Hello readers and fellow Jamko supporters! I've had this playing in my mind this entire week but did not have time to get down to writing it till today. This story deviates slightly from the Jamie and Eddie story arc they have going on the show. I usually write as close to the story arc as possible in that my stories are usually gap fillers from the episodes. However, I decided to take a leap of faith this time. I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I have enjoyed writing it :). I do not own Blue Bloods or any of its characters.
XXX
"Hey Reagan! I thought I saw Janko leave with some tall guy. Was she working today?" Jamie heard as he entered the men's locker room. Officer Jack Hammer was getting ready to start his shift when he spotted Jamie.
"Nah. She only comes back in a few days," Jamie replied, his heart heavy. Damn it. He tried his best to keep the sadness from permeating his voice, hoping that his bruised ego and broken heart were hidden from sight.
"Well, the guy she's with certainly looked more enthused than she did," Jack said as he shut his locker door and locked it. "Time for Roll Call. See you when I see you." Jack hurried out of the locker room, leaving Jamie alone with his thoughts. Eddie did not seem enthused? She was going to catch Springsteen and she was not enthused? Jamie sighed and sat down, suddenly feeling very drained. The conversation he had with Erin replayed in his mind. Phrases like 'meant to be together' and 'line in the sand' were back to haunt him. Taunting him. Making him feel vulnerable, forlorn and acutely miserable. Jamie had always prided himself for being able to avoid wearing his heart on his sleeve, especially when a certain short and spunky Serbian blond was concerned. But lately, he was realizing that not only was it getting progressively difficult to conceal his feelings for her to himself and to others, it was also compelling him to want to make a change. To take that leap of faith with his heart in his hand and hope that she was there, waiting for him on the other side.
Jamie stood and decided that he had to get out of the precinct. He had to go and do something, anything to try to clear his mind and perhaps make sense of this messy situation.
XXX
Eddie looked out the window of the taxi and watched the city go by. Seated next to her was Barry. Kind and respectable Barry. He was grinning from ear to ear, delighted with himself for having scored the most sought-after concert tickets in New York City. Springsteen on Broadway? Done and dusted! Chalk it up to great timing and a determined attitude. He knew what a huge Springsteen fan Eddie was and he was certain getting these tickets would earn him brownie points. He was chatting away excitedly while Eddie smiled and responded politely to his eagerness. She tried hard to catch up with his enthusiasm but found herself strangely falling further and further behind. Why was she not more thrilled about this? She was going to catch Springsteen! Tonight! With a great guy who somehow managed to get his hands on two tickets to the sold-out concert. So why was she not feeling more energized and jubilant? Jamie. That was why. And because of this fact, a sense of dread began to creep up on her, staking a claim over her heart and mind and refusing to be ignored. Dismayed, she turned to Barry with a look of sheer sadness and regret.
"Eddie? What's wrong?" Barry asked, concerned.
"I'm so sorry, Barry. I can't do this. We can't do this," Eddie replied, her voice cracking. "Please stop the taxi."
Reaching into her purse, Eddie pulled out a few ten-dollar bills and handed them over to the taxi driver who then mumbled a line or two about passengers not being able to make up their minds. She quickly clambered out of the taxi, with Barry following after her. Her eyes gave everything away. Barry stared at her and understanding descended like a sledgehammer being slammed onto concrete. The woman standing before him was only present in body. Her heart and her mind were not there, and Barry had a sinking feeling he knew exactly where they were. Or rather, he knew exactly who they were with.
Both Eddie and Barry remained silent. Barry did not trust himself to speak. Instead, he reached out his hand and squeezed her arm, indicating that he was accepting defeat. Then, with a brief nod, he turned and walked away. Eddie knew breaking Barry's heart was all on her and she berated herself for it. She also knew that stringing Barry along was an even bigger no-no in her books. Damn that partner of hers for having a hold on her heart. Damn it. Damn it. Damn it. A tear escaped from her eye and rolled down her cheek. There, in the middle of Manhattan, the most vibrant city in North America, Eddie stood surrounded by people, yet she was alone.
XXX
After leaving the precinct, Jamie found himself walking through the streets, trying to clear his head. He could have gone to one of the bars the cops from his house frequented, but he was feeling less than sociable. His head was a mess and he was not up for small talk or trash talk, as most of the patrons at the bars were probably engaged in.
Eddie. He could not stop thinking of her. He thought he had lost her when he saw her tumble down those stairs. His protective instinct had taken over and he quickly had to find out if the bullet had penetrated her vest. He recalled the great sense of relief washing over him when he realized that her vest had done what it was supposed to do. It stopped the bullet from taking Eddie's life, from taking Eddie away from him. But the whole situation shattered something in him. It caused a void between him and Eddie to emerge. A void which seemed to be growing with every passing hour. And he was scared. Jamie was scared of what this could mean for him and for Eddie. Over the years, he had grown to adore Eddie in a way Jamie himself could not quite understand. He only knew he treasured her. All of her – from the way she rolled her eyes whenever she disapproved of his meal choices, to how she sang unabashedly in the squad car, even if she did not know the lyrics, to how committed she was to her job, to her loyalty and her strength of character. He loved her. Jamie stopped in his tracks as he allowed his love and affection for Eddie to invade all the space in his mind and his heart. His heart, which was already bleeding from the hurt he was feeling, felt as if it was going to burst. How was he going to resume his duties with her when he was feeling this way? Was this worth putting Twelve-David in jeopardy? With him finally acknowledging to himself that he loved her, their partnership was already compromised. For the first time in their years of them being partners, he knew exactly what he wanted with her, and where he wanted this to go. But was he too late? Dejected and blue, Jamie walked on, vaguely aware of where his footsteps were taking him.
XXX
Eddie rounded the corner towards her apartment building, her injured side calling out to her for rest. She was glad to be close to home. The doctors who treated her at the hospital would probably have frowned upon her decision to walk all the way home while still recovering. Perhaps it was not a wise decision on her part, but Eddie needed the fresh air. She needed to think and clear the cobwebs in her head. The biggest, most stubborn one being Jamie. What was she going to do? She could not seem to move on from him. Neither could the two of them move on together. What a conundrum. She was positive he was about to make a breakthrough at the precinct right before Barry appeared. They were so close, yet so far. As soon as Barry entered the room, things changed. Jamie retreated into his old self, wishing her well and walking away. Eddie's heart broke a little more. She had wondered to herself when the numbness would set in. It had not yet and the sting was as bad as the soreness she felt being shot and falling down that flight of stairs. She could not stay around waiting for Jamie. Who knew when his Irish heart would finally accept that they were worth it. That they were worth the sacrifice they had to make.
As Eddie neared her apartment, she noticed a familiar figure in the distance. She slowed down as he approached and stopped completely when he was finally in front of her. She looked him straight in the eye and tilted her head, silently asking him what he was doing in her neighborhood.
As fate would have it, they were standing in the same spot where they had shared their first kiss during their first year as partners, innocent and sweet, albeit both being buzzed with all the drinks they had had.
"Eddie…," Jamie began, hands in the pockets of his jacket. "Where's Barry? I thought…" His voice trailed off.
"We erm… ended things tonight," Eddie said softly as she looked down onto the ground, feeling ashamed and relieved at the same time. A plethora of emotions coursed through her being and this time, she knew the conversation that was long overdue would finally happen.
Jamie could only look at Eddie, his eyes soft and pleading but she looked away. Man up, an inner voice told him, and he heeded. Taking a step closer, he removed his hands from his pockets and gently took hers in them, lacing their fingers together. They fit perfectly – her smaller hands in his larger ones. Balancing each other in a way that only they could. Eddie, surprised by his move, looked up. The look that he gave her at the precinct before Barry walked in was back. This time, Jamie seemed determined to speak his mind, to lay it on the line.
"I thought I lost you to that bullet. And I think if you had died, a big, big part of me would have died too. Barry showing up… I didn't know what to think. You and me… Eddie, we work. We make sense. At least you do, for me. And I'm sorry it's taken me so long to realize it. I couldn't stand in your way if Barry made you happy." Jamie felt the load he was carrying being lifted as he spoke, his words filled with emotion and tinged with hope, his eyes locked on to hers.
Eddie felt her heart fill with joy and relief. At long last. The wait was finally over. "Sure took you a while there, Reagan," she said softly, half sobbing, half sniffling as she tried to calm her nerves and get a grip on herself. Jamie felt her hands tighten in his, squeezing him. He moved even closer and tenderly touched his forehead to hers.
"I love you, Janko," he whispered. His declaration heartfelt and earnest.
"I love you, Reagan," Eddie replied equally overcome with a deep sense of bliss and peace.
There, under the streetlamp, Jamie Reagan and Eddie Janko shared another kiss. This time, their hearts were on the same page and both were ready to take that leap of faith as their lips expressed their love for each other.
XXX