I stopped to tie my shoe. I hear the winds behind me as I cross the laces in front of one another, tightly grasping the aglets. I look up to see the statue of the queen of DuLoc.
Hello. My name is Shrek. I'm an ogre. Ogre's have layers, like onions. But not like a cake. Anyway, this is a tale. It is a story of love, tragedy, and war. After Prince Fartquarh had been banished to the stomach of my sister-in-law, I was rightfully supposed to be king. At least, everybody voted me to be king. I guess that would be more like a president? Okay, so everybody voted me to be president of DuLoc, and everything had seemed to be okay. Everything was okay….until the Fire Nation attacked. They took over our ports, and captured all the fairy-tale creatures and sold them for hammers. Only , master of all four elements could stop them. But when the world needed him most, he vanished… 100 years later in my swamp, I found new Avatars, and although they still have a lot to learn, I believe, the Spice Girls can save the world….is what I had thought. The Spice Girls had trained for years and when they finally faced—nevermind. We will get to that in due time. Let me just continue with the story.
I looked up to see the immense stone portrayal of the queen. I quietly mumbled to myself and looked to my side, only to see a rebel throw a pebble at the queens statue. Not soon after I heard the police sirens in the distance. "Never tired, never tired, I been sipping, that's the only thing that's keeping me on fire, me on fire~" the sirens song grew closer. And closer. And closer. The metal policeman jumped out. The rebel noticed and tried to run away. That's funny. Metal Policeguy got out his weapon and aimed for the rebel. Shot. Then silence. The cop dragged off the rebel's body and into the police car. "Oh, what has become of my poor DuLoc…?" I thought to myself as I looked in despair to the statue of the Queen. Queen Beyonce.
How did Beyonce come into power? Why did the Spice Girls fail? What does any of this have to do with Shrek? These are unanswered questions. Unanswered questions lead to a sequel. Everything and more will become clear to you. Stay tuned for the Oprahcalypse.