"You and I both know what it's like, you feel it everyday don't you?" Those words dripping with an impure thought pierced its way into my mind. This could only lead to confusion.
I would've never imagined that my life which began in a small village in western Russia would one day be changed so drastically. Take me back to that basement I begged my imagination.
2 years ago:
One cold day in a village of Western Russia.
"Katya! Come inside, I have a surprise!" My mother anxiously yelled from the door of our small cabin.
I ran to her abandoning my chores, which was to collect logs for the winter, which were just mere days away. I walked in the house, wiping my hands off on my rags for clothes. My mother quickly embraced me with a warm blanket, her face glowing. I sat down on a stool and waited for her to explain her sudden need to call me from my chores. She almost never does that.
She handed me some bread that she had just prepared. Nice and warm bread. I stuffed my face with it which was partially dirty from the logs and what not. I felt like a princess for the time being. Mother only serves bread on special occasions, other times it's just mush or whatever we can find.
I looked up at my mother as I swallowed the last of my bread. She had just been looking down at me the whole time smiling, quiet….awfully quiet. I waited for her to say something. It must be something bad, bad for me at least. Why is she so quiet?
"Katya" She began smiling and placing her hand on mine as she pulled up a chair next to me and sat down.
"Yeah?" I answered wiping bread crumbs from the corner of my mouth with my free hand.
"I've finally found the one" She smiled squeezing my hand lightly.
Oh brother.
"Mother-" I began whining but was quickly cut off by my determined mother.
I pulled my hand away from hers and looked out the window towards the children playing cheerfully outside; it began snowing, just a little. I dared not to get up, she wouldn't let me.
"Katya" My mother nudged me turning my head aggressively towards her.
I stared into her eyes blankly, thinking of my basement.
"Katya, you are already 16 years of age now, most of the villagers were married at the age of 13." She strictly said.
Yeah and 99.99% of them hate their life. I don't want to be married, especially since it's all arranged and what not. I don't want to be miserable all my life.
"You must so you can be properly taken care of" She urged as though she heard my thoughts, letting go of my face and crossing her arms. There's that look on her face again, I hate that look. She looks so tired and worried…for me I suppose.
I sighed massaging my face a little; she has a tight grip when she gets all worked up. I looked at my mother pitifully as she was looking down at the dirt on our floor.
I gave her a quick hug, no words just a hug. I could tell she wasn't expecting it.
I pulled back from the hug and looked into her eyes.
"Mom, don't worry about me, I'll be just fine. And I can't leave you just yet, ma. Who will take care of you?" I lightly smiled. It took her a second but she lightly smiled back. She sighed smiling.
Whoo! Got out of that awkward conversation. Thank you whoever invented hugs.
I got up from my chair and walked to the door. I shivered man its cold.
"Ma, I'll go collect some more firewood!" I yelled out to her as I walked out of the hut towards my secret firewood collecting spot.
I walked on once I heard no reply. I'll let her have some time to herself, she's been trying to get me married for like 3 or 4 months now, and I don't care for the guilt tornado that comes after I exit the conversation someway or another.
I walked on feeling the familiar feel of snow falling on my head. Each step left behind dirtier boot prints as the snow elevated.
I set my bucket down and started to gather more and more firewood.
"Need some help there, Connie?" A familiar voice called out cheerfully.
I turned around smiling at my friend. At last someone who I could talk to without awkwardness.
"What you think I can't handle this?" I joked flexing my biceps as I lifted some firewood.
He laughed and shook his head.
"You've proven me too many times, that you can" He said and chuckled running his hands through his cut short hair as he leaned casually against a tree.
Roland had matured a lot this past summer, maybe not mentally (ha!) but he sure did physically he nearly looks grown, while I still look this*. It's kinda weird seeing him all tall and muscular. Because well we've known each other since like birth. I remember when we used to play in the snow….sometimes we still do….well most of times we still do.
"How's your mother, Roland?" I asked as I filled my bucket with more branches and logs. Looking out of the corner of my eye, at him.
He looked down and kicked some of the freshly fallen snow which was now nearly to our ankles.
"Oh you know same 'ol same 'ol" He briefly replied.
Typical Roland, anytime things got too emotional or serious he always gave short replies.
But I feel for him his father had just recently died, by a tragic accident a couple of months ago. He tends to hang out with me more since then (if that's even possible) but no serious talk or we just mostly talk about my stuff.
Changing the subject as Roland was a professional as doing so (I picked up some tips from him, and they're really useful whenever my mom wants to talk).
"So what's up with you and your mom? I was eavesdropping while I was walking by your house and I heard a ring of attitude in your voice" He asked sort of jokily.
I sighed lightly smiling thinking about the whole situation.
"Ugh, she's been trying to get me married and stuff, so I could be 'properly taken care of'" I sarcastically replied as I emphasized the quote.
Roland laughed and came and sat beside me as I sat down leaning across the tree, in the snow.
We were just inches apart our knees slightly touching.
I chuckled also, stealing a glance at Roland.
I looked down the road, I could barely see some cars coming down the barely used but for wagons road. Roland looked where I was looking.
"Hey" he said seriously.
I looked to him and a grin appeared on his face. "What?" I lightly chuckled while moving some of my bangs out of my eyes.
"Maybe that's your knight in a shining ford" He joked.
"Ha! Ha!" I laughed sarcastically slightly shoving him.
"You sure you want to start this?" He asked smiling at me; I could spot his hand grabbing a giant scoop of the soft white snow.
I laughed to myself.
"No!" I playfully screamed, I barely crawled an inch away from him, before one of his muscular arms wrapped it's self around my waist pulling me back to him.
We both laughed as he rolled me over him as we both lay in the snow beside each other, I quickly grabbed some snow. But it was too late; he already landed one right in my hair.
"Ah!" I laughed trying to get the snow out of my hair. The whole time I was looking into his eyes, as he looked back into mines, both of us smiling.
"You messed up my hair, dude!" I joked imitating a rich spoiled girl.
"You look great" He reassured me taking his hand and wiping the bangs out of my eyes.
I smiled blushing.
"Whatever" I laughed.
He got up putting out his hand.
I grabbed his hand and leaped to my feet.
"Gracias" I smiled.
I learned a couple of words in Spanish from my mom, I have no idea how she learned it, she's 100% Russian.
"Katya, I'm cold!" My mother yelled.
Shoot, I forgot I was so busy with Roland.
I sighed.
"Duty calls" I shrugged at him.
He handed me my bucket smiling.
"Catch you later Connie" He called after me as I walked away blushing.
"Later Rolly" I waved.
"Ah! You know I hate that stupid nickname!" He yelled jokily after me.
"Don't care!" I laughed as I walked into my house.
I could hear his cheerful chuckle as I entered into the house.
I set down the bucket and filled the furnace with as much logs as I could, but there were still a lot left.
"Why don't you just marry Roland?" my mother asked so suddenly catching me so much off guard that I dropped my bucket.
"Mom!" I whispered/yelled embarrassed that she would suggest that…I mean I like Roland and everything….I like him a lot but, you can't just ask questions like that!
"What?" She shrugged nonchalantly as she looked out the window towards Roland as he was digging up some snow out of his doorway.
I followed her gaze staring at him
She looked at me smiling; I turned my head to her once I noticed she knew I was staring.
"I'm not blind, Katya" She chuckled lightly trying to console me but instead making me feel even MORE embarrassed.
I turned away and picked up my bucket.
Dodging the whole conversation I went to the nearly camouflaged basement door and quickly said or muttered rather "I should go put these up".
I took one last glance at my mother as she sat down exasperated at the day's work of trying to persuade me to get married. I felt bad for her. I took in her appearance, hair down (as always) with rags for clothes and an apron. I turned away and closed the basement door as I descended down the basement stairs.
Into the darkness, my favorite place. I like to go down into this dark basement, whenever I need to clear my head, or whatever, but mostly because I can't sleep in bed with mom because she's having too many night terrors, I learned the hard way that when she has those night terrors to just leave her be.
Of course sometimes when I can't sleep, I wake Roland up (he lives next door) and we go to our log collecting/hang out spot just a couple of 100 feet away. He never did mind me waking him up, even if he needed to work the next morning. He's a great friend.
I lit a candle and placed the bucket underneath the stairs, and as I did so, I noticed something I never had before. A picture. Lying in a small puddle probably from the rain that came through a couple of nights ago. I picked it up carefully trying not to damage it. I examined it for a while, and while I was concentrating trying to figure out just exactly who was in this picture, I could hear those cars that Roland and I must've seen down the road screeching to what seems like just outside of the house.
I ignored it though, rather focusing on the picture. Ah! I finally recognized who it was. My mother and father on their wedding day. Mom looked so happy it was hard to recognize her. I sat down carefully under the stairs admiring the picture and imagining how that wedding could've gone. It looked simple, but I like to imagine that it was fascinating; mom always did like exciting things.
I sighed wondering when she would be happy again.
But my thoughts were greatly interrupted by a loud bang upstairs, the sound of a door being busted through.
(What's happening upstairs, out of Katya's Point of View)
BAM!
4 men bust through the door of Katya and her mother's house, Katya's mother was frightened.
"Get down!" One of them yelled forcefully with all of their guns pointed towards her.
The same was happening to the other villagers.
The terrorist searched through out the house, too high and drunk to even notice the wonderfully camouflaged basement door. The mother blinded by her fear and sobs was sure that they would find Katya in the basement, so she prayed that they wouldn't silently in her head, she couldn't even talk for her sobs were so loud.
"Shut up!" One of them ordered her knocking her over the head with his gun.
The criminals spotted a necklace around the mother's neck and snatched it off.
Through her tears she could see the glimmering necklace with a pendant of a leaf on it.
He looked at it greedily.
"This should get us some money" He chuckled, in a voice so evil sounding, who could imagine him not being a terrorist?
"Please, No!" The mother managed to croak out through her tears, the necklace was the only valuable thing to her beside her daughter of course.
But she was quickly punched in the stomach by one of the cruel men; a loud groan escaped her lips. But her sounds of pain seemed like nothing compared to the other sounds of pleading and hurdling screams of the fellow villagers also being stripped of their belongings and lives in their homes.
"Come on man, we're running behind schedule, let's wrap this up!" One ordered.
A devious grin appeared on the face of the evilest one.
The mother said one last silent prayer for her daughter.
(Back into Katya's POV)
Tears streamed down my face while I sat there, hopeless under the stairs. I tried not to make any noises, covering my mouth, because I knew if I didn't they could hear my sobs and find me. I listened to the excruciating sounds of the villagers being raped and killed; I could tell they were being tortured for their cries were so full of desperation.
My mother's screams and cries stood out to me the most. I gulped and cried as I could hear my mother begging pleading for the men to stop.
I waited to wake up, I pinched myself and scratched myself but unfortunately it wasn't all just a nightmare, this was reality.
The men were yelling and persuading each other's wrong doings upstairs, they were obviously intoxicated and very cruel. My mother's screams could confirm that.
As I could hear everything they were saying since they were just a few feet above me I could also hear my mother's finalizing cries. I looked down crying. Why did this happen?
"That necklace is worthless" One of them spat tossing the necklace.
Everything went silent all I could hear were some groans and the men leaving out of the house laughing, proud of what they've done.
I looked down and noticed I was clutching the wedding picture in my hands, I loosened my grip not to destroy.
I listened for my mom, but heard nothing.
I sat there still staring into the flame of the candle trying to understand what happened. And as I fully recognized what had happened I started to panic. My breaths were short times apart. I could smell burnt bodies from the basement. My heavy breathing was the only sounds I could hear that and snow lightly falling on the roof.
I finally worked up the nerve to go upstairs, a couple of minutes after I heard all of the cars leave.
Shaking I twisted the knob and opened the door slowly to make sure none of them were still there. I closed the door behind me, stopping dead in my tracks.
I was frozen.
I finally caught my breath again and dared to move.
I inched closer to my mother's body, and once I realized she could still be alive I quickly bent over her, so I was to her face.
"Mom?" I said through tears shaking her shoulders.
No response.
"Mom?!" I said louder through sobs my tears staining her shirt.
I aggressively shook her body. Waiting for her to wake up and say everything would be okay.
"Wake up Mom, they're gone!" I yelled through tears, angered that she wouldn't response.
I could feel chills going down my spine because of the situation and it was snowing heavily outside, it had even filled the house a little.
I sobbed into her shirt after I tried screaming and shaking her to wake up a few more times.
I looked at her lifeless face and noticed that the men had thrown back the necklace; I quickly took it off of her chest and clamped it around my neck.
I gave her a shaky kiss on the forehead, which was deadly cold already.
I gave one last look at her, I couldn't bear to look at her lifeless body any longer. I got up from my knees, which were shaking.
I sniffled and walked away not looking back at her body. I couldn't.
I didn't bother looking through the house. We had nothing.
As soon as I stepped 3 feet from out of the house I heard a groan.
Quickly I looked around from my one spot. Wondering who it could be. I didn't want to waste my energy which was drained from the past events. I'll only move when I'm sure.
"Ughhh!" I heard a groan all too familiar.
I quickly gathered up all of my energy, running towards the sound of my friend.
And there he was lying on the snow which was once white but was now red from the blood.
"Roland!" I croaked and ran to him quickly bending down next to him, I held his head up so his head won't be so cold.
Through all of his pain, he smiled at me.
"Roland, what happened?" I asked as tears rolled down my cheeks.
He seemed to be the only alive, other than me of course.
"The terrorists, Connie" He simply said, no longer smiling, as he groaned from the pain.
I looked down at his chest where the blood was coming from.
I quickly started to put pressure on it to stop the bleeding but it seemed useless, he had been shot. But I kept on trying hanging on to my own hope.
He put his hand on mine.
"Don't Connie, it's too late" He explained.
"No, no, no it's not, I could just-" I was pleading through tears.
But he quickly cut me off.
"Connie, where's your mom?" He asked trying to turn his neck looking.
I placed my hand on his cold cheek.
"She's…gone, Roland" I sniffled.
I could see the heartbreak in his eyes. I didn't see his mother around either, so I suppose she is also gone.
We both just sat there speechless none of us looking at the corpses that seemed to flood the once thriving village. We just stared into each other's eye.
Finally Roland said something.
"Connie I'm glad you're safe, but you have to leave" He said trying to position himself so he would be more comfortable but that wasn't possible.
"What?! No! I'm not leaving you Roland, I could find you help!" I yelled agitated.
"They're coming back, I just don't want you to get hurt, leave me. I won't make it anyway" He said lightly smiling trying to make me calm.
No,no,no,NO!
"But I can't" I whispered through tears looking into his once crystal blue eyes which were now starting to get more and more pale.
"You have to, for me Connie" He said
"Please" He begged with care in his eyes.
I wiped away my tears.
And put my hands on both sides of his face and kissed him.
Something I had wanted to do for the longest time.
I had never wished it would have to happen on his deathbed.
He kissed me back with whatever life he had left in him.
It was abitter sweet as I kissed him, knowing it would be the last time.
Our lips departed after what seemed minutes later.
He rubbed his thumb against my cheek, we were both cold.
"I love you" He said smiling with a couple of tears streaming down his face.
That was the first time I had ever seen him cry.
"I love you too, Rolly" I smiled back at him.
We could both hear some cars coming down the main road probably maybe just a half a mile away.
"You have to go now" He said with urgency, not even annoyed that I called him Rolly.
I gave him another kiss and stared into his eyes just a little longer.
"Bye Connie" He said as I got up from the snow.
* with gray eyes