It was late before Jim left his office and headed home to the flat he shared with his lover flatmate Sebastian Moran. It was dark outside, the street lamps illuminating the path he walked along. He walked past an alleyway where he spotted two rhinos mating. They hissed at him in an orc manner so Jim scurried along quickly and slowly disappeared around the corner.
He bumped into Lucifer.
"Watch where yer goin' ya mortal Irish-Jamaican faggot." he shoved Jim who went soaring! Flying! ... into the wall.
"Where are you going?" Jim whispered. It seemed Lucifer was in a hurry and hadn't wanted to be spotted. Lucifer leaned in to say quietly:
"The Winchesters are after me. They want my famous recipe for crumpets, but I can't let them have it."
"I won't tell them." Jim promised and shook Lucifer's hand in agreement. They had made a truce. Lucifer knew Jim was trustworthy. He could always trust him. He was his family, and family meant no one got left behind. A tear fell from his eye at the thought. Lilo and Stitch had always been his favourite cartoon as a child.
"The secret to my recipe," Lucifer started, taking the mightiest breath any man, woman, angel, or demon had ever produced. It didn't help to calm him. "Is... Legolas' hair." He disappeared into thin air. 'Because he's worth it' the wind whistled through Jim's ears. He would remember those wise words, his children would too, and his children's children, and his children's children's children until there was so many children that Lucifer would have a party sacrificing each one.
He continued down the road, a lonely man with only his bango to keep him company. The criminal played a sad tune. It reminded him of his mother. He cried.
Sebastian did not hear Jim coming through the door to the flat, so he continued with his secretive task. Jim couldn't know about it. He would kill him, and Sebastian would obviously then die like a bitch.
"SEBASTIAN!" Jim shouted quietly, stopping in horror at the ungodly sight in front of him that he saw when he finally reached the living room after walking for an hour to get here after talking to Lucifer after leaving his office after packing up his things in his office after he had been sitting at the desk in his office after he had met a client after the beginning of time.
"Look away!" Sebastian hid what he was hiding behind his back. Jim found out that he liked to knit.
"How... How could you?" Jim cried out, feeling betrayed that his lover flatmate Sebastian Moran had done this to him. It was horrible. He was disgusting. He deserved to die right here, right now.
"I didn't mean for you to see this." Sebastian got up from the couch and crossed over to Jim. He tried to place a hand on his shoulder, but the other man turned away, breaking his achy breaky heart.
"I made you this." Sebastian held out the scarf he had been working on. Jim took it and ran a hand over the soft material. It reminded him of his mother. He cried.
"It's beautiful." And with those final words, Jim pulled out a samurai sword from his anus and lovingly executed Sebastian on the spot so he then died like a bitch. He picked up the head that had fallen from the limp body, and let out an owl screech of victory.