Andy left for Dakota and when she came home Sam wasn't waiting for her because he couldn't. And there was no chance that he was ever coming back. Months down the line, Andy runs into repeated trouble, but her guardian angel seems to always save her, how will she find the truth when it surfaces?
Chapter 1-
Prologue- Somewhere in the future.
The grass was crisp in death where snow patches had melted, as soft footsteps made their way over the scarce greenery that rested in a place so silent that only birds and crickets dared to disturb the tranquility. There was no rustle of a trees leaves overhead, but in the quiet it was imagined. Only the soft sound of the footsteps were audible to those that listened.
No matter how many times that this trip was made, it never felt any different, never changed.
It was a regular journey taken, one made to pay respects over birthdays, and perhaps christmas as it neared. But mostly this remembrance was made as a way to accept the truth.
But, even after months it still wasn't making any sense. And it never got easier.
The sadness that came with doing this was also something that never went away, in fact that feeling loomed overhead on happy days, work day, off days, basically just everyday. Even in other places. It wasn't just confined to this place, it was taken with wherever she went.
But this wasn't done to inflict self-punishment or some other kind of morbid feeling, it was done to share, done to say sorry and mostly done because it was driven so fiercely by a need to be here that it couldn't be avoided.
The footfalls stopped when they came to the desired headstone, sad eyes tearing up as one knee met the ground still littered under a blanket of soft snow and a hand extended to lay one single rose on the grass that ran around the edge of the stone where it met the dark soil of the earth.
The hand retracted, it's movements still shaky as it was every time that the same action was repeated. It was something that would probably never go away, not even over years and years.
"I still miss you" the words were whispered out on a pained note, pure emotion embedded so deeply in those few words that they even hurt to say. The guilt over last nights actions were there too, regret running alongside it so thickly it would probably be visible to the naked eye.
Moments like these, made it felt like it was just yesterday that the headstone had been a real person, a warm smile, deep dark eyes. Now this was all that remained, all that was left.
A hole had replaced the once warm organ that was filled with love, it was merely a rotting orb of emptiness now that the numbness had subsided. But that tended to happen when you had your heart ripped out and shredded in a way that no-one should ever have to endure.
"I'm going away for a while".
This time the voice drew out a little softer, the person saying the words not really wanting to admit that it would be a while before they paid another visit. The first christmas like this would be missed.
But it was what was going to happen, how things were going to be for a while because it was a choice made.
"But I'll come visit when I can..." The words started out as a sentence, then failed to finish and trailed off into a soft whimper as eyes misted over and one single tear streaked its way down a warm cheek.
Strange how that worked- tears felt warmer than skin in the coldness of winter even though they were induced by a feeling so cold it made you feel dead inside.
A hand brushed away the tear, the wetness not even felt as it met the skin of the hand that splattered it into nothingness.
Sinking the other knee down so that both were on the snow, a sudden silence encased the warm body as the sky clouded over into more gray and a light breeze whispered its touch against the bare skin of a sad face.
There was no rush to leave, nowhere else to be right now. Contentment to just sit here and be was shrouded in an unequivocal calmness as existing in the moment flourished and held on.
Why was it always so hard to say goodbye?
Why did it feel like it had to be done in no haste, that a measurable amount of time should be spent here, like this?
By the time the last of the meager afternoon sun began disappearing, it was time for the final goodbye.
Andy stood up and brushed the few pieces of wet dirt that clung to her jeans off before taking a long breath and looking at the tombstone one last time before making the goodbye official.
"See you 'round Sam".
Her hand brushed gently over the name chiseled into the stone like her fingertips were memorizing them, before she stepped back and began walking away as a fresh wave of emotion broke free and the tears that she had been holding back finally spilled.
She didn't need to remember the name, it was one she would never forget.
Sam Swarek.
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Jelly Bean Jenna©