Tasuki stumbled through the door of the small house that he shared with Chichiri, smelling of cheap sake and other people's women. He was flushed and had bruises on his neck the size of gold ryo, and every so often he would chuckle to himself.
"T..Tasuki…no da…?" came a quiet voice from the bedroom doorway. Chichiri stood there wringing an edge of his pink apron. He looked sort of upset—not that Tasuki could make out the details of his face terribly well at the moment. He stumbled past the blue-haired monk, giving him a slap on the ass that elicited a startled, "Da!"
"T-Tasuki?" Chichiri mumbled again. "Were you…were you cheating on me again no da?" The eyes of his mask were turned upward into happy crescents as usual, but under it, he was crying as a piece of his soul froze over like a rose dying at winter's first frost. Tasuki's head jerked up and he glared at his lover.
"So what if I was? Y'gonna cry about it, like a whiny little bitch?" Tasuki had just had an amazingly drunken time with his friends—or at least, he thought he had, because the details of the whole night were kind of fuzzy. Well, he was sure of one thing at least: he'd beaten some bitches and screwed some hoes, and Chichiri was trying to ruin it again.
"N-no," Chichiri murmured, choking down a sob. He had learned that with Tasuki, you had to cry silently or not at all. "B-but…I made your favorite dinner no da."
"Then I guess it's a good thing I ate wi' th' boys! All ya ever make is fish, an' just so ya know, that ain't my favorite!" He staggered sideways, looking for the bed and finding a wall instead. "Damn wall," he growled, "Always movin' around!"
"You don't care about my feelings at all no da!" Chichiri cried, stomping his foot. Oh why had he fallen for his fellow seishi's rugged good looks, his washboard abs, his rippling pectorals—suddenly Chichiri remembered why he'd fallen for his fellow seishi. The hotheaded bandit was no good for him, though, and never had been.
"Feelings are fer women!" Tasuki yelled, stumbling into the same wall yet again. By then, their neighbor seemed to have had enough, because at that moment there was a loud banging on the other side of the wall.
"Shut the hell up over there! All you ever do is yell!" screamed a frustrated, male voice.
Tasuki's face turned redder and he pounded his fist on the wall. "I'll yell at this bitch all I want!" he declared. He made as if to kick the wall, but only fell over.
"All you do is call me mean names!" Chichiri cried. "And you never touch me anymore no da!"
"Waaaah, waaaaaaah!" their neighbor called. "And do you hear that? No? Well that's me playing the world's smallest violin!"
Just as Chichiri was wondering what in the world a violin was, their front door flew open and in stumbled another drunken bandit, this one with dark blue hair, a tan, and a thin scar on one cheek.
"Koji!" Tasuki said from the floor.
"Damn, Tasuki," Koji slurred as he came closer and nearly fell into the bedroom. "Yer always drunk…why can' ya be more like me?"
"Koji, this really isn't the time no da!"
Koji blinked at the monk, the gears of his sake-saturated brain working slowly. "Hey, I just realized sommat…there's only one bedroom in yer house."
"You just now figured that out, moron?" shouted their neighbor. "They're gayer than…than…than something really, really gay!"
Koji gasped, staring at his redheaded friend like he'd never seen him before. "Yer…gay?" he gasped.
Chichiri poked his index fingers together, sweatdropping. "Um…we kind of figured you knew no da."
"How could I?"
"We always shared a bedroll," Tasuki explained, hefting himself up with the help of a chair.
"I thought ya were just cold!"
"It was summer no da."
"An' then there was the time Taiitsukun called 'Chiri her favorite girl."
"And the time—"
"Ok, I get it already!" Koji shouted, throwing his hands up. "But, uh…if yer so much in…love," and he said the last word like it made him want to puke, "then how come ya were yellin' at 'Chiri when I came in, Tasuki?"
"'Cause he's a whiny bitch."
"Tasuki, I don't like it when you're drunk no da!"
"Well get used ta it, beca—"
Tasuki was interrupted when the door opened yet again. A strong wind blew into the tiny house, knocking all three of them over and blowing in lots of bubbles and pink petals.
"It ain't cherry blossom season!" Tasuki grunted, spitting out petals. He, Chichiri, and Koji looked toward the door and were met with the sight of a tall, handsome young man with a sword at his waist. He was standing proudly as his dark hair blew back gently, tangle-free, as though caught in a light summer's breeze. This was all quite impressive as the wind was practically gale-force.
"Hotohori!" Chichiri gasped, and the three of them gaped at their fallen comrade.
"Chichiri!" he cried in his beautiful, deep voice, which was as rich and dark as Columbian coffee. Immediately the wind stopped and he rushed into the room. It was getting kind of crowded in there, so when he knelt in front of Chichiri and sexily flicked his hair over his shoulder, Koji got an elbow in the face and Tasuki found his mouth full of the young emperor's silken locks.
"But you're dead no da!"
Hotohori merely smiled, clasping Chichiri's hands in his own. "Death cannot stop true love," he said.
Tasuki, who had spit out Hotohori's hair, was now on his feet. "True love?!" he demanded. "What the hell's that supposed ta mean?"
"Twue Wuv!" called their neighbor, and this time Tasuki did kick the wall.
"Would ya shut up already?!"
Hotohori rose to his feet and picked up a blushing Chichiri bridal style while Tasuki stared, his drunken brain trying to work out how twue wuv had kept Hotohori alive. He'd been pretty sure that Nakago had blown him away. In fact, he'd been at the funeral, and he was certain it had been closed casket for a reason.
Hotohori swept past Tasuki and Koji, and carried Chichiri outside, where a flawlessly white stallion was waiting.
"Um, Hotohori no da?"
"Yes, my love?"
"Won't Houki mind no da?"
"Oh no, she's very free-spirited. We have an open relationship, and besides, you're much better than that official she brought home last week." Hotohori mounted his steed along with the monk and they rode off into the rising sun to a lifetime of happiness.