i. your folks told me you should be left alone on a mountain top, knocking down aeroplanes with stones.
Charles is miserable, for the obvious reason that everyone around him is miserable - school has started for another year.
And it's not that Charles dislikes high school that much. He's a smart kid, and he learns quickly, so most of school is an utter breeze.
Except for the kid who sits behind Charles in History and has the locker next to his. Erik Lehnsherr. Charles has heard many rumours about Erik - some say he killed a man, others say he's into sadistic forms of torture and has several people locked up in his basement. Charles doesn't believe any of these, mainly because they're absolutely ridiculous.
No, Charles just finds Erik a nuisance. He causes trouble, has anger issues, and the most troubling thing about him is that he often slams students into the locker beside his own, which is Charles'. And Charles has been back at school for two hours, and there are already fresh dent marks on his locker.
Charles is miserable, because if this year is anything like last year, he's going to need to bring a bloody wrench to school in order to open his locker door.
Erik Lehnsherr is bad news, and Charles normally stayed away from bad news.
It was just his misfortune that bad news came to him.
ii. wrap me in a bolt of lightning, send me on my way still smiling.
Erik Lehnsherr doesn't really talk very much, and Charles knows this better than anyone. This is why he's so surprised when Erik actually says something while Charles tries to force his door open on the second day of school.
"Sorry," he mumbles, voice low and incoherent. Charles stares at him with wide eyes, in disbelief.
"I'll try to smash people into another locker," Erik finishes, before taking out his Physics textbook and slamming his own locker shut. Charles is still standing with his jaw wide.
He's never heard Erik Lehnsherr say so many words at once. Not has he heard Erik Lehnsherr say something that wasn't threatening or aggressive.
Charles manages to pull open the door to his locker, and after retrieving his calculator and Maths textbook, leaves for class.
If anyone notices that Charles is smiling a little wider than before, they don't say anything.
iii. you got a fast car and i want a ticket to anywhere. maybe we can make a deal, maybe together we can get somewhere.
It's normal for Charles' bus to be late - he's never known it to be on time. He's patiently sitting at the bus stop, when a car pulls up in front of him.
Charles has read enough newspapers to know that he should probably run and call the police right about now, but he stays put. It's hard to see through tinted windows, but he knows the person inside the car is no paedophile. However, he's not too sure if the person inside is all together harmless, either.
"You need a ride?" Erik Lehnsherr calls, window rolled down. Charles isn't surprised to see that his car is even more dented then his own locker. Erik seemed quite careless when it came to taking care of things.
Charles looks at his watch. "My bus is always late."
"I can give you a ride," Erik persists.
Charles knows he should probably wait for his bus and avoid potential murder, but his encounter with Erik three mornings ago makes him feel a bit reckless. "Alright then."
He gets into the passenger seat of Erik's car and recites his address. With a curt nod, Erik rolls his window back up and drives off.
Charles isn't surprised to find that Erik enjoys loud music. He would make a comment about how the volume hurts his ears, but he's somewhat convinced that any wrong move could end up in his imprisonment in Erik's basement.
So maybe Charles didn't find the rumours all that ridiculous. Or maybe he had just seen enough people get their faces smashed in by Erik to know what the guy was capable of.
He doesn't need to complain, as it turns out. Erik swiftly turns the music down and mutters, "You can change the music if you want."
Charles resists the urge to drop his jaw again, and nods, fiddling with the radio dials until some classical music station filters through, soft and slow. Erik raises an eyebrow, but his lips quirk into a small smile.
When Erik drops Charles off and leaves, he doesn't change the music back.
iv. i don't know where you're going but do you got room for one more troubled soul?
"Anyone sitting here?"
Charles looks up to find the man of surprises as of late, Erik Lehnsherr, holding his lunch tray. He shakes his head and gestures for Erik to sit in the seat across from him, putting his Chemistry textbook away.
"Why are you being so..."
"So what?" Erik cuts him off, voice returning to its slight aggressiveness.
Charles flinches slightly, and Erik relaxes. "So... Nice. Not that I'm complaining, it's just... You're aggressive. Not polite."
"People shouldn't judge books by their covers," Erik shrugs.
Charles doesn't bother to contain his snort. "This is high school. That's all anyone does."
"I'm not saying people don't do it, I'm saying they shouldn't," Erik points out, and Charles doesn't argue.
Erik sits with Charles every lunch break from then on. Charles doesn't mind.
v. you had a temper like my jealousy - too hot, too greedy.
It's been weeks since Erik has had a violent incident, and really, Charles should have seen it coming.
Charles is late back from Chemistry - his teacher, Miss Voght, wanted to discuss his latest perfect essay, and he had to explain that yes, he wrote it himself and no, he wasn't interested in attending some special day for other special kids just like him - and when he enters the cafeteria, it's chaos.
Erik has Sebastian Shaw in a head lock, with Raven Darkholme quivering nervously behind them. Emma Frost, Sebastian's ex-girlfriend, is standing beside the door Charles enters through, and greet him with a raised eyebrow.
"What happened?" Charles asks, because while he's not friends with Emma Frost, they have English together - he admires her ability to say less than ten words per sentence, she admires his ability to put up with the idiots in their class.
"Sebastian flirted with Raven. Erik wasn't happy."
Charles nods, ignoring the flicker of jealousy in his stomach. "You're not worried?" he asks her, gesturing to a spluttering Sebastian Shaw, who's face is changing to an alarming shade of purple.
"No," Emma shrugs, her regularly placid and emotionless face twisted into a look of mild amusement.
Charles flashes her a small smile, and walks away as Miss Pryde enters to break the fight. He wants to pretend that he's not a bit jealous that Erik cares enough about Raven Darkholme to choke a guy for flirting with her, but Charles has never been good at playing pretend.
vi. don't cry, we all make mistakes from time to time. unfortunately for me, being me was mine.
Erik doesn't come to school for the next week, which comes as no surprise to anyone. Charles would be lying if he says he doesn't miss the company - he doesn't really have other friends. Sure, he can talk to Emma Frost, and sometimes he talks to Hank McCoy, but they both have friends of their own, and they don't talk enough for Charles to consider them friends.
He doesn't even know if he can count Erik as a friend. Judging by how much his absent affects Charles, he probably can.
Charles catches the bus home that week and gets home an hour late each night. He talks to almost no one. And it doesn't bother him too much, but it doesn't not bother him, either.
So when Charles finds Erik on his doorstep in the pouring rain on Friday night, he's more relieved to see him than he is surprised.
"Erik?" Charles says, opening the front door. "Come inside, it's awful out there."
Erik shakes his head. "I can't stay for long."
"Oh," Charles says, and he doesn't intend for his voice to sound so disappointed.
"I'm sorry," Erik half shouts at him. "I can't... I'm sorry, so fucking sorry!"
And despite the rain, Charles can tell Erik is crying against his will, and he's shaking, so Charles runs outside and grabs Erik's wrists and holds them, pulls Erik into a hug that he isn't aware of and lets Erik break down on his shoulder because while Charles doesn't know much about Erik Lehnsherr, he does know that right now he is fucking unstable, and needs some kind of support.
Erik doesn't fight him. He just clings to Charles for half an hour and sobs his heart out, before pulling away and running back to his car. He drives off and Charles wants to run after him to make sure he doesn't crash, but Charles knows there is only so much he can do.
vii. he knew what he wanted to say but he didn't know how to word it.
Erik is fucked up, he knows.
His mother used to tell him he was ok, that everything would be fine, but since his mother was put in hospital, Erik has no one to tell him those things.
Sebastian Shaw is a dickhead, and he doesn't regret choking the fucker. At least, he doesn't regret it initially. It's only when he visits his mother again on the Sunday after and sees her face that he regrets it, so, so much.
"Oh, Erik," she had whispered. "Liebling."
He had removed his angry facade and melted into his Mother's delicate and frail arms, let her pet his hair and whisper reassuring words in German. He had wept into her hospital gown, made her a cup of tea, and then, to make her feel better, he told her about his life.
Somehow, Charles Xavier managed to worm his way into Erik's thoughts and therefore, featured in his recount.
"I have made a friend, I think," he had said abruptly, not even thinking about what he was saying. "His name is Charles, and he... Is a genius."
Edie Lehnsherr had laughed, and Erik had smiled at the sight of his mother's face lighting up.
"A genius?"
"Ja. A proper nerd. He wears cardigans, Mama. Cardigans."
Edie laughed and laughed until she had started coughing which made her laugh harder. Eventually, once she had calmed down, she looked him in the eyes.
"I would very much like to meet this genius friend of yours, Erik," she had smiled, and Erik knew that Charles Xavier would visit, because Erik would do anything, anything, for his mother.
Which is why, when he gets a phone call on Friday to tell him his mother is in a coma, he doesn't know where else to go.
So he drives to Charles' house, taking several wrong turns in a hurry to get to someone. He has to go visit his mother, but he can't take Charles... He just needs to see him, see someone.
Except, Charles answers the door and Erik breaks down. It's raining, but Charles is smart, and he can tell that Erik is crying, and Erik knows he should leave to go to the hospital, but when Charles pulls him into a hug, he clings on to his shoulders because it's all he can do to stop himself from shaking.
Eventually, he runs away and drives to the hospital. Edie Lehnsherr isn't laughing when he gets there, and Erik digs his fingernails into his palm to stop himself from kicking someone.
viii. sweetness, i was only joking when i said i'd like to smash every tooth in your head.
Erik has to go back to school on Monday, because his suspension is over, but he doesn't want to. He doesn't want to leave his mother, because even if he has spent his whole weekend watching her be still, he doesn't want her to wake up alone.
But he goes, because his mother has always wanted him to get an education, and damn it, that's probably the only reason he's ever turned up to the shithole.
He doesn't see Charles all morning, and he can't tell if he's happy or sad about that.
He doesn't have to wonder for long, because he gets pulled out of Geography five minutes before lunch break.
The school nurse, Mrs Munroe, breaks the news to him in a gentle voice. He can feel his heart sink as her words repeat in his head.
"I'm so sorry, your mother... She has passed."
For a split second, Erik thinks he's going to cry, but instead, he races out of her office and knocks over anything he can find on his way out. Bins, posters, people... He's fuming, and he can't control himself, not this time. He roars, angry and loud, and students are clustered to the sides, some watching fearfully and others excited.
"Erik, calm down!"
He spins to find Charles Xavier, staring at him with wide eyes. Charles, the person who made his mother laugh with his cardigans and genius abilities, the person his mother had wanted to meet.
Erik stares at him, before screaming out words.
"Fuck. You."
And he races away, struggling even when the principal, Mr Stryker, grabs him and drags him away.
ix. you see her when you close your eyes. maybe one day you'll understand why everything you touch surely dies.
Two weeks suspension. Erik would be surprised he isn't being expelled if he wasn't still so angry.
It's a long two weeks, with no one to visit. His father remains to be a silent ghost at home, with no words on anything - Erik's latest tantrum, his wife's passing. The only time his father is not silent is during the late hours of the night, when Erik can hear him with some unfamiliar girl, panting and moaning and making Erik clench his fists and cry. It's not fair. It's been a week since they buried his mother - it's not fucking fair.
When Erik is allowed to return to school, everyone is nervous around him. It's happened before, but this time, rather then it bothering him, he just ignores it.
But when Erik goes to speak to Charles at their lockers, he doesn't ignore Charles obviously flinching.
And he doesn't miss Charles scurrying away as soon as possible.
Erik doesn't want to admit it, but it hurts, and he knows it's his fault.
x. you can be addicted to a certain kind of sadness.
Charles doesn't notice the pitying, sad looks people give him in the hallways after Erik's comment to him. Or, at least, Charles wants to not notice them. He does, but he tries to not to show that. However, Charles is still no good at playing pretend.
The jealousy once felt over Erik protecting Raven has gone. It's all just hurt, hurt and confusion because Charles doesn't really know what he's done wrong. He knows what's happened - teenagers gossip far more then they should - but he doesn't understand why Erik chose to be angry at him after it was Charles who gripped his wrists and let him cry on his shoulder.
Well, Charles does understand, a little. Erik loved his mother and it hurt, and Charles was in the wrong place at the wrong time.
Some people got all the luck.
He's not completely alone. Raven Darkholme started sitting with him immediately after the 'Erik' incident, but Charles doesn't know if she did it because she felt sorry for him of because she wanted to copy his notes for French. Either way, they ended up talking a bit, and Charles doesn't mind her company.
She's a good distraction from the pain.
xi. tell her a story, tell her the honest truth.
"I'm sorry."
Charles is surprised to hear Erik's voice - according to rumours, Erik had become monosyllabic, or in some stories, completely mute.
Charles doesn't reply. He can't reply. It's been four weeks since the 'Erik' incident, and he's still hurting. And he knows Erik is probably still hurting, too.
"I... Fucked up."
Charles can't help himself - he laughs, and the sound is hollow.
"You could say that, yeah."
Erik catches Charles' wrist when he tries to shut his locker door and stares at Charles, bringing his face alarmingly close to his.
"I... Please. Forgive me," he whispers, low and croaky.
Charles thinks about how Erik apologized for smashing people into his locker.
Charles thinks about how Erik drove him home and saved him from getting home late.
Charles thinks about how Erik let him change the radio station in his car.
Charles thinks about how Erik sat with him at every break so that Charles would not be so lonely.
He swallows and says, "Ok."
xii. i'd rather use my mouth to kiss your frown away, so your thoughts no longer darken your day.
Their friendship doesn't mend instantly, and neither Erik nor Charles expects it to. But when Erik drops Charles home a week after he forgave him, Charles can see that Erik is still hurting deeply.
"You are troubled," he says matter-of-factly, and Erik nods. The silence is broken only by the classical music in the background, and Charles notes that the station is still set to the one he chose all those weeks ago.
"You don't have to burden yourself for longer than necessary," Charles says, and he exits the car, only to be pulled back by Erik.
Erik brings Charles' face close to his, and Charles can feel his heart beat faster, because Erik is unpredictable and he never knows what he will do. He prepares himself for more painful words, but instead, he finds Erik kissing him, softly.
Charles doesn't have time to respond before Erik pulls away and pushes him back out, not looking him in the eye. Charles would yell after him as he drives away, but he can't get his mind off of the feeling of Erik's lips on his.
xiii. when you're gone, i realize i'm in love.
"Where the fuck have you been?"
It's been three whole days since Erik had kissed Charles and left, and judging by Charles' face, he's furious.
Erik is suddenly very glad that all the other students have already gone home.
"Sick," Erik mutters, and Charles laughs.
"Sick. Really? I spent the past three days waiting to see you, you bastard!"
Erik doesn't want to look at Charles.
"You just kissed me and left!"
Erik shifts uncomfortably in his car seat as Charles paces outside the car.
"I'm sorry," Erik breathes, and Charles stares at him.
"Sorr- Oh, fuck it!" Charles says, and he's suddenly kissing Erik, and Erik's eyelids have flown open.
When Charles pulls away, Erik says, "You... Wanted me to kiss you?!"
Charles rolls his eyes. "No, I did that because I didn't want you to kiss me."
Erik laughs at his sarcasm, and it's the first time he's laughed in a while.
xiv. i would say i'm sorry, but i don't want to lie. i just want to know if staying is better than goodbye.
Erik brings Charles to his mother's grave one day after school.
Charles follows and doesn't question him and stands by the tree in the centre of the cemetery while Erik kneels in front of the engraved stone and speaks.
"Mama, I hope you're happy..." he whispers. "I brought my genius friend, Mama. Over there?"
Erik points to Charles and Charles smiles.
"I hurt him greatly, but it's ok now. He is... my boyfriend, I would suppose. I can imagine you would smile if you were here right now. I miss you a lot, Mama."
He leans forward and presses a kiss to the cold stone, before walking back to Charles.
"Do you mind if I have a word?" Charles asks, and Erik is a bit surprised but nods all the same.
They walk back to Edie Lehnsherr's grave and Charles begins to talk.
"Hello, Mrs Lehnsherr. My name is Charles Xavier. I'm dating your son. He's very beautiful and sweet, you should be very proud of him. I never got to meet you, but Erik has told me you were amazing, the best of all mothers. My mother is awful, and neglectful, but I believe Erik when he says you were fantastic."
Charles squeezes Erik's hand. "Thank you for making Erik happy. I'll do my best for you while you're gone."
Erik denies the tears in his eyes when Charles points them out back in his car.
"Thank you," is all he can whisper, pressing his lips to Charles'. "Thank you, thank you, thank you."
Charles drives Erik's car away from the cemetery, and Erik knows that somewhere, Edie Lehnsherr is smiling down on both of them.