Based on true events in my life. Exaggerated and dramatised.

Forget me, I'm done.

Ok, maybe I have been in love with Tommy for around a year - and yeah, maybe I had been trying to break him and his girlfriend of 18 months, Charlotte, up for about a year, but now I wish I hadn't.

I know what you're thinking. I'm a first class bitch. I know. Trust me, I know. I get told enough.

So anyway, I'd been trying for so long, and now I wish I hadn't. I was stuck between the two. Not literally, since that was kinda impossible since Tommy lived in New York and Charlotte and I in England. They met when Charlotte went on holiday and have carried on their relationship over the internet - something I thought was absolutely ridiculous - until I fell in love.

I know this sounds like some deranged romance film, but it's real. All of this happened.

One second I was feeling bad for making them both really upset and recognizing just how perfect they were together, and the next I was celebrating - realising I now had a chance.

I comforted Tommy for around 2 weeks, knowing that this was no time to suggest anything between us. He seemed really happy to have me around. We'd been best friends since Charlotte had introduced us and now we were pretty much inseparable. I had told my best friends, Dianna and Natalie, about the whole thing. Ever since I first realised what I felt was more than a little crush. They supported me, knowing how difficult it was to see Tom with another girl, and just thinking about him only regarding me as a friend ripped me apart. That was until November 12th 2010. That's the day everything changed.

I found out Natalie had been bad mouthing me to everyone yet being the girl I had always known to my face. It was insane. Everything I knew to be right and real fell apart. Dianna told her on my behalf not to talk to either one of us again, and Natalie, thank god, hasn't tried to since. But, that wasn't the only thing that changed that day.

Driven into despair, I cried to myself that night, thinking of all the bad shit that was going on in my life. I decided I needed to tell Tommy how I felt. I didn't want to - I needed to. You probably wouldn't understand... its difficult being in that situation. Not knowing what to do, not knowing who to trust, and my best friend not being able to know in case he didn't feel the same.

But, at that point, I didn't care about the rejection. I just needed my best friend and the only way I could have that was to tell him. And that's what I did. I went online and told him everything.

Tom didn't react how I expected at all. He said something along the lines of 'I feel the same - but I can only be your friend. I can't date online again, and I don't want to risk losing you or our friendship'. Load of shit, right?

And let the nagging begin.

I went on and on. We had arguments. We got driven apart.

Now, one of his best friends, Logan, told me he likes me. And I couldn't date Loge because of Tom. I couldn't do that. But Loge and I are good friends now. Probably better than Tommy and I, to be honest.

Well, now here I am. I've driven my first and only love away. Only yesterday did he tell me he wasn't sure he felt the same anyway. The only person I can rely on is Dianna. She's been there through it all. My rock. My personal little superstar. But no one can fill Tommy's place. Ever. I think about him all the time. Every minute of everyday. It kills me.

I am Lilly Smith. And I'm alone. Please don't make my mistake.

Thanks for reading x This is the past year in a nut shell. Tried to write it very personally and made it as if it were a diary entry.

Hope you enjoyed it x

And by the way, Dianna is based on Diimoziiana Belikov. Check her out! Xx
Please review x