As I gazed over at Hanschen Rilow for what seemed like the millionth time today I couldn't help but wonder what he was really like, under his hard shell. Was there really anything under there, any feelings? I didn't really think so, but a part of me wanted to believe there was, maybe the part of me that was madly in love with him. Ever since he kissed me in the vineyard I knew I was in love with him, but when I told him he responded with: "As you should." The way he said it, that fact that he said it…Why couldn't he have just said: "And I love you too, Ernst"? That would have made everything so much easier, clearer.
The bell rang startling me and interrupting my thoughts. I jumped out of my seat gathering my things as quickly as possible so I could hurry out and avoid interaction with the other boys. But of course, as luck would have it, Hanschen Rilow caught up to me halfway down the stairs.
"Ernst, where are you rushing off to on this lovely day?"
"Oh...um...nowhere. I'm just headed home....to help my mother with some housework."
"What sort of housework?" inquired Hanschen moving in closer to me.
"Just the ordinary kind" I squeaked.
"Well, when you're done your chores, I'll be in the vineyard." Replied Hanschen with a sly smile.
"Oh well they could take all night…"
It was no use. Hanschen had already begun to walk away down another path and my tiny voice was no longer in earshot.
Maybe I won't go tonight. I have homework and Hanschen can't control me. He just says something, tells me where to be and expects that I'll be there. Why does he think he has so much power over me? Why does he have so much power over me?
Ah, but it's no use thinking about not meeting him. I know I'll end up there. There's nowhere I would rather be tonight then in Hanschen's arms.
"Hello, dear" greeted my mother.
"Hello, mother. Do you need any help tonight?" I asked, hoping she would say yes and give me a task to occupy me all night, leaving me unable to visit Hanschen.
"No dear, but thank you for asking. Dinner will be at six o'clock and you're free to do whatever you'd like until then" she said with a smile
I nodded "I guess I'd better start my homework."
"Alright, darling. If you need anything I'll be here."
"Yes" I said with a nod.
I went upstairs, to my room. Tonight out of all the nights I have only an hour of homework and no chores. This is simply unfair I thought, while pulling out my homework.
After finishing I decided to get out my bible and read it until dinner. I loved reading my bible and did really long to be a pastor and I didn't care how amusing anyone found that.
"Ernst, dinner" called my mother up the stairs
"Yes, I'll be right there."
I walked down the stairs taking my time and slowly pulled out my chair.
"Ernst, dear, are you feeling alright?" asked my mother. "You look awfully pale."
"I'm feeling fine thank you"
"You do look pale" said my father "Maybe it's being cooped up inside all day. You should go out for a walk after dinner and get some fresh air; see if that makes you feel any better"
"If not we may have to call the doctor" added my mother
"I'm fine; can't I just stay home tonight and read inside?"
"Why don't you take your bible down by the stream and read it there?" suggested my mother
"By the vineyard?"
"Yes."
"Alright. May I be excused" I asked pushing my plate away from me
"Yes, go" said my father
I slowly walked up the stairs and took out my bible, taking as much time as I could. I walked back down and out the front door. If only my parents really knew what they were encouraging.