Author's note: STOP! If you haven't read The Wrong Man, you should probably go check that out first. If you have already read that story (or don't care about the context of these scenes) then please continue. This first chapter is rather silly and stupid, but I'm planning on posting all of the scenes in chronological order so that if you want to reference where they were originally planned to fit within the story it will be easier. This one's just a humorous little warm up... It is an early draft of Chapter 16: The Truth

Varric was really sick of the snow. He'd never been an outdoorsy person to begin with, but in his opinion snow was about the worst environmental condition you could come across. It was cold, and when it got warm it melted which made a mess. The wind got colder blowing over it, and trying to wade through the stuff was as bad as slogging through sand. And they had been walking through it for what felt like days. Not to say he was ungrateful to be alive, but he would have been far more grateful to be warm and sheltered from the elements.

The sun reflected brilliantly off the slopes ahead, and Varric squinted into the light. Solas and Anders were just returning from another scouting trip, and judging by the looks on their faces, they were encouraged by what they had found. Varric was just glad to see Anders back on his feet and keeping busy. Tensions had been high during the attack on Haven, and while the battle had taken its toll on everyone, Anders had borne the brunt of it. Varric had noticed sentiments shifting over the last few days, however, especially in the way many in the Inquisition deferred to Anders. Even Cullen and Cassandra had started seeking his opinion and asking him to resolve conflicts when they couldn't come to a decision on their own. Anders didn't seem to know how to take this newfound respect, but Varric wasn't surprised. Anders had sacrificed himself for their cause, and many thought his survival was nothing short of miraculous. The rumors of Andraste's Herald were only going to take on new proportions now that he had apparently managed to defy death a second time. It was such a great story of tragedy and redemption that Varric was considering writing it all down.

Varric frowned when he noticed that the Seeker had fallen back to walk beside him. She normally walked fast enough to leave him in her dust, but she must have deliberately adjusted her pace to match his own.

"Anything I can do for you, Seeker?"

Looking at him thoughtfully, she said slowly, "I was wondering. You and the Herald..."

Giving her a puzzled look, he echoed, "Me and the Herald, what?"

"You are...closer than I realized."

"Closer?"

"You were so insistent that we lock him up when you first saw him at the breach. You were so angry. But I suppose strong attachment only makes betrayal that much harder to accept."

Varric looked around to make sure no one else was in earshot. Dorian was close enough that it was possible that his sharp ears could overhear if he really tried to listen, but the mage seemed to be lost in his own thoughts. "I suppose," Varric agreed. "We have been friends a long time, even if you leave out the gap after Kirkwall."

"Yes. But I never would have suspected that the two of you were…" She cleared her throat. "Involved."

"Wait." Varric stopped and stared at her in disbelief. "You don't think…" But she did. One look at her expression said it all. Stunned, he couldn't think of anything to say, but she hurried to explain.

"After Haven, when he finally made it to our camp, I saw the tears drying on your cheeks. The way you held him was tender, affectionate."

"It was rather touching," Dorian chimed in suddenly, slowing down to join them.

Swallowing his laughter, Varric did his best to keep his expression neutral, but giggles kept threatening to bubble out of his throat. This was too perfect a set up to waste. Sighing in exaggerated disappointment, he said. "So you finally figured us out." Looking back over his shoulder, he searched the crowd for Anders. "Blondie! Blondie, where are you? We've got a problem."

Anders appeared at his elbow a few moments later, concern creasing his brows. "What is it?"

"Our secret's out," Varric said solemnly, trying to communicate the ruse with only his eyes, but Anders only looked more confused. "They know the truth," he said, gesturing between the two of them, "about us." Cupping Anders' jaw, he rubbed a thumb over his cheek as he added, "There's no reason to hide anymore."

Anders nodded slowly even though the uncertainty in his eyes said that he was still not getting it. "How did they find out?" he asked uncertainly as he fished for information. "You didn't tell them, did you?" Somehow he managed to keep his expression as serious as Varric's. That was one of Varric's favorite things about Anders—one of the things he'd missed when Justice began taking more and more of him away—he was always quick to pick up on a joke and usually game to play along.

"No! Of course I didn't tell them. I would never betray your trust like that." Varric risked a glance at Cassandra and Dorian to see if they were still fooled. Cassandra looked uncomfortable with witnessing their seemingly intimate conversation in such a public setting, but Dorian had doubt glimmering in his eyes. Time to up the ante. "But to be honest, I'm glad they finally know. I'm tired of hiding how much I love you. Keeping it all bottled up, when all I want to do is just…" He couldn't finish the sentence when he looked up at Anders, laughter choking his throat when he saw understanding dawn in his friend's eyes.

"Varric," Anders said soothingly, completely on board now. Wrapping an arm around Varric's shoulders, he pulled him close and said in a stage whisper, "I know. I love you too." Anders' hand stroked over his shoulders possessively, and then Varric felt pressure against the crossbow on his back. "Both you and Bianca." Barely stifling his laughter, Varric had to hide his face in Anders' coat until he could regain his composure.

"What is going on over here?" Cullen demanded suddenly, and Varric wondered how many people they could pull into this joke before it collapsed under its own weight.

"Perhaps we should give them some space," Cassandra said uncertainly.

Clearing his throat, Dorian added drolly, "Yes. I think we've all seen enough." So they'd lost Dorian, but at least he wasn't completely shattering the illusion.

"Exactly what am I seeing?" Cullen asked, more dumbfounded than annoyed now.

"I told you they wouldn't be able to accept us," Anders said with fairly convincing outrage, releasing Varric and turning on the others. "Their definition of love is too narrow to conceive of a relationship like ours."

Summoning a straight expression, Varric took in the reactions: Cassandra's mortification, the twinkle of mirth in Dorian's eyes and Cullen's complete bewilderment. "We don't need them, Blondie. Not as long as we have each other."

"What?" Cullen said and then turned bright red from his neck up to the tips of his ears. "You're...I mean...the two of you…"

"The three of us," Anders corrected sharply, still in character.

Cullen stared at him with eyes as big as saucers. "Three?!"

Varric lost it then, eyes watering with all of his repressed laughter as a riotous cackle exploded from his throat. A smile broke across Anders face while a scowl darkened Cassandra's, and Dorian's laughter rivaled Varric's for volume. Slapping Anders on the back, Varric said between bouts of laughter, "That. Was. Amazing. Best one yet."

Anders wiped at his eyes as he laughed. "Better than that time we tricked Fenris into thinking Marian and the Arishok were secret lovers?"

"A hundred times. Did you see the look on Curly's face when he said 'three?' Your delivery was perfect!"

"That's enough," Cassandra interrupted, arms crossed over her stomach, expression livid. "You've had your fun. It's obvious I was mistaken."

"I missed something wonderful, didn't I?" Iron Bull asked, joining them with a mournful look.

"You missed something incredibly childish and cruel," Cassandra retorted and stalked away, a glowering Cullen following in her wake.

"Now, now, Seeker. It was all in good fun," Varric protested. "Just a little prank."

"Did someone say prank?" Sera asked, popping up out of nowhere.

"Come along," Dorian said. "We'll give you a reenactment."