Ryuk x Light.
:D

"LIGHT!!" The shinigami screamed.
"WHAT IS IT THIS TIME?" Light banged his head on his desk.
"I want an apple."
"I TOLD YOU, WE'RE OUT. I'LL GO TO THE STORE LATER." "BUT I'M HUNGRY!" Ryuk banged his head on the ceilling.
"SHUT THE FUCK UP. I'm killing people." He rolled his eyes and began writing in his Death Note.
There was a long silence.

"................."
"...I wanna eat an apple." Ryuk mumbled.
Light stood up with his fists clenched. He charged to the shinigami.
"FUCK. YOU'RE WORSE THAN MISA."
"I just want to eat an apple." He rolled his eyes.
"FUCK, EAT MY COCK!"

"EAT IT!"
"Does it taste like apples?"
"YES. SHOVE IT IN YOUR MOUTH AND EAT IT. NOW."
"Wh-"
"SHUT THE FUCK UP AND EAT ITTT!"

And that's why Light won't have sex with anyone. Ryuk ate it.