It felt weird, to held Beatrice's hand softly like Battler did. To treat her as if she was a fragile doll made of glass was unthinkable in the past, when she looked like a monster out of science-fiction movie that needed to be destroyed. Battler had thought of killing her while she sleeps far too often to kept count in the past, but it was unthinkable now that Beatrice was half dead like that.
Battler didn't want to think that she was half dead.
Beatrice was certainly alive, he tried to convince himself. She was warm like he did, and wasn't cold like a lifeless body or a glass doll. He massaged her unmoving hand a little, as he thought that would comfort her. He knew that what he did was for his own satisfaction.
Deep in the Golden Land, the two of them just sit there doing nothing. Virgilia wasn't there knitting, Ronove wasn't there pouring tea for him, and the stakes weren't there playing or destroying things. They were just enjoying the scenery in the short time they had before another game start.
"When will you stop this, Beato?"
She didn't answer.
She wouldn't answer, somehow Battler knew that.
He just sighed as he combed Beatrice's hair that had become messy because of the wind with his hand. Somehow, she hung her head lower as he did that. Maybe she was embarrassed, Battler thought as he chuckled. At some point, his eyes found their shadow on the ground. It's rare to be able to find shadow in Golden Land, as it was rare for sun to shine. There was one big round shape, probably because of Beatrice's dress.
Theirs had become one.
Was that proof that he had understand her? That he had reached her heart?
Even if he could only see it in their shadow, he had certainly touched her heart.
'It's because you love her, Battler-kun. You can see what people can't see about her.'
Ridiculous.
How could he fall in love with this sci-fi monster… that had killed his family endlessly without remorse? A person that does not even exist?
Beatrice trembled. It was only a faint movement, a twitch. Her slow breathing hardened a little, but it wasn't that visible. But, for some reason, Battler could see it clearly as day. He gritted his teeth because of that. He did it again. He had denied her unconsciously again.
"You exist here. I can see you, I can touch you, and I can feel you. Doesn't that prove that you are here with me?"
The blue truth melted in her chest, and slowly, she returned to her peaceful state. During the game, he had denied her countless times, and each time, she merely grinned and gave him more red words that broke his blue truth. Battler just realized it at that time, that her truth was like taking poison to heal her wounds. Little by little, it slowly ate her from inside.
Maybe, it killed her faster than his blue truths.
"You are an idiot… Beato… What will you do if I'm not around, huh? You'll die without me admitting defeat you know?"
And she would be alone. Not until the end of the world. She was eternal. There would be no end to her life. Even when the earth shatters… she would still exist… powerful than ever… because no one would deny her ever again.
And surely, that's very lonely.
And yet, for how many times now she kept on telling him to leave.
Her mouth opened a little, and moved to let out a soundless voice. Her eyes locked on somewhere behind Battler, who was kneeling in front of her ever since he spoke his blue truth. Curious, he turned around, only to find beds of yellow roses. In her grey eyes, only in those eyes, that they once had beautiful sparkle like gold.
But it was when there was sparkle in her eyes. Now that her eyes had lost their sparkle, Battler wondered if the rose had turned yellow in her world. Yellow was different with golden, even though they are the same. Her eyes that had always see everything with love surely never see them as plain yellow roses.
Just as she always see the sea as blue, not grey.
From the top of Mount Purgatory…
Perhaps, she had already seen heaven. Perhaps she never looked down to hell. She was just like a flower, always tried to touch the sun. Patiently, since a long time ago. Even though she knew it was impossible to reach, she still hoped for that miracle.
No, what was impossible was not that. It's possible for her to reach heaven. Even with her feet chained to the ground, she could cut it with ease, surely. But it was impossible for her to reach it with someone. Because, she would only hurt herself, physically and mentally, is she does that.
The miracle she wished for was probably for someone to hold her hand and ask her to go there together.
As much as Battler hated to admit, that kind of Beatrice was kind of cute.
He remembered when he was younger; flipping through dictionary to find meaning of silly words, and the word 'cute' was one of them. If he was not mistaken, the synonyms were…
Adorable, attractive, pretty, delightful, charming, appealing, endearing, and sweet.
That sounded a lot like what boys would think of his girl-friends.
Afraid to accidently deny her once more, Battler decided to simply grinned. Thinking to humor Beatrice and himself, he stood up and went to the nearest flower bed. Weirdly, among the golden roses there, there was one red rose bloomed proudly. One unwanted being, if you think about it. But its existence was also a miracle. The red rose was very much like Beatrice.
If he picks it, it would probably wither quickly. But, there was no rose better suited for Beatrice except the red rose that grew amongst the golden. Believing her endless power, he decided to pick it anyway.
A present for the girl who he thought was cute. A proof that he had trusted her. A promise that he would never deny her ever again. An appreciation for her that always do everything with love, even though her ways to do it were mostly outrageous…
"Beato! I…"
This story happened deep in the Golden Land. This story is not a story that ends with smile. Battler had worried about Beatrice, wondered what would happen to her if he wasn't there. But, he surely never thought of her disappearing.
Of leaving him alone.
When he turned around, there was no one there. The girl who was supposed to be sitting in the bench was gone. Battler's eyes widened in horror as the soft wind blew, making golden leafs dance in the sky.
'Ah… That's right… she's gone for a while now…'
All that happened that day was just a fleeting dream. It was a true illusion, an illusion of an illusion. Beatrice was already gone. He was the one who killed her, who tortured her endlessly.
As he remembered that, a drop of tear fell to the ground.
The Beatrice he was just talking to was an illusion. Because she never there in the first place, her shadow couldn't exist. It was the shadow of a tree, shading the bench. Not even in shadows, had he ever touch her heart.
The warmth of her body was only a memory he remembered when he hugged her close. Her expressions were only his imagination. Beatrice had never showed those slight changes when he was around. It was only something he wished for.
The sunny Golden Land, since when he didn't know, had started to become cloudy. The soft breeze he felt had become stronger by the minutes. A storm just like in the game board was approaching. Battler didn't care about all that, though. He, just like the deceased witch, had lost one of his reasons to fight.
Because his partner, he had regarded her as partner instead of rival, had already…
"You'll catch a cold, Father."
A blond haired girl wrapped his body with a black cloak Battler recognized as his grandfathers. Where the girl found it, and more importantly, how did she enter the Golden Land was a mystery. She was, at first, wanted to leave the man she called father alone. True, she had never seen her, nor did she know anything about the girl her father mourned, but she was told that her father was in pain because of her death.
When she was about to leave, Battler pulled her hand, stopping her. And when she asked him what's wrong, he simply pulled her close, until he could feel her warmth in his body. Her golden hair was braided carefully and was made a bun, a very elegant design in his perspective. Battler then remembered the red rose in his hand, and carefully placed it behind her right ear.
"It suited you, Beato…"
--
Sorede, owari. Sore dake no hanashi.
Kimi wa hitori de ikun daze.
--
The Japanese lyric can be translated as, That's it. The story is just like that. You'll go there alone.
It's taken from Miku's Alice, by which this fic is based off. Not ends well, and I don't mean the story…
Well, Happy Valentine everyone.