Disclaimer: I do not own Redwall. Nor do I own this general plot-line, because it is from an episode of "I Love Lucy". The episode is called "The Operetta", in case anyone would like to search for it on YouTube (do not ask me whether it actually is on YouTube, because I do not know).

Overview

Because I am so lazy, I shall not be spoofing the entire episode, but rather just summarizing the first part and then going into the second part, but I personally think that makes my work as original as it will ever be.

So anyway, here's what's going on. Dotti is writing an operetta (for who knows what reason, maybe it's a surprise gift for her Aunt Blench and her Chorus of Criers), but she hasn't got the money to afford any real actors or costumes or scenery (yes, I do know that there is no money in Mossflower, but please, bear with me, people). So, in order to save herself some of the money, she writes the operetta herself and gets some of her close and not-so-close friends to perform for free.

First, she convinced Martha from "Loamhedge" that nobeast could sing the part of the leading lady but her, and also told her that the leading male's role would be played by Bucko Bigbones. Martha was rather eager to be in the operetta after learning about that second bit of information, which, naturally, aroused quite a bit of jealousy on Dotti's part. Which is why she briefly tried to convince Martha into playing the part of Camille instead.

Martha was interested at first, but then she found out that Camille was a snaggle-toothed old gypsy. Dotti argued that it would be better if she herself played Bucko's love interest instead of Martha, but Martha disagreed, stating quite bluntly that Dotti couldn't carry a tune. Dotti was mightily angered and insulted, but then Martha challenged Dotti to a singing audition. Martha won, naturally, having one of the sweetest voices Redwall has ever heard, and Dotti resigned to the part of Camille, asking where she might get her teeth snaggled.

After that Dotti set about looking for good singers who would sing for nothing. She steered clear of the Rambling Rosehip Players and the Sensational Wandering Noonvale Companions Troupe, figuring they'd want to be payed. She ended up finding a voice in Log a Log Furmo, who only agreed to his part when his wife said he could (Dotti had a bit of trouble with Honeysuckle, but it all worked out in the end).

She also managed to employ Brooky, Sister Nasturtium, and Trimp, all of whom were fine singers and agreed to sing for free. Songbreeze Swifteye, however, after finding out somehow about Dotti's search, wanted briefly to be apart of it, but after she found out that she wouldn't be payed, she threatened not to take the part. Dotti, however, only shrugged and told the squirrelmaid that she was free to go. Song said she'd accept the part. Viola Bankvole was also employed; she had a decent voice and Dotti figured it wouldn't hurt to have her in there.

Martha also managed to help Dotti in finding some singers. She told her that her brother Horty and his friend Scarum would love to be in the play, but Dotti soon discovered that they didn't have the discipline for the job (between almost every take she'd find them over at the snack table scarfing down on all the food). So she had no choice but to let them go, and in their place hired Southpaw and Bobweave, both of whom were more than happy to do anything for her.

Then Dotti remembered that, while she had promised Martha that Bucko would be the leading male, she had actually never gotten him to agree to the part. So, after much convincing and flattering and pleading and crying, Dotti finally got Bucko to do the part (though Bucko had little confidence in the script, and didn't quite like the idea of playing a character called "Lancelot", but Dotti assured him that it was necessary).

So, with her script and cast all figured out, the only things Dotti had to worry about were the costumes and scenery. Martha spoke to Dotti about this, because she would need to pre-pay for all those things. Dotti then revealed to Martha that she had already bought the costumes and scenery. Martha asked Dotti where she got the money. Dotti said she wrote a check on her bank account (yes, I realize in Mossflower there's no such thing as bank accounts, but please, like I asked before, just bear with me). Martha asked Dotti, wasn't there no money in her bank account? Dotti revealed that she dated the check after the play, that way she'd have enough money by then to pay for the costumes and scenery.

Now, as you can guess, that was where things went wrong.

But, as it turned out, Dotti wasn't the only haremaid doing some conniving around here. Bucko spoke to Martha about the prospect of Dotti singing on stage, but Martha assured him that it wasn't going to be a problem. Bucko asked her how so? Martha then explained that she spoke with the other maidens in the play, so that whenever Dotti opened her mouth to sing, they'd join in. That way Dotti would never be heard on her own.

Could anything go wrong at this operetta? YOU BET!