I don't own JAG. I know that there are a few stories that have this song already in them but from what I read not any in this way or this time frame. I don't have any rights on the song ether that is all Carolyn Dawn Johnson .Thanks Gabbie for your help. Here we go.
Complicated
Mac's apartment
Mac was sitting at home after her car wreck a few days ago, on Christmas Eve. Maybe if I listen to some music will help me do what I need, without thinking about the pain I know it will cause to clean. I just hope that Harm doesn't decide to come over when I am, or he won't leave it alone about me taking it easy. Mac put on a CD that she had made for cleaning and started cleaning the living room. As the music played the first one was done, but the next one she heard made her stop and think about it.
She knew the song, but why it was on here she didn't know.
The song was "complicated" by Carolyn Dawn Johnson.
The song started and Mac thought about how it fit her and Harms past.
"I'm so scared that the way I feel is written all over my face.
When you walk in to the room I want to find a hiding place. "
That's what I feel every time Harm comes in a room that I'm in. It doesn't matter if it's the court room, the bull pen, my office, or my home.
"We used to laugh, we used to hug, the way that old friends do
But now a smile and a touch of your hand just make's me come unglued."
If I had a penny for every time that he just smiled at me, and made me come unglued. I would be rich by now. I miss the old days in our friendship, were Harm would think nothing of just laughing with me at some joke. Or if I was upset, just a quick squeeze of my hand to let me know he was there.
"What a contradiction, should I lie or tell the truth
Is it fact or fiction, oh the way I feel for you"
Sometimes I sit in my office and just try to see what it is exactly that I feel for Harm. What a contradiction it is. I want you so bad in my life, but I don't know how to go about getting you to stay there. So I push you away.
"So complicated….. So frustrating
I want to hold you close…….I want to push you away
I want make you go….. I want make you stay
Should I say it ………..should I tell you how I feel
Oh I want you to know………..then again I don't…………it's so complicated. "
This is the way it has been with us for the last few years now. Ever since I knew that I wanted him in my life. I don't know if I should just keep the good old friend Mac around, or the Sarah that would love to be around Harm. There are times that I want to let Sarah out, but just as I am going to show him that side he backs off. I don't know what to do.
"Just when I think I'm under control…. I think I finally got a grip
A friend tells me my name is always on your lips"
When he has a new tag along with him ,it takes me some time to come to terms with he's not mine. That's usually when things change.
"You say I'm more then just a friend…..you say I must be blind
Well I must admit I've seen you watch me out of the corner of your eye. "
There are times I knew he was watching me because I could feel him.
"It's so confusing…….I wish you would just confess"
There are times that he takes a brick or two out of the wall that's around his feelings. And then just as quick he puts them back. I'm left feeling like I don't know which way is up and which way is down. If he would just let me know what he wants from me?!
"Think of what I'd be loosing…..if your answer wasn't yes"
I want to take a chance again, and see if he might feel anything more for me.
Then I think about the way he backed off the last time I tried. I know that part of the way he reacted was due to the dam ring on my hand. Not all of it was though. I don't want to go there again with him. I will not make that mistake again. If not knowing, means I still have a good, maybe even best friend ,then I don't know if I want to try again.
"So complicated……….so frustrating
I want to hold you close…………….I want to push you away
I want to make you go……………….. I want make you stay
Should I say it…………should I tell you how I feel
Oh, I want you to know ……but then again I don't ………so complicated"
As the song ended, I looked up and saw Harm standing in front of me, with a new look on his face. The look was a mixture of love, want, and something she couldn't make out. Mac had no idea how long he had been there. With her feelings so close to the surface she decided to continue cleaning. That way she could get away from him before she does something to make things more complicated between them.
Mac started to walk out of the room, asking Harm why he was there. Harm just stood where he was and kept looking at her. Thinking that he might not have heard her, Mac asks again why he was here. Again she gets the same reaction. So for a last try Mac asks Harm what he is doing here and this time she touches his arm.
Just that one little touch was all it took for Harm to come unglued. When she touched his arm he griped her hand spun her around to face him, and did what he had wanted to do for years. To Macs shock Harm kissed her. The kiss had nothing to do with friendship.
When they separated for air Mac could only look at Harm. No words were coming from her mouth, but her eyes were trying to tell him how much she loved him. Harm was the first to recover enough to talk.
"I am sorry it took me so long to understand that what we have is not so complicated." The smile that lit up Macs face made Harm feel better.
" What changed Harm?"
"Nothing, I just realized that things were not as complicated as I had thought. All I really need is you and your love."
The end