He looked at the ceiling, his stare intent, as if he were reading something that was written there. "Maybe…it will have to be a long-distance friendship."

I clenched my teeth together, glad he wasn't looking at my face, fighting against the sobs that threatened to overtake me again. I needed to be strong, and I had no idea how…

"You know that story in the Bible?" Jacob asked suddenly, still reading the blank ceiling. "The one with the king and the two women fighting over the baby?"

"Sure. King Solomon."

"That's right. King Solomon," he repeated. "And he said, cut the kid in half…but it was only a test. Just to see who would give up their share to protect it."

"Yeah, I remember."

He looked back at my face. "I'm not going to cut you in half anymore, Bella."

I closed my eyes, unable to process the extent of the situation. I knew that I loved them both, knew that there was nothing I could do to fix this. No matter who I chose, I would hurt someone. And, no matter which decision I made, I would hurt myself; the pain of having to let go of one of them would surely rip me in half.

I could barely think, barely hold myself together. I felt the wrapping constrictions of pain lapping at my fingers. I wrapped my arms around myself, my old trick to stay intact, but it didn't work. I couldn't hold myself together this time, and it hurt so badly that I felt sick.

"Hey, Bella, what's wrong?" Jacob asked with a worried expression, trying to sit up. "Hey, look at me. I'm sorry, I won't talk about it anymore." I looked at him and felt my heart begin to fissure. I tried to push him back onto the bed again, but he grabbed my wrist.

"Tell me what you're thinking," he whispered, his hand warm around mine. I felt icy.

"I have to go," I choked out, ripping my hand from his grip and running out of his room, trying to cover my eyes from the tears I could feel welling up behind my lids.

"Bella, come back!" I heard him shout, but I was flying, running as far away as I could get. I ran to the beach, tripping over rocks and twigs, my heart shattering. I wanted to be numb, to stop feeling.

I couldn't separate the two halves of myself. I thought that Jacob was the only one with two sides, my Jacob and the arrogant Jacob, but I was just as bad. I had two people crammed inside of me: Edward's Bella and Jacob's Bella. With Edward, I was quiet, timid, dizzy. But with Jacob, I felt alive. I was reckless and crazy. We didn't have to be careful, and we weren't. I liked that irresponsible side of myself, and I liked Edward's withdrawn and soft side too.

But, I never felt insecure with Jacob. I knew that he didn't have more than me, and we were meant to be together. I always felt so inadequate with Edward, being a lowly human beside his god-like beauty and radiance. His family, who loved me and whom I loved as well, was the same way, though, and I always felt…less around them all.

And then there was my family to worry about, my parents and friends. Leaving them, becoming a part of Edward's family, would be devastating for them, and I couldn't imagine a future where I would ever be able to see them again as a vampire. Leaving them, especially after Charlie's little speech before going to Jacob's, would be close to impossible. I knew the way around that, though: choosing Jacob.

I had so much to fear. The Volturi were still coming back for me, and there was always the threat of other vampires like Victoria coming through Forks. But should I let fear completely control my life?

My head pounded with overwhelming, slamming pain. My fingers were shaking so bad that I could barely wipe away the tears streaming down my face. Everything hurt, from the crest of my head to my shivering toes. I had no idea how to mash together the two pieces of myself, or the two decisions that had to be made.

My phone rang shrilly from my pocket, the little silver phone from Edward, but I ignored it. Being away from Jacob, Alice could see me again, and she must've told Edward how much I was struggling. I didn't want to talk to him; I didn't want to talk to anyone. I wanted to be alone.

Going to see Emily hadn't been my intention when I finally started walking again. I just sort of wandered aimlessly, not realizing that I was heading for her house until I saw it in front of me. I wiped my face as best I could and knocked on the door. Emily opened the door, her face shocked.

"Bella?" she asked, confused. "What are you doing here? And why are you crying?" I shook my head, unable to explain, and looked down at my feet. She reached for my hand and took it, the warm contact soothing. She gently tugged me inside and shut the door.

"Sam?" she called out. He emerged from the kitchen, wiping his hands on a dish towel. As soon as he saw me, he froze. "How about you go check on Jacob for a little while? I bet he could use the company." He nodded, eyeing me warily. As he passed on his way to the front door, he put his heavy hand onto my shoulder and squeezed comfortingly. When he eased the door shut with a light click, Emily led me to the couch to sit down. I was still crying, tears streaming – thankfully – silently down my face. At least the wracking sobs had stopped.

Emily was patient. She sat with me, waiting for me to be able to speak. She patted my hand, a steady comforting rhythm against my skin, as I tried to compose myself. I looked up at her, and saw her smiling sadly at me.

"When I first met you, I knew that you loved them both," she said quietly. I didn't ask how she knew why I was crying. "I could see it in your eyes. Do you remember when Jacob came back with Paul after they were fighting? You were so worried about him. I could tell how you felt, even then." I sniffled and took a deep breath.

"I told him I love him," I said, my voice hoarse. "He kissed me, and I realized it for myself. He was right all along." She went to the kitchen for a moment and came back with a glass of water and a tissue box. I wiped my eyes and gratefully took a sip of water. I took another deep breath, trying to calm down.

"If I were you," Emily said, a thoughtful look on her face, "I would take some time and really think. There are a lot of things that make up love besides love, things like security, and comfort, and happiness. You have to decide for yourself who makes you happiest." I laughed, a short 'ha'.

"They both make me happy," I said, crumpling up the tissue in my hand. "Jacob…well, you know Jacob. He's wonderful. And Edward is…I love the way he makes me feel."

"Well, it isn't going to be easy," she said. She sat back into the couch, the springs creaking. "If it was, you'd have already made a choice."

"I already know how hard this is," I said. "I just want someone to help me decide." She smiled and turned her head, staring at something behind me. I turned around to see a picture on the wall; it was Sam and Emily, their arms around each other. Emily was smiling, her face brilliant despite the scars, and Sam wasn't looking at the camera but rather at her, the love in his eyes as unmistakable as the sun. I shook my head, trying to clear my thoughts.

"When Edward left, I lost myself." I couldn't look at Emily as I talked, afraid of what I might see in her eyes. "I could barely breathe, let alone move on. Those months already proved to me what will happen if I turn him away. But when we were out there in the forest, and Edward told me that Jacob was hurt…I felt a piece of me die. And when I got to see him, all bandaged and broken, I was broken too." I started crying again, silently letting my emotions spill from me. Emily took my hand again.

"I may be biased, but I can try to be as subjective as I can," she said. "I know Jacob better, and I know you better when you're with Jacob than when you're with Edward. All of that aside, this time would have one huge difference from the last time: this time, you'd be making the choice yourself. Maybe, if you told Edward to leave instead of him leaving you, it would be easier for you. And, you'd always have Jacob to help you through it this time. I'd be there for you, too, you know, and the rest of the pack. We all love you already." I looked up at that, my nose so stuffed that I had to breathe through my mouth in gasping drags. She looked so sad.

"When you picked Sam, did you regret it?" I asked. She was quiet for a moment, thinking.

"I didn't have the same dilemma as you, but you're right. I had to choose between Sam and Leah. But, now that I'm here, I don't regret it at all. I'm still sad about what I did, but the payoff was worth it, in the end." I stared out the window, watching the trees outside sway in the wind. I tried to block out my thoughts, afraid that, if I considered the decision again, I'd break down again in front of Emily.

"You just have to decide who means more to you," she said kindly. I closed my eyes, unable to bring myself to look at her, at her house, at anything that reminded me of Jacob or the pack.

"Thank you, Emily," I said, standing. I needed to leave, to be on my own. I needed to think. "I think I'm going to go home and think." She nodded.

"No matter what, my door is always open." I couldn't stop myself from looking into her eyes, into the scars that I knew could have just as easily have been mine if Jake had let himself phase in the garage when I told him about Edward changing me, what felt like an eternity ago. She was so sincere that it made my heart ache even more.

"Thanks again," I said, suddenly in a hurry to leave. I rushed out the door, leaving her standing there watching me go.

I wandered around on the beach again, trying to hold myself together. My mind raced, flipping between my future with Jacob and my future with Edward. I could see my life with Jacob playing out in front of me: the two of us walking down the beach, hand in hand; our children playing in the waves, their silky hair blowing in the wind; the pack, my family, gathered around in Emily's tiny living room for holidays. I could see myself growing old with Jacob, living a normal human life filled with my family and friends, not sacrificing anything for him.

Except for Edward.

I heard my phone go off again, but still I ignored it. The ringing stopped after what felt like forever, and the phone just sat heavily in my pocket. I stared into the waves until it went off again, singing. I pulled it out of my pocket and checked who was calling: Alice. I answered.

"Hello?"

"Bella, what on earth is going on?" she asked loudly, her musical voice tinkling. "You aren't answering your phone, and I can see you still in La Push but you aren't with Jacob. What happened? And why does your future keep going blank?" I opened my mouth to answer, but she just kept talking. "You have no idea how worried I am. It isn't safe to be alone anymore, especially with you injuring yourself with the frequency of a stuntman. We have so much to plan for the wedding, and if you aren't going to be with Jacob, I think you should come here so we can go over color palettes. Why don't you-"

"Alice!" I shouted. She stopped talking, taking a breath. I sat down on a large rock and rubbed my temples. My headache was back with a vengeance. "The last thing I want to think about is the wedding." She was quiet for a second.

"I saw you talking with that girl with the scars," she said quietly. "I know that you're rethinking joining our family. And, when your future started disappearing…I got very nervous, Bella. Why wouldn't you come to me to talk about this?"

"I don't want him to know," I said, my voice a whisper. I could barely say the words. "If I told you, then he would hear it in your head. You can't tell him, Alice. He can't know." She sighed.

"I'll be careful around him," she said. "But you are going to have to make a choice soon, Bella. I doubt either of them will be content to wait forever."

"I just don't know what to do, Alice." I felt the confusion swimming through my head.

"You and Edward are meant to be together," she said, sounding exasperated. "I had no idea this was even a question for you. Just because Jacob is hurt, doesn't mean you can just forget about your life with us. This is what you want, and this is what you've wanted for a while. And what about me? Are you prepared to lose all of us by picking that…that…dog? He's not good for you. You belong with us, and you know that-"

I slammed the phone shut and threw it as hard as I could. It hit the ocean with a tiny splash and sank below the waves. I put my head in my hands and sank into a ball. If I could just disappear, maybe the pain would go away.

I walked back to Jake's house to get my truck. I wanted to go home. When I got in and started it up, Billy stuck his head out of the front door. He waved, looking confused.

"Hey, Bella!" he called. "Where are you going? Jacob wanted-" I revved the engine and backed into the street, drowning him out. I drove away, leaving Billy in his doorway.

The drive home was excruciating. I was still aching, trying to numb out my fingers enough to hold the wheel securely. I pushed all thoughts out of my head besides the route back to my house. Charlie should still be home, which meant I would have to make up some story for why I looked so terrible. Regardless of what I said, he wouldn't come to bother me; I knew that he avoided emotional breakdowns at all costs. Maybe he would go to Billy's for the rest of the day.

When I pulled onto my street, I saw a familiar car parked out front. I felt my stomach drop so fast that I lost my breath. I felt sick again. I thought about turning around, but I knew he would follow me anywhere I went in Forks, and I didn't want to go back to La Push. I slowed down and tried to prepare myself. I parked, and he was already at my door. His face, beautiful as ever, was creased with concern. I took a deep breath and opened the door.

"Hello," he said, his voice so calm compared to the worry in his eyes. "How is Jacob?" I couldn't look at him. I turned away from his arms, open to embrace me, and almost ran up to my front door. In less than a second, he was in front of me, blocking the way. I knew I couldn't get by that easily.

"Edward, I want to go inside," I said, my voice shaking. He reached out and touched my face, stroking the side of his hand down the line of my cheek. I turned away, not wanting to feel his touch. I shook my head and tried to step around him.

"What happened? Are you all right?" he asked, grabbing my elbow. I tried to yank my arm away, but he held tight.

"Let go Edward," I said sharply, and he let go. I rushed inside before he could grab me again. I shut the door, ignoring him standing outside. I saw Charlie parked in front of the television, and he looked up at me with a smile.

"How is Jacob?" he asked, not noticing how red my eyes and face had to be. "Billy said yesterday that he's already healing up."

"Yeah, he's looking much better," I answered, trying to make my voice as even as possible. Charlie looked pleased. "I'm going upstairs to take a nap." He turned back to the television.

"All right, Bells," he said, settling back into the couch. "If you wake up in time for dinner, maybe we can bring some pizzas down to La Push. I bet Billy wouldn't mind the company." I made a noise of agreement and climbed the stairs, my feet heavy. When I opened my bedroom door, Edward was already there. He was leaning against the wall opposite my door, his arms crossed. I considered going back downstairs to sit with Charlie, but Edward guessed my intentions; he took a step towards me.

"Don't go, Bella," he said, stretching his arm out towards me. "I only want to help. Please, just tell me what happened."

"I want you to leave," I said, wringing my hands in front of me.

"Why did you throw your phone into the ocean?" He looked at me with an unreadable expression. "Alice said she was worried about you. What happened at Jacob's?" I put my hands over my ears and tried to will him to leave. He was quiet for a moment.

"What would you like me to do, Bella?" His voice pushed another stab of pain through my heart. I couldn't speak; I pointed to the window with a shaky finger. Without a sound, he glided over to me and kissed my forehead, light as a feather. When I looked up, he was already gone, my curtains blowing gently. I shut the window and locked it tightly.

I was lost. I was hurting. I wanted nothing more than for it all to go away. I curled up, bringing my knees to my chest, and rocked until I lost consciousness.

I was walking through the forest, the endless green comforting and bright. The wind blew through the trees and rustled the leaves. My hair drifted around my head like a cloud. I smiled, calm and relaxed. I walked until I emerged from the tree line into a large clearing. Looking around, I saw that it was the one where the newborns had met the Cullens and the werewolves, but it was empty now. I walked out into the middle of the clearing, glancing around at the trees. I saw no one else following me. I was comforted by my solitude.

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw movement. I turned to see Jacob, wolf Jacob, coming out from the line of trees. His red-brown fur glinted in the sun like it was flecked with gold. When he saw me, he bounded over, stopping right in front of me. I smiled, reaching out my hand to touch his muzzle. He closed his eyes in contentment as I ran my fingers through his fur.

Then, I saw another figure emerge from the forest. Edward was running over, at the regular running speed of a human. His skin sent diamond glitters scattering everywhere, and he shone in the sunlight. He stopped beside Jacob and smiled my favorite crooked smile. He wrapped his arm around my waist, and I leaned into him happily. I looked at Jacob, worried about his reaction, but he was still content. He grinned and tilted his head to the side.

"This is all I ever wanted," I said, laughing with pure joy. "I just wanted you to get along." Edward laughed quietly.

"Oh, Bella," he said, stroking my hair. "You know we'll never get along." Confused, I turned back to Jacob. He was suddenly his human self, shirtless in a pair of black sweats. He had his arms crossed and his head tilted. He smiled, but it was the patronizing smile that I hated.

"We won't get along until you pick," he said, reaching out. He pulled me away from Edward and into his side, pinning me there with his arm. I bit my lip, unable to make the decision, unable to choose.

"But I love you both," I said. "How can I possibly lose either of you?" Edward smiled.

"Leave me while you still can," he said, still smiling, happy though his words were cruel. "I'll leave you again, just like before. You can't trust me anymore. Leave while it's still your decision."

"I would never hurt you," Jacob said, kissing the top of my head. "You and I are made for each other. Think of how happy you would be. You could be with me and be so, so happy." Edward nodded.

"I would make you happy, too," he said, waving his hand in the air. "I love you more than my existence. If you picked me, you could be invincible. We would be invincible." I shook my head, trying to block out their bickering. I was torn: happiness with Edward, or happiness with Jacob. I was lost in a muddle of confusion.

"I can help you, you know." I looked up, and it was like I was looking in a mirror. I was seeing myself, standing there in the sunlight. I had my hands clasped in front of me, a light smile on my face. I looked so happy.

"What should I do?" I asked. The other me just shook her head. I turned to look at Edward, but he was gone. I glanced around the clearing, but both he and Jake were gone. It was just me and myself, alone.

"You know exactly what to do," she said, smiling again. I watched her turn around and walk away, her back bobbing away into the sunlight. And, suddenly, I did know. I knew exactly what to do.

I shot awake, a sheen of sweat on my face. I knew what to do.

Charlie called up to me that we were invited over to the Black's for dinner, so I changed clothes and washed my face, trying to look more presentable. I wanted to be as ready as I could be for what I had to do when we got to Jacob's house.

On the way over, Charlie babbled about his job at the police station. He talked about a new case, a string of burglaries of the local shops in town. I was barely listening; I couldn't focus on his voice with my mind racing. I was dreading what lied ahead.

Billy was waiting outside for us, and when we pulled up, he waved happily. He and Charlie were talking as soon as Charlie opened the car door, and he and Billy went inside without, leaving me in the car. I sat for a minute, preparing myself. My entire life would change; I would lose someone I loved, and I had no choice but to pick who I knew would make me happier. I squared my shoulders and went inside.

Billy and Charlie were already in front of the television watching some sports recap show, and Jacob, still injured, was nowhere to be seen. Charlie looked up at me and nodded towards Jake's room.

"He looks much better," he said. "You were right. He was asking for you, so go ahead." I rubbed my arm, preparing. I knew I couldn't wait much longer; I opened his door and went in.

He was lying there just like earlier, but as soon as he saw me, his face dropped. I shut the door, making sure it clicked before I turned back to face him. He tried to sit up, managing to angle himself against the headboard in an awkward half-sitting position.

"What happened to you earlier?" he asked. I knew he would waste no time with pleasantries.

"I needed some time to think," I replied, my voice surprisingly strong and clear. I wasn't as nervous as I had been in the car; seeing Jake always put me at ease. "I'm sorry I ran out on you." He shrugged.

"It's fine. I was just worried about you. Sam stopped by and said you were with Emily." He paused, waiting for me to explain. I walked over and sat on his bed beside him. He scooted his legs over as far as he could to give me room, wincing slightly.

"I just needed another perspective," I said, smiling. "She's wonderful. I can see why Sam loves her." Jake laughed.

"We all love her," he said, and I heard the weight of the pack plural in his voice. I reached over and patted his leg gently so I didn't hurt him.

"I also had something I needed to tell you," I said. I knew, so deep in my heart, that I had made the right choice. The only difficult part was convincing everyone else that I did. But, I also knew that Jacob was my best friend, no matter what. I wasn't afraid.

"Spit it out, Bells," he said with furrowed eyebrows, annoyed at my silence. I tapped him lightly instead of smacking him. He smirked at me.

"I made up my mind," I said. I took a steadying breath. "I know that you've been waiting for me to choose, and I know who I can't live without. I know who I love more. Jake, I love you. I love you for everything that you are and everything that I am when I'm with you. I never thought I'd be able to pick which of you I could stand to lose, but I figured it out. I know who I want. And Jake, it's you. I want to be with you. I want to grow old with you and start a family with you. I love you, and this is where I belong."

He looked at me for a long time, his expression unfathomable. His silence made me squirm. What if he had changed his mind? What if, after everything I had put him through, he had finally come to his senses and realized how toxic I was? What if Sam had convinced him that I wasn't worth the wait? I stared at him, unable to read the crease lines on his face. I wanted to scream. Finally, I could take it no longer.

"I guess you changed your mind," I said dejectedly after at least five minutes of stony silence. I started to stand up. "I'm so sorry, Jake. If we can still be friends…" I felt the hole in my chest opening back up, preparing for the worst. I would lose Jacob, and I would have to live my life with my second choice. I felt like I was going to fall apart.

I took a step towards the door, but he grabbed my hand tightly. I turned back around, and he was smiling, a beautiful smile, the happiest I'd ever seen him. He tugged me back to the bed, and I sat down again. He put both of his enormous hands around mine.

"Bella, I wanted to make sure you were serious," he said, his voice soft. He looked into my eyes like he could see my soul within. "I would never change my mind. You are all I've ever wanted. I love you more than anything, and I'm not going to lose you again." He tugged me down to lay beside him, my head sitting on his chest. He stroked my hair so gently, and I felt complete.

"I love you," I said, turning my face towards his. I looked into his eyes and saw my future, exactly as I wanted, exactly as I knew it should be. He leaned his lips down to mine, and when we kissed, I felt like air.

"Love you more," he said with my smile. My Jacob, my smile, all mine.