Mikau: Hi guys! Well, as the summary says: It started off in the MK anime thread on the Poirot Café forum when Kakashikrazy said that A-1 would be doing Golden Eye. Only they haven't done the "Hakuba figures it out" part yet, so the scene with Hakuba calling Kaito isn't going to make any sense. She said: "…Haku-chan, first you go away, and now it's impossible to put you back in. You really are high maintenance." Hakuba (along with Kaito and Conan) responds.

Disclaimer: If I owned it, I wouldn't have to make these funny little character commentaries because I feel like I would actually have some say in the direction of the anime interpretation. One would hope.

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Hakuba Responds to News of

Golden Eye Episodes

"Well, forgive me, Miss Kakashikrazy, for being high maintenance," Saguru retorted with a bit of a pout. "Surely it isn't my fault that they dragged me into the series too early only to throw me out again after only two episodes. I'm the one that should be upset, you know. I've hardly had any screen time at all thanks to the animators preferring to focus all their time and budget on ridiculous jukeboxes and trying to pace the scant actual plot and some annoying git in white's love life."

"Not my fault I'm more interesting than you," Kaito replied with a shrug of nonchalance. "Maybe you should give the whole Batman thing a try. See how it serves you. Maybe you'll get your own TV show."

Saguru pursed his lips and glared at his rival. "The whole masked vigilante with cool gadgets shtick is so overdone. I'd rather fight on the right side of the law, thank you. You can go on playing Batman while I go solve crimes, make a difference."

"No offense, but I don't think you're making too much of a difference the way things are. I mean...we haven't seen you in how many episodes?" Before Hakuba could bash his head in, Kaito quickly switched topics...but not necessarily for the better. "Hey, if I'm Batman, does that make you Barbara Gordon? Since you're the head honcho police dude's kid?"

Saguru sent his companion a very stern, severe frown, communicating just how not amused he was.

Kaito blinked innocently. "Did you want to be Robin?"

Taking a deep calming breath, Hakuba turned his back to the titular fool and instead focused his frustrations on the show's reoccurring guest star. "And you. You, young man, are taking my job."

Conan blinked, looking around, trying to spot the person to whom the British detective might be talking. When he found no one, he blinked again and pointed to himself. "You mean me?! What did I do, Hakuba-no-niichan?"

"You, young sir, have appeared in my home series more than I have!" Saguru huffed. "I'm supposed to be the detective character in Magic Kaito. Why in the world have you gotten more screen time than I have?! This is injustice at its worst! I have been replaced in my own series by a grade schooler!"

"Technically it's my series," Kaito helpfully reminded and got a pineapple thrown at him for his trouble.

"Quiet, buffoon," Saguru snapped.

"The hell did that pineapple come from?!" Kaito shrieked in indignation.

"Heavens if I know!" Hakuba shouted right back. "All I know is I can't take this anymore! I am being discriminated against! I am being discriminated against because I'm only half Japanese! It's because I'm British, isn't it? It's because I grew up in another country. It's because I have this silly, pun of a name!"

Kaito raised his hand. "My name is a pun too. The whole thing."

Conan hung his head in shame. "I have no comment on the subject of lame names."

"At least you weren't born with one," Kaito muttered under his breath.

"Can we focus on me for a minute here?!" Saguru yelled, balling his hands into fists and stamping his foot. "Why does it always have to be about you two?!"

"Because we're main characters?" Conan hazarded a guess, certainly not meaning to be cruel.

Suddenly all the air went out of the blonde detective. In a small voice he grumbled. "That's it. I quit. I'm going home. Have the series without me. See if I care. You'll be sorry when you start to miss your rival character, Kuroba. You'll be sorry when there's no one there to warn you about Chat Noir, no one to help clean up after Nightmare's mess for you. Just wait until they get to the Nightmare arc. Then you'll see. They you'll wish you had me around more often."

And Hakuba slunk off, muttering those and other complaints of a similar nature.

The thief and remaining detective watched him go, not knowing what to say but both feeling at least a little bit guilty.

"It'll be just his luck that they cut the part of the Chat Noir episode with him in it," Kaito sighed.

"Yeah," Conan echoed. "Poor guy."

"In all honesty, I kind of do miss him ," Kaito admitted. "With just Nakamori and the Taskforce, it's kind of been a little...too easy. You know? I mean, you show up from time to time, but..."

"I'm sure it can be boring." Conan nodded in understanding.

"Though, you know..." Kaito bit his lip. "Maybe it's a good thing Hakuba's not around too much in A-1's anime. I mean...is it just me, or do I seem a little...incompetent in their version of things?"

Knowing when it was best to keep his mouth shut, Conan purposefully avoided eye contact and lied, "I'm sure it's just your imagination."

"Yeah. That's what I thought." Kaito instantly perked up. "...So, I'm super excited for the Green Dream episode!"

Conan raised an eyebrow. "Why? What's so special about the Green Dream episode?"

"My lovely lady co-star," Kaito chuckled impishly.

Conan could only roll his eyes in response. "You're such a flirt."

"You know you love me," Kaito snickered as he leered at his favorite critic.

"The fangirls sure seem to think so," Conan sighed, shaking his head as he began to walk away. "They don't pay me enough to guest star with this nut job."

"Hey!" Kaito pouted, hounding his rival.

"Don't follow me!" Conan threw over his shoulder, picking up his pace.

"You never listen when I tell you not to follow me!" Kaito whined, using his longer legs to close the gap.

"Because the only time I'm ever chasing you is when you've been doing something illegal!" Conan broke out into a full out run at this point.

"Details," Kaito replied with a click of his tongue, quickening his pace as well.

"Leave me alone!" Conan yelled.

"No!" Kaito laughed gleefully, chasing his prey off camera.

The

End

…

Mikau: Poor Hakuba. Well, I hope you enjoyed it! I honestly have no idea how they're going to fix their chronology mess, but they'd better do something about it. The anime needs more Hakuba!