King of the Hill

Bowling Green

written by: Mr. Semaj

Act I

Scene I - Late for School

It is Friday morning. All is quiet in the neighborhood, until, someone is seen scrambling out the back door.

Bobby is putting on his backpack and nibbling on a plain piece of toast as he prepares for school. He runs to grab his bicycle.

Joseph is also scrambling out the front door. He goes to grab his bicycle, and takes off with Bobby.

Bobby: "My God! I can't believe we overslept! I just hope we make it for first period."

Joseph: "Dude, you just said, 'period...'"

Bobby: "Now's really not the time, Joseph!"

The boys rush off to Arlen High School. They park their bikes on a bike rack, and rush up the front stairs, through the front doors, and off to their classroom. Bobby looks at his watch, and the time is 8:01AM.

As the boys zip through the hallway, they pass a nearby bulletin board. One flyer is a message from the Student Activities Chairperson, encouraging students to create new activities for the yearbook.

In a classroom, the teacher, Mrs. Lockwood is taking attendance.

Mrs. Lockwood: "Lee?"

Lee: "Here."

Mrs. Lockwood: "Mary?"

Mary: "Present."

Mrs. Lockwood: "Floyd?"

Floyd: "Christmas."

The class giggles. The teacher gives a stern look, and continues with attendance. Bobby and Joseph burst through the front door, and tumble onto the floor.

Mrs. Lockwood: "Bobby Hill and Joseph Gribble..." (marks card) "Late again."

Bobby: "But we're still on time for first period, Mrs. Lockwood."

Mrs. Lockwood: (checks watch) "Not on my watch. Both of you report for detention after school."

Joseph: "Not again!"

Bobby: "Aw, poo."

The class giggles again, as the boys take their seats.

Connie nods her head disapprovingly.

Samantha: (whispering) "Those guys are totally immature."

Connie: "All boys are immature."

Scene II - Weekend Weariness

An hour after the end of the school day, Bobby and Joseph leave detention. They head home.

As they ride home, Bobby notices some unusual squeaking in Joseph's bicycle.

Bobby: "Joseph, maybe you should get that front tire checked."

Joseph: "Nah, it's always like that. It'll be fine."

At the Hills' residence, Peggy is watering the ferns on Bobby's trophy case. Bobby opens the front door.

Peggy: "It's Friday!"

Bobby: "Thank God."

Peggy: "And what do you plan on doing this weekend, son?"

Bobby: "I dunno. Probably nothing I haven't already done before." (trots off to his room)

Peggy: (to herself) "Mmm..." (continues watering plants)

Scene III - Trouble at Work

Meanwhile, at Strickland Propane, Buck Strickland calls all of the employees to a meeting.

Strickland: "People, simmer down. We have a crisis on our hands..."

Enrique: "We ran outta paper clips again! Por que!"

Strickland: "Um, no...Thatherton created his own bastard bowling team, and he's put up to the challenge. Now, any of y'all got any clever names for our own team?"

Donna: "But we don't have a bowling team."

Strickland: "That's why we gotta come up with a clever name!"

"God, I'm talking in circles!"

Enrique: "Hmm...How about the Arlen Átomos?"

Strickland: "No."

Joe Jack: "The Arlen Aggressors?"

Strickland: "Nuh-uh."

Donna: "The Arlen Acoustics?"

Strickland: "No! People will confuse us with the Arlen Symphony Orchestra!"

Hank thinks for a moment, then has an idea.

Hank: "I got it! How about the Arlen Aeronauts?"

Strickland: "That's it, Hank!"

"Picture this, people; a nice, big blimp, advertising some cold, frosty Alamo during halftime at a Cowboys game."

The crowd murmurs approvingly.

Strickland: "Then it's settled! When we work together as a family, we will take down those sum-a bitches, and we will take the sport of bowling to infinity, and beyond!"

Everybody cheers and applauds.

Scene IV - Saturday Bowling

The next afternoon, Hank is sitting on the couch changing the channels. Bobby walks into the living room appearing quite bored.

Hank: "Rough week, son?"

Bobby: "Yeah, Dad."

Hank: "Well, you know what I always say about bad days..."

Hank & Bobby: "Be thankful that God allows another day."

Hank: "Come on, Bobby. There's better things to do on a Saturday than loafing around the house. Let's watch some sports."

Bobby: "Well, I was gonna watch Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends, but okay."

Hank presses the remote, and changes the channel to the sports network. The bowling program is on.

Announcer #1: "...and Mr. Vitti is up for the fifth frame." (pause) "Just look at that concentration."

Announcer #2: "A force to be reckoned with."

Mr. Vitti walks up, and throws the ball down the lane as the audience begins cheering.

It curves slightly, and knocks down eight of the ten pins. Audience then aw's at the 7-10 split.

Announcer #1: "Ooh, the death toll for bowlers worldwide--the seven-ten split!"

Mr. Vitti waits for his ball to return. When his ball returns, he walks up to the platform.

Announcer #2: (whispers) "It will take absolute silence to get this one."

Mr. Vitti throws the ball towards the right, just edging the gutter. It bumps the right pin, which deflects into the left pin. He picks up a spare, as the audience roars!

Bobby: "Geez, You'd think this was golf or something."

Hank: "That's what makes sports so much fun, Bobby."

"Bowling is on the caliber of football, baseball, and golf. You can truly feel that rush at the most suspenseful turns."

Bobby: (touches his belly) "Yeah...and it feels...GREAT!"

Announcer #1: "Next up is Mr. Collier. He's already up by four pins."

Mr. Collier walks up to the platform. He pauses in stance, walks up, and throws the ball down the lane.

The ball curves slightly, and knocks down all ten pins! The audience cheers on.

Hank: "Alright!" Now there's a couple of professionals.

Bobby: "I never thought bowling could be so exhilarating."

Hank: (looks at Bobby) "I never thought you'd know the definition of 'exhilarating'."

Bobby: "Until today. Dad, I know what I want to do today."

Hank: "Get ready now. We'll be leaving as soon as this game is over."

The next bowler goes up, throws ball, and picks up a spare. The audience cheers and applauds.

Scene V - Crush

In the mid-afternoon hours, Connie and Luanne are walking Doggie and Ladybird. They have a casual conversation.

Connie: "So the stratocumulus clouds are the ones that produce light precipitation. The nimbostrati are the ones that produce moderate precipitation, which can be rain, sleet, or snow. They're just the lower-level clouds, but they're quite easy to distinguish."

Luanne: "Okay, but, which kind of clouds are the ones that help Lucky with his Lucky Charms?"

Just then, Joseph zooms by on his bicycle. The girls don't notice that he's attempting a stunt, until, they hear a bump, and then a crash.

The girls turn around, and see a banged up bicycle, with Joseph struggling with a strained leg. Connie hands Luanne Doggie's leash as she goes over to help him.

Connie: "Joseph! Joseph? Are you okay?"

Joseph: (straining) "I think so. My knee hurts."

Connie: "I warned you about doing that back-wheel stunt. Where does it hurt?"

Joseph: "Here." (points at a bump)

Connie: "Well, there's no scabs, or bleeding. You should be alright."

Joseph: "Thanks, Connie."

Joseph looks up at Connie. Connie looks into Joseph's eyes, and suddenly sees a helpless glare in his eyes.

Luanne: (calling) "Do you guys need help over there?"

Connie: (calls back) "We're okay, Luanne."

(to Joseph) "Well, bye, Joseph."

Joseph: "See ya, dude." (he gets up, and carries his damaged bike home on a limp leg)

As Luanne and Connie continue walking their dogs, Connie looks back at Joseph...she blushes.

Scene VI - Bowling Alley

At the bowling alley, Hank and Bobby are tying their bowling shoes.

Bobby: "I just realized that we don't go bowling very often."

Hank: "Well, there's lots of things we never get to do. But today, that's gonna change."

Hank unzips his bowling bag, and pulls out an old ball. He blows the dust off.

Hank: "See, Bobby. This is my bowling ball. I've had this thing since my championship title of 1983. Someday, son, you will get your own bowling ball."

Bobby: "What color would you recommend?"

Hank: "Anything you want."

Bobby: "How about yellow?"

Hank: "Naw."

Bobby: "You're right, too weird. I know! I'll get a purple...I mean, mauve ball!"

Hank: "That's a start."

The two prepare for their first frame.

Hank: "Okay, what you wanna do is get in the right position." (grabs ball)

Bobby: "Okay."

Hank: "You gotta position yourself against the pins according to the directory arrows." (focuses ball on central arrow)

"Once you got the right aim, you throw it straight..." (takes a step forward) "..at..." (takes another step) "...that..." (another step) "...arrow!" (throws ball)

The ball rolls straight down the lane, and hits the front pin, resulting in a strike.

Hank: "Your turn."

Bobby picks up his ball, but instead of putting his fingers in the holes, proceeds to toss the ball down the lane with his full hands. The ball flies in the air, and thuds midway. It makes a sharp curve left, just barely knocking down the back pin.

Hank: (sighs) "Weren't you paying attention, Bobby?"

Bobby: "It's not as easy as you make it look, Dad."

Hank: "Here, go try again. This time, I'll go over it step by step."

Bobby gets his ball once it returns.

Hank: "Put your fingers into the holes." (Bobby puts his fingers into the holes)

(points) "Up to the platform," (Bobby goes up)

"Put the ball into position." (Bobby raises ball)

"Aim it." (Bobby tries to aim ball at center arrow)

"Now, take three steps forward."

"One." (Bobby takes a step forward)

"Two." (Another step)

"Three." (Final step)

Bobby throws ball. The ball makes a slight curve. It knocks down eight pins.

Hank: (nods approvingly) "Good start."

Scene VII - Until Next Time

Later that day, there is a knock at the Gribbles' front door. Nancy answers.

Nancy: "Oh, hello."

Luanne: "I came over to fix Joseph's bike, Mrs. Gribble."

Nancy: "It's right in the garage, Sug."

Luanne walks over to the garage with her toolbox, where the door is open. She sees the bike, and begins to inspect the damages. Luanne spins the crooked front wheel, then takes out a wrench, and starts working on the bolts.

Just then, Connie comes over.

Connie: "Luanne."

Luanne: "Connie. What are you doing here?"

Connie: "Uh, I just came by to watch you fix Joseph's bike..." (starts twiddling with her hair) "And...uh...perhaps see if Joseph is home."

Luanne: "He's not home right now. Why?"

Connie: (nervous) "Well, I was kinda wondering if he and I could watch some television together." (giggles as she begins blushing)

Luanne: "Wait, I know that look...you have a crush on Joseph, don't ya?"

Connie: (meekly) "Yes."

(starts twiddling her fingers) "So...what do you think of Joseph?"

Luanne: "Hmm...he's okay. I always thought he had a crush on me, not that I hated him or anything, he just wasn't my type."

Connie: (walks over to Luanne) "Well, funny thing about that, because..." (whispers in Luanne's ear)

Luanne: "And all this time, I thought Bobby was ogling me."

Connie: "Yeah, talk about perverted."

Brief silence.

Connie: "So...see ya when I see ya."

Luanne: "Okay. Buh-bye." (Connie takes off)

Luanne resumes inspecting the bicycle, as she and Connie informally go their separate ways in the foreseeable future.

Scene VIII - Ready to Bowl

Bobby aims the bowling ball.

He throws. The ball curves slightly, and he picks up a 4-9-10 split.

The machine records the final scores: Hank - 155, Bobby - 98.

Hank and Bobby prepare to go home at closing time.

Hank: "Good job, Bobby. In no time, you'll be a pro-bowling athlete!"

Bobby: "Yeah. Bowling is not as hard as they'll have you believe!"

Hank: "Like most things, it's not hard at all once you apply yourself."

"Here's an idea; you can have your own bowling team! It'll give you something to do every weekend."

Bobby: "Yeah! In fact, they've been pushing for a new activity at high school lately."

Hank: "Well, there ya go. Of course, you'll have to come up with a clever team name."

Bobby looks out the window at a nearby billboard. "Call your local travel agent to experience a thrill in Civil Aviation."

Bobby: "How about...the Arlen Aviators?"

Hank nods affirmatively.

Bobby: "This is awesome! We each got ourselves a bowling team!"

Hank & Bobby: "Woo!"

Hank continues driving his truck into the sunset.

(end of Act I)