More Than Anything
Disclaimer: I own nothing related to SVU
Elliot's POV
Anything in italics is from the past
I sat in Dr. George Huangs office staring at the cream colored wall in front of me. My face must have conveyed some emotion that depicted what I was feeling right then, it was the third time in fifteen minutes that he asked if I was alright. I told him that I was fine but the truth was the complete opposite. I had never been this far from fine in my life. Last week I discovered that what I had heard various people say time and time again was true. 'There is always one person in your life that you can't live without, one person that you need to function'. I was sitting here in this office because I lost that person. She was buried in Mourton Cemetery six feet under the ground because of my carelessness. When she died in my arms it felt like a piece of my being, my soul had been ripped apart and thrown in an incinerator. Everyone kept saying that it wasn't my fault, that I couldn't have done anything to prevent it from happening. But they weren't there that day, they don't know what happened.
If Olivia were here she would hate my guts for blaming myself like this. She would tell me that shit like this happens and that I need to realize that it wasn't my fault. And just because Olivia would believe what she said I would begin to believe it too, but Olivia isn't here and she's not coming back. Without her I don't have the strength not to blame myself. After all it is only human nature to do so. If someone we care about dies we can't help but think about what we could have done if we were there, or what we could have done differently that may have prevented the fatal end that came to the person we try so desperately to protect.
The funeral was what some people would consider beautiful. I don't see how something so sad, so permanent can be thought of that way. Saying goodbye to Olivia for the last time was the most painful thing I have ever had to endure. The ceremony was outside where Olivia would have wanted it. She loved the cool autumn air and all the colors on the leaves that looked like they came from a scenic painting.
"Do you want to go for a walk El?" Olivia asked as she looked out the window of my apartment. That window had always been Olivia's favorite it has an amazing view of Central Park. She loved to sit there for hours and watch the leaves fall to the ground.
"More than anything" I said to her. We had walked in Central Park for hours that day; talking and laughing. She always laughed so much on days when we were off of work. On weekends we would go home and talk or just hold each other for hours at a time.
She knew me better than anyone else. It was like she could read my mind. She knew everything I thought, wanted, or needed sometimes even before I did. It went both ways I suppose. I could see right through the mask she would put on when something was wrong; usually after a difficult case, or just after her mother died. When Cragen called her into his office I knew immediately that something was wrong. She walked out with no expression on her face, her eyes were vacant like no one was home. I remember thinking that it would only be a matter of time until she completely broke down. When she finally did I was there trying my hardest to ease her pain. My words only her cry harder though, so I simply held her and let her cry on my shoulder.
"Thank you for being there" Olivia whispered into my ear. Our first night together was filled with soft kisses and whispered I love you's in the searing heat of climax. I had never moved more passionately in anyone than that first night with Olivia. With her I was always more gentle, not because I thought I would hurt her I knew that would never be the case, but because she always brought the side of me that wanted nothing more than to hold her and whisper sweet nothings in her ear.
"Dinner was great Elliot; it was just what I needed." Olivia dug her keys out of her purse and turned to open the door. "Do you want to come in and grab a beer, maybe watch a movie?"
"You know I do." I said as I watched her open the door and turn the lights on. I had laughed when she pulled 'The Lake House' out of a pile of her favorite DVDs. But thinking back on it now it was a good choice. I haven't seen a movie since that comes as close to telling our story as that one. We laid under the warm blanket on her couch for ten minutes before she asked me the question that forever changed our relationship. "Do you ever think that your soul mate lives in a different time? Do you think it's even possible?"
"Yeah I think it could be possible. But no, I don't think my soul mate is in a different time, I think she is sitting next to me right now." It worried me when she got this shocked look on her face, but it quickly disappeared to turn into a smile. If I remember right she kissed me first. It was like most kisses, gentle at first but quickly turning into something more. Our tongues dueled for control as our hands roamed forbidden territory. Olivia grabbed the hem of her shirt and pulled it up over her head. She moaned seductively when I ran my hand up her flat stomach to cup her breast. "Are you sure you want to do this?" I asked her as I helped her remove my pants. "More than anything" she said.
A/N: I don't know if I should continue this story or not, so review and tell me what you think :)