June 5th 1932 – London, Great Britain

It was not something I ever gave much thought before. As I had watched my world moved about around me, I discovered that I found it intriguing to watch people. But this particular subject had not been brought to my attention until my sister denied my request to catch fireflies as mother and father went out with grandmother tonight.
As of late we'd been allowed to stay at home alone under the mere supervision of our housekeeper Mrs. Fielding. On previous occasion our governess would have looked after us closely. Not anymore. Ms. Morgan, our governess had been released from her duties as of last month, when Quinevere, turned sixteen.

I had wondered aloud, why? Quinn had looked at looked up from the mirror in which she was fixing her dress and had replied; "To meet men of course silly. Mother thinks I should start looking around for a suitable husband. She's very much convinced I'll be in great demand." Her face was most radiant as she spoke. Though Quinn was my best and closed friend in a world I found difficult to understand she often looked down at me and marvelled at how I could possibly understand so little of the ways of the world.

"Men? Why would you want a man?" I had asked. "I'm never gonna get married." I had told her most determinedly.

Why, she had asked as she sat down on the bed tying up her shoelaces, don't you want a nice man to look after you? To have a family, babies? I had frowned. I understood very little of this world Quinn described to me. My mother had very little patience with me. She disliked that fact I was so different from all the other girls my age. I got poorly along with the girls from school. That witch Mary Lennox, from school. She'd messed with my jumper the other week, so that my the end of the day I couldn't fit into it anymore. At first I'd been convinced she'd switched them, for it was too small for me to fit, but as Quinn had pointed out as she had collected me from school, my name label was stitched into the jumper so she couldn't have switched them now could she? The truth remained it didn't fit anymore.
I spent many hours in the library on my school work, though most days I found it hard to concentrate. Quinn never found it hard to concentrate. She always did was she was told and covered for me when I didn't. So consequently I'd been surprised when Quinn told me she wasn't returning to school for the new year. Instead she would be mastering the arts of sowing and stitching and the most important one in my mother's opinion , entertaining. Oh lord how I hated entertaining. My mother and grandmother would ever so often host tea parties or dinner parties and as of late with the sole purpose of finding Quinevere a husband.

But that meant hours of sitting up straight, making small talk with strangers or near strangers, attempting to pour the tea into the saucers without spilling the tea onto the perfect white table cloths, answering perfectly polite to questions that were appointed to you. Oh how I hated that. Dinners were not as bad, as I could easily wandered off or have a book in my lap during dinner.

But tonight apparently was a whole new attempt at finding Quinn a suitable husband. There was a party at the Lockharts' place. A lovely house with an even better view as Quinn had described it to me after a prior tea party. Quinn had mention ever so briefly to me that she was not interested in the slightest in Mr. & Mrs Lockhart's son Duncan. She had said him to be dull and hardly good looking. After that she'd launched into a animated monologue about The Scott boy, what was his name again? I forgot.

I was told to say home tonight. To prevent any further embarrassment to the family name. My mother had said. I couldn't honestly be bothered with the parties and was glad they'd finally given up on towing me alone to these events. As all three of them left the house I ran up the stairs to my parents bedroom, in particular my mother dressing room. Oh how I loved that room.

I had made the mistake of asking my father the other night if I could please stay in school, as I had reached the age at which Quinn had left school, to focus on sowing and stitching and entertaining.

My father had not been very pleased with my request, no daughter of mine shall work for her money. He'd thundered. He'd been very cross with me. I had wept, begged, but not avail. I would leave school and follow in my sister's footsteps, as of next school year.

I had dreamed of making money myself, going to university, buying my own home. And maybe in the far future if it suited me, maybe I would take a husband. But my father het very different plans for me.

I wandered into my mother's dressing room. I was very much in love with my mother nightgown. It was very, very soft blue silk. The kind that flowed over your thighs. I untied my dress and slipped it off, letting it puddle to the floor. Quickly I pulled the super soft silk night gown over my head as I slipped it on. I marvelled at its feel. I twirled in front of the big mirror and admired myself.

I remembered how night after night as Quinn and I had gone to bed, she'd gone on and on about what men wanted from a wife and why I should start behaving. Supposedly I was bad for her reputation. The James girl, nice girl, only she has such an odd duck for a sister such a shame, people would say. Quinn was very kind about it. She'd defend me on the streets whenever someone would whispered rude things about me.

But at the same time she'd begged me time and time again to behave, to act normal. People didn't read books during a social gathering or a dance. That last party where I had hid in the service kitchen with the personnel for some peach and quiet, had ended me up right here. At home, banned from this party. At the party my mother and sister would say how terribly sorry they were I couldn't make it but that I had fallen ill with the flu and that I was at home in bed.

As I heard the front door shut and was awoken from my thought and franticly slipped out of the nightgown and back into my dress, hurrying back to my bedroom, before Mother or father would find out.

I rolled underneath the covers just in time before Quinn opened the door to our bedroom and came in. Gently she asked in I was awake. I sat up in my bed and nodded.

Immediately she began gushing over the night. "Oh Haley! You won't believe how wonderful tonight was. The people were so nice! Especially Mr. & Mrs. Scott, you know from Highstreet. Their son, Nathaniel is so wonderful, don't you think.

I'd sat up and shrugged sullenly. I haven't met him, I'd replied. For a while she went on about the men at the party. How they were all so nice, but some of them so dull, while other so smart. How she knew that they like tall girls and pretty legs and how by the end of the night they would try and squeeze your bottom, because they'd had a little too much to drink.

As we both lay in bed that night Quinn asked. "Haley? Why can't you be like everybody else?"

I thought about that for a while. I was everything most girls weren't and apparently not what men wanted either. Short, spry, smart and a tad rude.

I sat up in my bed and nudged Quinn, "Because everybody else is already someone, I want to be me."

I turned around and lay back down, closing my eyes. Maybe daddy wouldn't me so cross with me tomorrow, maybe I would be allowed to go to school. After all who would want to marry her, no man wanted a stubborn wife, who wouldn't listen and couldn't entertain.