Downfall
Summary: A downward spiral, never ceasing, encases our lives. It's only a matter of time before we hit rock bottom. Yullen.
Warnings: Language, manga spoilers, unbeta-ed
Disclaimer: All material belongs to the rightful owners. I only wish I was that good.
…
It was a never-ending cycle. When he fell, I would be dragged down with him. Every single fucking time.
Our relationship—if you could even call it that—was never what could be considered easy. It all started with harsh actions and biting words. I wouldn't even acknowledge him the first time we met. It was only now that I could conclude it was a smart decision to begin with.
We were always constantly at each other's throats, both figuratively and literally, and I had never felt so much toward someone before. Hatred, cold and bitter, flashed through my veins at the very sight of him.
He was everything that I wasn't.
He was always and forever smiling, always wanting to protect those he loved. I, on the other hand, honestly couldn't give more of a damn about anyone.
Anyone except him.
He slowly, so very slowly, poisoned my mind. With each fight, each passionately executed threat, I became involved in a way I had never imagined. I never wanted attachments. I never wanted a companion. I never wanted whatever the hell this was. I hated him for it.
Each exchange left me invigorated in a way I had never felt before. I was so alive, an ironic thought, really. I, no matter how insane it sounded, came to look forward to our regular arguments.
The next few months were morphing our relationship into something new. Our words of hate became less biting and more endearing. Our heated exchanges became heated in a quite different way. I found myself around him, near him, with him. I hated what he was doing to me.
It was a lonely, cold night when he told me that he'd fallen. In love, that is. One passionate shared kiss later, I realized he wasn't the only one. We both fell into the trap I had been avoiding for so long. Looking at him, though, I found that I didn't mind too much.
I felt Allen's grip on both my hand and my heart and knew this was far from being over.
.
.
The months to come proved to be only more trying. It wasn't as if my life could ever be so simple—especially with him around.
With the presence of that thing, that Noah, was constantly in our midst. I wasn't an idiot; I could see all that was happening. I saw it in the orphanage. I saw it in his speech. I saw him in Allen's eyes. From silent threats in the shadows, Neah called, pulling him deeper and deeper into a place he no longer recognized. It was clear that it was only a matter of time before he fell prey.
Time was something we never really had to begin with.
Allen fought, he rebelled, he tried everything to the core of his very being. Over time, the light fell from his eyes. I called, I reached, I screamed. He was caving and there was nothing I could do.
Those around us were oblivious to our internal battle. They saw his smile, they saw my scowl, and they assumed all was right with the world. They never once saw the anguish in his eyes and the hatred in mine.
Behind closed doors this twisted love became more entangled. I couldn't separate my love for Allen and my hate for Neah. And at some point down the line, I stopped caring.
Neah was there, we felt him. He was a grinning face in the mirror, a sinister foreboding in the air. Allen struggled to keep himself together and I always stayed close by his side.
I reached my hand out to him, but in the end, he only pulled down.
With him, I was always falling. With me, he was always taking.
Together, we made quite the unconventional pair.
.
.
My past became my future and old mistakes came back to haunt me. The only other person who had ever touched my heart, the reincarnation of the woman I had once loved. It was then Allen saw me for who I truly was—it was then I made the fatal mistake.
I was lost in my hate, my rage. I could think of nothing but to destroy, destroy, kill.
Alma Karma must die.
I had made offhand comments about stabbing Allen with Mugen before. But God knows, I never really fucking meant it. But everything, everything, changed that day. One second in my arms, the next on the ground. The expression on his face as he fell hurt more than any wound I'd encountered before. I lost control, I lost my mind, and I nearly lost Allen.
The world as I knew it crumbled before my very eyes. In my own rage, I attacked Allen. The sword entered his body with a sickening ease. The blood of Alma, the blood of Allen—my hands were forever stained.
Despite my mistake, Allen gave me a chance. He gave everything he could possible give for me at the cost of himself. He saved Alma, without ever knowing him; he saved me from my own destruction. All of this at the cost of his own life.
If that wasn't enough, he committed treason against the Order he loved so much, for me. A new chance at life, away from the Order that I hated. I didn't deserve this.
It was this time he took the fall for both of us.
.
.
After the whole ordeal, it took a while for me to find him again.
Once I did though, much had changed. His face was gaunt, worn with unseeming age. His eyes were murky, no longer filled with the emotions I once associated with him. He greeted me not with a smile, but a dead, dull look.
An angel fallen, grace no longer present.
I held onto him, as he once did for me. I kept him close, as he once enforced upon me. I kept him sane, as he once helped keep for me.
Neah just laughed.
Allen deteriorated with each passing day. Once passionate words between us became meaningless one-sided conversation. Physical affection was no longer reciprocated. Allen became dispassionate and empty.
He was everything I used to be.
As he faded and Neah took control, life became meaningless to him. I fell into his world of shadows and lies, a dark part of my mind, twisted and completely altered only for him.
We both became lost in a world no longer real, it was only then I realized how deep I'd really fallen.