I own nothing to do with Twilight. This is just a little one-shot I came up with.

Humour, romance, and a lemon in the mixture. Hope you will enjoy :-)

Making Babies

Dear Mr. Grumpy Person Waiting For Me At Home, Whom I Love,
By the way, my conference meeting went surprisingly well this afternoon.
Thank you for showing me how much you care in texting me about it.
Your Tardy Girlfriend Who Will Be Home In Roughly An Hour, Sorry,

Bella.

I thumbed the send button, and leaned back in my recliner chair, waiting for the shit-storm reply of epic proportions that I know I'm bound to recieve back from him.

I turn over towards the clock above the exit of my office, and glare at it.

Yes, I knew I was meant to get home early, because we scheduled a home-visit with his parent's. Yes, I was more than aware it was very inconsiderate of me not to text him in advance to let him know I would be stuck in the office late, and wouldn't be arriving home on time. But, I sort of...forgot. Surely, that's excusable. Right? I mean, I'm only human, and there is only so much my mind can recollect at one time. As of this moment in time, it was swamped completely full of numbers and figures. My breath hitches in my throat, as my phone signifies and sounds off an incredibly daunting ping that alerts me of a new text message from... him, of course:

I would have enquired about how your conference meeting went earlier in person, but, as you fair well know, you weren't home the instance I got in. Where the hell are you? Regardless to how pissed off I am right now, I do care, believe it or not. Hope it went considerably well.

P.S: Your tardiness is still inexcusable. I am sitting home, all alone, mulling it over with a well-needed drink of scotch, trying to find a solution as to how on earth I am supposed to entertain my nutty parent's until you arrive home. Not happy, Bella.

Oh, crap.

I punch my leg, then spend several minutes wondering how to respond in the most appeasing of ways. Edward wasn't usually a heavy drinker, but I suppose his day at work went particularly bad. Added to the fact, that I'm running late, I would have to say... a punishment is definitely impending tonight once I arrive home, and we manage to make it out alive once the hectic dinner with his parent's are over with.

I can't help but smile wryly at his more than amusing euphemism for them; Nutty, was definitely an understatement. His mother was quite the baffling, meddlesome woman to deal with. I know she means well most of the time, but pushing me into marrying her son and popping out a few hairless babies is hardly counterproductive. It is just... scary, and overwhelming to deal with. Not that I didn't want to commit to her eldest son, or anything like that...

It was just not helping her case at all. And, there was only so much one person could take.

Mr. Grumpy Pants,

I apologize for not telling you in advance that I would be working an extra hour late tonight. Surely, you can find some way to distract them until I get home? It can't be that hard. You will think of something, I have faith in you that you will.

I send the text, then with a steely resolve, try to refocus on the paper documents on my desk. Hardly, half a minute later, he is already texting back. This really wasn't good. Uh-oh. It means I've truly gotten under his skin tonight.

Your faith in me isn't good enough. When we're in the house alone, I hope you do know what is coming to you. It'll be pleasant for me. For you, however, hardly. For you, there will be blood, sweat, and tears to be shed. You have been warned, Bella.

Holy hell. I feel my pulse speed up. Is it wrong of me to find it incredibly sexy right now? Really, I know that wasn't quite the desired effect he was hoping for. But what does he expect?

I fan a hand over my blistering face, as I thwack in my reply, my fingers hovering over the keys in an undecided speed:

Oh, now you've done it. Though, I am a bit ashamed to say it, I am eagerly awaiting the wrath that awaits me tonight! Should I be concerned, or turned on right now? Is it wrong of me to feel a curious mixture of both?

I grin to myself dopily. Edward and I always had quite the adventurous sex life. Not anything too out-there- like a threesome, or whippings with various light and feathery objects- but he always somehow found different and exciting ways to thrill me. And, I knew, with tonight, that it would be no different.

Yes, the fact that you feel turned on right now, is quite troublesome. I hope you're alone in your office.

I laugh out loud over that, my cheeks to my chest downwards feeling warm with a building flash of heat.

Yes, Edward, I am alone. It isn't like I'm some cat in heat, ready to pounce on whoever of the opposite sex that so-happens to be in close proximity to me right now!

I explode into laughter again, then feel thoroughly ashamed with myself. God, I really ought to be working right now! I can't even focus!

I get another jolt of vibration in my lap, signalling another text message. Boy, was he quick with the replies tonight! I could only just imagine him sitting there splayed longways at home on our long tan leather recliner chair, unwinding with his indulgant glass of alcohol, his polished brown work loafers kicked halfway off to his ankles, and his cellphone tightly clutched in one hand, while he wrote his texts to me. In fact, it made me feel the slightest bit envious. How unfair! He gets to sit comfortably at home, while I am stuck here, trying to keep my sleepy eyelids pried open and glued to the mundane documents scattered all over my desk.

Well, I am relieved to know you are alone. Otherwise, you would have some serious explaining to do, once you got home to me. I am still not pleased with you. Hurry it up, so that you can hopefully get here before my mental parent's come bursting through the front door.

I growl to myself, keyed up with brewing frustration.

If you haven't noticed, I am trying! You keep stalling me by sending me provocative text messages, and that is well and truly not helping your case at all! Keep going at it, and I might just end up having to stay here until the early morning hours!

Okay, Bella. I throw my phone onto my desk and flex out my arms, bracing myself for the longest thirty-five minutes of my life left ahead of me. I've got some serious work to do, now let's get to it! No more stalling! You can do this! Sure enough, I get another text. God, he was doing it on purpose to distract me, I swear!

What exactly do you need to do? What can possibly be more important than arriving home, and spending time with your boyfriend? Nothing, I'm sure. Can't you do it tomorrow soon as you get into the office? I am itching to see you before my parent's arrive to unleash their hell on me.

Damn him. I scowl at his text, and rub my fingers over my eyes. Why must he be so persuasive, and annoying, all at once?

Can't, no can do. Sorry. Like I said, I'll be home soon. You'll just have to wait it out and keep everyone distracted until I arrive. Patience is a virtue, Mr. Grumbles.

I hit send, then get cracking on re-reading the documents before me with more avid concentration. Already, I am just dying to get home to see him myself. But sadly, that'll have to wait. We both need our jobs, we can't have it both ways. Otherwise, we would be struggling to pay for rent and groceries and, to me, at least... that idea doesn't sound very appealing.

I slap myself on the forehead with my palm, once I recieve another text from him. It is just as impatient and irritating as the last:

I'll show you Mr Grumbles in a minute. Hurry up all ready! I want you home with me right this instance so we can kiss a bit, until my parent's get here! Please!

Mr Cullen, you are testing my patience!

After that last, brief and final message, I decide to switch my phone off entirely. Can't have him disrupting me all night, can I? Or else, at this rate, I'll never get any work done. Luckily, I manage to get through a few bits of typing. But unfortunately for me, yet again, my concentration is tested.

And no, it isn't any phone ringing of any sort. It isn't my boss coming in to check up on progress. It is only something much, much worse.

The secretary, Rosalie, is being incredibly loud outside my door. It seems she has gotten herself into some troublesome kind of scuttle. And, not just any scuttle, by the sound of it.

"Sir, you cannot go in there!" She is yelling, panicked. "Sir, please! She is working! Respect her privacy, it is all I ask of you!"

The person opposite the door doesn't listen, anyhow. For a moment I sit back in my chair, eyes wide in alarm, and glued to the door. Then, abruptly, it comes bursting open.

Holy hell.

Who else was I expecting to come in, but Mr Grumpy Pant's himself? And, more than a little grumpy and frazzled, does he look. I smile shyly, about the only thing I can manage, when he wrenches the door closed beside himself, systematically shutting off Rose's incessant, frantic high-pitched arguing. Whoa, I am completely stunned. Usually Edward does not let himself go easily, but currently, right in this moment of time... he definitely has.

He is still wearing his work pants, but the back of his white shirt is wrinkled. His long shoe laces are left hanging undone. I suppose, it slipped my mind that the large building where I worked, was only a block away from the house we were renting. Oops.

"Edward, what are you doing here? I thought, I said-"

My words are left hanging, when briskly, he strides over to me, panting heavily. It's a little disarming. He blows out a gustful of air shakily through his mouth, as he stands directly in front of me. Then, forcefully, catching me off-guard, he swivels my chair around and it sends my knees smacking into his thighs. He sets two long-fingered hands onto each arm of my chair, and leans down. He looks me deeply in the eyes for a long, and dreadfully silent moment. He's still breathing heavily, sending warm ragged air down the side of my face, and I haven't the slightest idea what he is doing at all.

"I thought I would just let you know, my parent's have arrived now," he murmurs, hoarsely. "Six minutes, is how long they have been there. Six minutes, and already they are asking for you." Never have I seen him look so frustrated before, and it makes me almost want to laugh. "Can you leave now, please? Mom is already asking me when we are going to start planning for a baby, and then it just made me incredibly mad because I knew you were still stuck in here, and it made me want to fuck you, because really... in all things considered, that is how babies are made. Correct?"

I blink up at him, stunned. And he is so close, and acting so incredibly vulnerable and open right now over everything, that it just makes my libido fizz and go haywire.

"Um, yes," I whimper, unevenly. "Usually, without wearing protection... it results in, um, having lots and lots of babies."

He laughs shakily, and leans down, very slowly. His mouth is almost near mine, and I want to kiss him so badly. Only, I remember, there is paper work to be done, and it kind of kills the mood.

Work; a kiss of death to your sex life... Who would have even thought?

The realization dawns onto me, hard. I don't want to be some girl acting like an old granny, because she has to work late. I want to be with Edward, and keep everything... active, and as spontanious as humanly possible. I don't want to miss out on valuable time with him. How depressing would that be?

To hell with paper work, I think, and immediately lose control. I throw my arms around his neck, and kiss him long and hard, and never has losing control ever felt so exhilarating and good. My attack surprises him, and he moans heatedly into my mouth. Sure, it might be awkward, having sex in my office where anyone- Rose- could automatically walk in and catch us in the act, but I find myself hardly caring at this moment in time. I want him. I want him, naked, in this room. I want him kissing me, and touching me. Hell, I want him to give me an earth-shattering orgasm right on my desk, or in my chair, even. It's all that matters to me right now. Just being with him, and experiencing him, all over again.

His hands slip up to my hair, holding me in place, while my mouth opens, and he takes full-advantage of that. He slips his tongue in, exploring the back of my mouth, and I love every second of it. He pulls me up gently out of my chair so that I'm standing, and I press my body flush into his. His hands reach down to my behind, cupping my backside through my work skirt, and god, I never knew participating in something so indecent and risky as this in my workplace could ever feel so amazing and fun.

With a low groan coming from the back of his throat, he pulls back to glance down at me, his eyes fervent and gleaming.

"Want to start making a baby with me?" he murmurs, a little too casually for my liking. I stare at him, bewildered, while he pants very loudly, waiting.

"On my desk," I nod, without thinking, taking the utterly reckless option. I'm too overwhelmed with desire for him for anything logical to even start registering.

He chuckles and raises his eyebrows at me in surprise, for the briefest of a second, and then, before I know it, he is wiping sheets and sheets of the paper documents I had been previously working on onto the carpet beside it, and coming at me. He clutches me by the waist, and helps me up carefully so that I'm sitting perched on the very edge. Our breathing is much the same; Too loud, and shallow around the quiet confines of my small office, and I have the most fleeting moment of worry that this is all going to backfire on us, when he undoes the top button on his trousers.

"Well, you want it, you've got it, beautiful." He slides his trousers down to his knees and, whoa.

"Only if you're not too much of a Mr Grumble Pant's with me right now," I tease, in my most seductive girlie voice. "Otherwise, we might just have to postpone." He throws his head back, and laughs quietly at my stupid antics.

"Oh, you'll definitely be feeling the burn once I am done with you," he growls back playfully, while his hands gently knead my bare thighs. He pushes them apart wider, his eyes deliciously intense and naughty. "I sure hope you're ready," he breathes, pulling me closer into his warmth. Losing it, I fling my arms tightly around his shoulders and start kissing him again. There is a lot of moaning going on, a lot tantalizing preparation.

But just as we're near enough ready and set, the door is flinging halfway open, my heart is sinking deeper into the depths of my chest in shock, Edward's parent's faces are falling, and Edward- a minute too soon- doesn't realize, until he tilts his head back and realizes just what I'm staring at behind his shoulder.

"Sweet lord!" His mother, Esme, squeals to the heavens, shielding her eyes with her hands. Behind her, Edward's dad was just standing there, both in a mixture of stunned shock and probably admiration over his eldest son's chances of getting some, until he gathers himself, and appropriately looks away.

"Oh, son," he groans uncertainly, looking anywhere but directly at us. "Sorry. We just... you, uhm, you ran out of the house so quickly, we figured you were calling in here. We thought we would, ugh, surprise Isabella. Geeze, we are truly sorry!" He pats Esme soothingly on the back gently. Esme... who still has her eyes covered and looks so so traumatized. Poor thing; I feel a flicker of deep shame crack and burst within, wounding me.

Still, I use the moment to slide carefully off the edge of my desk and, in the process, lean down to pull Edward's trousers back up, effectively clothing his backside from their view. I don't think I'm even breathing properly, due to the shock. But then, my heart is hammering loudly in my ears, and my pulse feels it is racing like I've only just ran up a mountain, so everything vital must be working just fine.

"Oh, my god," Esme moans, sounding mentally scarred for life. And, heck, I couldn't exactly blame her. "Well, must say... I haven't seen Edward's ass since he was about, what? Four years old, Carlisle, dear?"

I know she means it to break the ice and anxious tension around my office somehow, but... whoa.

"Uh, yes, dear," Edward's dad croaks out, still not looking over at us. "I think you're about right on that."

I dart a sheepish look up at Edward, and the embarrassment radiating off of every inch of him makes me lose it hysterically. This is so priceless! Edward's parents... talking about his ass! And, I have to admit, it was a nice round ass. I cup my hands over my mouth, and start giggling uncontrollably, unable to hold it back any longer. I can tell my laughing discomforts Edward in some way, because he turns to give me a look of stern warning, and raises a hand to pinch me in the gut, excruciatingly hard.

"Mom, Dad, I'm right here," he growls through his teeth, reddening. "Can you please stop talking as if I'm not, just for a few seconds? I mean, really, my ass is hardly a topic fit of casual conversation. Anyone could be listening outside Bella's office!"

I crack up laughing again, my eyes welling over with tears. He sends a nudge into my shoulder this time around.

"Uh, yes. You're perfectly right, dear." His mother collects herself, bringing her hands down to her sides. "Now isn't quite the time for that."

"Not ever, Mother!" Edward speaks through clenched teeth, loudly. "And, just in case you need an explanation into just what it was Bella and I were attempting to do in here, it was making babies, all right?"

Okay, well, that truly cuts the laughter short.

Both his parent's eyes widen.

"Oh, my god!" Esme squeals, like she is her old teenage self again. Suddenly, she comes at me and pulls me into a fierce, chest-crushing hug. "It's about time, isn't it?" She laughs wildly in glee against my shoulder. I catch Edward's gaze behind my shoulders; He looks almost frightened of her. "We've been waiting to become grandparent's for years!"

"Not quite yet, Mom," he corrects quietly. The muscles on the side of his jaw twitch and, I knew then, he was struggling to keep himself from yelling.

"Oh, that's too bad," she whispers, pulling slowly apart from me, as it settles in. She pats me on the hand affectionately. "And, once it does happen, you'll make yourself a wonderful mother, Bella!"

I stare at her like she's insane. Frankly, I'm not so sure on that...

"Yes, she will, Mother." Edward pries her gently away from me, and slips his arm around my shoulders, warming me delightfully. "Just not quite yet, all right?"

Sorry, this was random. Maybe a bit too random? LOL. I'm just experimenting with a few different things. Sorry if it was crazy-weird. x