The walk to the Diner

Disclaimer: Do not own, not for profit

My tag for the 100th episode. This was a little experiment I did in perspective. I repeated some, but not the entire story from both Bones and Booths point of view. Hopefully it won't get too repetitive, because there are a lot of reaction and inner thoughts added in for both sides of the conversation.

00 Booth 00

They had walked to the diner, Booth's SUV forgotten. No words were shared on the way, only the comforting touch of two best friends. Because really, that's what they were. They stopped being partners a long time ago, and if she wouldn't have him as a lover, then he would keep her as a friend. He had too; he couldn't lose her, no matter how hard it would be to move on, he knew he couldn't walk away from her. He needed her in his life, and god damn if he was sure she needed him in hers. He had to take care of her after all, protect her in the field, make sure she ate, and make sure she slept. But more than that, he could never abandon her; not knowing how many times it had happened before, not if he didn't want to see that hurt look on her face every night for the rest of his life before he went to sleep.

So they walked to the diner, he deep in thought of how close he had come to losing her, and how desperately he wanted to keep her, and she in silent contemplation, but of what? He was dying to know what was going through her mind right now, but how could he ask? They sat at their usual table, both intently studying the menu as if they hadn't memorized it years ago. The first words she spoke were aimed toward the waitress, "tomato soup, and water."

"Coffee, and a large slice of apple pie" he returned.

"Pie for dinner Booth?" she asked with a just the slightest hint of a smirk.

"Yes, and you can't have any, I know you pilfer bites of my pie when my back is turned!" he smirked back, oh so thankful for a break to the tension.

She wrinkled her nose at that, "it's late, you won't sleep if you drink coffee now." He only smirked, and threw in a shrug of his wide shoulders. It's not like he was going to sleep tonight, but he would never tell her that. They were silent until their food arrived, not quite an uncomfortable silence, but not quite the comfortable silence they had grown to enjoy either. Something in between. Neither wanted to talk about the painful events that has just passed, but neither knew how to skirt over them into lighter topics either. Their food arrived and they ate in silence. He continued to wonder what she was thinking, her face was unreadable; he was always so good at reading people. And he was the only one that could ever read Temperance, but tonight, he felt like she was putting up a few extra barricades for him to jump over.

00 Bones 00

She nearly clung to him as they walked to the diner, glad Booth hadn't insisted on driving. The cool night air helped to cool her tear-filled eyes. Of course she loved him! How could he doubt that? She never wanted to hurt him, not tonight, not ever. Booth was the type of man that needed someone in his life; she was not that type of person. She would rather see him move on and be forever alone herself then take the chance that she wasn't capable of making him happy. She had never made a man happy. They all left. She wasn't capable of opening her heart. He was the heart, she was the brain. She had to protect his fragile heart. She was sad when they reached the diner, and immediately grabbed a menu to hide her face. She didn't read a word of it and raddled off the first thing that came to her mind when the waitress walked up. "Tomato soup and water."

"Coffee, and a large slice of apple pie" he returned. She already couldn't remember what she had just asked for, her stomach filling with butterflies at the sound of his voice.

"Pie for dinner Booth?" she asked, trying to hide her shock.

"Yes, and you can't have any, I know you pilfer bites of my pie when my back is turned!" he smirked, god she was so glad he was still willing to kid with her.

She said the first thing that came to her mind, not wanting the light hearted quipping to end, "it's late, you won't sleep if you drink coffee now." He smirked at her, but didn't respond, once again leading her to wonder if they would ever be okay again. She was afraid to say anything else, and begrudgingly ate only half her soup (not her favorite) when it arrived.

00 Booth 00

He loved the diner's pie, but absolutely didn't taste it tonight, he watched her eat, or pretend to eat. Did she even like tomato soup? He didn't think so, but maybe he didn't know her as well as he thought. He was certainly having doubts after tonight. She stopped half way through strengthening his resolve to continue taking care of her. Her not loving him was no reason to let her starve herself to death. They must have been sitting there for half an hour; he was racking his brain for something to say. The waitress had left the bill on the table, he hadn't touched it. Usually they fought over the bill, it's not that he wasn't willing to pay, but he was afraid she would feel like he was rushing her if he picked it up. He didn't want the night to end, no matter how awkward it was; at least they were still together. What would tomorrow bring? How much of their relationship would change? What if they didn't have a case? Should he still come see her? He would have in the past but now he was wondering if that was such a good idea. Would it seem like he was pushing her, or would the same old routine still come easily for them both. Should he let them fall into the same old routine? Isn't that what had led them here in the first place? At that thought he snapped. "Your soups cold now."

"What?"

"Your soup, you let it get cold." It was stupid, he shouldn't have said it. He felt like an idiot, half an hour of silence and that's what he broke the frigg'in ice with? Her soup? He threw a $20 on the bill without looking at it and got up to leave, it was probably a 70% tip for the small bit they had ordered but he didn't care, he had to get out of there, he couldn't take the wondering anymore.

00 Bones 00

"Your soups cold now"

She was stirred out of her mantra, 'must protect his fragile heart, no matter how much it kills you, you must protect him' "what?" she had completely forgotten her soup, why did he care?

"Your soup, you let it get cold." He sounded so angry, not hurt, but actually angry. He threw money on the bill and got up. Was he mad that she had wasted her food? She would have paid, she never even saw the waitress bring the bill. She grabbed her coat and got up to follow him, he didn't hold the door open for her. She barley caught it, running a few steps to catch up to him.

"Booth" she called, waiting for him to stop, turn around, pause, slow down, yell, scream, anything to acknowledge her presence. He did nothing. "Booth, please wait a second." She grabbed his arm; she wouldn't let the evening end like this she couldn't.

"What Bones?" he said harshly, still not stopping but glancing down at her hand on him.

She opened her mouth and the words started pouring out, she hadn't planned on it, didn't know what she was saying, she wasn't sure if she was incapable or unwilling to stop herself.

"You hate me now, don't you? I'm so sorry. I never wanted to hurt you. You don't understand, I can't make you happy, I can't be what you want me to be, what you need me to be, I can never be that open, loving you is the hardest thing I have ever had to do, opening myself up like that, letting you in, it's all I can do to live with it, let alone try to act on it. Booth, please, understand, I don't want to hurt you, I want to protect you. I have to protect you from me, the way you protect me from everything else." She got it all out in 2 breaths, suppressing the sobs that begged to be released alongside it. He had stopped walking at some point, was turned facing her, starring at her, like she had grown two heads.

"Bones…" it was all she could take to hear her name come out of his mouth like that, the anger gone, what was in its place? Confusion? Relief? Astonishment? She cursed herself for not knowing the difference, and again for being the reason that she couldn't ask him either.

"No, Booth, please" she stopped him, she had to finish or she would never get it all out. "I have to say this, now, or never. I'm sorry I led you on. It was wrong, I didn't know what we were, it felt so right so natural you're the first person who has ever cared about me, who has ever tried so hard to break down the walls. I was afraid to stop you, I never wanted it to be like this, it just happened, my parents, Russ, the foster homes, it was so much easier to stop caring, to stop feeling, to stop loving. But you got inside my head, you got inside my heart, and now I don't know if I can build the walls again, I don't know if I want to build the walls again, I want us, just like we were, I don't want to give it a name, and I don't want to promise you that it will lead to something more. And that's selfish, and I know it, and I hate myself for it," her voice cracked, the tears she was fighting were on the brink of falling. "But Booth I need you, I need the Booth that I had this morning, before Sweets, before him and his stupid book."

She was full on crying now, she let go of his arm and began to turn her back to him embarrassed, but found herself being quickly enveloped into his arms. She rested her head on his shoulder, sniffling away the tears mortified that she had just confessed all that. Now things could never be the same again, she thought, now she really would lose him, no friends, no partners, and never, ever anything more.

00 Booth 00

He heard her call his name, god couldn't he just run away with his tail tucked between his legs like every other coward?! When he heard pleas he almost cracked, and the feel of her hand on his arm made him nearly stumble, he couldn't help but look at it, but wouldn't let himself stop, "what Bones?" it came out so harsh he inwardly flinched, god he wasn't mad at her, he was mad at himself!

"You hate me now? Don't you, I'm so sorry." He slowed his pace, contemplating stopping.

"I never wanted to hurt you. You don't understand, I can't make you happy, I can't be what you want me to be, what you need me to be, I can never be that open, loving you is the hardest thing I have ever had to do," he stopped dead, Bones loves him? She loves him, and she's saying it, she's nearly sobbing it.

"Opening myself up like that, letting you in, it's all I can do to live with it, let alone try to act on it. Booth, please, understand I don't want to hurt you, I want to protect you." He caught his breath, protect me? He didn't want to dwell on it; he had to keep listening he was compelled to listen to every syllable rushing out of her mouth.

"I have to protect you from me, the way you protect me from everything else."

All he could do was stare, he wanted to talk, but, oh my god! She loves him, she wants to protect him? From her? All he wants is her… "Bones…" he didn't know what to say after that, it didn't matter though, he didn't have to keep going.

"No, Booth, please I have to say this, now, or never." If never was still an option in her mind he wasn't opening his mouth until he was damn well sure she was done.

"I'm sorry I led you on." Led me on? Oh dear god when had they gotten their wires so crossed?

"It was wrong, I didn't know what we were, it felt so right, so natural," he started to nod his head, but stopped so as not to distract her from continuing.

"You're the first person who has ever cared about me, who has ever tried so hard to break down the walls. I was afraid to stop you, I never wanted it to be like this, it just happened, my parents, Russ, the foster homes, it was so much easier to stop caring, to stop feeling, to stop loving." He cringed, the thought of her when they first started working together, so cold, so distant, no love, he had made it his mission to change that in her.

"But you got inside my head, you got inside my heart, and now I don't know if I can build the walls again, I don't know if I want to build the walls again, I want us, just like we were, I don't want to give it a name, and I don't want to promise you that it will lead to something more. And that's selfish, and I know it, and I hate myself for it, but Booth I need you, I need the Booth that I had this morning, before Sweets, before him and his stupid book."

His head was spinning with what she had just said, she loves him, she wants to protect him, the walls, her heart, she needs him! She let go of his arm and he thought she was turning to leave, no Bones, not like this, you aren't just going to walk away now! He grabbed her, wrapping his arms tightly around her, she sniffled and her tears stopped before he could even utter a 'shh' he became aware that they were still standing on the sidewalk, and as much as he wanted to drag her off to his more private apartment and prove that he was worth her risking her heart he was terrified that she would run. She was so fragile, and she knew it! His Bones had admitted it, admitted that she was afraid of being abandoned she said she loved him, that she needed him! Why was it always so hard with her? Why didn't she say all this when he had poured his heart out to her in the first place? God this woman was going to be the death of him!

He reluctantly pulled away from her, taking her face in the palms of his hand. "You love me?" he asked it in a whisper, and she could only nod in response. "God Bones," he kissed her head, he didn't know what to say, "You love me? And I love you, and you need me…and you…." He looked at her; she gazed into his eyes like a scared little child. Dr. Temperance Brennan needs someone? Needs him? Loves him? "So…what now Bones? We're in love, but we can't be together because one of us might get hurt?"

She sniffed, " we can't be together because, because the FBI won't let us, because it would affect our working relationship, because, because I'm scared of losing the only man I have ever trusted with my life, with my heart, with my" he kissed her, because he had to, because he had never heard her stumble for words and he found it absolutely adorable, because for the first time in his life he realized he would rather lose everything on this one chance then live another day without the love of his life by his side.

He pulled away from her only when his lungs begged for oxygen, missing the feel of her lips the moment he lost contact. "You can't have the Booth you had this morning Temperance," her eyes filled with fear and he laughed, "if you want me, you have to have the me that is right here, right now, do you want this Booth?"

"Yes," it came out as a breath more than a word, "yes I want this Booth"