America's Diary; Part 1
I sit quietly at my desk watching the summer thunderstorms raging right outside my window. Something is not right, and no, it isn't the fact that I just ate my last hamburger. I feel like something is coming to visit me tonight that I won't really want to see.
Oh? I hear footsteps... Could it be-
"Alfred, some more coffee?"
Oh, it's just the butler.
"No, Hammy, it's alright. Go relax"
"But my name's Joh-"
"I SAID GO REST!"
Good God, I'm being a bitch today. If it weren't for that asshole, Ludwig, I think I would actually be happy, maybe.
You see, he's been getting on my nerves lately, with the whole world domination scandal. Does he not realize that America is the greatest country in the world? I mean, we also have the best food I have ever tasted. Hamburgers! FRENCH FRIES! Barbeque Chicken...*drool*
We even have the amazing American cheese...
American cheese, goes great on hamburgers, makes good sandwiches. Cheese is the king of all foods. Goes great with everything.
I kinda wish I had a cigar right now, but Cuba has a tiff with me, so i can't get cigars...
If he was smart, he would give me all the cigars he had so I could smoke them all and eventually die of lung cancer.
The smoking would also give me erectile dysfunction. I really don't want to deal with that, seeing as I already have a problem with that. Hell, diary, why am I telling you this? Do you need to know about my erectile dysfunctions? I mean, Prussia must have a huge problem. Put Prussia next to Bill Clinton, Bill looks like a candle wick after that.
Again, why am I talking about this?
It went from coffee to that? I need to stop talking to Francis.
To think I thought Francis was a girl the first time I saw him. Poor guy needs a descent haircut, and manly clothing.
Purple is such a gay color for a man. He needs to stop being a pervert too. I heard he's trying to get Natalia in his pants. Silly Natalia is obsessive over her brother, Ivan. She wants to "become one" with him. I think she means I'm bed. If I were her, I'd become one with Russia. And now I'm thinking like a gay man. Look what writing a diary has caused me. To become Bisexual. Perfect. I'll have to ask Poland for a man purse. Or a satchel, as he likes to call it. A satchel, ha! Oh Poland. Doesn't ever know what hit him. Like that one time, we asked him for the keys to his house to grab the pirogues from the kitchen, and he said he sold his house to Russia for a pink bed wear. This started the Polish wars with Germany, because the bed wear had actually belonged to Germany's sister. Who the hell is Germany's sister? Why the hell would "she" want a bed set that bad that it caused a war? Ludwig probably wanted the set for himself, that fag.
*Cough*
Ooi, what's this? A car in my driveway?