SUMMARY: Niko warned him. Cal didn't listen. A little something about when gating turned Cal into a pile of goop. Because I wanted to. Shut up.
DISCLAIMER: It's all Rob Thurman. I'm playing. Language runs rampant.
- Merry Christmas y'all :)
The bastard had us.
He had us and he fucking knew it.
Problem was we didn't realize until it was too late.
"Don't even think about it, Cal."
"You have a better idea?"
"Many," Niko answered evenly. "None of which include what you're thinking."
"Well, this I gotta see. Been practicing magic tricks in that dojo, too, big brother?"
"Hush."
"What?" I shrugged. "It's not like it doesn't know exactly where-"
I didn't get to finish. A horrific screech cut off my sentence as a whirlwind of wings and claws descended like a tornado out of the darkness.
Niko sprang into a flurry of action, shoving me behind him like I was two or something. He went all circus performer ninja and started hopping off of walls and dumpsters and shit.
I stayed exactly where I was, thank you very much, whipped out the Eagle and plowed a round into the gargoyle's ugly mug. That only succeeded in pissing it off but it made me feel a helluva lot better. Nik was busy trying to chop off the thing's head. Neither of us was having much luck, mostly because the creature moved so fast it was almost like it was teleporting. Always a step ahead of us.
That wouldn't have been a problem if Niko hadn't forbidden me from gating.
I was planning on listening to him. Really.
The gargoyle reared its scaly head and screeched towards the sky, calling for backup as we found out a few moments later. Suddenly we were battling four of the bastards instead of one and I saw our chances slip to zip.
I watched as two of them swooped down on my brother. His eyes locked with mine.
"Cal!" He shouted at me. Niko never shouted. "Don't do it!"
My brother – ever the optimist.
Claws and teeth descended on him from every direction it seemed. My brain switched to autopilot.
We couldn't win this one.
I blasted another round into the creature currently trying to gouge my eyes out, long enough to daze the thing, and made a break for my brother.
I couldn't believe how easy we thought this would be. How much we'd underestimated their size and speed. Niko would be kicking himself for a year.
Somehow I ended up behind him. I looped my arms under his and pulled his back to my chest, keeping him close.
And all I could hear was his voice in my head telling me not to do it.
Don't do it…
Too fucking late.
The gate split open, tearing the world apart so brutally you could taste the atoms breaking open like shattered bone marrow. All of the sudden, we were crashing headlong into the apartment, careening with enough force to crack teeth and send shock waves vibrating down your spine.
The moment we hit the floor, I lost my grip and rolled away from Niko, sprawling on my stomach. I heard him gagging as he struggled to his knees. I reached out instinctively, needing to make sure he was still in one piece.
He called my name. I tried to answer…and my head exploded.
It was like nothing I'd ever felt before. Like no pain from gating I'd ever experienced. That was bad. This was excruciating. Electrocuting every cell in my body, stripping my skin from the inside out, leaving me raw and bleeding. I was blind with the agony. My skull was about to split into two equally fucked halves. I just knew it.
Intermingled with the electrical thunderstorm currently turning my brain to goop was a weird, high-pitched keening noise – and it was coming from me. Yeah, talking wasn't really an option at the moment.
At some point, Niko had recovered enough to gather me up in his arms. He was trying to be gentle, but even the slightest jostle sent shock waves ricocheting through my head. I rubbed my face hard against his chest while I kneaded the heels of my hands into my eyeballs and begged for it to stop. I was crying now, sobbing actually, and I didn't give a flying fuck. It hurt too much.
"Nik, Nik...my head – goddammit, my head…" I was choking into his shirt.
And everything he said was underwater and blurry but I heard, "Cal? Okay, Cal, okay. Calm. Calm, all right?"
But his voice was weird and I don't think it was just my fucked up brain making it shake like that because I could tell he was really just, "Fuck, fuck…Cal, fuck. What have you done? What have you done now?"
I didn't know. Not at all. And I could feel myself starting to choke really bad because I kept swallowing the blood gushing out of my nose and a lot of it was sliding down my throat. I felt it trickling down my neck from my ears too.
"Breathe, Cal," Niko was still trying to calm me down. "Breathe with me."
And goddammit, I was trying, "Can't," I gasped. "Hurts…ah, f-fuck, Nik…"
"Cal," Niko breathed in a frantic whisper as he palmed my face and thumbed the stream of blood running down over my mouth and neck.
His fear. I felt it like a living thing pushing between us, ripping us apart. In that moment, I thought I was going to die.
I cried wretchedly, gagging on the pain and snot and blood. Nausea boiled up, hot and furious in my stomach. I moaned and fisted Nik's soaked shirt, trusting him to hold me up because I couldn't do it anymore.
I swallowed another mouthful of blood and felt it surge back up my throat. I retched and threw up in Niko's lap. He eased me over his arm, leaning me over the floor when I didn't stop heaving. He kept a firm hand on my back and didn't flinch when my nails dug into the skin on his forearm while my stomach poured out of my mouth. There was a lot of blood in my puke and it scared the shit out of me.
I could tell it scared Niko too because he'd gone really quiet and his eyes were cold and brittle like a dead tree in winter. He just sat there and held me while I cried and shook and threw up. He wasn't going anywhere, wasn't moving except to draw me in tighter. Trapped in a haze of pain, I didn't understand why he couldn't fix it. I was broken and he didn't know what to do. This had never happened before. It was never this bad. Helpless. We were both fucking helpless.
Finally, finally, the vomiting stopped. I shivered horribly, sagging over his arm like a rag doll while spit and bloody bile sort of kept spilling out over my bottom lip. He pulled me against his chest and smoothed back my sweaty, disgusting hair.
My nose was still bleeding and the pain in my head was so loud that I couldn't keep myself from falling into it. Blackness swelled and pulsed, threatening to blot me out like a mistake.
My cheek was pressed against Nik's stomach and I felt something wet and tacky. I frowned in blurry confusion, trying to look up at him…until I smelled the coppery tang and felt the sticky warmth that I knew wasn't mine because it was leaking from him.
"N-Nik? Nik…" My teeth were chattering and I couldn't help the sob that rose up and shredded my throat with its intensity. He was hurt - bad. And it was my fault. I hadn't been quick enough. This shit had all been for nothing.
"Shh," Niko soothed. I didn't understand how he could stand to be so close to me after what I'd just done. I had no right. None. No right to be held like this – like I was worth a shit. Like I was more than just a fucking monster biding his time. But Niko just stroked my hair and kept wiping the blood and puke off my face while I hiccupped sobs into his bloody goddamn shirt.
"It's all right. We're all right."
"Nuh-no," I stuttered, weakly pressing my shaking hand over the seeping wound in his abdomen. Niko hissed a breath and placed his own hand over mine. "Hurt," I reiterated like it wasn't obvious already. Like maybe I was short those couple of brain cells my brother always teased me about. "Nik…fuh-" I broke off into a wet cough that lasted several seconds. "Fuck…"
"Cal, calm down for me. Please."
"Y-you're hurt."
"A scratch."
"No," I gulped back another sob. "S'bleedin'…Nik? You're bleedin'. S'bad -"
"It's all right," Niko breathed, palming my face.
I wondered how someone so moral could be such a big fat fucking liar. I choked on laughter even as the tears rolled down my cheeks. I was slipping fast.
"Cal?"
"S'not," I cried, ignoring the hysteria making my voice squeak and crack. Because if something happened to my brother then that was all she wrote, folks.
I was trembling so hard my bones were creating friction. Blood continued pouring out of every orifice on my face. I promised myself that if I survived this, I'd never bitch about obeying Niko ever again.
I jerked my head to the side as more bloody bile rushed up my throat. Niko didn't lean me away. Instead he cupped the back of my neck and pressed his lips to the top of my head.
Yep. I was dying.
Darkness began swallowing bits and pieces of the world but my brother's hands gripped so hard I thought he just might win. Maybe he would keep me.
A moment before it sucked me under, I felt a strange vibration against my cheek and my heart ached when I heard the despair in Niko's voice as he clutched me tight to him.
"Don't you dare, Cal. Don't you fucking dare."
oooooooooo
I didn't sleep.
But I did dream.
I dreamt of metal teeth tearing into tender, pink flesh. I dreamt of worlds ripping into thousands of broken pieces and there I was in the middle, laughing because it was a game we played sometimes.
Mostly I dreamt of Niko. I searched for him, always two steps too late, never moving fast enough. And when I finally found him it was always too late. He was torn apart with the worlds and slashed to pieces while I held the sword, tacky and slippery with his blood.
His gray eyes kept saying he was sorry. Sorry because he couldn't stop it from happening.
And I just couldn't stop laughing. Or maybe I was screaming. Hand in hand, right?
Caliban…
I screamed again.
"Caliban."
God, help me…
"Cal!"
I was screaming. Crying. My face was flush and wet, my throat singed raw. Something was restraining me. I fought like a wild animal, trying to break free from the iron grip surrounding me like a prison.
"Christ, boy!" Somewhere in the midst of losing my mind I registered Robin's voice. "It's me, Cal. It's just me."
Disoriented and sick with an unexplained terror, I stopped struggling and opened my eyes.
My vision swam like a mirage in the desert heat before Robin's worried face filtered into focus. Numerous scratches welled with blood and covered his cheek and neck. He looked worse than I felt. Minor detail. Because right then I noticed something important. Something that made my chest clench and my stomach ache.
Niko wasn't with him.
I knew my brother. And I knew if Robin looked like that and Niko wasn't hovering right above my face looking the exact same way then something horrible must've happened.
Panic made it even harder to breathe.
"Easy," Robin soothed, easing me back down onto the mattress. "Are you back?"
My mouth opened and then closed while I gaped at him like a moron. For a full terrifying minute I couldn't speak.
"Nik," I finally croaked.
"He's here," Robin assured in that carefully measured tone that scared the crap out of me. "He's resting."
Bullshit.
"Not here," I insisted, shaking with dread. "Where's he?" I grabbed onto Robin's shirt, trying to pull myself up.
Robin placed a gentle hand over my clenched fingers and easily pulled me off. Fuck, I hated this. Helplessness was not a feeling I got along well with.
"I told you. He's resting. You ought to be doing the same."
"Nik," I whispered again like a broken record. To my horror, I felt my eyes growing hot as an angry pressure burned behind them, threatening to burst any second.
"Cal," Robin's hand was firm this time, holding me down. "I said everything's fine. You need to calm down."
I felt trapped. Panicked. Something was wrong. And I was really fucking sick of everyone telling me to calm down.
"Get him, Robin," I persisted, my throat cracking from the strain of speaking. "I need my brother. Please…"
"He's asleep." His stony resolve set off every alarm bell banging like a symphony in my head.
"No," I cried, my vocal chords completely useless now. My head was spinning. I wasn't thinking straight. All I knew was that Niko, not the puck, ought to be here. It was all wrong. "He doesn't do that, Robin," I tried to reason with him as tears blurred my vision. "He jus' doesn't…you don't know."
"Cal, everything's all right. I promise." He rubbed his palm in circles on my chest. "Maybe you should take something."
"No," I gulped, my stomach swimming with anxiety. "I need Nik…please…"
"He'll be here."
That wasn't good enough for me. I pushed up on my elbows and lashed out at Robin as all of the fear and anger boiled to the surface.
"Get off!" I shouted like a hysterical woman. "Get the fuck off me!"
"That's it," Robin growled in exasperation. He held me down with one arm and reached for something on the table with the other.
I was still squirming when I felt the sharp prick and something warm and tingly flooded my veins...but not the good kind of warm and tingly.
"Rob'n wha' tha fuh-ck…" I slurred miserably as my head grew fuzzy and my limbs numbed until they were no more use than limp noodles.
"For your own good," he offered me a sympathetic grimace. I wanted to punch his dick and tell him the exact same thing.
I rolled away from his grasp, buried my face in the pillow and just didn't care anymore. I started sobbing at the injustice of the world. Actually, that was probably the drugs.
Either way I was inconsolable – and fading back into La La Land pretty damn fast.
I coughed and sort of started gagging and I think maybe that scared Robin a little because all of a sudden he was saying shit like, "Shh, Cal, don't. Please don't. There's no need to get so upset," and stroking my hair and trying to get me to stop freaking out.
"Cal?"
That tired voice cut through my bawling and the haze of chemicals clouding my brain. It was like beautiful music and I finally stopped crying long enough to look up from where I'd mashed my face into the pillow.
"Oh for the love of the gods," Robin lamented, making a sound of utter disgust. "What the hell do you think you're doing now? Must I treat both of you like infants?"
My brother was leaning heavily against the doorframe, one arm wrapped tightly around his middle. His face was ashen and his body shook with tremors, no doubt from the exertion of walking.
I instantly felt like a complete asshole. Granted, an extremely relieved and massively loopy asshole.
"Nik…" The word clogged in my throat and stuck on a tongue that now seemed about two sizes too large. "Wouldn' get you," I hiccuped, glaring accusingly and collapsed back on the bed because my body felt heavy as a vat of warm tar. I wish I didn't know what that felt or looked like.
"There," Robin gestured at my brother. "You see? He's here. He's here and in one piece. Now he's going to get his pretty ass back in bed before I start demonstrating just how many ways I can put him there."
Niko grimaced and I couldn't hold my head up any longer. I gave my brother an uncoordinated half-wave and still I couldn't stop the tears spilling relentlessly down my cheeks. God, I was losing it.
"Behave, Cal," Niko offered an amused, sympathetic smile before stiffly shuffling back to his room.
"'M still pissed at you," I slurred while Robin tucked the blankets around my shoulders like a damn mother hen. But it was warm and soft and the drugs were starting to feel pretty good and I decided closing my eyes for a moment wouldn't be so bad.
"Ungrateful brat," I heard Robin muttering to himself. "You should worship the ground I walk on and lick the sacred dirt from my shoes."
I pulled the pillow over my head and had no choice in the matter when I drifted away.
The next time I woke up it was because of the uncomfortable pressure building in my bladder.
I was horribly groggy and when I sat up the room still spun but I really had to pee. I didn't know where Robin was and at the moment I could care less what he thought about me hobbling around the house. I mean, damn, a guy has needs.
Somehow I took care of business without breaking any limbs and was half-asleep on my way back when I paused at my brother's door.
He was sleeping peacefully enough, though his features were pale and pinched with pain.
"'M sorry," I whispered to his still form, desperately wishing I could have a do-over for the last twenty-four hours.
My head pounded as anxiety and guilt threatened to overwhelm my sanity. Dwelling on it only worsened my headache. Without even thinking, I crawled into bed beside my brother and buried my head face-first in his extra pillow. I felt him shift beside me as he rolled over and placed a hand on my back.
"Cal? What is it?" His voice was thick and hoarse from sleep but the concern was immediate.
"Hwldnlmmeseeou…"
"Hey," Niko rubbed his hand in comforting circles on my back. "Didn't catch that."
Slowly, I lifted my face away from the pillow and turned to look at him.
"He wouldn't let me see you."
Robin was right. I sounded like a petulant infant.
"Because I told him to keep you in bed."
"I hate you both."
I picked up the end of his braid that had fallen over his shoulder and started playing with the stray pieces of hair.
"How are you feeling?"
"Better," I told him honestly.
"Why are you up?"
"Had to pee."
He watched me for a moment, and I couldn't look at him but I felt his eyes on me. It was damn uncomfortable.
"I'm sorry."
Again my words were muffled by the pillow but this time I could tell Nik didn't need a translation.
His hand kept up the absent rubbing as he lay on his side and thought about everything so loud I swear I could hear him. He still didn't speak. It was kind of unnerving. I never did well with silence.
"What's done is done," he finally said in that calm Niko-way that made me wish he'd yell and hit me or something. "I know you meant well."
"Doesn't change anything."
"No. But I can't hold that against you. I would have done the same."
"Yeah, but you would've been quick enough."
"Cal, don't. Don't do that."
I grimaced into my pillow, "We are so fucked up."
"Fucked. Fucked up. Some days I really don't see a difference."
He said it with such an uncharacteristic nonchalance that it made me laugh. He was trying to make me feel better and it was working, damn him. Also, the back rub was slowly but surely putting me to sleep again.
"You two are fucking impossible." I rolled over and found Robin glaring at us with a tray of painkillers and orange juice. There was a soda for me. "Can't you stay where I put you for two seconds? I swear I'll go mad before the day's out."
"Look," I mumbled, ignoring his tirade. "This way you only have to make one trip. By the way, who put you in charge of nurse duty?"
He cursed us in twelve different languages under his breath before setting the tray on the bedside table.
"Somebody's cranky," I yawned in Niko's direction.
"I'd say he has a right."
"Mmm," I rolled over and tucked my arms under the pillow. "You deal with it. You're the patient, diplomatic one."
Robin made a sound of supreme irritation. "Don't bother. I hope you both fall over whatever sparse piece of furniture you own and break your legs."
"He means well."
Either Niko was feeling suicidal or Robin had dosed him up too. I was betting on the drugs.
Leaving the tray behind Robin turned on his heels and slammed the bedroom door.
"He's just jealous 'cause he's always wanted to be the one in bed with you," I peeked out cautiously from underneath my elbow.
Niko made a face like he was going to vomit. He slammed a pillow down on my head and probably would've shoved me off had he not been in danger of reopening his wound.
"Shut up and let me sleep."
I smiled weakly but did as I was told. At the very least Niko deserved to sleep for a month if he chose. I rolled onto my side and closed my eyes, dreading what was to come when sleep finally found me.
My brother's even breaths lulled me down into the darkness with him.
But I didn't dream.
END