I hear my ringtone.
Who on earth would call me at three in the morning? Everyone knows that naked mole rats, especially Rufus, need at least nineteen hours of sleep, as does the Ron.
"Hello?" I groggily answer. A high-pitched squeal comes out and I hold the phone away from my face. "May I take your order?"
"Ron, don't be a dork. It's me." I hear. Oh, so that's who's crazy enough to call me at three in the morning. The amazing Kim Possible.
I yawn, and I can practically feel her rolling her eyes. "The Ronster is tired, KP. Can you make it snappy?" I say. I rub my eyes with the one hand that's not holding my phone.
"So…guess what just happened." she says. I mentally scan through my limited list of what girls would say that about.
"You…got a haircut." I say.
"What? No. Ron, come on. Be serious." she tells me. I think a bit harder.
"You…got your braces off?" I ask. I hear the facepalm.
"No. I literally got my braces three months ago. My teeth are not perfect yet." she says. "Think big. Like, super important on the scale of excitement."
"Your parents sold your brothers to the zoo and they're making a special exhibit where you get paid? Can I have a tenth of the funds?" I ask, and yawn again.
If there's a way to hear an eye roll I'm convinced I just did. "Ron." she says.
"I know. " I sigh. "Why don't you just tell me, because you and I both know this guessing game's not going anywhere." I say. I was trying to make her laugh, but I don't think she gathered that.
"Okay, well, after school, you know that I went to the mall with Dan Andrews, right?" she says. I nod, and then realize she can't see me.
"Yeah huh. And?" I say, knowing she'll continue.
"And…okay, take a breather, Kim… I got my first kiss!" she exclaims.
Oh. Well, uh…that's great for you, Kim. Why do I need to know?
"OMG! LOL and other texting anagrams." I say, trying to act excited for her. The truth is, I'm really not. I've always been a bit protective of Kim. I know she doesn't need it, because she's a lot braver, more athletic, and let's face it, more manly than me.
"Roooon." she says. "If you don't care you can tell me."
"No, KP, the truth is, I really can't. I'm just scared that this guy's going to be a jerk to you. And I know you're happy and I don't want to ruin anything…but, you know, I don't want you to get hurt. And stuff." I say.
"That's really sweet, but we're twelve now. We're growing up. And some day, one of us is going to want to date someone. And Ron, you know that you're always going to be the number one guy I know. You don't need to be scared for me." she sighs.
"I know. But promise me one thing." I say.
"Anything." she says, giggling. I didn't know Kim did that…weird.
"If this guy's a jerk I can sic Rufus on him."
She laughs. "Absolutely. Can you promise me one thing?" she says.
"Anything. Except eating broccoli." I say.
"If I ever date any jerks, tell me. And then sic that mole rat on them." she says.
"Done. I'll tell you the second I see something fishy. Or smell."
I hear her walking upstairs to her room. "Ron, you always smell something. I think that those quesaritos are affecting your nostrils."
"Don't question the delectable cheesy and meaty combo, KP. It's the food sent from heaven." I say, and Rufus burps to prove a point.
"I'll stick to my salad." she says. "Goodnight."
"Night, Kim." I say. "Love you in the non-weird friend way."
She laughs. "Love you in the non-weird friend way. Get some sleep."
"Already there." I say, and hear the dial tone.