Cocoa: wow its been more than a year since i wrote a fanfic:O please review to let me know if i've become rusty or not haha:D hope you enjoy this one(:

1 June 1759

Yuuki,

I know you are curious about your past.

And I want to tell you everything.

I was born in a wealthy family as my father, a well-esteemed man, had a job of high status and was an heir to his father's business and fortune.
I was always greeted with looks of respect and even envy from whoever I met, whether younger or older.
I could always easily get my hands on whatever I had my eye on.
However I was never satisfied with the way my life was.
I had to be on my guard when I was outside, always getting nagged on about how, unless my behaviour should be lovely and proper, I would shame the family.
Mother would repeatedly remind me of the importance of speaking good of Father to people whether he was around or not.
Whether I hated him or not.

There were many unnecessary and exasperating lessons on etiquette which I no choice but to attend.
I seemed so much like a carefree and blessed lady to everyone, but it was all a facade to me when I viewed the world behind the strict doors of my household.

Yes I do miss my family, despite the incorrigible persona of Father.

The day I first met Rido, I didn't notice him until he spoke.
He was the youngest son, on an errand to convey a message to Father.
Contrary to most, i was not caught by his looks, but by his voice.
I got intrigued by the way he asked a mischievous-intent question in such an innocent way when he saw me attempting to take a bottle a bourbon from the kitchen counter.

"Think you could spare me a sip, miss?" I hesitated, yet was eager to answer, to allow a conversation.

Alas he simply smiled and left before I could.
I found my interest aroused in this boy.

About a while later, he came over again to deliver a letter. I waited for him to step out of Father's office and shoved him the bottle.
"Here." I suddenly remembered to smile, doing my best to conceal my awkwardness.
He showed some surprise and confusion for a fleeting moment before grinning back in comprehension.
"Thanks." He took a swig and murmuring, "Well that's something I don't drink everyday."
He coughed a little, which made me laugh.

He paused for a little while, and introduced, "I'm Rido."

"Juri."

Father rushed out of the office and said, "Thank god you're still here." I panicked, but Rido was a step ahead of me as I spotted the bourbon already under the table.

"Your father told me about your recent seventeenth birthday in this letter," Father handed him an envelope and continued, "Take this and buy yourself something good."

Rido gratefully accepted and thanked him and left me watching him walk out of the doors.

The following months, I spent my free time with Rido.
He was the only friend I could be myself with, there was no need to keep watching my own actions around him.
He was quiet, but in a mutually comforting way.
He showed me what was life about, not the mundane routines we go through.
He told me what he felt love was, and I listened as if I have never heard anything before.

It was a year later that I heard the most ridiculous news.
I was to marry a man when I turned nineteen.
I could not have made my refusal any more blatant my locking myself in my room.
I stated clearly that I would not consent to an arranged marriage and it made Father throw such an apoplectic rage that it was pernicious to be in the same room as him.

I refused to eat and even drink, and the strike continued until Rido came over to persuade me.
I remembered Father got suspicious but Rido assured him that it was only friendship between us.
I was hurt, because that was not what i wanted it to be.
Still, I didn't show it, because I should have known better.

I do feel that it was truly comedic when I first met Haruka.
He surprised me by being much better-looking than I had expected, and treating me with such patience.
We had a meal together with Father and Mother and he talked to them sincerely.
Occasionally he would smile at me to keep me in the conversation, but I just scowled at him.

Food came and he asked me to pass to salt.
I was just so annoyed with him, so I crossly muttered for him to take it himself.
He nodded and said, "I'll try my best." and stretched his arm like his life depended on it.
The somewhat comical sight of him made Mother laugh, and I was left with no choice but to pass it to him.
What took me aback was that i heard him tell Father that it was a pleasure to have met him, and he said it like he meant it.

I was genuinely confused, nonetheless, couldn't help but to left with the impression of a good gentleman.

I met Rido again, at the pier this time.
He asked what was Haruka like.
I didn't want to make him sound too good in front of Rido, so I simply said he turned out to be a nice man.
Rido then turned to stare, stared straight into me and asked if I like Haruka.
I knew he just meant to inquire if i could get acquainted with Haruka, but the way he asked-

It made me wonder if he knew i was deeply infatuated with him, that he'd randomly pop into my thoughts, that maybe he was asking if I was attracted to Haruka.

I recalled so clearly the unfamiliar feeling washing over me when he let go of my hand after he walked me home that day.

I could understand that Haruka loved me.
He did not tell, not once, but he would show me.
He made me laugh, despite my trying to resist, taught me many useful things, and even helped me with my studies.
Why did he seem to be trying so hard to "please" a girl who only frowned at him?
Especially when he, given his status, has many pretty young ladies to please him?
Was this love?
I could never comprehend, so I finally asked him why.

"Its because you're real. You would not treat me in some special way when what you're actually after is what my family possesses."

"This is not my usual treatment to anybody." I did not know what I admitted it, maybe I was hoping to change the way he thought of me, "I hardly smile around you because I don't want to have to marry you in due of what Father says."

"I know." He took my hand very gently, "I'm treating you like this only to earn your love because I want to marry you." And he didn't let go.

Days later I decided to marry Haruka.
I told Rido about my decision when I met him.
He blatantly asked me why.

"Because I... love him."

"... You can't."

He was quiet, and I could tell he was angry.
The reason behind his anger, however, was too vague to me.

I inhaled and asked, "Are you angry?"

"Yes."

I faltered before asking, "W-why?"

He didn't respond, embarrassed, I took it that he wasn't going to answer my question.

"Because," he inhaled sharply, "I thought you would love me."

(continued)