I do not own these characters. Stephanie Meyer owns Twilight and character names. All plot lines, characterizations, details, etc. belong to Justagirl1238. No copying or reproduction of this work is permitted without express written authorization from the author.
This is my first Fic. I hope you will enjoy it. The title came from lyrics in The Script song "Breakeven" (Falling To Pieces). The AMAZING DaniaMCullen has graciously agreed to beta for me, and I kiss her pretty little Edward lovin' feet on a daily basis for her assistance! Without her and a few awesome ladies I met in a WC, I would not have dared to publish this. Thank you all for your encouragement. I hope I don't let you down. THIS STORY CONTAINS/MAY CONTAIN GRAPHIC SEXUAL CONTENT, ADULT LANGUAGE (courtesy of my trucker mouth), DRUG/ALCOHOL USE, ETC. IF YOU ARE NOT OF AGE TO READ SUCH MATERIAL, RUN…DO NOT WALK FROM THIS FIC SO I DON'T HAVE YOUR MAMA ON MY _!
The Best Part of Me...Was You EPOV I shouldn't be here... What the fuck am I doing here? My heart was pounding so fast that I could hardly breathe. I knew this was wrong…on so many levels. I knew I should push away from this fucking wall and walk out the door. What am I doing here? It kept repeating over and over in my head like a broken record. Internally, I knew I should move. I wanted to move. I really did. My mind was screaming at me that I didn't want to do this…that I didn't want to be here. Even in this very fucked up moment, I was smart enough to realize that by allowing this to continue I was destroying the best thing that had ever happened to me. But I didn't move… I felt her lips on my neck and her hand moving up and down against my cock through my jeans as she simultaneously rubbed herself against my leg. She was saying something between the kisses that she was peppering up and down my neck from my ear to my chest, but I didn't hear a word of it. I couldn't comprehend anything that was being said. As much as my mind knew it, my body was not cooperating. She continued her movements and I leaned against the wall with my drink in one hand and the other plastered on the wall next to me like it was a life preserver. She kept trying to kiss my lips, but I turned my head. I couldn't touch her. I could hear the music booming from the party downstairs and could faintly hear voices and laughing. The really fucked up thing was that for some reason, parts of me were enjoying this. My cock was rock fucking hard, so I must be enjoying it, right? How could I possibly be enjoying this when I was so not enjoying this? Even my inner monologue wasn't making sense. "Edward" she moaned and slid down further. She unzipped my pants and slid her hand inside, making contact with my erection. Her hands were wrong, cold. The smells in the room? No, they were wrong too. They weren't the sweet, lavender scents that I had come to associate with this act. I heard her moan again and then felt the wetness as she slid me into her mouth. At the feel of it, I moaned too. On instinct, my hand moved from the wall to the top of her head. I didn't move it or run my fingers through her hair, but I was touching her head none the less and I could feel my stomach turning at what I was allowing to happen. I had let go of my life preserver and now I was sinking. She stood and pulled me back with her towards the bed, a grin spread across her face. She has wanted this for so long. When she fell back, I came down on top of her, my drink splashing on the floor and on the bed next to us. That sudden motion was apparently enough to clear my head enough to again remember how fucking wrong this was. "Fuck, I can't do this" I said as I started to pull away. She grabbed onto the top of my open jeans trying to pull me back down. "Edward…don't go baby. I will make you feel so good" I pushed her hands away, "No...God, No Tanya…I'm so sorry I didn't stop this…right away…but this is not going to happen. I can't be here". As I was scrambling off the bed, I could see her pulling at her top, and with the fucking skills of Houdini she had her tits out and on alert within seconds. I barely registered them, shaking my head. Trying to find clarity. "Tanya, stop. Seriously, this is NOT happening" She tried to reach for me again, but I had already turned and started to zip my jeans. My eyes immediately squinted from the sudden intrusion of light from the hallway. Someone had opened the door. I knew immediately who it was before my eyes even had a chance to focus. Like some fucking electrical surge, I could always feel her enter a room before I even saw her. I fluttered my eyes closed a couple more times to allow them to adjust and then focus directly on her. She didn't speak…she didn't even look pissed…she was just standing there. She didn't take her eyes from mine, even as I finished zipping and buttoning my jeans. She didn't look at Tanya, who was still, I assumed, on the bed behind me. Our eyes remained locked and I watched as huge silent tears started rolling down her cheeks. She was so still…no other facial expression. She just kept looking at me. It was like I was having an out of body experience. Everything was in slow motion. My head felt cloudy, confused even. I could feel myself actually gasp as I watched the tears fall…because it had always been that way… when she hurt, I hurt. It was my job to protect her and I knew that I was causing this pain that she was feeling now. It paralyzed me. "Bella…" I said in almost a whisper as I started to move towards her, arms reaching out, eyes pleading. She still didn't speak, but she put her hands out in front of her, silently begging me to stop. I did. "Bella, please. I know how this looks…fuck…" the tears were now pooling in my own eyes as it began to really hit me how monumentally I had fucked up. "Bella, I'm so sorry. I didn't have sex with her…I promise, Bella. Fuck…I am so sorry". I couldn't seem to get a coherent sentence to form. At least not one that would help extract me from this mess I had created. Why is my head so cloudy? I made to move forward again, but her arms remained extended in front of her and she kind of jetted them out a little more as she spoke. Her head shook slowly from side to side, but her eyes remained locked on mine. "Please…please Edward, don't come any closer". I stopped. The tears continued falling from her eyes, but otherwise there was still no expression on her face. "Bella, please…" I knew there was still music booming below from a party that was in full swing, but for some reason, the silence from her was deafening. I could actually hear my heart pounding. I didn't move any closer, I continued to stand there, pleading with my eyes. After what seemed like forever, her eyes dropped, her arms fell in defeat and she let out a deep breath that she must have been holding. "I suppose there are a lot of things I should say right now" she started wiping tears from her eyes, "or maybe yell? …but none of them would change anything. No words would erase what I just walked in on…" She swept her hand out across the room. It was eerie how quiet she was, how detached she looked…and I didn't know what to do. "Bella, please just let me…let's go somewhere and talk okay? Let me explain wh…" Her eyes shot back to mine. "No" she said, again as a whisper. There was no anger in her voice as her head slowly moved back and forth. That one little word sounded so final. I wanted her to scream at me. This frightened me. "I've loved you since I was 5 years old Edward Cullen…It was…it was as easy as breathing". She still looked only in my eyes, but now she had this strange smirk on her face, "And I would have given my life for you, you know? It never even occurred to me that you would do something like this. I never would have lumped you in with all the cheating assholes of Forks…" she was still fucking whispering and kind of looking through me now instead of at me. She spoke again in the same soft, detached tone. "Now?" she whispered, "Now, I…I just don't want to know you anymore". "Bella!" It came out in a loud sob, "Please, please don't do this…You know me. I am not those guys. You know I love you. Please…I'm so sorry!" I started to walk towards her again, intent on holding onto her even if she tried to push me away. I knew I fucked up but I could make this better. I would make this better. I just had to get a hold of her so I could explain. If I could just touch her skin, the connection we had would compel her to at least listen. I didn't get the chance. Just as I got to her, a body came between us. "Back the fuck up Cullen!" Rosalie. "Rosalie, seriously…please just…I just need to talk to Bella" "No, asshole. You don't need to talk to Bella. You need to get your fucking skank dressed and out of my fucking room!" I heard a giggle, remembering now that Tanya was still behind me. I glanced back to see that she remained in the middle of the bed, leaning back on her elbows, tits still on full display she was smirking at the scene before her. I didn't say anything I just turned my head back towards the door. "Bella, let's jus…" She wasn't there! "Bella!" I yelled as I pushed past Rose. I couldn't see her in the hallway and practically took the stairs on my ass I was moving down them so quickly. "Fuck Cullen, slow down" Emmett laughed from the bottom of the stairs. "Where's the fucking fire?" "Have you seen Bella?" I was frantic by this point. My eyes darting back and forth, scanning as much of the room as I could through this haze I was navigating. "No man, I haven't seen her. What's wrong?" He could see the panic on my face now. "I have to find Bella!" Just then Alice rounded the corner with a visibly pissed off look on her face and I knew instantly that she had seen Bella. "Alice! Where is she?" "She doesn't want to see you Edward" "No…god, no! I have to talk to her. Please Alice, where is she?" "Dude, what the fuck is going on?" Emmett asked again. Alice responded with venom in her voice, "I'll tell you what's going on. Edward here just got caught with his pants down…literally. That's what happened" Emmett immediately turned his stare back to me with a look of confusion and shock. "What'd you do?" "Alice…please, tell me where she is. I swear to god, I did not fuck her! I need to explain…I need to talk to Bella" I was in full on groveling mode now. I could feel the wetness on my face, so I knew that I was in fact crying in a room full of people. I didn't care. I needed to fix this. "Whoa, what? Wait…what are we talking about? Who didn't you fuck? You didn't fuck Bella?" Emmett was still trying to work through the scene before him. Alice let out a sigh, rolled her eyes and put her hands on my shoulders. "Calm down and breathe, okay? Just give her a little bit. Imagine what you would be feeling right now if the situation were reversed. She'll talk to you, I'm sure of it. But tonight? Not gonna happen, buddy". I flopped down on the bottom step and dropped my head into my hands. I could feel all of the eyes on me, but honestly, none of them mattered. I could hardly breathe. "Edward, what did you do?" Emmett asked again as he sat down beside me. What did I do? I thought to myself…I just made the biggest mistake of my life, that's what I did. And the only person I had to blame was me.
A/N: So, there ya go...Please let me know what you thought...and come find me on twitter justagirl1237 (note the diff in #'s)
Story Rec's:
Nothing Else Matters - .net/s/6192684/1/
Rapture - .net/s/5863816/1/
The Brat Pack - .net/s/5868071/1/
It's Just Lunch - .net/s/5383669/1/