Everybody Loves Edward

The story so far :

Guys, this is basically a spoof of Everybody Loves Raymond.
I decided to combine my favorite T.V show, with my favorite anime.
Please review and if you flame, Kat will eat joo.

Episode One: Alphonse is in trouble.

At the double-storey house of Edward and Winry Elric, they were just preparing to go out to the movies until Alphonse showed up.

"Hey" Alphonse said.

"Oh Hey" Winry and Ed replied.
"What are you doing here?" Ed asked.

"Oh, Just thought I'd come by, seeing what you guys are doing." Al replied.

"Ah, we were just going to see a movie." Winry said.

"Oh"

"You know, If you want, you can c-ome." Winry said. She looked up at Ed annoyingly for nudging her.

"No, no, it's okay." Al replied.

An awkward silence ran throughout the room, Winry looked up at Ed and shook her head in Al's direction.

"Sigh No, yeah. Come, come. I mean, we were gonna go as a couple, but you can ruin it if you want." Ed said.

"That's sweet of you, but no, no." Al said.

"Come on, Al. Come with us, we'll phone someone we can make it a double date." Winry suggested.

"Ha, by the time he gets a date, the movie will be on video." Ed said.

Al looked on with an annoyed face, "Actually, movies aren't in my budget right now."

"Really?" "Budget?"

"What, the new 'giant' tax kick in?" Ed said, smiling.

With a soured face, Al replied, "If you have to know, they're making a lot of pay cuts at the station. They're cutting back on the hours and people are just scrambling to make ends meet."

"Al, I had no idea, why the cut backs?" Winry asked.



"Oh, Crimes at a 20-year low. We can't force people to do the wrong thing for our money. It's tough on everyone." Al replied.

"Guys are having to take second jobs, people are dipping into their retirement funds, its rough out there."

Al sighed, "So I had to cancel my cable, but I thought maybe I can come over here and watch a movie on your satellite."

A horrified shock hit Ed, "You.. You canceled cable?"

"You couldn't keep basic cable?" he asked.

"I'm doing what needs to be done, Edward" Al replied.

"You know, you'd be surprised at how inexpensive and versatile ham is."

"What are you talking about?" Winry asked.

"Ham. It's great. I made it into a sandwich, a stew, I even baked it into a pie." Al replied.

"How was that?" Ed asked.

"Not too good" Al replied.

Ed pulled out a box of cookies, "Here look, mommy made some cookies for you."

"Oh thanks, listen, you guys go ahead, have a good time." Al said, walking off to the living room and sitting on the couch.

"Okay lets go, I wanna get to the movies, I heard they got Goobers on." Ed said.

Winry turned around, "Ed what about Al?" she asked.

Al is eating the box of cookies like a feral, he has them in his hands and continuously shoving them in his mouth.

"Well.. He's coming off Ham Pie!" Ed said.

Winry looked at Ed, "We need to help him."

"Help him? What do you mean, like, milk?"

"Ed, money. He needs money. Weren't you listening?"

"But he didn't ask for money."

"Because he's too proud to ask!"

"Well it's a good system. He keeps his pride, we keep our money."



"Ed, we are in pretty good shape financially, I would never bring it up if I didn't think we could afford to help. He can't even go to the movies!"

"Well neither can I!" Ed replied.

Winry sighed, "I say, we give him some money."

"Ugh, you're always saying things! 'Ed, clean up your plate. Ed, wash your hands after you eat. Ed, put on some pants." Ed said.

"Alright fine, a loan."

"His fine! He doesn't need money."

"Ed, look at him!"

Al is finishing up his last cookie, and starts to lick the bowl clean.

Ed sighed, and nodded.

"Look, how much are we gonna give him?" Ed asked.

"Like, a thousand dollars." Winry replied.

"A THOUSAND YO-", Winry grabbed him by the lips and gave him a serious look.

"A dousand dorrars?!" Ed asked.

"It has to be enough to help him, Ed!"

"Alright, help him, but a thousand dollars!" Ed said.

"What about that thing, teach a man to fish, so he doesn't take your thousand dollars?!"

"His bills are piling up, this will get him out from under them."

"Well.. It's just. I like a thousand dollars."

"… Ed, he's your brother."

Ed sighed, Winry walked into the living room, "Hey, Al?"

"Oh hey, I thought you guys were going to the movies." Al replied.

"I thought so too." Ed said.

"Look, Ed and I want to lend you some money." Winry said.

"What?"

"Listen, it's not a big deal, we don't have to talk about it, okay? Here, just take it."


Winry ripped a cheque off, and gave it to Al. Al looked surprised, "This.. is a thousand dollars."

"…Yes." Ed said.

"I.. can't take this." Al said.

Ed bent forward, "Alright if that's how you feel.", Winry slapped his hand away, "Ed!".

"Look, Al. It's okay. Forget about paying it back, it's a gift." Winry said.

Al had a tear in his eye, and hugged Ed.

Ed tried to stop him, but was squeezed between Al's arms.

"This really helps, Ed." Al said.

"It's okay, Al… You're my brother! Get off me!" Ed said.

House of the Grandparents, Van Hohenheim and Trisha Elric.

Winry walked into the elder's house. "Hey Van." Ed came in after her.

"Oh, hey Dad." Ed said.

"We're here to pick up the kids." Winry said.

"Oh and we brought you some donuts." Ed leant forward to give it to him.

Van took it and placed it on the table, "Your kids were here two days in a row, they're better be some freakin' éclairs in here."

"Sorry, I guess you don't want them." Ed said.

"Get lost." Van replied.

An old woman walked into the kitchen. "Hi dears." Trisha said.

"Oh hey Trisha." Winry said.

Trisha noticed the donuts lying on the table, "What are those, donuts?".

Van shooed her away, "Get lost."

"Well, you better save some for Al, he's coming over." Trisha said.

"Oh great, 'Mopey Dick'." Van replied.

"He's been in a great mood now, he's not 'Mopey Dick'."


Ed looked at Winry, "Yep, we did a good thing."

Van looked up at them, "Hey, It's a box of donuts, you're not Mother Teresa."

"No, Dad. We meant for Al." Ed said.

"Well, what did you do?" Trisha asked.

"He just told us he's been going through a rough patch, financially. So, we helped him out a little." Ed replied.

"You mean with money?"

Ed nodded, and looked at Winry.

"How much?"

Ed shuddered, "A thousand dollars."

Van and Trisha gasped, "What are you two, idiots?" asked Van.

"No, we thought it was the right thing to do. And you heard Trisha, he's finally happy!" Winry said.

"Well, why didn't he come to us if he needed money?" Trisha asked.

"Because we'd say no!" Van said.

"Dad, why don't you go see how many donuts you can put in your mouth." Ed suggested.

"Oh, they're all going in. But listen, you don't just hand out money to anyone, they gotta come to you with a really good reason, and a whole plan to pay you back. Then, and only then, can you say, 'Beat it, loser!'." Van said.

"So basically, you humiliate them." Winry said.

"No, they shame themselves. They learn a lesson. And if they don't, screw them, who needs friends like that?" Van replied.

Al arrived. He walked into the house, "Hey, everybody. How's it going? Nice to see everybo-dy."

"Okay, see? Happy." Ed said.

"Why wouldn't he come to me?" Trisha asked.

"Hey guys, I gotta go get my luggage." Al said.

"Oh? Where are you going?" Ed asked.

"On vacation. Las Vegas, Nevada!" Al replied, "Oh! I need my flip-flops!"



Van giggled throughout the whole thing.
He walked outside to the living room and upstairs to his old room.

Winry looked shocked, "Did he just say he's going to Vegas?"

"Nevada!" Van said.

Ed opened the door, and yelled, "Hey Al!"

"Yeah?"

"Do you have a moment?"

Ed walked towards the fridge and pulled out a drink.

"I can't believe this." He said.

Al walked through the door, "Hey what's up, Bro?"

"Well, 'Bro', word has it, your going to Vegas."

Al smiled, "Yep, I get on the 2 o' clock flight to Cesar's Palace, at 3 o' clock I head to the breakfast buffet, shrimps, waffles, pancakes, and turkey legs!"

"And hey, while you're in Vegas, you can pick up Ed's 'Sucker of the Year' award." Van suggested.

"Wait a minute, Al, are you sure you can afford to go to Las Vegas?" Winry asked.

"Well I can now, thanks to you!" Al replied.

"But you were eating ham pie!" Winry said.

"Gasp Winry, why would you make that for him?" Trisha asked.

"I didn't make it! Al said he was putting ham in everything because he has no money!" Winry replied.

"Yeah, we thought you would use that thousand dollars to, I don't know, keep yourself alive." Ed said.

"Listen, my life is very stressful, and I just need a vacation." Al said.

Ed walked to him and put his hand on his shoulder, "Listen, I gave you that money, and you hugged me, I let you hug me. And I said, 'You're my brother'. You take that money, and go to Vegas with it, your not my brother."

"Oh Really?" Al asked.

He stormed out of the house and drove back to his apartment.

"… Let's hide!" Van said.



Al's Apartment

Al goes to the fridge, and pulls out a piece of ham, and some orange juice.
He eats the ham and drinks the orange juice. His face turns completely sour.
Two knocks can be heard from outside his apartment.

"Come in!" Al said.

Ed walked in, "Get out!".

"Hey look, I'm sorry about what I said. Al, I didn't meant to imply that you weren't my brother, or that your not my brother, you're my brother.. okay?" Ed said.

"It's fine, Ed." He eats the ham and drinks more orange juice.

"You like that flavor combo?" Ed asked.

"Yes I do. And I'm going to save some for later."

"Look, Al, I'm really sorry. I didn't mean to say it."

"Thank you, Ed. That means a lot to me."

Al walked into his room, "I'm gonna go pack."

"Wait, your still going?" Ed asked.

"What do you mean? You just apologized." Al said.

"I apologized for saying your not my brother, but why would I apologize for you, taking my money, and going to Vegas with it?" Ed asked.

"Because you know that only a heartless dictator, or mom would tell someone how to live their life." Al replied.

"Your calling me a heartless dictator.. or mom?" Ed asked.

"You're exactly the same. So why don't you go back to Edward land where all the birds sing your name, and the squirrels press your pants for you?" Al said.

"Oh that's right, I have the life right? 'It never ends for Edward'." Ed said.

"Fine, here take it!" Al said. He threw the cheque back at Ed.

"The bottom line is you can't stand to see me happy." Al said.

Ed picked it back up and shoved it in Al's pocket. "No you take it, you take it!"

"It's worth a thousand dollars not to hear any of your crap again." Ed said.



"My crap, is true!" Al said.

"How is it true?" Ed asked.

"Oh, come off it Edward, your telling me that luck has never played a small part in your life?"

"What? How am I luckier then you?!"

"LOOK AT ME! Look how I eat! Look how I drink! Ham and Orange Juice like an animal!" Al exclaimed.
"Why do you think I have to go to Vegas, Ed? Because I'm not lucky, I need a break from my life!"
Al turned away and lowered his head.

Ed looked up at him, and handed him the cheque. "Here.. Go to Vegas."

"No, I'm sorry Ed. You deserve everything you got. I'm just a jealous jerk."

Ed looked away smiling, "I don't know what your jealous about, you want to go to Vegas for a vacation. You know what I want? Fifteen minutes without a gang of maniacs pounding on the bathroom door."

"Well uh, at least if you pass out in there, you got someone to go find you." Al said, smiling.

Ed looked confused, "What.. What do you do in a bathroom?"

"Hey, you know what? Why don't we both go to Vegas?"

"What? No way."

"Oh, come on, Ed. Two or three days. The Elric brothers on the strip."

"No don't worry, I'll go there one day, to pull Katie out of the casino chapel."

"Come on, ask Winry, say it'd be important to me. I mean, she doesn't care about you but she cares about me!"

"Hmm… That's true."

"Come on, Ed, two or three days. Wine bar, Pay-Per-View movies. Gasp Full sized cheeseburgers at 3 in the morning."

Ed looked up at Al with astonishment, "We're gonna need another thousand."

Edward and Winry's house.

"So, I don't know Winry. He really wants me to come with him." Ed said.

"What to Vegas?" Winry asked.

"Yeah, He did that whole crying act, he said 'Talk is cheap'." Ed replied.



"So what are you gonna do?" Winry asked.

"I don't know, I was thinking like, six days in Vegas." Ed said.

"Yeah, that sounds great." Winry said.

"Yeah? Really?"

"Yeah, and when you get there, see what the odds of me being here when your back."

Winry picked up the dinner plates and began washing. Leaving Ed to mope.

Episode One End.