Shaving Cream
Deidara, Sasori partnership drabbles that are sorta like oneshots. NOT YOAI! Well maybe, depends on how you look at it.
Apple Pies
"Hey Sasori no danna." Deidara said lazyily his hands behind his head.
"What is it brat." Sasori said from within his puppet Hikuro. They were walking along a heavily used-though today it was empty except for a peddler or two- road that lead to a normal, non shinobi town. The weather was pleasant which put Sasori in a more...happier...mood for despite his efforts eventually the joints on his precious puppet...rust.
They were approaching the city and will be within its borders by noon. It wasn't a large town but it wasn't small either it was young but bustling. It's main industry was the red, delectable fruit of apples. This town was famous for its apples. In fact it was the very reputation that brought our two Akatsuki there today.
"I was thinking..."
"Don't"
Deidara ignored his partner and continued on, his voice even and smooth "Since were going though a town famous for it's apple pies I-"
"Is this why you were so persistent about going this way?" Sasori's voice was also even but for Sasori that was a dark omen, when Sasori was clam it meant someone was going to die.
"It's a faster route than what we were going to take and this town just happened to be along the way." Deidara closed his eyes as a cool summer breeze blew by them, making their clocks to flap in its gentle touch. Deidara idly brushed aside his ;one blond bangs that had blown to the other side of his face, revealing the metal contraption covering his right left eye.
Using this opportunity he pulled a tiny lever in its side and the scope zoomed in on his target.
The deep dish of sweet, sweet apple pie.
"All I want is some apple pie" Deidara could almost smell the pie, his mouth watered, wanting to taste that sweet delicacy. He stared at the pie until it was moved out of his sight by a woman with a nice butt. "Besides." His mouth pulled into a small smirk. "Apple pie isn't the only worth while thing."
"Please tell me your not thinking about that." The disgust in Sasori's voice was filtered out by the voice modifier in Hikuro's body but Deidara knew his partner well enough that even if he couldn't hear it he could sense it.
"Maybe." The blond laughed playfully.
"Thats it." Hikuro stopped dead in its tracks. Deidara who was walking behind the puppet didn't notice, tripped on the back of the puppet and flipped right over to low top of it. The end result was almost humorous for Deidara got a mouth full of dirt, his legs dangling up right in the air.
"What the heck are you doing." Sasori opened the top of his puppet to speak to his partner directly. Sasori leaned forward, his head sticking through the gap between Deidara's upright legs.
"Danna I thought I told this already but I-"
"Don't swing that way." Sasori finished for him. Sasori's face was bland minus a few flecks of annoyance. "
"Then why are you... do you swing that way danna?," Deidara couldn't help but smile at the thought of it. His partner, puppet boy, gay. Well it could happen...
"Deidara you're annoying." Sasori said bluntly, he turned to coldly glare at a small pack of peddlers that gave them queer looks. They squeaked in fright and quickly scurried away, casting short fearful glances back. "What are you looking at?" Deidara's upper body was twisted almost painfully to the side. Sasori pulled back and followed his line of vision. "So that's it."
Standing not twenty meters behind them was two hunter ninja from Hidden in Rock village.
"Deidara of Iwa." One, clearly male, called out.
"Here" Deidara waved, still in that ridiculous position.
"we are here to capture you and bring back to the village." the other, female, finished.
"Dead or alive." the male added.
"How about neither" Deidara suggested.
"Not an option." The female charged forward, pulling a whip from a bag around her waist. With feline grace Deidara swung his legs forward then snapped them back, sending him into his feet. Sasori closed the hatch to Hikuro and with quick, fluid movements of his fingers and hands the poison tipped tail of Hikuro was out and pierced the male hunter nin through the skull, killing him instantly. The female faltered in her attack for a moment, her eyes strained on the dead body of her partner. It was only a slight hesitation, lasting no longer than a second but it was fatal. In a split second Deidara pulled a kunai from the leather pouch hanging around his waist and stabbed the girl through the heart.
"Well that was easy, hmm?!" Deidara wiped the blood off his weapon on the back of the girls white cloak. "wonder if they have anything good on them?"
There was a series of clicks as Sasori reopened Hikuro's hatch. "Stealing from the dead Deidara?" Sasori watched his partner rummage through the dead girls bag with boredom.
"Oh my gosh!" Deidara suddenly exclaimed, crab crawling several feet away from the bag. Sasori's head perked up a bit.
"Find something?"
A look of pure joy crossed Deidara's features as he jumped back and with a air of victory pulled put a simple, plain white box. Sasori's confusion was short lived for Deidara slowly opened the box lid.
"It's apple pie! These guys must have gone though the town before they went after us! See danna! This towns apple pie is so good that even the people that hate us and want to mount our heads outside their city walls travel miles to eat it!" Deidara raised his head to give is partner his signature cocky grin.
"Well since you have your precious pie we can by pass this town." Sasori counted his partners cockiness with his own signature bland glare.
"No way danna! I told you. Apple pies aren't the only thing this town has to offer." Deidara's mind flashed back to the girl with the bound bottom.
"Then I guess we'll just go on, find a bar, get you drunk and let you lose."
Deidara's cocky grin fell in utter disbelief. "R-really!?"
Sasori did something very out of the ordinary for him. He smiled. "No." Using his puppet jutsu techniques and the chakra strings he attacked when Deidara wasn't paying attention a few nights ago, Sasori manipulated his partner to walk onto the road that bypassed the town and walked down the road.
Deidara nearly cried the whole walk. Sasori even made him drop his apple pie way back on the road. Him and his stupid apple pie fetish.
Introspective about introspectives being introspective.
"Danna, there's something that has been bothering me." Deidara and his partner Sasori were yet again traveling a road less traveled through a dry mountain region. Deidara kicked a small pebble of the side of deep gorge who's edge they were teetering dangerously close too.
"What it now Deidara, I'm not in the mood."
"Its just that you know how some people write these deep thought stories about someones past or present."
"Like introspects."
"Yeah, thats it, introspects. Why are they so introspective?"
"Hell if I know." Sasori said calmly, Deidara was really starting to grate on his nerves and his patience.
"I mean whose life is so special that people just have to write these deep thought introspectives about them?"
"Deidara, shut up."
"I'm serious Sasori no danna! It's really bothering me. Keeps me up at night."
"..."
"Sasori no danna?"
"If I kill you now then you will never have to worry about losing sleep anymore."
"That depends... are you going to turn me into a puppet?"
Sasori paused for a moment. Then an idea came to him. "Yes, yes I would."
"But danna! Thats no fun. If I die I wanna die as art."
"That's why for you when I'm done with the process I'll roast you to crisp."
"Well taking away the whole killing me and turning me into a puppet thing thats oddly kind of you!"
"Deidara shut up or I'll really kill you."
"Okay, okay just one last thing..."
"Deidara." Sasori growled threateningly.
"When I die I want you to write an introspective about me."
"You were a brat that couldn't shut up. There, introspective over." Hikuro's tail pulled out from the puppet. It's tip poised dangerously at Deidara's chest.
"But Sasori no danna I'm not dead!"
"Yet."
Deidara had just barely managed to dodge the tails tip, only the thing is Deidara in his panic to dodge the fatal attack he fell right over the gorges side.
"Deidara you better not make me wait for you to get back up here."
Rain, rain go away.
It was raining, no pouring, no raining cats and dogs. Sasori and Deidara were taking shelter in a small cave that went far enough back to prevent them from getting wet. Not that they were wet enough already. They were walking down yet another road when the sky opened up into a orchestra of rumbles and flashes of light and let down the vicious torrent upon them.
Sasori hated the rain. Already some of the joints on his puppet were squeaking. The sound was almost invisible to the human ear but it him it was like nails on chalk board.
"Rain's great isn't it." Deidara said, breaking the long standing silence between them.
"Rain is an annoyance." Sasori glared at the gray skies, as if to wish them away. "Traveling is harder and for you the possibility for acquiring a cold as high, your annoying enough healthy."
"Rain is fleeting, not when it lasts for days on end but after wards the earth had a new sent to it, the forest is greener and the air is fresher."
Sasori couldn't help but think about what Deidara said, it almost made sense to him. The earth did seem different, newer, fresher but it wasn't eternal. Is fresh crisp lasted for an hour or two then it was gone.
"Rain is unpredictable and unreliable. Any effect it may have on the land is to short."
"I see, hmm."
"See what?"
"You just don't like rain 'cuz its not eternal."
"Deidara, shut up."
Number 299
"Are you sure Sasori no danna?"
"..."
"I think he's kinda chubby"
"..."
"See... theres some baby fat right under his chin...oh and at his stomach too."
"You do know that I remove all fat and extra weight right?"
"Yeah but I'm just pointing it out... you have odd tastes in victims for you next puppet."
"I would have a better selection if you didn't blow the others to smithereens first."
"Hey if you can turn people into puppets for your art then I should be able to blow people up for my art."
"Your "art" dose not deserve to be called art. True art lasts the test of time, just like my puppets."
"Yeah, until you get into a fight with them."
"What person has ever gotten past Hikuro?"
"I...don't...know..."
"There. Now shut up. I need to concentrate."
"Hey danna...."
"..."
"Danna."
"..."
"Sasori no danna!"
"Deidara, say another word and you will be puppet 299"
Replaceable Parts
"Danna it's okay to talk about it."
"No Deidara, now shut up."
"I'm sure all the other puppet people go through the same thing."
"Deidara, please just shut up."
"Come on Sasori no danna! Its not every day that you can't-"
"Deidara. Shut. Up. Now"
"-Use your legs because they got crushed in a fight along with your spares."
"..."
"And just when I was about to believe that you could never partake in anything so clumsy as tripping."
"You've tripped plenty of times."
"In the middle of a fight, on flat ground with my legs crushed afterwards?"
"Deidara be glad that I'm too focused on repairing my legs to kill you."
"..."
Sasori breathed in the silence. Then Deidara had to ruin it.
"I wish I had replaceable parts. Especially down where my-"
"Deidara I could re-arrange for that..."
"...really?..."
"Yes but I'll have to kill you first"
"I think I'll pass..."
Shaving Cream
Deidara and Sasori were doing something so criminal that even the most feared and hardened criminals never dared to do. Something so ville and evil that no one, even with in the Akatsuki, ever mentions.
Staying at a inn.
Not just any inn, a inn thats better than the cheep filthy inns at the edge of town. Now why is such a benign thing for you and me so dangerous for these two Akatsuki? I got one word for ya,
Kakuzu.
See in the Akatsuki there was one rule that no one dared to break.
Never stay at any place that costs more than 100 ryu.
Deidara and Sasori's total bill for one night and dinner plus breakfast that next morning... 1500 ryu. They were just slightly over budget. Just slightly.
Sasori was reclining back on one of the two made beds as Deidara tended to some hygiene issues. Traveling for days on end with almost no break in between left him smelling something awful, the proprietress that checked them into their rooms turned up her nose at Deidara in disgust. He had resisted to urge to blow her up, he hated it when people looked down on him.
But that was behind them now, he was now rubbing the small stubble forming on his chin, examining his reflection in the medium sized mirror. As masculine as a beard was it just wasn't his look. He fumbled around the army of mini bottles of assorted shampoos, conditioners, and aftershave, looking for the necessity to any good shave.
Shaving cream.
Doubling his search he rechecked all the bottles. He even ducked under the sink, looking for any dropped bottles. Still no shaving cream.
"Damnit" Deidara swore as he stood up, giving all the bottles one last-though pointless-search.
"What's your problem now brat." Sasori called from the bed.
"Theres... no... shaving... cream..." Deidara kicked the toilet, venting some of his anger. He had been on the road for days now. Walking all day long, sleeping on the ground with no fire for warmth, eating nothing but solider pills and energizes that just made him want to pee, he couldn't even stop to ease natures call. Of course he was alone in all of this inhuman torture, all because Sasori no danna was a puppet and therefore had no needs.
Now he just need to calm down and think, though he wasn't about to stay calm for long. Sasori had said the unmentionable.
"Go with out it." Sasori didn't know what he had done. Sasori was only 19 when he changed himself into a puppet. The ex- suna nin hadn't even had his first chin hair when he left, so he wouldn't know the unspoken and unwritten rule of shaving for criminal men.
Always use shaving cream, always.
"Danna just shut up, you don't know anything about this, this is hard core stuff here." Now this is where Deidara made his mistake. Sasori couldn't believe that Deidara told him to shut up. That he didn't understand, Sasori understood well enough. Deidara was forgetting his place.
"Deidara" Sasori jumped up of the bed and walked to the bathroom. "You say another smart alec thing and so help me I'll kill you."
Deidara's head popped out of the bathroom door way and meet Sasori's angry glare. He hesitated but recovered his composure and glared Sasori right back.
"Ooh I'm so scared.' he mocked. "Danna's going to turn me into a stupid puppet."
"Deidara." Sasori cursed that fact that he had sealed Hikuro inside a scroll for easier movement and inconspicuousness. "Art is eternal."
"No way, hmmm!?" Art is fleeting. What's the point if you have something forever. It gets old and is no longer pleasing to look at."
"It may get old but that is it's true beauty. It survives the tests of time, outlasting the ages and remaining for generations."
"Art should last for only a moment."
"Then how could you appreciate if it here one second and gone the next."
"You have the memory of it. And unlike any material thing you can have infinite amounts of memories."
"Memories fail over time and change"
"Art is-!"
There entire argument was cut off by leaders voice in their heads.
'Please tell me you're not arguing about art again.'
'Danna's being a stubborn prick.' Deidara argued back in his mind
'Deidara is being an annoying brat.' Sasori added, sending a scowl straight to Deidara. Deidara responded in kind by sticking out his tongue.
'Honestly, you two are more like children than the most wanted criminals.'
'It's Deidara/Sasori's fault' They said together.
'How did this start? We're about to have a meeting and we can have you two arguing the whole time like last time.'
'Shaving cream.'
'How.... just.... why.... I give up. I will never understand you two.'
And thats it for this collection of drabbles that resemble one-shots! I will be writing more of these for all the Akatsuki teams. The next will be either Hidan and Kakuzu or Sasori and Orochimaru. If you want another team done that's not one of those two and if I get enough requests for it then I'll do that team next.
And I really don't know much about male shaving since I'm female so I just guessed now if I was horribly wrong on something then please tell me so I can make corrections.
Well review and thank you for reading this story!