Academia, 4XX AF
"So I guess this isn't really goodbye then, is it?" Alyssa smiled, taking Serah's hand in hers and shaking it warmly.
"For a new future." Hope nodded, as he and Noel shook hands formally, though with the same friendly tone. He took a step back, allowing Serah and Noel to turn and face the Time Gate, preparing to step through. Alyssa followed suit, watching the two time travellers wave goodbye and step through the portal. Hope had started to walk away, back in the direction of the Academy Headquarters, often called the most impressive building in the metropolis called Academia. Alyssa looked on with an enigmatic expression as Mog disappeared. Her eyes narrowed, the tiniest smirk playing across her face. You wouldn't know it by looking at her, but her heart was pounding against her ribcage. Hope looked over his shoulder to find that his assistant hadn't moved since Serah and Noel had left.
"Are you coming?" he called, causing her to jump before nodding and giggling nervously.
"Uh, yeah. Sorry." she replied, breaking into a light jog to catch up to the Director. "Miles away."
The walk back to headquarters was a lot quieter than usual. Hope was occupied with whirring thoughts of what was going to happen now - their focus needed to be on creating the shell for the New Cocoon, now that they had the Graviton Cores. But where were they going to get that much material? What material could even be used to build an entire planet? People were eager to see plans, action. They wanted to see their new home. Many had asked what it was to be called. The simple answer was, he didn't know yet. He was much more focused on the technical side of the build. As they walked through the peaceful metropolis, Hope pictured the time capsule they would be using to skip forward to the launch of their new home once plans for it were finalised. He was so wrapped up in plans he didn't notice that Alyssa hadn't said a word for the whole journey.
Her heart thumped staccato in her chest. Her mind wandered restlessly. Everything was as planned so far. Or, at least, she hoped so. Guilt crashed around her subconscious - she suppressed it, telling herself that nobody had lost because of what had happened, people had only gained. It was better for everyone. It was. Honestly. Silently, she sent out a thought, doubting that anybody would hear it.
I'm sorry. But in the future you're trying to build, I no longer exist.
Before she knew it, they were walking into the main reception of the headquarters. The sky was slowly turning the burnt orange colour that indicated the close of day, giving the whole area a wash of gold. The Receptionist smiled warmly at the two of them as they walked past.
"Not going home yet?" she asked.
Hope shook his head, smiling. "Too much work to do."
"Alright, then." the woman grinned, looking from the Director to his assistant. "There's nobody else in there, though, I don't think. It is Sunday Evening."
"Okay. Thank you, Lucille." Hope walked through the door into the control room, Alyssa trailing behind. The control room was tinged green by the hologram of the New Cocoon in the centre of the multi-storied room. The receptionist was quite correct: there was not another person in the place. The only sound was the whirring of computers and the clack of footsteps against the ground as the two of them entered. Hope walked straight over to the main computer on the seperate platform, running a finger over a screen and checking that all was well with the system. Alyssa hung back, pacing.
"Everything alright?" Hope called, looking over his shoulder at the woman. She nodded, turning on her heel and pacing in the other direction.
"Yeah, sure. I'm fine." she replied eventually, smiling.
"Are you sure?" Hope swiped the screen and it disappeared. He walked over and stepped in front of her, frowning and raising an eyebrow. "I don't know, you seem a little... on edge."
She paused, looking up at him. "I'm fine." she insisted, sidestepping and beginning to pace again. "I'm just... I'm worried about Serah and Noel."
Hope frowned.
"Why? You've never worried about them before when they went through the gates."
"It's different this time. There's more... more at stake this time. I mean," she turned, looking at the Director with a blaze in her cool grey-blue eyes, "what if Noel was right? What if they run into Caius? He's bad news, Hope. Really bad news."
Hope considered this as Alyssa nervously chewed her bottom lip. It was true; from what they had seen of him through the Oracle Drives, and what they had heard from Serah and Noel, Caius was ruthless. He wasn't going to stop until he achieved whatever it was he was working towards. It didn't matter to him who he hurt - whoever got in his way suffered, it seemed. But... they could handle him, couldn't they? They had been fine so far. He had full faith in the both of them. Serah was related to Light - Light wasn't one to give up easily, and Hope saw that same spark of pure determination in Serah's eyes, too. She was smart, cool and collected - she had figured out a way to stop the Proto Fal'Cie that could have killed him. If anyone could handle Caius, it was her. And Noel... anyone who could handle two swords like that had Hope's trust.
"I'm not worried." he said, walking back towards the computer and busying himself. "They'll be fine."
Alyssa nodded once, her heart clenching. She had thought this was going to be so much easier. Her eyes closed, she took a few calming breaths to steel herself. Morbid curiosity left her wondering what was happening to them right at this moment. They're going to be happy. Everybody wins this way. He had told her that. The man in the Oracle Drive. Serah and Noel would know only joy, and she could finally stop worrying. Those awful dreams would stop. She could finally get some real sleep. And above all, she wouldn't have to go back to that place, ever again. She would be safe. She opened her eyes, a small smile pulling at the ends of her lips. Everything was going to be fine. Right at the bottom of her peripheral vision, she could see a sort of shining, orange glow: the sunset smiling at her, she assumed. She looked downwards.
Hope narrowed his eyes in concentration, typing commands into the system. Clack, clack, clack, the sound of the keyboard filled the vast room. He sent out a message saying that there was to be a meeting first thing tomorrow morning of all the senior Academy officials and their assistants, to discuss further plans for the New Cocoon Project. Bhunivelze, he thought. The name... he had come across it during his studies. It was the name of a deity. Of course, though, he would have to consult everybody else first - you can't just name a planet, just like that, he told himself. He smiled as he finished off the message and clicked send.
The comm device in Alyssa's back pocket vibrated as it recieved the message. She ignored it, too transfixed by her hands to notice. Her breathing was erratic and her heart hammered furiously.
"No." she whispered. "No." She could clearly see herself tremble, her hands jittering all over the place. The tips of her fingers were glowing orange, fading from opaque, to translucent, and finally see-through, the only thing remaining the glimmer of orange. She recognised this glow - she had seen it in her dreams every single night for the past four hundred years. She denied it vehemently, tried desperately to block the image before it could fully materialise in her mind. But if memory served, she knew exactly what was going to happen next.
Exactly what she'd desperately tried all this time to avoid.
"This isn't happening." she whispered, eyes widening as panic began to set it. "This can't be happening. I did everything you told me to... you lied to me!"
The much louder outburst caught the attention of the yound director, who turned, confused.
"I beg your pardon?" he said, frowning slightly and trying to think what he could have done wrong. Alyssa took a step backwards, staggering until she backed into the wall behind her. She looked at Hope and he immediately became worried, for he swore that he had never seen the woman so petrified in the whole time he had known her.
"Whatever is the matter?" he asked, walking towards her calmly. She shook her head repeatedly, and that seemed to be all she was capable of doing apart from pushing tears down her flushed cheeks. Hope was flabbergasted. Where had this come from? He knew that she sometimes suffered from anxiety attacks - he had seen it himself - but this? This was a whole new level. He moved closer to her, pulling her into a light, reassuring hug.
"Calm down." he could feel her shake under his arms, hear her panicked breathing. "Shhh. It's alright. Everything's okay." He tried so be as soothing as possible, though on the inside, he had absolutely no idea what was going on.
Her head just kept shaking.
"It's not okay. I'm not okay. Oh, Etro." she managed to breath, pulling away from him and stalking away. She hastily wiped away the moisture on her cheeks. As she walked, Hope caught an orange sort of glow coming from about halfway up her hands. He frowned.
"What is going on, Alyssa?" he asked, emphasising every syllable to convey that this was important, and it was starting to worry him. She seemed to take a few breaths before she turned in his direction. Her eyes already had a crimson ring surrounding them, and her cheeks shone with the tears streaked across them. Her teeth were chattering.
"I... I've done something terrible." she said eventually, voice cracking. It was like she physically couldn't bring herself to look Hope in his pale green eyes.
"Tell me." he replied after a pregnant pause. He tried to keep the emotion out of his voice, but the truth was that inside he was in overdrive - every neuron on full power, creating a million different possibilities and discarding them almost immediately afterwards. What had Alyssa done that was so awful she couldn't even look at him? His spine tingled, getting the distinct feeling that something was very, very wrong here. She nodded once, grimacing.
"I suppose you deserve the whole story." she mumbled. "Just..." she walked over to him, dragging her feet as though she had the weight of the world on her shoulders. She looked utterly defeated, the usual spark in her eyes replaced by a coldness that sent a shiver down Hope's spine. They were almost touching when she stopped.
"Just don't think badly of me. Please." For a moment, their eyes met: Hope could see the pure, uncensored despair there. He could do nothing but nod once.
With a fresh stream of tears, she stepped away. Her gaze fell to the floor, the tiniest sob escaping her lips before she pursed them, gritting her teeth. You don't deserve sympathy, her subconcious hissed at her. Slowly, ever so slowly, she raised her hand to fill the space between them. Hope was only made even more confused by what he saw. Her whole hand was... well, he could only describe it as shimmering, with an orangey glow surrounding, marking where her hand was meant to be.
"Do you remember me telling you about the nightmares I was having, 390 years ago?" she began. "Well... I was right. It wasn't just a dream. It was all real. And... well, I think I always knew that, deep down." she sighed, her voice barely above a murmur. "And I absolutely didn't want it to ever happen so I had to go through all that."
"But... no. That's impossible."
"Is it?" she bit her lip. "What is it you say? An impossible reality? This is one of those. I'm one of those."
Hope shook his head, unable to process what Alyssa was trying to tell him.
"Come on, Hope. You're a smart man - if my dream was real, I.. shouldn't be here." she slowed down, willing him to understand so she didn't have to say it herself. His eyes narrowed in thought, then widened. She shook his head, mouth opening ever-so-slightly.
"No."
She moved closer, looking up at his shocked expression.
"Yes. It makes sense, you know it does." A tear dripped off the bottom of her cheek. "Go on. Something that doesn't belong in a time period is...?"
"A paradox."
She grimaced, as if even the mention of the word caused her physical pain. "Gold star for you, Director." It was Hope's turn to back away, eyes wide. This wasn't right. This couldn't be right, could it? But his calmer, calculatory side argued that something could be impossible, but a reality nonetheless. Lightning being in Valhalla was an impossible reality. They had proof she was there, even if it was impossible. And, his thoughts concluded, it could also happen that-
No.
Not Alyssa, too.
Over the years, Hope and Alyssa had become remarkably close friends. It had never been anything more than that - a friendship - no matter what rumours dictated. But working with someone almost every day for 400 years forms a bond that is not easily broken. They understood eachother like nobody else did. The other workers at the Academy had tried to understand, but they simply didn't. They didn't remember what it was like to live on Cocoon. They didn't understand living under the Fal'Cie. They didn't experience the horrors of the Purge. It wasn't real to them, it was merely a history lesson. Interesting, maybe, but nothing else. But for Hope and Alyssa, that was their reality. Their experiences of that time had moulded them, made them the people they were today. Alyssa was the sole person in the whole of Academia, the world even, that really understood him.
Countless times they had gone and sat under the stars together in the dead of night. They would search the skies for constellations. Her favourite was Cassiopeia, a queen punished by the Gods over a silly mistake. He remembered the first time she had told him the story behind the pattern, under a blanket of stars. "She was beautiful, right. Nobody would ever argue otherwise. But one day, she made this huge mistake. She said that she was even more beautiful than the nymphs in the sea. This pissed the sea nymphs off, to no end. So they went to the Gods and asked them to punish her. And they did. When she died, she was placed in the sky, alongside her husband, King sea nymphs had never forgiven her for her tiny little slip in judgement, and demanded that she be punished again. So the Gods tilted her constellation slightly. For half the night, she sits on her throne, the picture of elegance and beauty. For the other half, she's tilted off her throne, the laughing stock of the sky." Alyssa looked over at him. "How wrong is that? She made a mistake. It wasn't like she meant to hurt anybody, it was just a passing comment. But now she's fated to regret her decision for the rest of eternity."
They would talk for hours on end, about everything and nothing. About their childhoods, about their parents, about their future and their past. Alyssa knew exactly what to say to comfort him when he was down. In return, he had been a shoulder for her to cry on for as long as he could remember. He liked to think that they could trust eachother with anything.
And now?
Was.. was Alyssa going to leave him, too?
The feeling of being completely alone squeezed at his ribcage, taking his breath away.
"This can't be happening." he murmured, looking at her willowy frame. Her wrists now shared the glow, as did the tips of her feet. She looked at the floor, crying unabashedly. "There has to be something we can do. There must be. Musn't there?" There was an tinge of urgency in his voice. "Musn't there?" Alyssa only shook her head. Hope closed his eyes, hands clenching. He knew he had seen that glow before - when a paradox was resolved, the area was enveloped in a shimmer of orange before disappearing. Gone. Nothing left.
And then he understood what had Alyssa so scared. It terrified him, too.
"I tried everything to make sure this wouldn't happen, once I found out the truth." Alyssa said. There was a pause as she took a deep breath. "He told me. The man in the Oracle Drive."
"Caius?"
Alyssa gave a small nod. "Yes. He found me in 10AF, and he explained everything." Her voice became wooden, reciting the explanation so as to shut out the emotion that was otherwise going to cripple her.
"It all started when the roof fell on me, during the Purge. In the real timeline, I died with Nena and the rest there. My name was on the epitaph, and that was supposedly that. Wrong. Things got complicated when Etro took pity on you, Serah and your friends and unfroze you from crystal stasis. As a result, the timeline was all messed up, which created tons of paradoxes. Etro was weakened, and couldn't fix them. So the timeline stayed broken, waiting for the day when it was corrected." Hope's eyes widened, for he hadn't supposed that he was responsible for the creation of the paradoxes. Immediately bringing full blame upon himself (and feeling awful for it) he raced to wonder: if he refroze, would the timeline correct itself? But wait, because that would mean Alyssa having to disappear, and that was no solution at all. How could he fix this?
"I don't know why it brought me back to life. Caius didn't know either. I asked him and asked him, why me? Why not anybody else? I asked Etro, but of course I never got an answer. Caius explained that paradoxes were made to be solved. He told me that "pink and blue would mean my doom". To start off with, I had no idea what that meant. I asked what happened to paradoxes when they're solved. He told me that the very possibility of it is ripped from the timeline. It is just simply not there. It never existed in the timeline in the first place. So if I was resolved, I wouldn't exist. Just flat out non-existant. Nobody would know who I was. What I've done. They won't remember me at all." The switch to present tense reminded Alyssa of what was going on and for a second she was silent, shaking with soundless sobs. Hope moved mutely to hug her, trying to come up with a viable solution. She went limp in his arms, the fight that she was so well known for drained from her.
"I won't forget you." he whispered comfortingly.
Alyssa pulled away, shaking her head. Up to her knees was glowing.
"Mine is a fate worse than death, I was told." she barely whispered, voice shaking. "So obviously, I tried everything to make sure it didn't happen. I came up with the idea of the time capsule because I thought that if I made it past that time period, I could... I don't know, override the paradox effect and just be me again." She sighed. "A pathetic plan, really, but I was desperate. The whole time we were asleep in there, he talked to me. He told me his plan, and where I came into it. Caius... he wants to reset history. He's trying to protect someone, and by fixing the timeline, Serah and Noel are endangering them. So he, uh... needed them out of the way."
Hope frowned, trying to fit the pieces together. Caius. Alyssa. Serah and Noel. The timeline. Paradoxes... how did this work? And what did she mean, out of the way?
"It hit me then. Serah and Noel - pink and blue. Fixing paradoxes...? What he was saying was that eventually they were going to resolve me. They were going to be the reason I disappeared. In that moment, I hated them. Why would they erase me? I'd thought we were friends, but in my head I saw them laughing and joking as I faded away. They didn't care. I asked if there was anything I could do to change what was going to happen. That was when he told me his plan."
Alyssa couldn't bear to regard the Director's expression, for she was sure she would only see disappointment. She'd never meant to hurt anyone. All she wanted was to live peacefully.
Was that so wrong?
"With his plan, everybody wins. Serah and Noel - they would know only joy. Caius could protect the person he wanted to, and I wouldn't have to fade away. I agreed to help him. And so I gave them the artifact to the gate that Caius had rigged."
Hope snapped his head up, staring at his assistant with his mouth slightly agape.
"That gate just now?"
Alyssa nodded once, ashamed. He was shocked.
"You mean to say you gave Serah and Noel over to Caius? Alyssa, how could you?" His tone of voice heated, shock giving way to a sort of anger that Alyssa had never seen on him before. It didn't suit him at all, which only knotted the womans stomach even tighter.
"What else was I supposed to do?" Alyssa defended herself. "You don't understand what it's like! So I'm supposed to just lay down my life for everyone else? This isn't a fairytale, Hope!"
"So you would prefer Serah and Noel died instead?" Hope yelled. "You're right, I don't understand!"
"He won't hurt them!" She snapped in return, stung. "He promised that he wouldn't. They'll be happy forever and ever - I'm doing them a favour!"
"And you honestly believe that?" Hope flung an arm out to the side, exasperated. "This is Caius, Alyssa! I - you said yourself he's bad news, why would you believe a single word he says?"
"As if I had any other choice!" She shouted.
"Of course you did! You could have told me!" He replied hotly, hurt creeping into his tone.
"And what would that have accomplished? Can you rewrite time, Hope? Make it so this," she snapped her glowing forearm up, "didn't happen?"
"I - Well..."
"You think I enjoy this? Hope, do you not think that I have thought this over and over in my head? Obviously, I'm just a vindictive, selfish betrayer to you, right? If I had any other alternative..."
Hope was stunned into silence. Alyssa had never once raised her voice to him like this before. They had never argued, not once. The tears that shone against her pale skin were flecked with hurt and anger.
"No, I wouldn't rather Serah and Noel died." she said, no longer shouting. Caius promised that everything would be okay. He promised that this wouldn't happen." She voice quieted to the point of whispers. "This is all my fault."
Hope folded his arms, sporting wounded feelings too. "It's not all your fault."
"No, it is. And now Serah and Noel are..." She clenched her delicate fingers into fists, voice raising almost to hysteria. "And I'm going to... going to..!"
Despite everything, Hope felt the overpowering urge to comfort the young woman. She had betrayed him, betrayed Noel and Serah... so why did he ache to make her feel better about it?
"I guess I understand if you hate me right now. I hate myself just as much. But... I really thought that this was for the best. He made so much sense... I've been running from this for 400 years. All I wanted was to not be scared anymore. And I'm so, so sorry." Her voice cracked, shoulder slumped. She took a deep sigh. Hope stared at her. Her legs and arms were almost fully sparkling, the iridescence climbing slowly up her waist. And he realised:
She didn't have long left.
He approached her slowly.
"I don't hate you. I could never hate you, Alyssa. I'm just sorry it had to come to this."
There was a solemn silence over the control room. Alyssa took a step closer, nuzzling herself into his chest. He wrapped his arms around her in return. And there they stood, absorbed in their embrace. After what felt like mere seconds, Alyssa lifted her head to regard Hope with her greyblue eyes. She hesitated, wanting to make sure she had the exact words. An accepting serenity had come over whilst wrapped in the cocoon of the directors arms. If Hope had remembered this moment, he would have been glad that she hadn't been distressed until the very end. Her mouth opened then closed, shaping the sentences.
"Thank you, Hope. For everything. I don't really have the words to thank you properly, you know. You've been my motivation to keep going, when otherwise I would have given up. I'm not brave like you are, but you gave me the strength to take a step forward, even when all I wanted to do was wallow in the past. You've been my best friend through everything - anybody else would have left me in the dust, knowing what you know about me. Who I am. What I've done. But not you. You've not exactly had it easy, either, but your heart is pure. To be honest? You're... everything I aspired to be. And I'll never forget you, whether you remember me or not." She smiled softly.
"I used to be angry at Etro. She'd taken away my choices, my opportunities. I was fourteen when I died." she barely flinched as she accepted her true ending. "I had my whole life ahead of me. I'd barely even begun to live, yet with the click of a finger it was all snatched away. I was meant to grow up. Graduate, travel the world. Find a partner, get married. Start a family. Grow old. A lifetime of choices, all taken away from me. I needed someone to blame for that, and I blamed Etro." One more tear fluttered down her cheek; Hope brushed it away with his thumb softly, as if she were made of feathers. A very slight flush appeared on her cheeks.
"But I understand now. I was blessed by Etro, for allowing me to come back to this world at all. I guess it had to end someday. I'm just glad that I had the chance to meet you. I... I like to think we'll meet again one day." Hope blushed, for Alyssa had ghosted a sparkling hand along his cheek.
"I need you to promise me some things."
"Anything." he breathed.
"Caius... you need to stop him. What's he trying to do can't happen, do you understand? Serah and Noel will have to do their bit, too." She paused, seeing Hope frown.
"They'll be okay. If they didn't escape, this wouldn't be happening to me. So they'll be fine. I can feel it." she nodded. "And if you happen to see Caius, give him a whack from me." They both gave low chuckles laced with sadness. Hope's breath caught in his throat, and it was from his eyes that the tears fell this time.
"Hey, no crying." Alyssa mock-reprimanded him, waggling a finger a him. "You have to be strong. Lots and lots of people look up to you. Whatever happens, people won't panic if you don't."
He nodded slowly, though he didn't quite have the strength to quell the tears. It had finally hit him properly what was going to happen, and he had never felt so lonely. Alyssa sighed, hugging him tight.
"One more thing. I know it's stupid... not to mention impossible, but... try to remember me. Please."
Hope paused to look over at her face for the last time. Her entire body was iridescent, bright to the point where he almost had to squint. He held her tight against him, squeezing his eyes shut.
"I will."
"Thank you."
They held eachother silent, time slowing almost to a halt around them. She looked up at his face, tracing every angle and commiting it to memory. He had his eyes closed, so he couldn't see as her face was enveloped in the orange glow. Tears streamed steadily down his face. She softly moved onto her tiptoes and kissed his cheek, feather-light. She whispered softly in his ear as she burst into light, illuminating the whole room. Hope's arms closed around air, and just like that, she was gone. Nothing remained: her last words to him flitted around his mind as they were forcibly deleted from his memory.
"...and I'll remember for the both of us. Thank you for everything."
Hope opened his eyes. He felt strange, but he couldn't for the life of him think why. He found himself looking around the Academy control room; finding it completely empty, he frowned. He could have sworn that someone had come in here with him. Yet the more he tried to remember, the more certain he became that no, actually - he had been alone. He turned and checked the computer, shaking his head. I must be tired, he thought to himself. He scrolled through his messages, rubbing his eyes absently. He was even more perplexed to feel the dampness of tears against his skin. Had he been... crying?
And why?
He cleaned himself up, confused. Just then, he heard footsteps behind him. Turning quickly, he saw Lucille, the receptionist. He sighed, expecting it to be someone else.
"Director, are you alright?" she asked, raising an eyebrow. Hope blinked.
"...Yes. Yes, I'm fine. Sorry, miles away. How can I help?"
She looked at him strangely, but nevertheless took a set of keys from her pocket.
"I was just going to let you know that I'm locking up for the night, that's all. And to let you know that meeting room 13 is ready for the conference tomorrow."
Hope nodded. "Thank you." Out of nowhere, an idea that felt right before he'd even verbalised it popped into his mind.
"Cancel it."
Lucille blinked. "What?"
"Cancel the meeting for me, would you? Push it back a day or two. I.. I've just remembered I need to go somewhere."
"Right..." the receptionist was confused by the Directors uncharacteristic behaviour, but knew better than to question it. "Where have you got to go?"
Hope paused. "The Bresha Ruins. I need to visit her." he said finally. He was completely unsure of where this idea had come from. Nor did he have much more of an idea who "she" was. But inexplicably, it felt right in his heart. And so he would follow it. With that, he shut the computer off and walked out, a warm "Goodnight, Lucille." left behind him. He was not the type to ride on whims, but this one left him smiling, heart glowing.
He had a gravesite to visit.