You sat on the couch besides your mother and some of yours, your father's, and your mother's closest friends, waiting for the New Year's ball to drop. But you know it isn't the same. You know that this year wont be a good year. Because this year... you don't have him.
He is gone.
Or somewhat, so you hope.
And you don't know where he is or what he is doing at the moment. All you do know is that he is gone. And not here to spend the New Year with you. And at the moment...you really couldn't care less.
Could you?
All you actually can think at the moment is painful memories of three nights before. About what happened between you and Shane. About the fight you both had just as you were making love. And you still couldn't believe it. You actually had sex.
Well...sort of. Considering the fact that while you were having sex, his cell phone rang and by the look on his face, he recognized the ring tone. And he answered.
He actually answered his phone while you were having sex. For the first time. After he pulled out of you, you remember him walking into the other room, not a word said to you, leaving you there, naked.
He left you there, lying in his bed-naked.
So he could talk to his ex.
Just after you made love.
When he finally returned about ten minutes later, you were furious. Furious with bits of jealousy crawling up your skin. But most of all, you were hurt. That he would choose his ex over you. Especially during -what was- the best moment of your life. You don't remember most of what was said in the argument. But you do remember the slight stinging behind your eyes, the shaking of fear and anger towards Shane. The pain. But most of all, the final words out of both of you.
"Why don't you just go back to her?!"
"Maybe I will!" he screamed back, leaving you standing there, shocked and hurt. Yor jaw was slightly lowered and your lips were quavering. Rather than coming up with a response, you just moved quickly and furiously grabbing your clothes off of the floor and stormed into the living room of his house. You quickly slipped your dress on, deciding to just forget about your shoes from your previous date hours before. There was slight shuffling in the other room as Shane slipped on his boxers.
"Mitchie, wait-I didn't mean-"
But before he could finish his sentence, you had already slammed he door shut.
And were halfway down the street.
And he didn't even try to stop you.
He didn't try to stop you.
While everyone was laughing and chatting up a storm, you hear the door bell ring. "Honey?" your mom asks, barely even glancing at you. "Could you get that?" she smiles over at you. You sigh before standing up from your couch and walking to the door, slightly frustrated at how much fun everyone around you was having. You feel bitter. Something you just can't help. Once you open the door, you look out to see that there is no one there. You sigh and roll your eyes, thinking that it is just some stupid kid trying to be funny. That is, until you look down at the pavement and the beginning of the sidewalk leading to your door. You see a pair high heels just sitting there, the gold fabric shimmering in the light. The same shoes that you left at his house three nights before.
That night that it all happened.
That night that went from the best to the worst night of your lfie all in a shamefull three hours.
It was then that you let the door shut behind you, sliding down against it under the dim glow of your porch light on your knees, crying hysterically, gripping the heels tightly. You slightly freeze when you see a black and white Converse step beside your knee. You clamp your teeth shut in a loud snap and try to hold back the tears that were already down your face and to your neck by now. "The party is inside." you try to sound casual, pretending like it is just some party ongoer. Rather than Shane. The only one whom you know that has an original pair of Converse. "Then why are you still out here?" the voice replied quietly. You shrug nonchalantly. "Some ass hole decided to finally give me my shoes back." you say casually, a bit of venom burning your tone. You furiously wipe the tears from your eyes, standing up, almost ashamed that Shane had just seen you break down like that. You were supposed to be fine. He didn't want you. Remember?
Then why the hell is he here?
You speak your thoughts aloud once you realize that you both are standing there in silence. "Why are you here, Shane?" you whisper quietly, staring up at the blue moon above you. You hear him sigh, for some odd reason, making you shiver. "Mitchie," he said softly, taking a step towards you. You merely step back against the wall and turn your head. "No Shane." you say quietly, as if you are scolding him. "You can't just-just do that to me. Break me, then expect to come back-on-on New Year's Eve, ex-expecting it all to get better now. You-just-can't." you are breaking down by now. "Mitchie, I am so sorry." he says quietly, his voice cracking and husky as if he were trying not to cry himself. "I was trying to get her off of the line. I know I should have just hung up. But I didn't want you to hear anything she could have possibly said to bring you down. I didn't want you to feel jealous or mad or anything!" by now, he was pinning you up against the wall, both of his wrists on each side of your arms, his hands flatly against the wall. "I love you so much. And I don't understand how such a perfect night went so wrong. I know I shouldn't have said what I did. And I didn't mean it."
You scoff, unable to hold it in, causing a sigh to blow from his lips. "Whatever." you mutter, attempting to walk past him, only to find yourself being pushed right back up against the wall. "Shane-" you start until he cuts you off with a harsh, icy glare. "Do you honestly think-" he turns your chin forcefully to make you look at him. "that I would choose some whore who cheated on me- over the one girl I have ever loved? Over the girl I have lost my virginity to? No, honey." he sneered the word. "Never." he snarled.
"Then why?!" you almost sob, closing your eyes at how loud it was, hoping no one heard you.
He sighs again, this time, his cool breath blowing against your lips. "Because Mitch." he whispers. "I was scared. I was scared and hurt."
"Scared and hurt by what?" you snap. "I gave my virginity to you. And you stopped making love with me so you could go talk to her. How do you think I felt?" you ask, hurt lacing your tone thoroughly. "I was scared that I was going to lose you. And I did might I add. And hurt because..."
"Because why?"
"Because it seemed as if you didn't trust me. And I know how that must have felt for you. But I tried to do it for you. It isn't like I was going to go crawl back to her just because we had sex and I thought I could end it!" he defended himself. Suddenly, you hear loud chattering and then chanting.
9...
8...
7...
6...
5...
4...
3...
"Happy New Year I guess." he mutters sardonically. You shrug. Suddenly, his eyes are boring into yours intensely.
2...
1!!!!!!
It is then that he crashes his lips onto yours -not at all softly. He is pushing his body up against yours, up against the wall. You see fireworks in the corner of your eye go off in the distance, most likely across town.
How is it that after all of the pain and misunderstanding, that you could feel this...this want?
You gasp against his lips, the realization of two things hitting you.
For one, that he is kissing you. And two, it is New Year. A whole new year. For new mistakes, regrets, new wishes, new hopes, new happiness, new...pleasure. And Shane. Shane was your pleasure. Just as you felt him grab your waist and lift you to where your legs automatically wrapped around his waist, connecting your pelvis to his, and once you felt him press against you and harshly move his hips to make you feel him more, you were lost. So lost.
Hey guys, this is it so far. For now, I am super tired. It is 6 in the morning and I haven't gone to bed yet. This is a little new years surprise for 2010. I love you all! And this isn't finished just yet. I am just going to repost it later once I get sleep and add the ending. Love you guys! Happy New Year!