Me: If I rewrite New Moon, does this mean I own it?

Stephanie: I thought you didn't like New Moon…

Me: I don't. That's why I'm rewriting it. Duh.

Stephanie: Nope.

Me: $*!

I don't own Twilight =[

"Why do people remember my birthday Edward. I hate it."

"I know. Stop moping."

We were walking towards the Cullen's house at a brisk pace, at least for me. As soon as we walked in the door I knew that I was in for it. Alice had already done up the whole house. I turned on my heel and walked back to the Volvo, sitting back in. Of course Edward was by me in a flash. "Come on," he said with a grin, "it couldn't be that bad. Are the big bad vampires going to get you?" I tried a weak attempt at swatting his face away, which he easily dodged.

Crossing my arms over my chest I mumbled, "Yes. Edward I want to go home. I don't give a shit about this birthday party. I want to go home." Edward sighed, knowing he wouldn't be able to not give in to what I wanted. Quickly he ran back to tell Alice the party was off and came back to drive me home. The whole way home neither of us said a word. When we got out of the truck I tried to get Edward to stay the night with me, but he decided otherwise. Said he had to go hunting, which I knew was a lie. They had just gone yesterday when it was sunny.

So I spent my birthday alone.

The next day Edward took me off walking into the creepy and dark woods. "Bella, I think we need to talk." We were in a small clearing in about the middle of the forest. Thankfully I knew my way back to the house, who knows what would have happened if I didn't?

There was a small awkward pause. "Ok…what do we need to talk about?"

Edward ran his hands through his hair, making it even messier than it already was. I sighed. He was just so sexy. "You see Bella, there's this thing between me and you and I'm just not sure if I want to keep up like this."

A spark lit up my eye. "Edward…are you purposing?"

His eyes went dark. "When did I say that?"

My blush rose, but not because I was embarrassed. Edward Cullen was marrying me. "You didn't. I took it upon myself to guess and I guess you're purposing." I grinned brightly when his face darkened. It meant I was right.

Again Edward sighed. "What the hell Bella. That's not what I was going to say at all." My face fell. He wasn't purposing? "Bella, I'm leaving. Me and my family. And don't even try to protest because Alice already saw that you would."

My mouth was open like a fish. This was crazy. We went from purposing to breaking up? What. The. Hell. "B-but…Edward why?!" I practically screamed at him.

"Bella, it's complicated. Bye." And then he was gone. I cried. A lot. And then Jacob my best friend came around.

"Jake," I began one day, "can we go out?" Jake glanced up from the bikes we had been rebuilding and eagerly nodded. I went back to watching him work. "Good."

After I tried to kill myself by jumping off the cliff, Alice came around. This was a good, long while later. "Damn it Bella! Edward thinks your dead!" So I rushed off to save him.

When we got in Italy it turns out Edward wasn't going to kill himself. He was in a hotel and Alice pretty much stranded me there with him. "Ok Edward," I began after being locked in, "Why did you leave?"

"Because honestly Bella, I hate you. I had a bet going with Jazz and Emmett that I could get you to fall for me. And it worked. But I didn't know that you would get so fucking clingy!"

So then I got over Edward and stayed with Jacob for the rest of my life. Then I died. That was pretty sad, especially since Jacob still looked 17, but I was sure it wouldn't matter who I would have stayed with. Either way I would have gotten old. Damn my life. Damn it to hell.