Advice from a friend
Rated: R
Spoilers: Endgame
Summary: "Want some advice from an old friend? Never pretend to a love which you do not actually feel, for love is not ours to command." Admiral Janeway.
Disclaimer: Paramount owns Star Trek and its characters. Story is all mine! BDC 2011
Chakotay sat in his chair, a book in his hands, but wasn't reading. Instead, he was looking at the woman sitting in the opposite chair. He watched her intently while she was studying a PADD.
She was completely unaware of him staring at her, bitten by the content of the text she was reading.
"I'm going to get a cup of tea. Can I get you one too?" he asked, startling her.
"I'd love one, thank you."
He got up, placing his book on the table and went to the replicator where he ordered two cups of herbal tea.
"Here you go." He handed her the cup and sat down on the edge of his chair. He studied her for a moment as she brought the cup to her nose and breathed in the sharp herbal scent.
"Thank you." she said and took a small sip. She winced as the hot fluid almost burnt her upper lip.
"Ouch." She carefully touched her lip where it hurt. Chakotay put down his cup and kneeled in front of her, pulling her hand away.
"Tea is usually hot, you know." he smiled and brushed her lip with his thumb. Their eyes locked for a moment before she leaned forward and planted her lips on his. Much to her surprise, he didn't kiss back. She pulled back and looked at him in question.
"Chakotay, what's wrong?"
"It's nothing." He looked down at their now joined hands, confused.
"I am not convinced."
He pulled his hands away and sat back down on the chair, covering his face. She touched his knee, trying to get his attention back, but he didn't look at her anymore.
"I guess I've outstayed my welcome for tonight." She stood up and started heading for the door when he suddenly grabbed her hand to stop her.
"I'm sorry." he just whispered, still not looking at her. She gently squeezed his hand and left him alone.
Xxxxx
"Good morning Commander." Janeway greeted him when he sat down in his chair next to her. He didn't respond, just gave her a small nod.
She gave him a minute, while he checked the console between them to get up to date on things, trying to figure out what was troubling him. She knew something was wrong and she had to find out.
"Commander, can I see you in my ready room please?"
He looked up at her as she stood and gave her another nod. She turned and headed for the ready room, giving Tuvok command of the bridge.
She took a seat at her desk and waited for him to take his place in front of her, but he remained standing.
"Chakotay..." she started, but he seemed miles away. "Commander!" she raised her voice a little.
"I'm sorry, Kathryn, you were saying?"
"Nothing yet, I was merely seeking your attention." She gave him a warm smile, hoping it would make him feel more at ease. It seemed that he was looking through her instead of at her, again lost in thought.
She stood up, walked around the desk to his side and placed her hand on his upper arm. She could feel him tense up under her touch.
"Chakotay, what's wrong?"
He turned to look at her and swallowed hard.
"Chakotay, tell me what's bothering you." Her voice was soft and soothing.
He just shook his head and walked away.
Xxxxx
Kathryn sat on the sofa on the upper level of her ready room, gazing at the stars streaking by. She couldn't get Chakotay off her mind, the state he was in.
He had looked completely lost and it made her sad that he didn't confide in her anymore like he used to do. It was like she lost him somewhere over the last few months. And she knew to whom she had lost him.
Seven...
She wondered if she was the reason why he was like this.
She shook those thoughts and stood up to get a cup of coffee.
"Captain to the bridge." Tuvoks voice sounded over the comm.
"On my way." she answered, taking the cup with her.
"Report."
"There is a special rift opening directly in front of us." She gave him a curd nod. She noticed Chakotay and Harry weren't on the bridge.
"Senior officers, report to the bridge." she ordered and took her place in the command chair.
Only moments later the two men arrived.
"What's happening?" Chakotay asked.
"There's a vessel coming through the rift." Tuvok informed them.
"Klingon?" Chakotay looked over his shoulder to Kathryn, who was fixed on the view screen.
"No." Tuvok looked up from his console, surprised with the data. "Federation."
Now it was Kathryn who looked over her shoulder. Did she hear that right?
"We're being hailed." Harry informed. He carefully looked at the Captain.
"On screen." she said in a low, steady voice and stood up. They all looked up at the view screen, wondering who it was.
They weren't prepared for who appeared on screen.
"Recalibrate your deflector to emit an anti-tachyon pulse. You have to seal that rift!"
Kathryn looked at the woman giving her orders, not quite understanding what she was seeing. Her Captain mask surfaced in a second, not giving away any hint of confusion.
"It's usually considered polite to introduce yourself before you start giving orders." She wasn't going to make it easy on... herself.
An alarm sounded. "Captain, a Klingon vessel is coming through." Tuvok warned.
"Close the rift!"
Glares were exchanged.
"In case you didn't notice, I outrank you, Captain!" Her voice is low and persuasive. "Now do it!"
Kathryn gave the order and Voyager closed the rift.
"I did what you asked. Now tell me what the hell is going on." The outranking part didn't sit well after being in command for so long without having to answer to anyone. And now she was answering to her older self.
"I've come to bring Voyager home."
Xxxxx
Admiral Janeway materialized on the transporter platform. Kathryn took a long hard look at the older woman standing before her and lifted her chin high, letting her know that she wasn't going to be intimidated by the whole situation.
"Welcome aboard." she said with a courtesy smile.
"It's good to be back." The Admiral smiled widely before she looked at the two men in front of her. Chakotay and Tuvok just stared.
They escorted the Admiral to Kathryn's ready room.
The minute she walked in, a familiar scent greeted her.
"Fresh coffee." she sighed.
"Would you like a cup?" Kathryn offered.
"Nooo, I gave it up years ago." she said, raising her hands as she walked up the three steps to the view port. Kathryn couldn't believe what she was hearing. "I only drink tea now."
Kathryn frowned deeply. Was this person for real? A Janeway giving up on coffee. She had to be an imposter.
She listened to the Admiral telling her about Voyager being a museum and was happy to hear that they made it back home after all.
They made a deal not to talk about the future anymore, for the sake of the Temporal Prime Directive. The only advice the Admiral gave on that was: 'It's less of a headache if you just ignore it...'
Xxxxx
Chakotay walked into the mess hall in need of a nice, warm cup of tea.
"Commander, couldn't sleep either?"
He turned around, startled by the familiar voice and was surprised to see the Admiral.
"Admiral Janeway. Can I get you anything? Coffee?" he offered, avoiding her questioning look.
"No thank you. This tea will do just fine." she said as she raised her steaming cup. Chakotay arched his brow and slightly shook his head.
"Herbal tea, hot." He ordered the replicator. He took the cup and took a seat next to Admiral Janeway. "Kathryn mentioned something about you drinking tea, but I didn't believe it. A Janeway not drinking coffee?" he smiled behind the rim of his cup.
She smiled broadly back at him and looked down at her cup. "I know." She brought her own cup to her lips and took a sip. She looked back up at Chakotay who seemed lost in thoughts again. She placed her hand on his, trying to get his attention back and felt him tense up.
"Seven?" she tried.
"Excuse me?" He looked at her in question.
"You're thinking of Seven, aren't you?" He nodded. She gently squeezed his hand and pursed her lips. "Want some advice from an old friend? Never pretend to a love which you do not actually feel, for love is not ours to command."
He didn't answer, he just stared at her. She placed her cup on the table next to her and stood up. When she walked past him, she placed her hand on his shoulder and looked compassionately at him. He was again lost in thought.
Xxxxx
Chakotay walked into Astrometrics, in desperate need to tell Seven how he truly felt. When she turned to look at him, he immediately felt an awkward tension.
"Any word from the Admiral?" he tried to sound professional.
"We lost contact as soon as she entered the hub." she sighed as she filled him in.
"Did the Borg give her any trouble?"
"Her vessel was scanned by several cubes, but none approached her... sir." She sounded ice cold.
Chakotay didn't understand what was happening. They didn't have a fight or even the slightest argument to trigger this, only what happened the night she had left him alone with his thoughts.
"Are we keeping things professional again today?" he asked a little arrogantly. She avoided him by continuing her work.
"Yes Commander."
He couldn't help the smug look on his face as he tried to understand her coldness.
"You're not joking, are you?"
"No." she just said and walked passed him to the other console. Chakotay was getting a little irritated. He wasn't going to drop this, so he turned to follow her.
"What's wrong?"
"Nothing. I'm just... busy."
"I think I've gotten to know you a little better than that."
"I'd prefer it if you didn't speak to me as though we are on intimate terms." She eyed him from the corner of her eye.
"We are on intimate terms." he shrugged.
"Not anymore!" She walked away again.
"What the hell is going on?" he asked. This wasn't at all what he had expected. He thought he was going to let her go, but instead he felt like he was being... dumped.
"I've decided to alter the parameters of our relationship."
"You mind telling me why?"
She took a moment to search for the right words.
"We both have dangerous occupations. It's possible one of us could be seriously injured or worse. I believe it's best to... avoid emotional attachments."
This was getting better by the minute. Did she really mean what she was saying? Chakotay drew in a deep breath, trying to calm himself down before he continued.
"Maybe you can just flip some Borg switch and shut down your emotions, but I can't!" he raised his voice.
"I suggest you try." she countered immediately, sounding a little surprised by his outburst. "It will make things less difficult... for you... if any harm should come to me."
"Why are you suddenly so concerned about that? Is there something I should know?" He was getting a bit worried.
Seven had to swallow past the lump in her throat. She sighed deeply, again searching for the words to continue.
"The Admiral suggested..." she started, "that your feelings for me, will cause you pain," she looked into his eyes. "In the future."
He let her words sink in. 'Cause him pain.' It had already caused him pain, thinking about how heartbroken she would be if he ended their relationship. But it was happening the other way around.
"I can't allow that to happen." She tried to walk past him again, but he caught her by the upper arm, turning her to face him again.
"Seven!" She blew out the huff of air she had been holding in. "Any relationship involves risk. Nobody can guarantee what is going to happen tomorrow. Not even an Admiral from the future." What was he doing? Instead of taking this opportunity, he was almost fighting for this relationship. Commanding it.
Suddenly the words of the Admiral sounded in his head. 'Love is not ours to command.'
"Everything you say is irrelevant. I've made my decision!" She raised her voice this time.
"Is it really your decision to make?"
"Yes! Because your pain is going to affect me too."
"How do you mean?"
"If you look deep in your heart, you already know the answer to your own question."
The words hit him with full force. She was right.
She turned away from him and walked out of Astrometrics, not giving him another chance to go further on the subject.
Xxxxx
Voyager emerged from the explosion that destroyed the Borg Sphere. All eyes were fixed on the view screen and what they all saw was beyond their imagination.
More than a dozen Federation Starships watched as the Prodigal 'daughter' finally flew through familiar space again.
Kathryn Janeway was at a loss for words.
"We did it." she finally managed, emotions ready to take over. They all looked at each other.
Chakotay stood next to Seven and their eyes met for just a moment. What they had said to each other before suddenly didn't seem to matter anymore. She had been right. They both had been right, Seven and the Admiral. The truth suddenly hit him.
"Mr. Chakotay, the helm." Kathryn offered when Tom hurried himself to meet his newborn daughter. He was startled out of his thoughts.
"Aye Captain."
Seven watched him, how he looked at their Captain and knew she had made the right decision. It might hurt just a little for a little while longer, but in the end, it was most important that the three of them were happy. And even now, she was happy for him. They were finally home and maybe that would give them the chance to pursue what had always been there.
Chakotay took his seat and couldn't hide his smile. Janeway took her place in the command chair and gave Chakotay the one order she had wanted to give since the first time she gave it to Tom, seven years ago.
"Set a course, for home." As soon as the words were out, she let the emotions take over. Tears streaked down her face, but they were tears of joy. She quickly wiped them away, not wanting to show them to the crew, but they just kept coming. All the bottled up feelings forcing their way out.
"Commander, you have the bridge." she said and hurried to her ready room.
Chakotay turned around, concerned, as he heard her voice waver. He caught a glimpse of light reflecting from the tears on her cheek.
"Captain?"
She kept going, either not hearing him or not wanting to hear him and disappeared behind the doors.
"Tuvok..."
Tuvok nodded immediately, completely aware of what was going on. Chakotay left the helm to another Ensign and went after her.
When he entered the room, he saw her sitting on her knees in the middle of the room. Her hands covered her face and muffled the sounds of her crying. Chakotay's heart stopped a second at the sight of Kathryn, who had been so strong through these last few hours, but now seemed so small and fragile.
He knelt down beside her and placed his hand on her shoulder to let her know he was there. She looked up at him and saw the compassion in his eyes.
"We made it." she whispered. "Chakotay, we are home." A smile spread across her face, which was in great contrast with the tears that still rolled down her face.
"I know." he smiled back, but tears welled up in his eyes too. She turned a little and flung her arms around his neck, holding on to him for dear life.
"We're home." Chakotay buried his nose in her hair and closed his eyes. Her scent was intoxicating and he enjoyed the closeness. He gently rubbed her back to comfort her.
"Kathryn?"
"Mmm hmmm."
"I love you!" he just blurted out. He felt her tense up for a second, but then she leaned into him even more, completely relaxing in his warm embrace.
"I love you too." she surprised him. She pushed back from him a little to look in his eyes again.
Their eyes locked and they didn't need words to explain what they read in them. She closed the distance between them and covered his lips with her own in the tenderest kiss they had even experienced.
"Now I'm truly home!" she whispered against his lips before she kissed him again.
The End
BDC 2010