This isn't how it was supposed to be.
The day that Nadine Crowell married Nikolas Cassadine had been the happiest day of her life. Standing amidst the beautiful gardens of Spoon Island as she held the hand of the man she loved more than life itself, she had truly believed that they would finally have their own happily ever after. He had been all that she had ever dreamt about since she was six years old and saw Cinderella for the first time with Jolene and Aunt Raylene at the old drive-in back home in Ohio. With his glittering chocolate eyes, chiseled features, towering mansion and perfect son, he was everything that she knew that she should ever want. And when he had slipped the sparkling platinum band on her left ring finger, he had been everything that she wanted.
Their life together was perfect from the beginning. His financial standings allowed her to quit work at General Hospital so that she could focus her attentions to helping patients that truly needed her at the clinic. She would spend her days running the office and seeing patients right next to Nikolas, enjoying the stolen kisses they would share in the supply closet or the long lunches they had at his desk. They would come home together at night and have dinner with Spencer before retiring to the terrace to watch the sunset and listen to the ships coming into the harbor. It was a good life, one that she thanked God for every single day after she woke up and every night before she went to bed
Nadine couldn't really pinpoint when things had changed between them. Nikolas hadn't done anything to really conjure the distance she knew was starting to grow between them. She knew that they were walking a fine line, and she was determined to keep their relationship from slipping into the abyss of a marriage of convenience. She wanted more for them, and she knew that they were capable of that. Nadine tried to find ways to recapture his attention, whether it meant spicing up their sex life or talking about having a child together. Spencer had been asking for a younger sibling for awhile now, and Nikolas had always been outspoken about wanting children with her. She knew that a child would never be the answer to all their problems, but it was a beginning. It was a connection. It was something that would forever tie them together no matter where life was to lead them.
The night that Nadine finally told Nikolas she was ready to have a child, he wept like a baby. He had always felt like it was the one piece missing from their perfect life, and the thought of seeing his wife carrying his child was almost too much to bear. They'd made love slowly, passionately, desperately, pointedly. Afterwards, as they lay in each other's arms in the afterglow, he had whispered into her ear how much he loved her. Nadine had automatically returned the sentiment before realizing for the first time that she didn't really feel the words as she said them. She had only said them because it was what was expected of her.
It wasn't that she didn't love Nikolas. She never really stopped loving him, she just sort of stopped being in love with him. Even over the next several months as they tried to get pregnant, she couldn't manage to convince herself that she was still in love with him. She just cared about him enough to want to give him this. Maybe once she was pregnant, she would fall back in love with him. The truth was that Nadine really didn't know what was going to occur once it actually happened, and as fate would have it, she would never have the chance to find out.
By the time their baby pursuit hit the six-month point, both Nikolas and Nadine were frustrated with trying. They had attempted the old-fashioned route first, wanting to conceive their child naturally and what Nikolas perceived to be out of love. When that didn't work, they visited specialists to get tested. They both came back with clean bills of health, so Nadine was started on a round of in vitro fertilization treatments. After three rounds, she refused to keep taking the injections. It was too stressful on both of them, and it was slowly taking its toll on their marriage.
Nadine told him that same night that she wanted to go back to work. She needed to find a piece of her old self, the one that had been so happy-go-lucky and carefree. Neither of those were words she would have used to describe herself these days. After a short and terse conversation, Nikolas had agreed to help her get her job back at General Hospital, and Nadine quickly delved into buying herself in her work. She worked long shifts, volunteered to fill in when asked and took on as much as she could handle without forsaking anything when it came to Spencer. Through all of it, he was the one thing that kept Nikolas and her on the same page. He was the one thing that made this that much harder.
She couldn't remember why they were fighting that night she ended up on the roof of the hospital, clutching a half-full bottle of whiskey in her palms as she stared angrily at the lights of Port Charles. She could just make out the lights of Wyndamere in the distance, something that had once brought her so much comfort but now only caused her that much more anguish. Tipping the bottle back, she allowed the amber liquid to slide down her throat greedily before settling in the depths of her stomach. She just wanted to numb the voices screaming in her head and forget momentarily the disaster she'd turned her life into.
In one fell swoop, Nadine hopped up onto the ledge of the building and lifted her long legs over the edge so that they swung freely in the bitter winter breeze. The snow was just starting to fall, covering the rooftops with a thin blanket of white powder. She was thinking about that first winter with Nikolas, how they had made snowmen with Spencer out by the stable and taken long walks together through Rice Park. She remembered one day in particular when they had an impromptu snowball fight near the gazebo that ended with Nikolas in tears. Memories of Emily would come flooding back to him at the most unexpected times, and the two of them had sat clinging to each other for hours on the steps.
Tears started to fall freely down her face as she squeezed her wide blue eyes shut desperately. The last thing she needed to remember was that she was only with him because he couldn't be with Emily. She was so wrapped up in the overwhelming sadness wracking her small body that she didn't hear the loud and angry slam of the door up to the roof. A moment later, as she opened her eyes and turned her face to look up at the heavens, she was surprised to hear someone call her name. Neither of them said anything as he made his way across the roof and stopped behind her, his feet planted firmly on the ground but his hands resting on the ledge next to her. She could see the fury raging in his smoldering dark eyes as she wordlessly handed over the bottle of whiskey. He took a long drawl of the unforgiving liquor before passing it back to her.
This isn't how it was supposed to be, but this is how it started.
They were supposed to be different.
The day that Johnny Zacharra picked up Lesley Lu Spencer on the side of a country road in his vintage sports car had been the day his life changed forever. He had known from the very beginning that she was going to be his savior, the one thing that made him different from his psychopathic father and his unfeeling sister. Their love was going to be the thing that saved him. He had believed that from the beginning, and after a little time, Lulu had come to believe that, too.
She had made him believe in the impossible when he had gotten her to fall in love with him. Like him, Lulu had endured years of pain only to end up broken and battered by the circumstances life had thrown her way. Lulu was the love child of the infamous Luke and Laura Spencer, the younger sister of the brooding Cassadine prince and the mostly wholesome police detective. She had lived through losing her mother, losing her best friend, losing her child, losing her mind. Time and time again, Lulu had overcome incredible odds only to come out stronger on the other end. That strength was what drew Johnny to her in the first place because he knew that she was a survivor like him. She wore her bruises and scars like a badge of honor.
There had been a time in their relationship, after Logan's death and during the breakdown, where he had truly believed that she would have been better off if she had never met him. He still believed that some days, especially in those moments when he would look right through her as if she wasn't even there. However, Lulu had loved him with such fierceness that he had wanted to let her save him. He wanted to save her right back. He wanted to be the man that she thought he was, to live up to the image she had in her head. She accepted him for who he was with no questions asked. Given the world he had been born into, that was exactly what Johnny had needed. More than anything in his life, he had needed her.
And so, after a lot of thinking and a bitter argument with his sister, he had finally proposed to Lulu as he knelt on one knee in front of her by his piano. His hands had shaken terribly when he had slid the generous diamond engagement ring on her hand as she tearfully said yes to his proposal. Their wedding had been small and intimate, only attended by their closest family and a few friends. Claudia had stood up with him as his best man, despite her personal feelings about his decision. It was a perfect beginning to what he thought would be a beautiful life together.
For awhile, they really did have it all. Johnny surprised her one May afternoon with a drive out to the outskirts of Port Charles where he had first met her. After a lot of negotiating with the previous owners, he had finally managed to secure a large parcel of land where they could build the home of their dreams. He could still feel the sweet taste of her lips on his that day. She had dragged him all over the grassy field, pointing out where she imagined different things would be. Lulu could see their entire life together in this place, but Johnny hadn't been able to see it then. He could only see an empty field. Looking back now, he was pretty sure that was when their troubles had begun.
It was slow at his first, his immersion back into the mob world. When his father finally succumbed to a brain aneurysm, Claudia had come to him immediately to make him come through on his familial obligations. There was an organization to run, and he was expected to be the one at the helm. Lulu and Johnny never really talked about it directly, but she understood what was happening when the guards around her doubled and he started carrying a gun again. She had always known that this was part of being with Johnny and that he would someday have to take over when something happened to Anthony. She had just hoped that she would be enough reason for him to say no.
The first night Johnny didn't come home was the longest of her life, and Lulu had beat at his chest frantically when he had walked in stoically during the earliest hours of the next morning. There was a small blood stain on the cuff of his otherwise pristine white button-up shirt, a sight that she focused on as he carefully moved her hands off him and walked silently over to the bar to pour himself a scotch. She had started making demands right away, wanting to know where he had been and what had happened. He had only shaken his head wordlessly. It was then that she had known. Her husband was slowly turning into his father.
They would grow further apart over the next several months as he retreated further into himself and she tried to ignore that anything was even wrong. Entire days could pass where they wouldn't talk to or look at one another, let alone touch or kiss. The only time he was really interested in being with her was when he was mad or desperate to forget. He was powerful and dominating when he was angry. He was sweet and endearing when he wanted to bury himself in her. It was the loneliest time that either of them had ever known, and yet, neither of them made a move to leave. As hard as it was being married to Lulu, Johnny knew that it would be harder to be without her. It wasn't that he wanted to hold onto her really, it was more that he was terrified to let go.
Then, one night, the anger and the silence was too much for Lulu to bear, and she had started screaming at him as they sat at opposite ends of their ridiculously long dining room table. She had hurled insults his way, trying desperately to illicit even the smallest reaction from him. She would have taken him throwing a plate at the wall or screaming back, but Johnny didn't give her that. He didn't give her anything. He simply pushed his chair away from the table, grabbed his keys off the credenza and slammed the door shut behind him as he walked out on her.
He really hadn't had a plan when he had slipped behind the steering wheel of his luxury sedan, only that he wanted to go somewhere else and fast. Before he knew it, he found himself in the parking lot of General Hospital and looking up at the roof. He had come there quite often in those first months of his relationship with Lulu, especially when he was wanting to feel that comforting adrenaline rush of living life on the edge. He would pace the ledge of the building, allowing his foot to dip off the side and feel the rush of the air around him. His legs couldn't carry him up the stairs quick enough. For the first time in a long time, he knew exactly what he wanted.
The rush of the frigid air hit his face immediately when he spilled out onto the roof breathlessly. Johnny doubled over for a moment, clutching his stomach as he took in large gulps of oxygen. He felt restless in his own skin as he stood back up and gazed up at the stars. The last thing he needed to do was start thinking again. As he looked back down at his surroundings again, his eyes settled on the outline of a blonde sitting on the ledge. He called her name loudly and started toward her, unsure of what he would say when he got there. He was no closer to having the right words when he leaned over the ledge next to her. She handed him the half-empty bottle of whiskey he had been eyeing without saying a word. Johnny welcomed the familiar comfort of alcohol burning in his throat as he returned the bottle to its owner.
They were supposed to be different, but this was how they were.
It was the end of something simple.
The relationship between Johnny and Nadine started out innocently enough, beginning with that night on the roof at General Hospital. They had spent hours together on that cold winter night, passing the bottle of whiskey between them as they talked about nothing and everything at the same time. It felt good for Nadine to finally be able to confide in someone about all the problems she was having with Nikolas. Johnny reveled in having someone else understand all the fears that he struggled with every day. They were two people stuck in very similar situations without any idea of how to get out, and for the first time in as long as either could remember, they didn't feel alone.
Nothing happened that night between them. In fact, nothing would happen for a very long time. As far as anyone was concerned, they were just two in-laws connected through a shared family. He would come to visit her some nights at the hospital, sharing his latest woes over sub par coffee in the cafeteria while she listened on her dinner break. She would stop by to see him at his office on her days off, bringing by the apple fritters that he loved so much from Kelly's. It was just an innocent friendship, and neither of them ever had any intention of making it into something more.
However, without realizing it, things had begun to change between them. Nadine would find herself smiling goofily to herself as she thought about him instead of focusing on her work. She would check her watch countless times in anticipation of his arrival and replay their intimate conversations in her head. There were nights that his face was the last thing she thought about before she'd fall asleep and the image that welcomed her when she awoke the next morning. She was always making mental notes to share something with him the next time she saw him. More than once, she had sought refuge in his comforting embrace as she cried and sobbed over Nikolas. He had slowly become her best friend, the one person that she could tell everything to.
It wasn't like Nadine's feelings for him went unreturned, only unacknowledged. Neither of them had said a word about this growing thing between him. Yet, it was becoming very difficult for Johnny to ignore it. He would find himself thinking about her at the oddest times, like when he was brushing his teeth in the morning. Whenever anything good or bad happened, she was the first person he wanted to tell. She was his sanity during those particularly difficult moments when he just wanted to give up on everything and anyone. She wouldn't say anything when he needed to laugh or yell or scream or just be quiet, she would just sit by his side and wait until he worked out whatever was going on in his head. She had slowly become his best friend, the one person he didn't want to push away.
For instance, Nadine was the only person that knew Johnny had rented a small apartment near the docks where he would sometimes go when he just wanted to be alone. They had started to meet there whenever either of them could get a moment away. They would just sit across from each other at the small table in the kitchen, sharing a bottle of red wine while they mulled over the misery. Sometimes he would play the piano for her. Other times, they would just sit in silence on the couch. This was their little haven, the one place where neither of them had to pretend to be anything other than what they were.
Johnny was breathless when he called her at the hospital that night, his voice thick with unshed tears. He had begged her desperately to meet him there, and it had only taken Nadine thirty seconds to hang up the phone, make up a lie to Epiphany and jet out of the hospital toward her car. She made it across town in record time, taking the stairs two at a time before unlocking the door with the key he'd copied for her. She found him hunched over on the floor, blood pouring from a deep gash on his abdomen. Nadine's inner nurse had immediately sprung into action as she sat to work doctoring his wounds. It was only later when he was properly sanitized, gauzed and medicated that she finally allowed herself to worry.
Nadine didn't need to ask what happened or if he was okay. His work was the one thing that they never talked about unless he brought it up. She understood that if he was going to open up about that part of his life, it had to be on his terms. Instead, she had entwined her hand in his and leaned her head on his shoulder. "I don't know what I would have done if something happened to you."
He turned his head to meet her familiar azure eyes, hating the pain and fear that dwelled there because of him. He reached up and tucked a stray tendril of blonde hair behind her ear before pressing his forehead to hers. "I'm not going anywhere," he promised before pulling back to put some much needed distance between them.
"What is this between us?" she asked after several minutes, not daring to meet his questioning eyes in fear of what he would say next. She had known that whatever was between them was far from proper considering they were both married. However, for the first time in her life, Nadine didn't care about doing what was right. She only cared about how she felt when she was with him. "Why did you call me and not her?"
Johnny knew that he could lie and say that it was because she was a nurse, but she would only point out that he could have driven to the hospital. She had known the answer when she had asked the question. "Because you're the one I needed to see," he whispered. "You're the one I wanted here."
Hearing that admission was all Nadine needed to convince her to finally look up at him. She tried to muster a brave smile for him as he let go of her hand, only to replace it on the side of her face. She rested her cheek in his cupped palm. Nadine closed her eyes as he moved toward her, knowing that once they took this step that they would never be able to go back. His lips met hers as the two of them sealed their fate. They had just taken a giant leap, and there would be no coming back from this.
It was the beginning of everything else.
It was what it was.
Johnny couldn't remember a time that he felt more exhilarated than when he was with Nadine, even when he had first begun falling in love with Lulu. She was his own secret, one that he got to keep all to himself and didn't have to share with anyone else in the world. As much as things changed between them, so much had stayed the same. She was still his best friend, the one place he could come back to no matter what. However, their secrets were now shared in the confines of her arms as they lay together tangled in his sheets at the apartment he now called theirs. They had built a perfect little world together in their lovers' haze, one that nothing and no one could touch.
They both knew how special their relationship was, but Nadine never let herself get too comfortable with him. It would only take one false step and their whole world could come crashing down around them. It scared the hell out of her to think that she could lose everything that she had built with Nikolas, even when she wasn't always sure that life was still what she wanted. However, no matter how afraid she got, she always took comfort in knowing that she would not have to go through it alone. She had Johnny's friendship, his support, his heart. He loved her, she knew that. It was all she needed to drown out everything whenever those doubts got too loud.
The first time Johnny told her that he loved her, he had actually said it by accident. He had stopped by the hospital on a whim after a particularly trying day at the hospital, wanting to temporarily forget his troubles in the ocean blue eyes of his favorite nurse. It had taken nearly twenty minutes of watching her before she was finally alone. He had snuck into the supply closet behind her, wrapping his strong arms around her body as he laid gentle kisses on her neck. Nadine had known it was him immediately by the masculine scent that defined him. Turning around in his embrace, she had met his hungry kisses with an equally passionate attack of her own.
Ten minutes later, Johnny peeked his head into the hallway before pulling her into the empty corridor after him. He looked both ways before laying one final kiss on her swollen lips and regretfully letting her go. "Come by when you're off work," he whispered as he pulled back at the sight of a passing doctor.
Nadine waited until they were alone again before allowing him to take her hand. She lifted his calloused fingers to her mouth and brushed a soft kiss over his knuckles. His hands were her favorite part about Johnny's body because she could trace his entire history in the scars and marks that covered his rough skin. "You know I will."
"Okay, I better get going," he murmured before stealing another kiss greedily. She smiled against his mouth, well aware that he could never get enough of her. He was insatiable when it came to both her time and her body. "I'll see you in a little bit, love you."
Johnny pulled away from her and was halfway up the hall before he realized what he had just said. He turned around just in time for her mouth to come crashing to his. Without any thought as to who could see them, Nadine lost herself completely in him. Her hands reached up to tangle in his dark locks as his hands spanned over her slender waist. They only pulled apart when they were both gasping for air. Fear shone in his eyes as he waited for her to say something. Finally, she set his mind at ease as she leaned closer to him and gazed into his coffee eyes, "I love you, too."
It was what it was, and what it was was wonderful.
It was hard to feel guilty about something they didn't regret.
Time flew by, and soon it had been a year since that fateful night on the roof. With each passing day, the closeness and the love grew between Nadine Cassadine and Johnny Zacharra. They simply went through the motions of their daily lives, playing the devote husband or wife to their spouse and pretending that everything was actually as perfect as it seemed. She would pretend not to notice him at the rare family function, not wanting him to see the tears burning in his eyes as he took Lulu's hand. He forced himself to ignore her when the three siblings forced everyone to get together, swallowing back the overwhelming urge to punch Nikolas every time he kissed her.
Johnny and Lulu's marriage was not fairing well at this point. She was quiet and bitter at best, screeching and hateful at worst. Rather than engage in the arguments with her, Johnny would sit silently until she would inevitably dissolve into pathetic sobs. He tried not to resent her for not being Nadine, but as time went by and they grew further apart, he no longer saw her for the girl she once was. He could only see her for the woman that she was not.
It was only when Nadine was with Johnny that she felt like she was really alive. The distance between her and Nikolas was definitely an abyss now, not that he really noticed. He still pretended like everything was perfect between them whenever they would attend the required charity functions or rode the horses together with Spencer. Nikolas had eventually given up the idea of having another child, and Nadine had rewarded him with the happiest kiss she had managed with him in months. However, even amidst those seemingly perfect moments, Nadine could only think about how she was not with him, how she was not with the man she loved.
She had every intention of leaving Nikolas when she showed up at the apartment that afternoon. They had finally had an argument, the first real fight they'd had in such a long time. Nikolas had been angry at her for the long hours at the hospital, not knowing that she was lying to him and that she had only been working part time. She had rebuked his demands that she cut back and focus on their family. When she had refused, Nikolas' face had darkened noticeably and for the first time, she could see the Cassadine he had always warned her about. Knowing that his temper was getting the better of him, he had stormed out of the house in a silent rage, and a few minutes, she could hear his car speeding up the driveway.
After placing a quick call to Johnny, she changed into the dress he had bought for her a few weeks ago during a trip to Paris with Lulu. He had been gone two weeks, the longest time they had been apart since their affair had begun. Johnny had been so desperate to get home, and they had made love for hours the night of his return. Nadine had carried the memory of that night with her for weeks, and it was what she was carrying with her now as she waited for Johnny to show up to their apartment. She stood at the window alone, staring out at the dreary grey sky and the still harbor waters.
Johnny slid his key into the lock and let himself into the apartment quietly, not wanting to disturb her from whatever moment she was lost in. He had made it a habit of catching her in these moments. He loved to watch Nadine without her knowing. Now, as he leaned against the doorframe in the living room, he felt the same warmth spread over him that always came whenever he saw her. She was poised at the window, her gaze fixed on the horizon. Slipping up behind her, Johnny wrapped one hand around her waist and rested the other on her shoulder. "Hi, you" he whispered into her ear, smiling as he felt her body shiver involuntarily at his intimate tone.
"Hi, you," she returned as she stood perfectly still, never breaking her eyes away from the calm waves crashing against the docks below. Johnny kissed her once behind her ear before placing a trail of open-mouthed kisses over her neck. She cocked her head slightly to pull away from him. She needed for this to not be about that. Sensing that need, Johnny squeezed her shoulder gently. Nadine reached up to cover his left hand with hers, freezing slightly as she felt her thumb brush over something cold.
In all the time they had been doing this, Nadine and Johnny had never once discussed the future. They had never talked about this being affair or the fact they had people in the outside world who loved them. However, as her fingertip brushed over the metal of his wedding band, it was enough to stop Nadine in her tracks. "You're married," she stated simply. It was the first time she had ever said it to him like that before.
"So are you," he murmured lifting their entwined hands in front of her eyes and gesturing toward her sizable engagement and wedding rings. He hated this part, the part where he realized that Nadine wasn't all his and that she still belonged to someone else. He didn't allow that part to happen very often, but it would sneak up on him every once in awhile. "It doesn't matter."
He knew that it was a pathetic attempt at convincing both of them that it didn't matter when everything about the moment told them that it did. Nadine turned to him slowly with tears on the verge of falling threatening to escape from her baby blue eyes. Johnny wanted to reach up and wipe them away like he usually did, but he suddenly felt frozen in place. Nadine opened her mouth to say something before tightening her lips in an unrelenting grimace. When she couldn't bear to look at him any longer, she averted her gaze to the floor. Just when Johnny thought that was the worst thing she could do, he felt her withdraw her hand from his and shove it into the pocket of her cashmere cardigan. Johnny closed his eyes just as she brushed past him, the ghost of her touch lingering in the apartment long after her departure. In that moment, everything went completely still around him and he could only hear, see, touch, smell or feel one thing – the echo of the slamming door as she left.
It was hard to regret something they didn't feel guilty about.
They say time heals all wounds.
Two weeks passed by, and Johnny ached from the absence of Nadine in his life. He called her relentlessly, leaving desperate message after desperate message for her to get in touch with him. She stopped showing up at the apartment or seeking him out at his office. She had taken time off from the hospital so that he couldn't conveniently surprise her at work. In a final vain attempt to see her, Johnny had even convinced Lulu to throw a dinner party for her family so that she would be forced to face him. However, when the night of the dinner arrived, Nikolas and Spencer showed up alone with apologies from an ill Nadine. Johnny wasn't surprised when he was the only one who saw through her thinly veiled lie.
Johnny was nearly distraught and convinced it was completely over between the two of them on the night he agreed to meet Claudia for a drink at Jake's before heading home from the office. He had begrudgingly showed up to the dive bar with one mission on his mind – to drink his worries away until he was completely numb from losing her. However, whatever small twinge of hope that was still left in him showed up the minute he spotted a foursome of girls from the hospital knocking back tequila shots at the bar.
He strategically chose a table near where Leyla Mir sat with Kelly Lee, Lainey Winters and Elizabeth Spencer. Besides working along side Nadine at the hospital, the four women also happened to be her closest friends. Leyla in particular was close to Nadine, and Johnny knew that she counted the nurse as her best friend second only to him. Johnny angled his body so that he could overhear their conversation without seeming too obvious. With his eyes fixed on his sister as she rambled on and on about her latest exploitations, his hears perked up when he heard Leyla mention Nadine's name.
"I can't believe she is finally coming back to the hospital tomorrow. It feels like she has been gone forever," Leyla announced between shots. Kelly lifted her glass in recognition of her friend's sentiment. "I've gone by to see her a couple times, but she doesn't really say much. She just kind of sat there and looked through me. Nikolas said she spends a lot of time just sitting by the window and staring out at the water. He doesn't know what to do."
Elizabeth looked gingerly down at where her finger was tracing the rim of her shot glass. Nikolas had confided his concerns for Nadine to her two days ago when he had brought Spencer by to spend the night with her, Lucky and the boys at the cottage. She had never seen her brother-in-law so worried over his wife. "I think she is just going through some things right now," she offered. "I'm sure she'll talk about it with us when she's ready."
That was all Johnny needed to hear to know that Nadine was in just as much pain as he was. It was clear that she needed him whether she wanted it to be true or not. He made up some lame excuse about needing to get home to Lulu so that he could get out of the bar. Dropping a twenty on the table, he left a confused Claudia in his wake as he sprinted out of Jake's and toward his car. After lying to his wife yet again about where he was going, Johnny headed to the harbor to be with the Nadine in the one place where she couldn't escape him.
Meanwhile, at Wyndamere, Nadine held a sleeping Spencer against her chest as she sat in her favorite overstuffed armchair next to the large bay window. She listened to the soft inhale and exhale of her adoptive son's breath as he slept in her arms. They had been sitting here like this for hours, Spencer sleeping and her gazing out at the water. Nikolas had tried to convince her to come to bed some time ago, but she had refused, saying that she just wanted to spend some time alone with Spencer. Now, as he watched her from the landing of the staircase, she really just wanted to be alone.
"Why don't I take him upstairs?" Nikolas suggested as he came the rest of the way down the staircase and into the sitting room. She smiled at him gratefully as he leaned down to shift the little boy into his cradled embrace. She rose slightly to kiss Spencer's forehead affectionately and ruffled his hair. She looked up at Nikolas and brushed another kiss over his cheek. "Come to bed soon, okay?"
"I will," she promised as he headed back upstairs to leave her alone with her thoughts. Nadine pulled the chenille throw off the back of the armchair and wrapped it around her body. She knew that it was dangerous to have the blanket at the home she shared with Nikolas, but it was the one remnant of her life with Johnny that she allowed here. She had gone by the apartment last week when she knew that he would be working and had taken it from their bed. Now, as she sat alone in her grand living room alone, she could almost pretend that the soft material encasing her body was his arms around her.
Nadine returned her attention to the view outside as two ships passed by the window. One was headed into the harbor, while the other was making its way out to sea. Just as it was about to disappear from the harbor, it made an abrupt turn back toward Port Charles. She watched curiously as the spacious liner stalled just outside Wyndamere, pulled as closely to the private docks as it could manage without running ashore. Suddenly, all the lights went off on the ship, panicking her immediately. She worried that the boat had lost power and waited a moment for the lights to return.
However, rather than the boat's full lights going back up, only a single blue light shone on the boat. Nadine studied it for a moment before realizing that someone had a signal light and was trying to get a message out to someone. She counted the flashes emanating from the azure glow. The light flashed once, then four times quickly and then three times quickly. She knew immediately what it was. It was their code – 143. Johnny and Nadine had used it several times over the past year to declare their love for one another when the actual words could not be spoken. She raised her hands to her face to stifle the sob that escaped past her lips as Johnny shone the light again in the same pattern. Then, as quickly as the ship had come, it was gone again and so was he.
Time only made their wounds deeper.
This would be the day when everything changed.
Johnny woke the next morning with a spring in his step, sure that this was the day he would finally win Nadine back. While a better man would have felt remorse waking up beside his beautiful wife with thoughts of another blonde on his mind, he could only think about how he was waking up to a stranger. He left her there when he slipped out of the house early, determined to show up at the hospital before she started her shift. While Johnny knew that she was supposed to be returning to GH, he had no clue what time she was actually due to arrive. He didn't care if he had to wait all day for her; he was going to stay there until she showed up.
An hour passed and then two and then three and four. Finally, Johnny had become worried as the parking lot became full and there was still no sign of Nadine. He headed into the hospital and straight upstairs for the nurses' station on the fifth floor. He was relieved to find Elizabeth standing behind the desk, pouring over a stack of charts. Johnny made up some lie about needing to ask Nadine what Spencer might want for his birthday, only to find out that she wasn't going to come in today after all. Elizabeth didn't give any further explanation, and Johnny didn't ask anymore questions. He simply smiled at his sister-in-law and disappeared back into the elevator from which he'd come.
Over the next two hours, Johnny went everywhere he could think of to look for Nadine. His first instinct had been to go to the apartment, but he knew that she hadn't been there in days. There was a very slim chance that she had chosen this morning to make her return. So, instead, he headed over to Kelly's and then the Metrocourt to check her favorite restaurants. When both of those places came up empty, he tried a few of the shops that she frequented along with the long-term facility where Jolene stayed and Rice Park. On the way back into town, he took a big risk and called out to Wyndamere. Alfred didn't seem to recognize his voice as he told him that Mrs. Cassadine was out for the day, and that he had no idea when she would be back.
Finally, resigned to his failure once again, Johnny had headed for the haven that was their apartment. After leaving his car in the secured parking garage, he headed upstairs unsure of what he would do once he got there. He threw his keys against the wall angrily after he let himself in. It was only when they hit the wooden floor that he noticed something laying over the back of the couch. It was her coat, the sky blue one she had bought when he'd said that it would match her eyes. Johnny crossed the room and lifted it to his face, burying his nose in the intoxicating scent she'd left behind on the pea coat. A ginger smile played across his lips as he laid it back over the sofa and headed toward their bedroom.
She was lying in the middle of the bed asleep when he found her. With her blonde ringlets splayed across the slate grey silk sheets, she looked just like the angel that had saved him all those months ago. Johnny reached down and brushed his thumb over her cheek before taking the rest of her in. She was dressed in her favorite white nightgown, the one that she kept hanging on the back of the door in the bathroom. Johnny quickly discarded his jeans and black knit sweater until he was dressed only in his plaid boxers. Slipping into the bed behind her, he wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her body firmly against his so that they lay like spoons.
Johnny closed his eyes as he rested his chin against her shoulder, silently thanking God for bringing her back to him. He felt Nadine moved against him, her hands snaking him to cover his where they rested on her stomach. She threaded their fingers together silently and squeezed his hand. "I love you, too."
Leaning back from her slightly, he readjusted their bodies so that she was flat on her back and he was hovering over her face from beside her. She leaned up and pulled his face down to hers in a deep kiss. He ended the kiss only to press his forehead against hers. She felt the relieved sigh as he pulled her into a sitting position. Johnny turned her hand so that her palm was up and looked right into her blue eyes. Without breaking the intense gaze, he removed his wedding ring and laid it into her palm before clasping her fist closed over it. He then took her left hand and removed her own wedding ring. She took it from him and enclosed it along with his in her hand.
This was the day that changed everything.
Once upon a time, there was a boy and a girl with quite a conundrum.
Removing those wedding rings that day had been like unbinding the chains that had weighed down both Johnny and Nadine for so long. It hadn't taken a conversation for either of them to know that their marriages were over. The only question was how they would tell their respective spouses. Nadine knew that there was no easy way to do this, and either way two hearts were going to be broken. Johnny wasn't about to let her go through this alone and had firmly insisted that they tell Nikolas and Lulu together over dinner.
Nikolas had been surprised when his wife called to invite him to dinner with his sister and her husband at the Metrocourt. Nadine hadn't been feeling too social lately and rarely initiated any interaction with his family these days. She had asked him to leave Spencer with Lucky and Elizabeth with plans to meet him at the hotel directly from work. His sister had been equally shocked to get a call from Johnny that afternoon as he sat behind his desk at the office. Johnny never asked her to do anything with him anymore, let alone with her family. They made plans to meet at the restaurant since he would be working right up until dinner.
In reality, Johnny and Nadine had decided that they would come to the Metrocourt together. As soon as he had hung up with Lulu, Johnny had rushed straight over to the apartment to meet Nadine. She had made up a convincing story about not feeling well so that she could get off early. Now, they stood side by side in front of the vanity dressing for what would be the ends of their marriages.
Nadine turned to Johnny and readjusted his tie, fingering the pale blue silk unabashedly. Johnny leaned down and kissed the tip of her nose, allowing his hands to skim the material of her dress. She smiled brightly before returning her eyes to their reflection so that she could apply the rest of her makeup. When she was fully satisfied her appearance, she slipped her arm through Johnny's and grinned at him in the mirror. "Look at them."
By the time the two of them had made their way to hotel, the sun had already set and they were running twenty minutes late. Nadine and Johnny ignored the probing looks as they dashed through the crowded lobby hand in hand, only slowing their pace when they reached the front entrance of the restaurant. The hostess led them back to their reserved table where Lulu and Nikolas were waiting. Nikolas rose to his feet immediately to greet his wife, not really noticing or caring that she had come in with his brother-in-law. Lulu, however, was completely aware that her sister-in-law had come in with her husband and that she was holding his hand.
"What is going on here?" she demanded as her eyes went wide, looking quickly from Johnny to Nadine and then back to her husband. Johnny stepped protectively in front of Nadine without letting go of her hand. "Johnny, let go of her."
Nikolas moved to Nadine's side quickly and reached for his wife. Nadine recoiled automatically at his hand, tearing her own away as if his touch had burnt her. "Nadine, honey, what is going on?" he asked politely. Even if he was angry, Nikolas would never show it in public. His manners dictated his behavior at all times, even when he could barely breathe because he was so consumed with anger and confusion. "Why did you come in with Johnny?"
Nadine looked at her husband apologetically before gesturing back to the table. "Maybe we should sit down so that we can talk about this, Nik," she suggested as she slid into one of the empty chairs. Nikolas softened slightly at her term of endearment for him. It had been a long time since she had called him anything other than Nikolas. He took the seat next to her and moved his chair close to hers to keep Johnny at a distance. "Lulu, why don't you join Nikolas so that we can tell you what is going on."
Lulu looked at her sister-in-law with pure hatred in her eyes. "Do not patronize me, Nadine," she spat before flopping angrily into the chair. Johnny sat down next to her and across from Nadine. He slid his foot under the table and tapped it against Nadine's to catch her attention. She looked up at him just in time to see him wink at her. The little gesture did not go unnoticed by his wife. "You are aware that I am sitting right here, aren't you? Don't refer to Johnny and you as if you are a unit. There is no 'we' there. He is my husband."
It was Johnny's turn to turn and looked at his wife. He felt sad for her denial. She had to have known that it was over. It had been for awhile now. The only thing left was to make it official. "We're only legally married, Lu. I haven't been your husband for a long time," he confessed softly. "Come on, you know it's true. You didn't even notice that I stopped wearing my wedding ring last week."
With her mouth agape, Lulu started to protest when Nadine quickly cut her off. She turned to Nikolas and looked into the eyes of the man she had once been deeply in love with. She could still see traces of that man as she stared at him now. "I'm sorry."
Nikolas looked down at her hand and noted the absence of her own wedding set. How long had it been missing? He had no clue. "I don't understand how you could choose him when I have given you everything," he replied. "I love you, Nadine. I know that you loved me. How can all of that be gone? There was so much good here. Spencer loves you. I just don't get how this happened. What did I miss? Where did my wife go?"
Tears welled in her eyes as she covered Nikolas' hand with her own on the table. "I will always love you, Nikolas, because you gave me Spencer. That little boy means everything to me. We're just not in love anymore," she said tearfully. "We haven't been for a long time now. You deserve so much more than that. You deserve someone who won't push you away. I'm not that girl for you anymore. You deserve someone who isn't in love with someone else."
Nadine's eyes darted to meet Johnny's for a brief moment. The two of them exchanged smiles before a quiet Nikolas pushed his chair back from the table. "I can't do this right now. It's clear that you have made your decision," he declared as he stood up. "I need to get home to my son. You just do what you need to do, and I will make sure that Alexis takes care of things on my end."
Without another word, the brooding prince walked out of the restaurant with his head bowed to his chest. Nadine covered her mouth to stifle the sob threatening to escape much as she had that night Johnny had flashed the light into the window at Wyndamere. She turned to apologize to Lulu again, wanting to do something to end this situation so that she could get out of here. However, she was surprised to find Lulu on her feet, standing inches away from Nadine when she finally looked up. She felt the sting of a hard slap across her cheek moments later.
"Lulu, stop it!" was all Johnny managed to say as he shoved his way in between the two women. Nadine sat silently at the table, her hand covering the red mark on her cheek as tears streamed down her face. He looked angrily at his wife, unsure what to say or do. There was no fixing this. He had known that the first time he had kissed Nadine. He'd always known there was no coming back from that, and this moment was his proof. Without another word to his soon-to-be ex-wife, he reached down and helped Nadine to her feet. Wrapping his arm around her shoulders protectively, he threw a few large bills down on the table before escorting the nurse out of the restaurant.
The two of them were silent the entire way back to the apartment. He sat behind the wheel, driving calmly because he didn't want to scare her. She looked out the window the whole way, only looking over briefly once when he reached for her hand. Once they were back in the parking garage, Johnny killed the engine and got out to help her from the car. When he made it around to the passenger side, he found Nadine with a fresh round of tears rolling down her cheeks. Johnny knelt on the dirty pavement to draw her into his arms. Nadine buried her head in his shirt, not carrying about the runny mascara she knew would stain his collar.
"I love you, Nadine Crowell," he whispered as he kissed her temple. She smiled when he used her maiden name. He brushed kisses over her forehead, her cheeks, the tip of her nose, her lips. "You're mine. I'm yours. Nothing can change that now."
Wrapping her arms around Johnny's neck, she allowed him to scoop her out of the car. He nudged the door shut with his ankle and carried her toward the elevator. "I love you, too, Johnny Zacharra," she professed as they stepped off the elevator and into the apartment. He sat her back on her feet when she reached for his hand and led him back to their bedroom. They had a lifetime of memories to start making.
Tonight had been far from the perfectly nice conversation she had hoped for but far worse than the bloodbath she had feared. While Nikolas was undoubtedly and justifiably angry, Nadine knew that they would find a way to do this graciously, if only for the sake of Spencer. Lulu would likely be a handful, but Nadine couldn't really do anything to control that. She could only control how she reacted to the situation, and she was electing to be happy. She had loved and lost a lot in her short life, but she had no intention of losing this time. Johnny was Nadine's. Nadine was Johnny's. He was right when he said that nothing would change that now.
And they would get their own happily ever after.
Fin.