Disclaimer: I don't own the Warrior Cats series!
Title: Little Fears
Summary: Fernpaw is finally old enough to become a warrior alongside her brother, Ashpaw. The only problem is that she's recently been told she's carrying.
Warnings: I dunno if this counts as the cat version of teen pregnancy, but what the heck.
...
Fernpaw felt Ashpaw's pelt press up against her's with a pang of sadness. I wish Dustpelt were here. She knew he was a busy warrior, and it wasn't even slightly subtle for him to sleep in the apprentice's den, but she missed his scent, the brush of his fur.
She rolled onto her back with a purr. I'm going to be a queen!
Cinderpelt had been the one to tell her. The medicine cat had pulled her aside one day, muzzle drawn into a scowl of concern, and she'd begged her not to say anything. Her ceremony was just around the corner, and she didn't want it postponed.
Tomorrow, I'll finally be free. Tomorrow, I'll be a warrior.
Fernpaw tried to fall asleep, but she was too excited. Dustpelt had always been a den away from her. They were restricted by lessons and assessments and other more important things. That would no longer be the case, come Firestar announcing her title to the whole Clan. They could patrol and hunt together far more often, and even share nesting space.
Fernpaw forced herself not to think of the what-ifs. Stress was bad for kits, and so was keeping herself awake for long hours. Sighing quietly to herself, Fernpaw curled into a loose ball, nose brushing her belly. Oh, little ones. I'm so glad you'll be in my life.
Longtail called for her early that morning. Fernpaw struggled to her paws, feeling a bit like she'd swallowed rocks. The sooner I'm a warrior, the sooner I can head for the nursery. Thank StarClan I'm not showing enough to catch attention.
She slipped into the clearing to spot Dustpelt waving his tail to get her attention, two birds at his paws. His gaze was hopeful.
Fernpaw struggled to come up with a proper answer. I need to focus on my warrior assessment, but I'm also really hungry. Ashpaw ultimately made the decision for her, nudging her towards him with a twinkle in his eye.
"Excited?" He asked as she settled in beside him. Dustpelt's eyes were soft and fond. "I asked Cloudtail to get moss for your nests while we're away."
Fernpaw purred, gently reaching out to brush her nose to his scruff. "Don't get too ahead of yourself. We might fail yet."
"Never." He swore.
She demolished her sparrow with quick bites, then watched Dustpelt sink his teeth in with longing. She didn't think she was far enough along to eat for more than one; rather, it was probably her nervous energy.
"Still hungry?"
Dustpelt was watching her. Fernpaw stared at her paws. "Sort of."
"Here." He pushed his over. It was almost completely untouched. "I'll grab another."
"Really?"
"Really." He blinked at her affectionately. "I want you to be as happy and healthy as possible."
A sudden sinking feeling stirred inside her, expertly weaving around her kits like a soft nest. What if he doesn't want to be my mate after this? Maybe apprentices can't normally get pregnant and he counted on that, and once he finds out he won't be with me anymore. She didn't feel so hungry now. Fernpaw set her head on her paws.
Dustpelt is young, and I'm even younger. Does he even want kits? It's not like I can deny who the father is, either; it doesn't take great observation to see how we looked at each other. Maybe he'll never look at me again.
Fernpaw watched him pad away, heart aching. She loved him so much. The kits come first. I'll love them enough for both of us, if it has to come to that.
"Come on, Fernpaw!" Ashpaw called by the entrance. "It's time to go!"
Fernpaw stood and slowly made her way over to them. She didn't so much as glance in Dustpelt's direction. I'm a warrior of ThunderClan. I have to make my Clan proud. Likewise, she knew the warrior's attention would be firmly placed on his apprentice. That was just how it would have to be.
"Hunting first, you think?" He prompted.
"Sounds like a good place to start as any." Longtail dipped his head to his fellow warrior. "Remember the rules; no hunting together. We'll be watching you from a distance."
Ashpaw bounced on his paws. "Can I try near Snakerocks?"
Longtail's fur bristled. "No!" He spat, eyes flashing. "We're not sending any apprentices there alone."
Fernpaw's heart went out to the warrior. We all miss Swiftpaw. The apprentice, hoping to finally be made a warrior, had secretly snuck out of the camp with Brightheart- Brightpaw, then- to find the source of ThunderClan's troubles. Swiftpaw lost his life, and Brightheart was badly injured, losing an eye and an ear. Fernpaw knew she wasn't the only one who mourned when Bluestar named her Lostface, and felt deeply grateful to Firestar, who later gave her a true warrior's name.
Ashpaw just wants to prove that he's not afraid.
"Settle down, Longtail." Dustpelt meowed, gently soothing the distraught tom. "We'd never do something so mouse-brained. Let's have Ashpaw hunt by the Great Sycamore."
The warrior's fur began to lie flat. Longtail dipped his head reluctantly. "Fernpaw, you try near the Twolegplace. Keep the dens within sight, but not so close that you can see more than the tips."
Fernpaw nodded. "Yes, Longtail." I won't mess this up. I can't. My kits will need a warrior for a mother.
She ducked into the undergrowth without another word. Fernpaw immediately wished she'd told Dustpelt goodbye. We might never be on friendly terms after this. I hope that wasn't my last chance.
Her mentor's instructions in mind, Fernpaw skirted through the trees. The very tips of Twoleg dens appeared over the foliage. Her nose wrinkled at the stench of Thunderpath and carrion. I could never be a kittypet.
Her gaze was drawn back to her belly. What if one of them wants to be? Could I let them go? Fernpaw tried not to think of the camp, empty because all of her kin had deserted her and with Dustpelt not speaking to her. I could do it. If it's what they want, I could climb through fire.
Fluttering wings caught her attention. A small robin had landed by an oak tree, pecking at the ground in search of a meal. Fernpaw crouched and crept forward, carefully moving around a pile of leaves, then a branch. Twoleg scent was all over them.
Twolegs even make their forest messy, she thought.
The robin was caught in one pounce, then quickly buried. It was far too small to take back to Firestar and expect her warrior name, so she kept looking. Just a little while longer, kittens. Then we can start planning for the day you come into our Clan.
Fernpaw was practically staggering by the time she got a sleepy vole and plump squirrel. Longtail had been training her hard these past few days to make sure she got her warrior name, most likely paranoid that Firestar might pass over her like Bluestar did Swiftpaw. Her paws ached and her body felt sore all over.
I just realized- my vigil! Fernpaw set the squirrel on top of her pile and gracelessly fell back onto her haunches. She hadn't slept nearly well enough to stay up all night. StarClan, please forgive me if I fall asleep. Or bless Ashpaw with some particularly well-aimed jabs. She'd only stopped to catch her breath before bringing the prey to the meeting spot, but Longtail quickly slunk out of the trees, gaze warm.
"You've done well."
"Thanks." She gave one last puff before standing. I'm a warrior. I can't let exhaustion stop me. "Should we take this back to the others?"
He nodded and reached down to grab the vole. Fernpaw balanced the squirrel and robin as best she could as they walked back, and though there were a few seconds she thought she might drop them, she never did.
Dustpelt's face lit up as they neared. "Your apprentice is very talented."
Longtail spat out a clinging bit of fur, the vole lifeless at his paws. "I like to think so."
"Wow!" Ashpaw bounded up, grabbing the robin from her so she could breathe a bit easier. "You were amazing!"
Fernpaw forced herself to purr. She knew her brother was just being supportive, but it felt like he overdid it sometimes. Almost like it was forced.
"I'll have someone grab these." Longtail gestured to the pile with his tail. Ashpaw also caught a squirrel, as well as a fat mouse. Nothing he grabbed looked old or stringy. "Dustpelt, would you do the honors of escorting these two to the sandy hollow?"
"Of course."
Fernpaw felt her heart sink. My battle assessment. Part of her had prayed they'd forget and Firestar would give them their names anyway. Her tail wrapped along the side of her belly self-consciously. I won't let my kits be hurt.
Longtail ducked away while Dustpelt nodded for them to lead. Ashpaw proudly went first, tail high and confident. She forced herself to remain calm as the warrior padded by her side, slinking morosely.
"You really did well, you know." He murmured. "I'm proud of you both."
Fernpaw jerkily nodded. "Thank you."
Dustpelt glanced at her. His every feature was drawn with concern. "Are you okay?"
"I'm fine." She snapped, then softened and touched his shoulder with her nose. "I didn't sleep very well, but I'm okay. Really."
"If you say so." He meowed. "I trust you."
Fernpaw trailed her tail across his side and put on a burst of speed to walk with Ashpaw. He shot her an excited look, which she returned as best she could. I really am okay, she told herself firmly. I'll just fight like a turtle.
The sandy hollow felt good on Fernpaw's pads as she stretched. Dustpelt watched them prepare without a word, until finally Longtail reappeared.
"Claws sheathed." He reminded them both. "Proving yourself is never worth injuring a Clanmate. Go when you're ready."
Ashpaw crouched with a joking snarl. Fernpaw pressed her belly closer to the ground, tail swishing. He studied her dubiously a moment, then leapt. Fernpaw jabbed at him with her paws, but Ashpaw squished her under his weight, landing blow after blow on her back. She nipped at his exposed belly.
"Fernpaw, pick it up!" Longtail called. "Is something wrong? Are you hurt?"
Fernpaw didn't reply.
Ashpaw headbutted her shoulder, forcing her onto her side. He raised himself to slam down on her side. Fernpaw knew he didn't know better, knew he had done this plenty of times in training, but all she could think was my kits!
Fernpaw's paw shot out to rake his belly, claws unsheathed. Ashpaw let out a yowl of surprise and fell back.
Guilt flooded her. How could she do that? Ashpaw didn't know any better. He hadn't meant the kits any harm. He wasn't even aiming for the stomach. Dustpelt was by his side in an instant, helping the 'paw up with wide eyes. He stared at Fernpaw like she were a stranger.
"I'm okay." Ashpaw told him, then blinked at her. "Are you mad at me?"
Fernpaw shook her head and shrunk closer to the ground. I'll never get my name now- and I hurt my own littermate while I was at it!
"Alright, back to camp." Longtail growled sternly, no doubt remembering what happened the last time he let a 'paw of his get bloody. "Firestar needs to hear about this."
Dustpelt glanced at her one last time before leading Ashpaw away. Fernpaw stared at her paws, hoping he'd be okay.
"What was that?" Longtail asked finally. He sounded more worried than angry. "You've never been like this before."
"Let's just go back to camp." Fernpaw pleaded. "If I'm going to get in trouble, I'd rather know my punishment now rather than later."
His eyes bored into her's a long moment before he nodded and briskly followed Dustpelt and Ashpaw, not even turning his head to see if she was following.
He's disappointed in me, she thought, glum. Fernpaw trailed behind them, watching Dustpelt murmur into Ashpaw's ear. I don't blame him. I messed this up for everybody. My kits won't have a warrior for a mother.
Her heart swirled with indecision. Would she even be allowed to live in the nursery as an apprentice? Would she even get to keep them?
I have to prepare for the worst, she decided. Fernpaw missed Brindleface more than ever before. She'd take care of them in a heartbeat. Maybe Goldenflower will help me, though I'd prefer to raise them myself.
The pale gray she-cat forced herself to walk with her chin high. She'd been wrong for clawing Ashpaw, but she'd had her reasons. Nothing would ever make her feel ashamed for doing what her heart told her.
Cinderpelt ushered Ashpaw into her den without question, flicking her tail for Fernpaw to follow. She did so, hoping the medicine cat's sharp eyes on her belly wouldn't arouse suspicion.
"Dustpelt must be paranoid." She rumbled, gently pressing some dock into the cut. "This won't even scar."
Ashpaw's eyes glowed. "Thanks!"
"Do you think I'll still get to be a warrior?" She asked Cinderpelt hopefully.
"She did do really well on the hunting portion." Ashpaw chipped in.
Cinderpelt sighed and shook her head. "That's Firestar's decision to make. Not mine."
Fernpaw quietly sat down. She felt a silent conviction growing inside her. She may never be given her proper name and title, but she wouldn't let that stop her from being a good mother. The only thing that can stop me now is StarClan.
Firestar grimly padded into the medicine den. "How is he?"
...And maybe him too.
"Just a scratch." Cinderpelt purred. "I've seen kits do worse."
"They've been waiting for this day a long time now, so their mentors want to be careful." He reminded his ex-apprentice, then turned to her. "Well, Fernpaw?"
She shuffled her paws, whiskers twitching nervously. "I'm sorry."
"I know you are, Fernpaw. I know you." He tipped his head to the side. "But why did you lash out like that? Were you remembering the dogs?"
"No!" Her stomach churned at the memory. Swiftpaw's body flashed in her mind, followed by Brightheart covered in her own blood. Brindleface left sprawled out like a piece of fresh-kill even the birds wouldn't eat. I'm sorry, little ones. The world you're coming into can be so cruel. "I never want to think about them again."
"Fernpaw?" He pressed carefully. "You're shaking."
Fernpaw forced her body to stand still, only marginally succeeding. "You would be too if you clawed a Clanmate."
"Accidents happen." Firestar assured her. "Your assessment went well otherwise."
"But still not well enough?" She guessed.
"No way!" Ashpaw jumped to his paws, ears flying back with a growl. "I'm not getting my name without her!"
"Firestar." Cinderpelt motioned for him to come to the side for a bit. They spoke in hurried whispers, their backs facing them almost nonchalantly. When they turned around again, Firestar's eyes were shadowed with anger.
"What were you thinking?" He barked, the fur along his neck stiff. "You could've gotten hurt!"
"I need to be a warrior!" Fernpaw insisted, baring her teeth a little. "They can't have an apprentice for a mother!"
"Who can't?"
Fernpaw flinched. Ashpaw was looking between them like they were delicious pieces of prey and he couldn't decide which one to eat first, dark blue eyes narrowed. She hung her head and padded over to him, whisking her tail across the scratches.
"How would you feel about helping me raise my first litter?"
His jaw dropped. "Really?"
She nodded.
"Of course I'll help!" Ashpaw gently nudged her into a laying position beside him, wrapping around her with a purr. She felt like a kit all over again, pressed against their mother's side. He nudged her belly with his nose. "Just think; one day, when I get a mate, our kits'll play together!"
Fernpaw chuckled and lathed his ear with brisk strokes of the tongue. Ashpaw blinked at Firestar. "You're going to make her a warrior, right? She beat me!"
"She scratched you."
"It doesn't matter. She spooked me and she won." He insisted fiercely. "You have to make her a warrior."
He reluctantly shrugged, ear twitching. "We'll see what your mentors say about it."
Fernpaw's hopes dwindled. There was no way Longtail would condone her hurting Ashpaw, no matter how silly or accidental, and Dustpelt hadn't even looked her way on the way back. I don't care. I can still take care of my Clan- and my kits- as an apprentice.
Ashpaw glared after the ginger tom as he excused himself and left, tail lashing the dirt mercilessly.
"He's got to." He repeated. "You beat me."
"Now that I don't need to worry about being subtle." Cinderpelt broke in, pressing gently on her shoulder with a paw. "Roll over. I want to do a checkup."
"Let all cats old enough to catch their own prey gather before the Highrock for a Clan meeting!"
Fernpaw snapped awake. The pale gray she-cat had been dozing in her nest in the apprentice's den awaiting orders, stretching out on her back in the empty space to give her kits some room. Rolling onto her paws, she shook off a wayward scrap of moss and squeezed into the clearing.
Most of ThunderClan had already gathered before Firestar. Graystripe loyally sat nearby, ears pricked, while warriors were strewn about the clearing. Ashpaw and Dustpelt stood before them all, her brother's body shaking with excitement. Her gaze sought out Longtail, heart skipping a beat when she found the white tom waving a striped tail desperately near the front. He said yes! She skittered across the clearing, fur fluffing up. Oh, little ones. Can you feel my joy?
Firestar dipped his head to her, then raised his voice for silence. "There was a mishap today in the battle bout between Fernpaw and Ashpaw, as I'm sure you've all already learned. Rest assured, there was no serious injuries, and it by no means is ground to deny either of them their warrior names."
Fernpaw glanced behind her. There were a few curious eyes, but no one seemed to be trading rumors. Thank StarClan.
"I, Firestar, leader of ThunderClan, call upon my warrior ancestors to look down on these apprentices. They have trained hard to understand the ways of your noble code, and I commend them to you in turn. Fernpaw, Ashpaw, do you promise to uphold the warrior code and to protect and defend your Clan, even at the cost of your life?"
"I do." Ashpaw whispered solemnly.
Fernpaw thought of the young lives growing inside of her; lives that would become warriors or medicine cats or maybe even kittypets in the future. She knew there was no better place for them to be born than here. Her conviction felt stronger than it ever had before. "I do."
"Then by the powers of StarClan, I give you your warrior names. Ashpaw, from this moment you will be known as Ashfur. StarClan honors your persistence and courage, and we welcome you as a full warrior of ThunderClan."
Ashfur proudly padded up to lick Firestar's shoulder, staying still as his muzzle brushed the top of his head. Fernpaw felt her heart almost burst with pride. Just wait, kits. That might be you one day.
"Fernpaw, from this moment you will be known as Ferncloud. StarClan honors your gentle nature and strength, and we welcome you as a full warrior of ThunderClan."
Ferncloud licked Firestar's shoulder and felt his muzzle on her head, oddly calm. It'll all work out. I'm a warrior now.
"Ashfur! Ferncloud! Ashfur! Ferncloud!"
"Ashfur and Ferncloud will hold vigil tonight." Firestar finished.
Ashfur nudged her. The new warrior didn't say anything, but Ferncloud saw the worry in his eyes. She touched her nose to his ear. I'm tired, but it'll all work out.
Ashfur made a silent gesture for Ferncloud to look alive as the camp began to stir. She sat up- she'd been crouched on the ground, eyes drooping- and ran her tongue over a paw, sliding it over her ear. Washing after such a long day felt nice.
Graystripe padded up to them before setting up patrols, letting cats mill about as they wished. "Vigil's over. Are either of you up to starting your duties right away?"
"I could patrol every border for every Clan!" Ashfur announced brightly. The vigil hardly seemed to have affected him.
Ferncloud yawned. "Not me. If it's okay with you, I'd much rather catch up on my sleep."
Graystripe nodded his assent. Ferncloud got to her paws and stumbled towards the warriors' den, giving the apprentice den a cautious glance before moving away. The sweet scent of Dustpelt bathed her tongue as she pushed inside.
"Over here!" Dustpelt's brown and black pelt almost melded into the wall of the den. The warrior patted the nest beside his own. "I made it for you."
Ferncloud purred gratefully and slid into the soft moss, pawing at it daintily. "Thanks. I could sleep a moon."
"Are you hungry? I could go grab you something."
"Maybe later." She set her head on her paws and closed her eyes. A tongue gently trailed across her scruff.
"Ferncloud..." He murmured into her fur. "The name really suits you."
"Thanks. I really like it, and I'm thankful to Firestar for giving it to me- especially after I clawed Ashfur."
Dustpelt shifted awkwardly. "Ferncloud, are you okay? You acted really weird yesturday."
Here goes. Ferncloud sighed and groggily sat up. "We need to talk."
Dustpelt's eyes flashed with fear "Do we?"
"We do." She wormed her nose into his fur, breathing in the familiar scent. I might never get to be this close to him again. This is goodbye, my love, if this is how it ends between us. "I really want us to be mates."
Ferncloud felt him relax. "I do too."
"But I'm worried things will change between us. I love you so much, and I couldn't live with you hating me. Not in ThunderClan, anyway. It wouldn't be fair to either of us."
"I could never hate you." He replied, aghast. Dustpelt touched their noses together. "Ferncloud, just tell me what's wrong."
She wrapped her tail around her paws. Ferncloud gave his cheek a final lick to steel herself and mentally soothed the kits once again that day, despite them having nothing to bother them. "I'm having kits."
There was a long pause. Dustpelt stared at her blankly, uncomprehending. "You're sure?"
She nodded. "Cinderpelt told me."
"Is that why you freaked out yesturday? You were trying to protect the little ones?"
"Yes."
Ferncloud waiting with baited breath while Dustpelt processed the news. His gaze flickered from her eyes to her belly and back.
"They'll be perfect." He meowed finally, pressing his nose to her arm. "I hope they'll have your pelt and my eyes."
"They're kits- no one can make them look a certain way." She teased, flicking her tail. "They'll be themselves and nothing else."
Dustpelt's eyes were full of love. "I'm glad."
Do you hear that, little ones? You may have a father after all.
"Here." He jumped to his paws. "Stretch out. Take my nest too. I'm going to get you some prey and tell Graystripe I'm staying in camp. StarClan will forgive me if I miss out on my duties for one day to spend time with my mate and kits."
Ferncloud stretched out and put her head on her paws again. Dustpelt gave her one last comforting lick along the spine before tip-toeing away. She heard him burst into a sprint across the clearing with a joyful yowl of Sandstorm's name, desperate to spread the news, and chuckled.
You will be loved. You will always be loved, she told the small forms quietly.
The exhaustion of the past moon finally hit her, and Ferncloud sunk into a deep sleep.
Author's Note: I read somewhere that Ferncloud was still a 'paw when she got pregnant with her first litter, realized no one had really done any pieces on it, and decided to take it on myself. There's probably very little timeline consistency in this, unfortunately. I just really love Ferncloud.
Not a fan of Ashfur, but I thought it only right to give him a bit more depth than just evil conniving jerk. Squirrel isn't even a 'paw at this point, for pete's sake. He hasn't given himself an excuse to rage quite yet.
-Mandaree1