The Attack of the Mary Sue!
AN: Hello readers! I am proud to introduce my first parody, "The Attack of the Mary Sue"! Beware ye all who enter further! These seas be filled with danger! Awr!
The Tardis jerked the Doctor out of his thoughts, and he fell to the floor in an undignified heap. He blinked the stars out of his eyes, only to realize that the Tardis was crashing. He sprung into action, his hands flying about the controls, doing his best to, well, not die.
It was to no avail, though, as the Doctor, suddenly, painfully, crashed.
Dazed, he approached the Tardis doors, only to realize that he was on an unidentified planet. With a bounce in his step and a grin on his face, the doctor exited the Tardis and went exploring.
It did not take long to find something interesting, or, in this case, someone interesting.
There were no other words to describe her, other than the word average. Her brown hair was put into two braids, and the rest of her head was covered with a dark green beanie. She had a small scowl on her face, as though the very planet disgusted her. Her arms were crossed as she looked at him, obviously very bored.
"You know, you should probably leave before she finds you." She said dryly, surveying her fingernail.
"Why? Is there monster? I'm good with monsters." He said cockily, popping his suspenders.
"Don't say I didn't warn you." She muttered, before rolling her eyes and walking away.
Before he could follow her and investigate more, a bright light shined ahead of him. A woman danced out gracefully, her feet not touching the ground. Her hair was the color of a baby's laughter, and her eyes twinkled like unicorns and marshmallows. Her teeth seemed to beam sunlight as she smiled down at him. She was dressed immaculately in an outfit that perfectly accented her long legs, perk buttocks, and wild, heaving bosom. She stretched her arms out to him, and her BO smelled like happiness.
"Hello, stranger. I welcome you to my planet of Eus Yram! I hope you find everything you have ever dreamed of here!" Her voice sounded like lemonade on a warm summer day.
The Doctor, though, was not an idiot. He was over 900 years old, for stars sake. He was not about to fall for her womanly wiles.
"Where are all the other citizens of Eus Yram?" He demanded, taking a step closer in what he hoped was an intimidating stance. She laughed, and a dozen beautiful rainbows appeared in the sky.
"Why, don't you see them? Look beyond me."
He did, and in the distance he saw people milling about happily. With a frown, he began to walk away from the strange woman and towards the town.
"Would you like to come into my palace of wonder and uniqueness? I have no use for the millions of dollars my poor deceased father left behind. I'm an orphan. It makes people sympathize with me." She chirped, her lips the color of love.
"No, I really should be..."
"Wonderful!" With that word, she teleported them away in a flash of gold light. They arrived in a throne room full of sunshine and baby polar bears.
"Wha- how did you do that?" He asked incredulously, as the woman began feeding the baby polar bears, whose cuteness paled in comparison to the woman.
"Didn't you know? I'm magical and have super time powers! But, because I'm special and wonderful and pretty, it did nothing to harm me in any way!" She giggled, and a baby deer burst out of the wall, newly born and just learning how to walk. " By the way, my name is Anjelika Celeste Terrwyn Aponi, which means angelic heavenly fair butterfly, because I'm important!"
The Doctor slowly began to back away from Anjelika Celeste Terrwyn Aponi, who smelled like cinnamon and hope. She laughed again, and a baby whale and its mother plopped out of the heavens. She quickly dosed them in compassion tears which promptly saved them, for were it not for Anjelika Celeste Terrwyn Aponi, they would have died from lack of water.
The Doctor hit something and spun around, only to find the bored girl from earlier that morning.
"I told you that you should have left." She said flatly.
"Oh, silly mortals (Because I am amazing and live forever, thanks to the third god of the left moon, who is really my grandfather). Why would you ever want to leave? Everyone loves me!" At the word love, Anjelika Celeste Terrwyn Aponi leaped into the air as hearts and stars flew out from behind her. A melancholy, yet encouraging melody began to sound from her belly button.
"Right... wanna ride out of here? I can drop you off anywhere in the universe." The Doctor asked, choosing to ignore the woman.
"Thought you'd never ask." The girl replied flatly. "I'm the author, by the way. Accidentally unleashed this demon," She gestured with her thumb to Anjelika Celeste Terrwyn Aponi, who was now singing and playing to guitar, while petting a thousand adorable puppies, "and have been stuck here ever since."
The Doctor nodded sympathetically, and they left the palace of wonder and uniqueness, only to cross a far graver sight. The happy people that the Doctor had seen milling about were not happy, and definitely not milling about.
All of them were men, and they had all been set to laborious work by none other than Anjelika Celeste Terrwyn Aponi, who was standing behind the Author and Doctor now as though nothing were wrong.
"These are my friends!" She chirped, and all of the men dropped their tools and came running, much to the Doctors horror.
"I love you, Anjelika Celeste Terrwyn Aponi!"
"As do I! I wish I could bath you in the rain of a thousand fluffy kittens!"
"I love you more, because you are beautiful, shy, humble, brave, kind, compassionate, and act as though I don't exist!"
"Marry me!" One shouted, as he fell of f a cliff in his haste to get to Anjelika.
"Yes, these are my friends. I think one or two of them may have romantic inclinations towards me, but nothing more! Because I just dazzle all of the male population with my farts that smell of ponies!"
The Author sighed and looked frustrated, while the Doctor just looked confused.
"You can't dazzle someone with farts!" He exclaimed, looking aghast.
"You can't help them. Once they're trapped under the 'Mary Sue' spell, the only way they can ever be happy in their entire life is to do anything they can to her. No moving on from that." The Author shook her head, but just walked through the sea of lovesick men. The Doctor followed soon after.
"Don't worry, friends. Those two will be back soon, for I am adorable and pretty and squishy and everybody loves me!" She giggled, and a newborn puppy fell from the sky and into Anjelika Celeste Terrwyn Aponi's arms perfectly. Even though it was only born yesterday, the puppy did not need its mother's milk or any other sort of nourishment, because it had Anjelika.
The Doctor and the Author climbed aboard the Tardis and quickly took off.
"I would ask if you'd like to stay aboard, but frankly, you scare me. If you can bring that into existence, I don't want to know what else you can do. Where would you like me to drop you off?" The Doctor said, looking at the Author.
"Could you drop me off at the Deathly Hallows Part Two midnight premiere? I have a feeling I missed it." She said, sipping a juice box that she got out of nowhere because, hey, it was her story.
"Geronimo!" The Doctor yelled while flipping a switch, and they sailed through the galaxy, leaving Anjelika Celeste Terrwyn Aponi behind in the land of Mary Sue- I mean, Eus Yram.
Scary, ain't it? You never know with that Mary Sue on the planet of Eus Yram. Review!