Andie POV

4th July

I just got back from training. I don't know why I ever bothered to go today. Its obvious Coach Lonston is dying to kick me of the team. He would as well if it wasn't for the game next Saturday. The only reason he ever let me on was because Mr Merbert said that he should try to encourage girls to play on the team. But no, to Coach Lonston baseball is for boys, apparently girls have no coordination. But after the Saturday game I know he will find a reason to kick me out, especially if we play as badly as last time. If one of the Gorboard High boys hadn't hit Dan in the face with the bat and got disqualified we would be out of the tournament.

I don't know why the school even wanted a baseball team. No one plays baseball and the school's team has never passed into the 4th round of the tournament. The other team members from other schools are all boys. Some of them even have cheerleaders to encourage them, Mr Merbert tried to set up a school cheerleading team as well but that turned out worse than the baseball. I don't know why teams need cheerleaders any way. All they do is chant and wave pom-poms around wearing skimpy skirts that show off their stick like legs. They giggle and distract players. I just don't see the point.

If I had any sense I would just quit the team, but if I quit it will only make Coach Lonston happy. Anyway I like baseball with out it I would have nothing to cheer myself up with. Whenever I get upset all I have to is image in me winning the tournament for our team, I dream about that sometimes, but for me dreams never come true. If I had any luck then I probably wouldn't be here now, writing in this diary. If I had any luck my parents would be alive.

5th July

I can't believe it! I hate Coach Lonston! How could he do this to me? There is no point in me playing baseball if this is how I will be treated. He's made me a sub! Switched me with Anton Fregerson. Anton is nice and everything but he always hits the ball forward, right into the middle of the pitch. Someone will catch us out for sure. Coach has been waiting for an opportunity to switch me. If he can't kick me out he will do the second worse thing, make me a sub. I can't believe I let him get the better of me; it was such a stupid mistake. I was on the fielding team and the ball was coming into my range. Everyone knows my weakness is in catching and so I was given the part of the pitch where the ball most likely wouldn't come. Coach Lonston was giving us a demonstration and so of course the place he aimed was right at me. I never stood a chance, the ball spun towards me and so of course I made an attempt to catch it. But failed, I watched as the ball hit the ground and bounced away. Coach Lonston stared at me smugly; it had been such an easy catch! If any of the other players had been there at the time they would have caught it easily.

Then after we had finished he called me over and told me the devastating news. He said I was incapable of catching and that I was being moved to a substitute and that Anton would be given my place. I argued, said it was an accident, which only made matters worse. He told me that if I couldn't accept his judgement I had no place on the team. After that it was all I could do to walk away without crying.

There is no point in me playing baseball if I'm not appreciated. Coach Lonston will go to no end to rid his team of the only girl. The only thing I have left is baseball and if he takes that away I have nothing. I may as well just die.

We'll never pass our game on Saturday, there's no point in trying. We were lucky that the Gorboard boy who hit Dan had anger management issues other wise we would already be out. I rarely get luck like that and it is impossible that it would hit twice. We're playing the Forelander Boarders on Saturday and there is no way a snob like one of them is ever going to have anger management problems, we're doomed.

6th July

The big game's tomorrow, Coach Lonston isn't letting us forget. He also isn't letting me forget that I've been made a sub, and how could I forget that? Today's training was the worst we've had in a long time. School was no better. Word seems to have spread about me being booted down a level. Even people that don't know me are whispering as I go past. Apparently they do know me, as the baseball girl, but now I'm just the sub and people I've never seen before are always staring.

No one at school really knows me; Aunt Helen doesn't like people coming to the house and so I never had the opportunity to make friends. Nobody has really tried to be friends with me anyway. Apart from playing baseball I'm the same as everyone else. Not even that I don't wear cool clothes and Aunt Helen doesn't let me have birthday parties, I wouldn't have anyone to invite anyway and my hair is just plain old brown. Aunt Helen won't let me get it cut, she says it's too expensive. She's always worrying about money, I don't get pocket money and every day I get two pounds for a bottle of water and sandwich for lunch and that's it. On my birthday I get a fiver, always the same. I have no control over my life. The minute I turn eighteen I can access the trust fund in my bank account, then I'll be off. I can't wait to get away from school and my paranoid Aunt. I want a fresh start. When I was little I used to image what would happen next, it was always the same, I used to dream that on my eighteenth birthday I left and bought a flat in New York, then I became the first professional woman baseball player. But now I know that that will never happen. Aunt Helen says that baseball is a dead end, she recons I should become a airhostess or a secretary or a nurse. I told her I didn't want to be any of them, that all I wanted to do was play baseball. Then she got mad and shouted, said that baseball was for men and that I wasn't smart enough to do any of those things anyway.

She hates sports, thinks that a woman's place in the house is cleaning and cooking and looking after the children. That's why I'm not allowed to invite people round, encase they mess up her nice clean house. I can't wait to get out of this hellhole.

I'm planning on getting an early night tonight so that I'm ready for tomorrow's game. Although I don't know how I can sleep when I'm this nervous. At least as a sub I can still play occasionally, but if Coach Lonston chucks me off the team I will never get to play, ever.