I haven't written in awhile. I've been too distracted and preoccupied (read: lazy). If you haven't read my stories before you should know that I don't know where these stories, characters, or plots are going. I've given myself a bit of a "30 day challenge" to get me back into it. Although I won't be publishing every day for 30 days.

And also know…if you haven't read before…I don't follow along with how things are or have gone on the show. You have to leave your mind open to interpretation as with anything or any writing. How boring would it be to not make these fabulous characters into whatever you want them to be? They are just molds for our creativity.

All mistakes are my own.

Myka opened her eyes with a start as the curtains in her room were being yanked open. The bright morning sun burst through the glass. Normally she would appreciate such a beautiful, winter day but life had been anything but normal lately and, truthfully, she didn't have the energy for appreciating anything. She groaned and turned her back on the outside world that was trying to break in.

Pete set a tray down on the table next to her bed. "You need to eat, Mykes. Look, I made you an egg white omelet, whole wheat toast, and fresh fruit." She watched him uncover the food. The smell turned her stomach. It wasn't bad but nothing appeased her appetite since her treatment started. Thankfully she had completed her first, and hopefully last, round of chemo several days before.

"Are you really going to take credit for this?" She asked hoarsely. Her mouth was constantly dry these days.

"I did do the heavy lifting and carried it up here. This wedgie china is not light." She rolled her eyes at his mistake on Wedgewood China.

Myka pulled the thick white blanket up to her chin and snuggled further into the bed. Her best friend knew that she probably wouldn't eat but it didn't keep him from trying several times a day. She ate enough to sustain her but that was about it.

He sat on the edge of her bed and stared at her in silence for a long time. He thought she'd fallen back to sleep until she spoke without opening her eyes.

"You're kinda creeping me out, Pete."

For months he had been trying to cheer her up. Nothing seemed to work or if it did it was very brief. In the back of his mind he knew what she needed but he didn't dare bring it up for fear of her responding anger. But what else could he do? He couldn't stand seeing her lying in bed so weak and frail. This was not the Myka Bering he knew. It was not the Myka Bering Myka wanted to be.

"Myka, call her."

She sighed heavily into her pillow. Pete waited a few minutes before finally leaving her alone again. She knew he didn't want to burden her. He'd been walking on eggshells around her for months and she couldn't blame him. Despite her condition she had been a royal bitch to everyone. And that was another thing…she absolutely hated being the one with "the condition". All of her friends had been around her taking care of her so they didn't deserve the treatment she bestowed upon them.

Every day she laid in bed and thought of the one person who never left her mind. Myka purposefully didn't tell Helena about her "condition" so the Brit, who had just finally decided to make a life for herself, wouldn't worry or leave her home. She didn't want that burden to bare either.

But try as she might, she couldn't stop herself from thinking and dreaming about Helena. Every day she picked up her phone to call or text, and every day she put it back down without hitting the send button. Pete knew just hearing Helena's voice would make Myka feel better. But he never pushed.

Helena sat on the end of her bed mindlessly picking at the lace coverlet over her bed. It was old; had been Nate's grandmother's. It was beautiful and something she would have had in London-in her previous life.

But it was this life that caused her such strife. But it wasn't the advancement in technology or propensity for people to be curious to the point of annoyance. No, it wasn't that. The one thing that got in the way, whether in the 19th or 21st century, was her heart.

She loved Adelaide and enjoyed watching the little girl grow up before her eyes. It was wonderful to see the world experienced through the eyes of a child again. Helena wasn't replacing Christina; not by any means. Myka was wrong about that. But Helena did want to raise another child.

And Nate. He was such a good fellow. He was kind and smart and funny. She loved his zeal for life. That's what drew her to him in the first place.

But as she sat on the bed her mind wasn't on Adelaide or Nate. It was on the one person she couldn't get out of her head or heart.

She wondered if she had done the right thing.

Pete knocked lightly on Myka's closed door. It was after dark and no one had seen or heard from her all day aside from when he took her breakfast tray in. New Year's Eve was always a jovial time at the bed and breakfast. Myka had particularly enjoyed the camaraderie of it all.

"Myka, we're going to have dinner and then watch to see if they finally drop the ball on that Seacrest douche this year. Come on and join us." It killed him that he couldn't make everything better for her. He waited to hear her stirring inside of her room but finally gave up. "I'm sliding your mail under the door. Everyone is asking about you." Normally he would add some stupid joke but he couldn't even do that. He walked away with his chin hanging low to his chest.

Myka was sitting in the high backed chair by the window with a book when Pete knocked on her door. She had almost forgotten that it was New Year's Eve. She was feeling a bit better and thought she would join them later for ringing in the New Year.

Picking up the few pieces of mail from the floor, she tossed several junk mails into the trash can and then saw a single off-white envelope. She could recognize that elaborate, embellished handwriting anywhere. Myka ran her fingertips over the bold black ink. She could tell it was done with a quill pen as Helena preferred.

Slowly she lifted the envelope until it rested below her nose as she breathed in any familiar scent from Helena. Faintly she smelled lavender but wondered if it was just in her mind. The back of the envelope was secured with a deep red wax seal W.

From inside she removed a folded note card with the same flourished writing.

Dearest M,

Perhaps this is not the most proper or even most respectful way of communicating with you. But I fear I will not be able to tell you what I must tell you otherwise. (A lump formed in the base of Myka's throat. She couldn't even begin to guess what Helena was alluding to. Helena never was one to shy away from speaking her mind.)

You have been the most cherished friend to me, Myka, in this life and before. I regret only of how I've treated you. You deserve so much more in a friend than I've given. I tried to murder you even. (On more than one occasion, Myka thought.)

There is no other way of telling you but to humbly tell you. So…

Nathaniel and I will be married the last Monday of January. I do not expect you to attend or send your regards. I simply do not wish for you to hear of it from someone else. I owe you that at the very least.

Sincerely,

H

Myka was stunned to say the least. Or maybe numb was the best way of describing it. Her mind couldn't put coherent thoughts or feelings together. It was all she could do to remember to breath. She hadn't expected her whole being to react the way it had. Helena had been her friend and nothing more. Did she feel differently about Helena than she did her other friends? Yes. But they had a special kind of bond.

She sat there holding the delicate notecard in her shaking hands. Part of her wanted to beg Helena not to make a rash decision; and part of her wanted to wish her friend the very best in her next step of life. Part of her was thrilled to hear from Helena; a bigger part was furious that Helena didn't have the guts to tell her in person or at least over the phone. God, how she wanted to hear her voice.

Myka hadn't realized she was crying until she tasted a lone salty tear slowly fall across her lips.

After a while Myka pulled herself out of the chair. On wobbly legs she stripped off her pajamas on the way to her bathroom. A hot shower was exactly what she needed. Normally she liked to soak in a hot bath and get lost in whatever book she was currently reading but tonight she needed the stinging pellets of water beating down on her shoulders and back.

Thoughts of Helena and their various worldly escapades filled her mind. It was the first time in weeks that a smile had formed on her mouth. Helena wasn't her best friend; that spot was reserved for Pete, always. But her relationship with Helena was different…unlike any she'd had before.

As the water ran cold, Myka came to the realization that she needed to get up out of bed and that room and live. No one was going to do it for her; she wanted no pity. Life was going on all around her and nothing would ever be the same as it was before.

She made her way down the stairs just as the final ten seconds of the countdown began. As she put her arm over Pete's shoulders she thought of the ten things that made her happy.

10…the warehouse

9…adventure

8…books

7…history

6…family, which included her warehouse family-they were more than friends afterall

5…strength

4…soul searching

3…Pete

2…Helena

1…a new beginning