You're Beautiful

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter or the song You're Beautiful.

A/N: Snape/Lily pairing. Snape's POV. Just a little songfic on Snape's feelings for Lily and his actions in the Half-Blood Prince. Another Snape is good fic. Please be gentle, this is my first Harry Potter fic.

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That blasted Potter boy. He nearly ruined everything by riling me up like that. How dare that insolent brat call me coward! He's never had to make the sacrifices I have made, he's always been given everything on a platter. That's perhaps part of the reason I hate the boy so much. He has no idea what it's like for someone to say no to him, not in something he truly desired. He's never been bullied at the school, always popular, precious Potter, exactly like his damned father. Yes, Potter and Black always seemed to have some reason to humiliate me.

It's ironic that the first time that I saw them they were bullying her. That's what started it all, my trying to defend the little red-haired girl from the likes of them. I remember wondering why they were ridiculing her. Couldn't they see how beautiful she was, even behind her freckles and glasses? I believe it was our third year in which she concocted the potion to fix her poor eyesight. I drew their harsh words from her, and I remember going quite red when she smiled at me. How could I not fall for her? She was brilliant, beautiful, and she treated me like a person instead of just the freakish loner. It's entirely cliché when I look back on it now that I've grown, and I then I remember seeing the look she gave James when she turned away from me; a look of half-annoyance half-flattery. I should have known then to stay far, far away from her. But, in my stupid, arrogant pre-teenage mind, I had a plan.

My life is brilliant, my love is pure.
I saw an angel, of that I'm sure.
She smiled at me on the subway but she was with another man,
But I won't loose no sleep tonight 'cause I got a plan.
You're beautiful, you're beautiful, you're beautiful it's true.
I saw your face in a crowded place and I don't know what to do
'Cause I'll never be with you.

In our fifth year, I started experimenting with "recreational" potions; in muggle terms, drugs. Lily found out, of course, and was properly appalled, but there was worry mixed in as well. She cornered me one afternoon and told me I should stop. I was…less than polite to her about it, and said some things that would be considered not only less than polite, but quite rude. But, after she had stalked away in a huff, I decided to stop. Withdrawal was unpleasant, but I managed. The worst part was when she found me curled up in an empty dungeon, vomiting and drenched in sweat. She stayed though and helped me, and for a few months I actually believed that she cared. Then, the day of our Defense Against the Dark Arts OWLs arrived, and I drove her away for good. She never quite looked at me the same way again. The biggest hit was when she started dating Potter, the very boy who had taken everything else away from me.

Yes she caught my eye as I walked on by.
She could se from my face that I was fucking high
And I don't think that I'll see her again but,
We shared a moment that will last till the end.
You're beautiful, you're beautiful, you're beautiful it's true.
I saw your face in a crowded face and I don't know what to do
'Cause I'll never be with you.

I didn't hear much from her again until I joined Dumbledore. Of course, she was a major member of the Order, even when she was pregnant with the Potter brat. She always was strong like that, which is another reason Potter could never have been good enough for her. I was a spy back then as well, and no one but Dumbledore and her trusted me, which was all fine and well with me. Those were the only two people whose opinion mattered. I spent that year praying that the Dark Lord would opt for Longbottom instead of Lily, but no, the fool identified with the half-blood and hunted the Potters down, and she was killed protecting that insufferable son of hers. It's his fault she died. It always was, and it always will be. The last time I saw her was at her own funeral, far in the back where I couldn't be recognized. It was an open casket funeral, and she still looked beautiful, even as pale as she was. At one time I believed that she could actually care for me, that for once I would get something I truly wanted. And then, she was dead, and with her every chance I had for at least gaining her friendship again. And it was my fault for giving the prophecy to the Dark Lord.

You're beautiful, you're beautiful, you're beautiful it's true.
There must be an angel with a smile on her face
When she thought up that I should be with you.
But it's time to face the truth;
I will never be with you.

Seeing the Potter boy for the first time was a system shock for me. He looked so much like his damned father from afar, but when I saw him in class, it was like looking into Lily's eyes again. That's the other reason that I hate him so; he stands for the chance I never had, what James stole from me. That night that I was forced to kill Dumbledore, it was like both James and Lily calling me a coward. After doing something so horrible, even on his own orders, I couldn't stand being called a coward. Potter has no idea.

So now I wait. Dumbledore hinted he had something up his sleeve and that I would know when the time was right, but it's so hard just waiting. At least now my cover is ironclad. All the better to take revenge for Lily. I know Dumbledore will not disappoint. Now all I have to do is wait.