Hello everyone! My computer is back up and running, but I am still suffering from writers block for PTLBIHE.

This little one-shot has been in my head for ages. It is supposed to be funny, but maybe my comedy is different than yours...

Disclaimer: Not mine, blah, blah, blah.

Enjoy some E/B lemons :)

BPOV

I was sick of being a virgin. I wanted to be completely consumed with the passion that another bestowed upon me. Maybe that sounds cheesy, but I am tired of self induced orgasms. Sure they're okay if I desperately needed to scratch an itch, but I know that there is something better out there that a man could provide for me.

Sure, I have always been seen as a good girl, but that isn't what I want. Is it so wrong to want an orgasm? When I please myself, it is like a small sparkler when I am in dying need of a big firework that's goes "boom!" and makes me blind.

I have decided that I am going to change my big 'O' status effective and immediately. How will I do that? Edward Cullen of course.

Edward and I have been friends for as long as I can remember and we have a certain understanding. Edward doesn't like to settle down with any girl, but he has been with his fair share. He is experienced and what not. However, I am his special girl who he can't say no to. If I say jump, he asks how high. Our friendship has been mostly platonic; however there have been a few exceptions. When we were about to start high school I was under the impression that anything could happen. It was all the crap I read…. I was worried that a boy might come up to me in the hallway and attack me with his mouth and I wouldn't know what to do. I know, silly me; but I digress. I asked Edward to give me my first kiss and he obliged, and trained me very well.

Obviously nothing happened like I thought, however if I ever needed a small ounce of passion to placate me Edward would do it for me. Now I am at the point where I want more than ass grabbing and the occasional boob graze. To put it plainly, I really just want to be fucked.

I approached Edward at a party and his eyes lit up and he pulled me into a hug.

"I need you to do me a favor."

"What is it?" he asked. Ah, I love how he wants to please me.

"Just comes over to my house Monday after school okay?"

"You won't tell me?"

I seductively swayed my head as I shook my head and walked away. Being secretive keeps them wondering, or so I have read. Hopefully he will be thinking about our little interaction for the rest of the weekend.

The plan was in motion. My parents were going to be at work, and hopefully Edward would use his skillful mouth, hands and cock to bring me over the edge. Maybe I will have multiple orgasms the first time! In all of the risqué things that I read the hot guy always knows how to work it, and Edward is beyond hot so I don't for see a problem…

When Edward came over he sat on one side of my bed while I sat on the other. Now I know he will do it but asking may be a bit awkward.

"So what do you need?"

"Sex," and hundreds of orgasms, but we will start with that.

His eyes bugged out a little. "Right now?"

"Well yeah."

"Um okay."

I didn't understand why this was so awkward but it was. I took off my shirt and his eyes tried to stay on mine, but I could see him glancing at my chest.

"Now your turn," I had to keep it even so I didn't totally lose my nerve.

He smirked and shook his head as he stood up and took off his shirt. I want to play that in slow motion for the rest of my life. The way his beautiful muscles flexed had me clenching my thighs already.

Then I stood up and took off my shorts, and then he took off his. We were both in our under garments, so it was still like being in a bathing suit. I took a deep breath as I revealed my breasts to him.

"You can touch them if you want." Nobody had ever touched them but me and I was going to explode with anticipation. I couldn't wait until his magic touch sent shivers down my arms and to my core.

He leaned forward and grabbed it, and nothing. He might as well have been squeezing my arm with all the pleasure I was getting out of this. To say I was disappointed would be an understatement. This is Edward we are talking about, Edward Cullen. And I am Bella Swan; there is supposed to be magic. I feel the electricity between us, so why is this not working?

I laughed a nervous chuckle.

"What?" he asked.

"Nothing. It's just; you are groping me and we haven't even kissed yet."

He kissed me and I was thrown on my back with him hovering over me. Our hands explored each other and his hand slowly crept down to my panties.

I don't know if it was because I was so used to my touch, but when he cupped my pussy I almost wanted to grab his hand and show him the right way. He was sort of rough and put a lot of pressure on me down there.

I couldn't help but think, Oh, so this is all it is. Well that's not a big deal.

Eventually we got more into it and I really wanted to touch him. He was very tall and muscular and I was looking forward to the torpedo that has to be down there. I mean, it has to be proportionate right? I knew that it would be warm and hard and would feel smooth against my hands. Or that's what everything said anyway. I was expecting this huge cock that I could barely wrap my fingers around, but that was not what I got.

Oh, so everybody doesn't have a ten inch dick.

Maybe he was normal sized. How should I know? I know for a fact he gets girls so it can't be that small right? I just really thought that it would be bigger. He thought it was big, but I obviously didn't have anything to compare it to, and couldn't go grab a ruler to see if my mental measurements were off.

I gripped him tightly, but not tight enough to hurt. I've read that they like the tip brushed but when I did that there was just the normal look of pleasure, not the hiss that I was expecting.

Oh, I guess everybody doesn't like that.

I was beginning to think that I was doing something wrong, but I was doing everything that the books, magazines, and fanfiction said was right.

I was so confused.

Eventually he moved his finger to my lower lips which were in fact dripping wet.

Oh, so I guess that part was definitely right.

I didn't really want to keep giving him a hand job, but when he kept teasing my entrance I felt obligated.

Suddenly he shoved his fingers into my pussy and I let out a gasp. Wow, that felt really weird. I hope I didn't squeeze his dick too hard. He looked at me with those beautiful eyes and asked, "Are you okay?"

I nodded and he continued to trust his fingers in me. It wasn't exactly comfortable, and I was worried that I was going to have to fake an orgasm. I was a bit devastated and thought, If perfect Edward can't get me off, then no one can.

Fortunately I began to feel something build. I began thrusting into his hand and I'm sure my hand job went to hell but I couldn't concentrate. It felt amazing. Moans were tumbling out of my mouth, and I was making sounds I never knew I could.

I was panting and I was almost there. I was so close. I could feel it right there, and then…. He fucking stopped!

Oh, so they don't always know when you have an orgasm.

I was so pissed. I almost said don't stop, but it was too late he was sitting up and pulling off his boxers.

"Suck my dick."

I almost raised my eyebrows at him. Really? Come on Edward! You are supposed to be sensitive to my needs! I just rolled my eyes and bent down to give him a blow job. I did everything by the books. I licked his tip and blew cold air on it before I engulfed him. I hollowed out my cheeks and moaned around him and played with his balls. When he told me he was close I put as much of him in my mouth as I could without gagging and I swallowed all of him. Figuring he would appreciate my blow job, all I got was a "wow, that was great bells."

Now I have heard that a girl receiving head felt amazing, and I was so excited thinking that I would feel unimaginable pleasure. I got up on the bed and laid down with my legs apart, and do you want to know what Edward did while we waited for him to get his little guy back up? He played with my boobs!

Oh, so I guess even Edward Cullen doesn't like to reciprocate like the guys in books.

He was supposed to love the way that I taste and go down on me like he hadn't had water in days! Even if I didn't taste amazing; I mean, I told him he did because that is just what you do.

And now he is playing with my tits with his mouth and I don't even feel anything.

Now mind you, I have always wanted to be dominated. Nothing crazy like whips and chains, but I would love to be shoved against a wall roughly while my lover tells me he is going to fuck me until I can't see straight or walk. However, when Edward told me he was going to "stick his big cock in my pussy," I just thought whatever.

I just wanted to get the sex over with so I could have my big bang already.

He got a condom and put it on himself and pushed inside of me. It burned like a mother fucker and I wanted to push him off of me.

Oh, so I guess it actually does hurt the first time. If you say it doesn't you're a fucking liar!

I held everything in until he was done and he rolled off of me.

Oh, so I guess you don't always get an orgasm your first time.

I was devastated. Sex was so not like what I expected. I pretended to enjoy myself, and eventually Edward left.

How the hell could Edward Cullen be bad at sex? He is good at everything! It must be me.

I talked to my friend Rose about it and she said not to worry. It is different for everybody and blah, blah, blah.

I told her about what I wanted and she said I should have voiced myself better. Sure that must be easy for her to say. I may be a nymphomaniac in my mind, and think like a sailor, but I blush whenever I actually say the word cock.

I didn't know what to do.

The lunch bell rang and I was suddenly yanked outside through a side door.

I was pushed up against the wall and Edward began to hungrily kiss my neck.

"You look so hot today Bella."

Oh, so I guess being attacked sexually during school actually does happen.

Did somebody tell him my inner secrets, because he was suddenly doing everything right.

He ran his hands up my sides and he played with my breasts like they were his favorite toy. And the best part was; I felt tingly! My tits had feeling!

It was amazing and we kissed like animals.

He picked me up and pinned me against the wall and I wrapped my legs around his waist. Why the hell wasn't I wearing a skirt today? That would make things so much easier.

He wedged his fingers into my pants and groaned.

"You're so wet for me already Bella."

His voice was husky and I'm sure I leaked a little more when he said that.

"Do you like it when I talk dirty to you?"

I could only nod, but I was really thinking, More than you know!

"You're not as innocent as people think huh baby girl? I bet you would love to be fucked against this wall huh?"

I whimpered and he took his fingers out of my pussy and brought them to his mouth. Oh God, I think I just came.

He moaned around his fingers, "So fucking good."

I pulled his mouth roughly to mine and muttered two words, "Fuck me."

And fuck me did. Outside. At school. Where anybody could see us.

I'm not sure if it was the thrill of being caught, or Edward suddenly becoming a mind reader but he fucked me good.

I literally screamed as I came around his cock while he kept pounding into me as I rode out my release. I knew Edward was a fucking God when it came to sex.

I was sweaty and panting as I pulled my pants back up.

"Thanks Bells. I was having a bad day yesterday, but today I saw you wearing this tight little tank top, and knowing what was under it, I just had to see it again."

I was still shaking from my best orgasm ever.

"Let's do that again."

He chuckled and said, "I'll come over again today."

He kissed my forehead and we headed to the cafeteria for the remainder of lunch.

Oh, I guess second times the charm.

Tell me what you think!