook her head, "No its not him…actually when I think about it I don't know who it is but Red speaks highly of him and says he's someone we know fairly well. So what plans do you have for today?"
"I plan to see how many rooms in the house I can fuck Yuffie's brains out," replied Vincent coldly.
Shera looked slightly flustered but didn't show it in her tone," You could have just said 'I'm not sure' or something like that."
"Yeah but where's the fun in that?" asked Vincent. Shera said nothing and walked away. Vincent gave a rare but brief smile just as Yuffie leaped into his arms and began furiously making out with him.
"Here's my stop," announced Gabe to Cait Sith.
"Good luck," said Cait. "You got the worse job then I do that's for sure."
"I don't know," replied Gabe. "Little kids can be pretty fucking evil," he turned to Cait Sith and waved walking up a small hill to a small building. He took a deep breath and headed for the front door cursing Cloud at that moment.
Gabe sighed again realizing everyone in Avalanche or maybe just his fan fics did this entirely too much and knocked on the large metal door. A moment later a small slot that was at eye level with Gabe opened to reveal a pair of eyes staring intently at him.
"What do you want?" snapped a voice that was an odd mix of male and female.
"I'm here about the treaty." Silence came from the pair of eyes before the slot slid shut and the door opened a moment later to reveal a girl with no hair in a black tank top and military pants.
"You the mayor?"
"No, he's…busy….and sent me down to finalize the negotiations."
"Hmph…just like a man to send someone to do his own dirty work."
Gabe bit his tongue on that comment and pulled out a piece of paper, "Okay, in order for peace to be made we need to make agreements on both sides. So…what is it you want?"
"For every man in the world to be put into a big dirt arena and have a bomb dropped on them. Before that however they must all be castrated"
"Okay…I can see we still have a little negotiating to do."
"Man….now I realize why I hate children," Cait Sith stepped into the kindergarten class which Marlene happened to be in as well. Before him where roughly thirty hyper psycho children who had obviously been given about eight pounds of Cinnamon Toast Crunch before being shipped off to school to become the teachers problem.
"Ah…you're here," Cait turned around to see a young woman who was most likely the kindergarten teacher. "Thank you for coming on your first day in office…Your one of the most different looking Mayors-"
"Assistant," cut in Cait Sith.
"Excuse me?"
"The mayor had…a lot to do today so I was sent down to do this little Q & A."
"Oh…well I'll quiet the class down so you can have their attention," with that the teacher reached into her desk and pulled out a shotgun. Ignoring the look of horror on Cait's face, the teacher raised the gun into the air and fired it off. The class stopped screaming and playing and was dead silent. The teacher put the shotgun away and turned to Cait smiling. "All yours,"
"Grand," thought Cait sarcastically who now was growing slightly anxious as he saw thirty pairs of eyes all fixed on him.
"Come on damn it! Lets go!" Barret banged his gun arm against the wall several times as a group of high school kids ran around the modern looking gym with everything inside it being no older than a year.
"Excuse me…Mr.Wallace?"
Barret turned around to see who he remembered to be the principal. "Yeah?"
"We've heard roughly three hundred complaints since the day began aboot…" the principal paused either for affect or to find the right words. "Aboot…the gun on your hand,"
"Yeah…what of it?"
"Well…due to the volume of complaints we have received regarding the gun arm I'm going to have to ask you to get rid of it."
"No can do," replied Barret.
"Eh? Why?"
"I had an operation a year ago and had it permanently attached to my arm so it ain't goin nowhere."
"Well then…I hate to say this but I'm afraid I'm going to have to let you go."
"No way! Dis my first day foo!"
I'm terribly sorry."
"The hell you are you dirty fucking Canadian! I ain't goin nowhere!"
"Wait…how did you know I was from Canada?"
"Lucky guess," replied Barret sarcastically.
"In any event, I'm going to have to let you go, please clear out your stuff, and return the key to the teachers liquor cabinet."
"That's it!" screamed Barret who was pushed over the edge at the mention of being forced to return the precious liquor key. Barret jumped back screamed "SATELLITE BEAM!!" and ran like hell.
"Hmmm…after lunch I should say another three hour nap is in order before I go back to that Quake III network game." Cloud grinned and leaned back in his brand new leather chair and kicked his feet up closing his eyes.
"Bruce Willis?!" exclaimed Tifa in surprise.
"Hey…I didn't know you would be here, I saved the world again and I'm on vacation. I heard you all where living here so I figured I'd stop by."
"Well I know Cait Sith will be glad to see you again. He practically worships your movies."
"Yeah I know…I'm going to try and avoid being alone with him. I've never met someone who can ask 30 questions a minute for twenty minutes."
"We'll make sure Gabe doesn't ask you what it was like to nail Demi either," agreed Tifa.
"I'd appreciate that. Your looking a little frustrated what's wrong?"
Tifa scowled slightly, "It's these ass holes I'm trying to teach martial arts too. None of them will take me seriously!"
Bruce Willis looked behind Tifa to see a group of men lounging around the gym area where the class was taking place. "I got it," with that Bruce pulled a nine millimeter out of his jacket and shot the guy nearest to him causing everyone to stop talking and turn to Bruce in stunned silence. "Now," he smiled, "Who's ready to learn some marital arts?" Everyone put up their hands which where shaking. Bruce turned to Tifa a smile still on his face, "All yours." Tifa returned the smile and walked past Bruce Willis to finally begin the class.
Meanwhile, over at Cosmo Canyon….
"Ho ho hoooo Nanaki! Good to see you!"
"Good to see you as well Grandpa," replied Red who was with Shera and Cid who was now wearing a white cloth. "Has he arrived yet?"
Buggenhagen nodded, "Yes, he's in the other room. Shall we go see him now?"
"Please?" interrupted Shera eagerly.
"Ho ho…this way please." Buggenhagen lead them out of the main room and through the door to the right where there was a table in the middle of the room and several different types of machinery. Above it was the planet display.
"Wait," said Shera. "The only one in this room is Stone Cold Steve Aust-you can't be serious!"
"He's a genius scientist," replied Red XIII.
"Science is an abomination of the lord," stated Cid.
"What the hell is wrong with him?" asked Steve Austin.
"Some nut brainwashed him into thinking he was Jesus Christ," said Red. "Can you help him?"
"Hell yeah I can son," Steve Austin replied. At that moment two chibi puppet versions of Stone Cold popped up on each side of his shoulders. The one on the left had an A on his black vest while the one on his right had a B.
"Steve Austin is the greatest genius in the universe!" boasted A.
"Steve Austin is the smartest SOB in the world today!" concurred B.
"Now," said Austin after both chibi puppets had finished their cheering and confetti throwing, "Let's get down to business." He turned to Cid. "Now Cid, ya tea drinking-"
"My name is Jesus Christ," interrupted Cid politely.
"Fine, Mr. Christ, sir, could ya lay down on this table?" Cid nodded slowly and lay down on the table. Steve in a flash had Cid hooked up to various pieces of equipment.
"So what's wrong?" asked Red.
"Well first off his cerburrial cortiuosus valumious is nearly eighty percent past its normal marticular rate which really should be around forty, In addition to this the dumb son of a bitch who did this changed the harefillus tillkitis in the lower left region of his brain causing severe distortion throughout the panzollium lobes and all this aint making things easy for the corrgisusifjkilus either."
Steve noticed the incredible looks of confusion on their faces and rolled his eyes as if it was a concept everyone should be able to understand with ease. "The dumbass who fucked with Cid's brain basically played about 90,000 images of Jesus Christ into Cid's brain with such speed and intensity that within a couple minutes his mind was altered. I can help the poor bastard by isolating the affected brain cells and destroying them which will free up his true personality and memories. Course this could cause severe brain-"
"That'll be fine," said Shera quickly.
Austin shrugged, "Whatever lady," he reached over to a cooler next to table and pulled out two beers drinking them both at the same time then tossing them behind him. "Okay lets get this shit going," Cid reached over to a machine and was about to flip a switch when Cid jumped off the table pulling off all cords he had been attached to as he did.
"What the hell are you doing Cid?" snapped Shera. "Get back on the table!"
"I cannot!" replied Cid. "I have a mission."
"Hell, guess I gotta use some antiseptic. Austin spun Cid around and gave him a boot to the stomach followed by the legendary Stone Cold Stunner. Steve grabbed the unconscious Cid and threw him onto the table and before Cid could wake up threw the switch and reached for a couple more beers.
Over at the Mayor of Nibleheims office……..
"Hey Gabe, you look troubled what's wrong?" Cloud looked ahead from Aeris who had stopped by to see him to see Gabe who's clothing and jacket where torn up and cuts and bruises all over his face.
"The lesbian terrorist negotiations did not go well," replied Gabe who was breathing heavy.
"What happened?"
"Well…to make a long story short…I called them a bunch of ugly rug munching dykes then they beat me up and took my lunch money. They would have castrated me but I was able to escape."
"Oh…well don't worry."
"Why?" asked Gabe who did not like the direction this was heading in.
"I had their hideout bombed shortly after you left. Reports indicate the surviving three have left Nibelheim to start a Broadway version of Foxfire."
"Then why the fuck did you send me down there?!" screamed Gabe who was starting to feel a lot better. "I'm pretty sure I'll make the Guinness book for consecutive kicks to the nuts without losing the ability to father children which I'm still not sure about."
"I want the people to know I'm a man who can try to resolve conflicts head to head without violence," answered Cloud. He looked up at the clock on the wall, "Hmmm…is it five already? May as well go home I've got nothing else to do today." He was about to get up but noticed something at the bottom of his "To Do" list and sighed, "Damn, I still have to," he paused to read the note. "Drive Mick the mad ass scientist from the city before he-" Clouds words where cut off as he heard a tremendous explosion that rocked the office. "Destroys the city and moves forward with his plans to take over the world."
"Wasn't he the weirdo who made Cid think he was Jesus Christ?" asked Aeris.
"The same," agreed Gabe.
"Well we better go out there and beat him down," sighed Cloud. "I'm gonna miss Tenchi Muyo damn it." He sighed again then picked up his ultimate weapon and walked out with Gabe and Aeris in tow.
"THERE you are!" exclaimed Barret upon seeing Cloud, Aeris and Gabe. Barret and everyone else was in the center of the city battling the Terrible Three as well as a small army of Fat Bastard impersonators.
Gabe who noticed Stone Cold Steve Austin and Bruce Willis remembered Bog-Bitch, Sarah Joan Hewitt, and Raff Riff well from when they visited Mick's house. "Where is that crazy ass hole anyway?" asked Gabe moments before Bog Bitch hit him with a car.
"Who are we fightin anyway?" asked Austin hitting one of the Fat Bastards with a garbage can.
"Mick the mad ass scientist," replied Cait Sith punching Raff Riff in the head.
"Wait a sec…he a bug eyed lookin kind of guy kind of looks like Sean Connery with Einstein hair?"
"Yeah," said Cait jumping off his moggle to claw at Raff Riff's eyes.
"I knew that son of a bitch!" continued Austin ducking under a clothesline from another of the Fat Bastards and giving him a Stunner. "The crazy bastard was my college! We stopped working together because all he wanted to do was take over the world while all I wanted was to build a damn machine that would open several cans of beer at once." As he finished his story Austin was kicked in the stomach by Sarah Joan Hewitt and thrown into a brick wall.
"I'll ask again!" yelled Gabe pulling his head out of the ground. "WHERE-THE-HELL-IS-HE?" Gabe's question was quickly answered as he heard another explosion and looked up to see a giant robot version of Mick. "Oh…fuck me…"
"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA" boomed the voice coming from the robot. "With Mecha Mick I will surely take over the world starting with New Nibelheim!"
"This is not good," said Yuffie looking up.
"Thank you Captain Obvious," remarked Red XIII. A second later the mouth of Mecha Mick opened and several missiles came out narrowly missing their intended targets. Cloud leaped in the air with his sword raised high but was smacked away but Mick's left hand.
"FEEL THE MIGHTY MIGHT OF MICK!! BWAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!"
"What the hell are we gonna do?!" screamed Cid who having not been fully repaired had stopped to pray several times. Cid ran from the gattling gun that came from the left side of Mecha Mick only to get speared into the wall by Sarah Joan Hewitt.
"Desperate times call for desperate measures son!" said Stone Cold who reached into his vest and pulled out what looked like a very small model of himself. "I hate to try this out seeing how it aint done yet but…" he wound back and threw the action figure in the air "Mecha Rattlesnake activate!!" In the blink of an eye the action figure exploded and when the dust had settled a giant meca version of Stone Cold stood. The chest opened up and Austin quickly jumped in shutting it then storming over to Mick and beginning to trade punches with him.
"Why the hell does HE get a fucking robot?!" demanded Bruce Willis angrily. Shooting the last of the Fat Bastards with an Uzi.
Gabe shrugged and pulled an ax of his jacket and drove it into Bog Bitches forehead which sent her flying into wall incapacitating the angry midget woman indefininitly. Gabe was about to be jumped by Raff Riff but Tifa jumped over knocking him out with a kick that made even Aeris flinch.
"Thanks Tifa," said Gabe stopping amidst all the fighting to smile. Tifa returned the smile, 'It's okay…" For that moment both of them seemed to have forgotten everything around them and where only looking into each others eyes. A moment later a stray missile from one of the giant robots hit both of them.
Soon Sarah Joan Hewitt fell and everyone looked up to watch the battle between Mecha Mick and Mecha Rattlesnake.
"I WAS A BETTER SCIENTIST AND NOW I WILL PROVE IT!!" boomed Mick picking up a piece of building and smashing it over Mecha Rattlesnakes head.
"KEEP TALKING TRASH SON!" Steve boomed back blocking an oncoming punch from Mecha Mick and firing in a vicious left which sent Mecha Mick crashing into a building. Mecha Rattlesnake then picked up Mecha Mick and began pummeling it relentlessly. Finally Mecha Rattlesnake stood back and Mecha Mick was wobbling back and forth easy prey for the kill. "IT'S WHOOP ASS TIME SON!" announced Stone Cold who stood back and lifted up his foot for what surely would be the greatest Stone Cold Stunner ever executed. Just before the foot connected with the stomach, Mecha Rattlesnake began to twitch and short circuit.
"Shit! Shit! Shit! Cursed Austin trying to control Mecha Rattlesnake. "I'm gonna have to bail out," Austin cursed again and hit a button opening up Mecha Rattlesnake and leaped out just as it exploded.
"Great, now what do we do?" asked Cloud.
"Make your peace with god," suggested Barret.
"HAHAHAHAHA," laughed Mecha Mick who was now back to full power. "NOW ALL OF YOU WILL PERISH TO THE POWER OF-HUH? WHAT THE HELL IS ON MY BACK?!" Mecha Mick tried to reach behind his back but not to avail. As he was trying to see what was on his back everyone saw that there was a great number of timed bombs on his back. Mecha Mick turned around to see Bruce Willis standing on the roof of a building holding a remote control in his hand and a big smile on his face. "YOU CAN'T DO THIS! " cried Mecha Mick. "I'M MICK THE MAD ASS SCIENTIST I'M A SUPER GENUIUS!"
Bruce slowly raised the remote control, "Yippy Ki-yay mother fucker." Bruce stood back and pressed the button igniting Mecha Mick in a series of explosions and when the smoke cleared a charcoal black Mick stood amidst a pile of rubble.
Forty seven minutes later……
"Come on guys!" pleaded Mick. "We don't have to do this!"
"Sure we do," replied Cloud. "Now get in the rocket."
Mick looked into the rocket which was already cramped with the Terrible Three and shook his head. "I can't! I'm claustrophobic!"
"Oh well," shrugged Gabe kicking Mick into the rocket and turning to Cloud. "Okay, they're all in we can shoot them into the sun now." Cloud nodded and hit a button on a remote control sending the rocket into the early evening sky.
"Can I stay for dinner?" asked Bruce Willis.
"Me too," said Steve Austin.
Later that night…..
"Damn that sucked, who's idea was it to let Yuffie cook dinner?" asked Cait Sith who was sharing the illness that everyone at that moment was sharing in the mansions rec room.
"It wasn't that bad!" whined Yuffie.
"Neither was eating cats during the black plague," replied Cloud who had already thrown up twice.
"I guess I should tell them,"
thought Gabe who had been thinking about something in particular all day and was now ready to decide."Guys," he said standing up. "I've got a little announcement to make. I can tell the series is going down hill. It's getting incredibly repetitive and so in an attempt to change the direction of the series I'm going to take the smaller air ship and fly around the world going on various wacky adventures which are sure to fuel a few more fics before I fade completely. However, I don't want to do this all by myself so I'm gonna ask if anyone wants to come along." Silence filled the room for a moment before Cloud spoke up.
"Sorry Gabe but there's no way I can go."
"Neither can I," agreed Aeris sadly. Cid, Shera, Barret, Stone Cold, and Cait Sith. Those who did agree to go was Red XIII, Vincent, Yuffie, and Bruce Willis and to Gabe's surprise Tifa.
"Tifa?! You want to come along? Why?"
"No reason, I don't have anything better to do. I don't have much of a martial arts class anymore," she sighed shooting Bruce Willis a mock glare. Gabe probably would have gone the rest of the night without saying a word but Cloud broke his train of thought.
"When are you leaving?"
"Tomorrow," replied Gabe. "I'm going to go pack," when no one said anything else he turned and slowly walked out of the rec room leaving it in silence.
Next Morning…..
"Drop us a line," said Cloud shaking Gabes hand as everyone stood in the Mansions new hangar in front of the ship which was now known as The 7th Heaven.
"I will, I have a feeling this won't be the last time we all meet." He walked up the ramp to the entrance of the ship waving to everyone before standing in the doorway as the ramp slowly closed up the ship and a moment later the 7th Heaven taxied out of the hangar and shot into the sky disappearing in moments.
"So what's on the agenda today?" asked Cait Sith to Cloud with dread in his tone as he knew he would be taking whatever jobs Gabe would have had to do.
"Nothing for you," replied Cloud sipping his coffee. "I'm going to that school again to speak to the kids."
"Gee what a cute PR stunt."
"I'm going to fix the damage YOU did yesterday besides I love kids."
"Right that's why Aeris keeps a box of condoms in the 3rd floor bathroom-
THUNK
Cait clutched the back of his head and crumpled onto his moggle while Aeris placed the frying pan back onto the stove. Cloud grinned and turned a page in the newspaper today was going to be a pretty good day even if he had one of the most insane families in the world (Authors note: Hence the title FAMILY INSANITY get it? Damn I'm a clever son of a bitch.)
End.
What did ya think? The whole robot thing wasn't too great but hey anything's funny after a third of vodka am I right? I'm not too sure what's up next though there is a Chrono Cross fan fic and the sequel to Hardly Clerkin. I hope you had a good time reading this and be sure to let me know what you think of this.