High School Musical in 15 Minutes
A/N: Due to the great reviews I've been getting from my first musical in 15 minutes, I've decided to take requests. This hasn't been a request but one of my personal Disney favorites as corny as it is. 15 minutes wasn't my original idea however as a disclaimer there. If you want more of the wonderful Movies in 15 minutes ideas, check out the lovely Cleolinda's account on Yeah, High School Musical's not mine. If it was, I'd be very rich and swimming in cash and wouldn't have time to write a weird parody. And just a warning for all fans of the green, my next endeavor is the wonderful show of Wicked!
In a nondescript lodge somewhere where for some reason we see our favorite dork Gabriella first.
Gabi's Mom: Gah, you're such a dork. Stop reading. It's party time!
Gabi: Aren't you supposed to be telling me to study?
Mom: Whatever…
Same time same place almost in the gymnasium of sweatiness and ZacEffron
Troy: look, I'm such a jock! I'll beat my Dad at his own sport!
Troy's Dad: Shut up, I let you.
Troy's Mom: People, there's a party! I paid for this!
Both: Fine, fine fine.
Same lodge at a very corny supposedly teenage friendly Karaoke Bar
Spotlights: Woo hoo! We know what to do! We'll pick the people who were cast as major roles to sing!
Troy: The hell? I'm just trying to look cool!
Gabi: The ..what? I wanna read and be smart!
(both go up to sing)
Troy: (somehow nervous) Hey, I've obviously had no practice in this whatsoever but as I'm the star of this movie and apparently a hunk I must be doing this right. Wait, you know this song too?
Gabi: Yeah, I do! I sang in church choir! It's duet time!
Both: Oh my God, it's like it's the start of something new! This can't be symbolic at all!
Troy: Chills, man.
Gabi: Totally. Yeah, check you later!
Troy: But you didn't even get a name? I'm getting a Cinderella complex here.
Some days later in the dreary days of school at East High School, home of the Wildcats:
(insert School Musical Theme. Apparently their Alma Mater is much cooler than everyone else's.)
Jocks and Chad: Omg! It's Chad! Manliness! Get pumped! Shoot some hoops! Score!
Sharpay: I have the weirdest name in the world ever. Therefore I'm a bitch. Clear the halls!
Taylor: I'm so smart and I can be snooty too!
Gabi: Moooom, I'm trying to be normal. This doesn't help you showing up with me.
Gabi's Mom; Shut up and let me give you your life lesson for today like a good Mom. Be Yourself!
Gabi: Wow, wouldn't you know that this is the life lesson for the movie?
Sharpay: (flirts shamelessly with Troy)
Troy: (ignores)
Mrs. Darbus: (is obviously channeling Julia Child) I hate cell phones! Shut up everyone! Theater is life not cell phone usages! Principle of learning! Detention! All of you main characters! Yes, you! You get development time.
Chad: Basketball practice! Hey! Troy's a jock, don't you get it?
Darbus: Shut up, you get detention too! I almost forgot you were a main character too!
Chad: Aaah!
Taylor: (mocks others)
Darbus: Detention! You're a major character too!
Later in the Hallway of Abstract Circumstance
Troy: (decides to be clumsy and runs into Gabriella)
Gabriella: (is run into) Holy crap!
Troy: This is just too amazingly obvious it even confused me! But that's not too hard, since I'm a jock. Oops.
Gabriella: I should have seen this exposition part coming but as I'm a pretty nerd I guess that doesn't help. Dude, you're whispering?
Troy: my friends are weird. Singing..yeah not my thing. Yo, word, I'm a jock. Welcome to my school. Oh , look, obviously placed audition sheet!
Sharpay: Troy, you're so cute. I get more screen time excuse me. (puts obnoxiously large signature on audition sheet) What? You wanted a part? With moi? Shut up, I'm the villain.
Gabriella: Whatever…(runs away again)
Troy: (pretty much ignores Sharpay again) Yeah, I play basketball.
Sharpay: Whatever, I wouldn't be talking to you if you weren't hot. Byyyyyeee!
Back in the Gym of sing-a-long play with your basketball day
Troy: Yeah, musicals are cool.
Chad: So not. Musical theater equals gross. Show music (shudder) This isn't ironic at all since I dance around and sing in the entire movie!
Troy: Come on, guys! Pair up! Sing and dance time!
Basketball guys: (are all amazingly on cue as if in…gasp a musical!)
Troy: Nobody will think it's weird that I'd rather sing about singing than sing about basketball! Right?
Jocks: Whatever
Back in the halls of infamous bursting into song
Ryan: Troy Bolton was looking at OUR list!
Sharpay: Ugh, so not fair and that weird girl too. Now I will scheme!
Ryan: You're so evil it's sexy. But that would be wrong as we're related.
Sharpay: (looks up Gabriella on the wonderful world of internet) Ooo, look, I distract other nerds with this nerd's potential!
Ryan: Whatever, I'd probably be gay if this weren't a Disney musical.
Sharpay: Who said you weren't? (scoff)
In the auditorium of the weirdest detentions ever
Taylor: We found your smart stuff! You're so in!
Gabi: in what?
Taylor: The nerd squad! The scholastic decathalon! World domination! Get my drift?
Gabi: Huh? (because for a smart person she's incredibly clueless)
Sharpay: Oh my God, I'm so not obvious at all in supporting you joining them! Join join! I'm threatened by you so join!
Gabi: Whatever, school work.
Darbus: Cell phones eeeeeeevillllle…Satanic, I say.
Chad: (falls asleep in chair)
Darbus: (keeps going on and on and on and on like a very verbal Energizer Bunny)
Coach: (storms in) WHAT? MY TEAM IS IN A TREE!
Darbus: What? Detention for you too!
Coach: I'm not a student!
In the office of principality and rivalry
Coach: Sports are better because we're sexy!
Darbus: The arts will rule the world!
Coach: We're faster!
Darbus: We're smarter!
Principal: Shouldn't we be getting along? Oh yeah, how's the team?
Darbus: Yaaarrrrgh!
Later in what may be called the WORST auditions ever known to mankind even for a Disney movie.
Darbus: Theater is life! Don't believe me? Cell phone? What!
Kelsi: Uh, Mrs. Darbus, just the bell. But don't mind me not like I'm a walking door mat anyway.
Darbus: Right. Anyways, audition time! This is our pushover composer! This is her first time here and yet her music sounds incredibly professional! Strange how that works…
Kelsi: I get in stuff from a guy named Ortega.
Everybody who was ever bad at acting or singing: (tries out, including Goths, which amuses me)
Kelsi: (is weirded out and gives the best expressions in the entire movie)
Sharpay and Ryan: Ugh, whatever. We're so winning this.
Ryan: (is obsessed with jazz squares and overacted dance movements)
Sharpay: (Tapdances like a fiend)
Ryan: It's hard to believe that I couldn't see!
Sharpay: That you were always right beside me!
Ryan: it's so symbolic it hurts!
Sharpay: Shut up, Ryan!
Kelsi: Ugh..that was awful. But it wasn't how the song is?
Sharpay: Whatever, the teacher likes us.
Gabi: I Wanna try out! (has been hiding the whole time with Troy)
Troy: Aaah! I guess I'll try out too!
Darbus: The hell? Jocks and nerds? What is this world coming too? You're late! Go away!
Both: But!
Darbus: No buts or ands!
Kelsi: Whatever, it's ok guys. Do you wanna hear how the song really goes?
Troy: Can't hurt.
Gabi: Not like doing this would give us a major plot point or an opportunity to move the musical forward.
(they sing the same song totally different and are apparently very good at sight reading)
Darbus: Call back!
Both: Holy shit!
Later in the cafeteria where everyone disagrees and agrees in song and dance
Zeke: Dude, I can bake since Troy's a singer. And apparently we all know since Sharpay screamed it earlier.
Jocks: Cooking so not cool!
Hip Hop Girl also named Martha: Yeah, I'm not just smart. I like to dance! Watch me move!
Nerds: Run away run away!
Skateboard guy: I'm so punk that I play the cello!
Dudes: What? A saw? Weiiird.
Skateboard guy: It's a big violin, dudes!
Dudes: NO!
Sharpay: Ugh, I'm the only one allowed to have catchy musical numbers in this show! This is so out of control! Must fix! Must have sing-a-long soliloquoy!
Ryan: Since I'm duet guy, I'll join in!
Students: Nobody can stop us from singing!
Gabi: I don't like people staring! Because of a call back!
Students: We're still singing!
Gabi: (makes a mess of Sharpay's shirt. Insert screams of death here)
In the locker room of sweaty teenagers
Darbus: You're so screwing around with me! Your son auditioned!
Coach: My son what?
Darbus: You're messing up with my musicale!
Coach: Your what?
Darbus: Twinkle Town so isn't a farce.
Coach: Yeah, just go away to Broadway.
Later in the Not so Secret Garden of LOoooove
Gabi: Hey, a jungle!
Troy: Private hide out. Except not since you're here.
Gabi: You're so popular.
Troy: Yeah, peer pressure.
Gabi: (the corniest line ever) Meeting and singing with you was like kindergarten)
Troy: I wanna just be a guy.
Gabi: Me too! Wait, what?
Troy: Whatever.
Gabi: Wanna do call backs and keep this movie going again?
Troy: Whatever. We could make millions doing this.
(insert rehearsal montage here with nerds and jocks looking for said members of cliques)
Chad: Help Taylor! You're a nerd and jocks shouldn't sing!
Taylor: Neither should nerds! Let's save them!
SHarpay: What? They can scheme too? I'm so going to stop them.
Ryan: Obviously you get the brains in this family.
Later in the attempts of Chad's obsession with James Bond and ganging up on the stars of the movie.
Chad: Yeah, peer pressure usually works but as this isn't the life lesson of this Disney movie we really shouldn't be letting you get away with falling for it. But we do!
Jocks: We'll quote the musical number from earlier even though we hate musicals! Get your head in the game, dude!
Troy: There's no I in team?
Chad: Think of your Dad.
Troy: Ok?
Taylor: Smart people rule! Think of Marie Curie!
Gabi: But there's no I in team? And no I in jock?
Taylor: Whatever, we'll set you up like the great friends we really are.
Gabi: hello, rehearsal?
Taylor: Shut up and listen to Troy being forced into denying you!
Troy: Whatever, I'm a jock and a singer or whatever. You're supposed to be my friends! And this is a Disney movie! So I have to let someone down in this part you know so we can have that exciting climax in the end.
Gabi: (leaves)
Troy: (goes back to being a jock)
Gabi: (wanders around in the halls and has a stalkeriffic monologue ballad)
Later in the not so secret Garden of apologies and crème brule and the laboratory of groveling
Zeke: We should be helping you out! Teammates! Look, I gave you the Disney life lesson!
Troy: Whatever, you made Gabi mad at me for some reason.
Chad: Oops.
Taylor: we're such jerks! We're so sorry since we must set examples for kids in this so called Disney movie! Follow your heart! Or is that another Disney motto altogether?
Gabi: Whatever I'm not convinced.
Later in The Montez House where Romeo and Juliet is channeled
Troy: Ok, I'm desperate. It's time to pull out the romantic apology bonus and out of tune solos!
Gabi: And I'll fall for it! Come on in, stalker man!
Troy: Thank goodness you let me in. That balcony kicked my ass.
Back with the scheming minds of Sharpay and well…ok, just SHarpay
Sharpay: I'm still so threatened by that jock and that dork! Ugh, whatever! But we'll make sure that they don't make it to auditions! I'm such an evil genius! (insert evil laugh here) Laugh with me, Ryan! Laugh with me!
Ryan: Ha.. ha?
Sharpay: Whatever.
Back at the School of the Incredibly Spirited Wildcats who have nothing better to do than to actual stay after school for so called events.
Nerds and jocks: (are now apparently getting along and supporting each other) Look, we learned the movie motto! Go us! Remember the life lesson, kids!
Ryan: (is dumb as paint and can't spell drama club)
Coach: I think I'll give another life lesson. Have fun even if you lose!
Troy: But it's a Disney movie and we won't lose.
Coach: Yeah, that's why I'm comfortable with this speech.
Decathalon geeks: (actually have a crowd) Yay!
Drama dorks: ( have the weirdest loudest warm ups ever)
Jocks: (start playing the game and stuff)
Darbus: Theater is life! I already said that but I'll say it again! Soaring is fun! Read Shakespeare!
Ryan and Sharpay: (for some reason sing a Spanish type song in a musicale named Twinkle Town which is never actually developed. Therefore we must believe that this is the weirdest most inconsistent musical ever conceived. But then again, look at the teacher.)
Ryan: Jazz squares are still fun!
Sharpay: I impress you with my moves!
Ryan: And fancy microphones!
Jocks: We'll interrupt this music number! Anticipation! Feel it!
Geeks: Feel our anticipation too! But you know we're going to win anyway!
Taylor: I'm so clever! I'll make everybody have a fire drill and the dumb staff won't know a thing that happened!
Sharpay: Ok, back to us, people.
Jocks: The pressure! The pressure! The lights?
Everybody and their brother: (exit to the auditorium where of course auditions are. No pressure, guys)
In the auditorium of motivational ballads and over coming your fears while learning more Disney life lessons.
Ryan: (is by now very obviously gay just by watching him move)
Sharpay: (is unnerved)
Troy and Gabi: (aren't there yet, therefore putting in dramatic suspense)
Troy: We're here! Stop the madness! We don't believe in dramatic suspense!
Gabi: Pretty please with cherry on top?
Everybody else: (actually file in orderly)
Kelsi: Pianist here!
Sharpay: Ugh!
Gabi: (is now incredibly nervous and can't sing at all)
Troy: Kindergarten, Gabriella, Kindergarten!
Gabi: That was when that one kid gave me a whirlie!
Troy: That's not what I meant! (starts anyway)
Gabi: (finally gets in the mood by the miracle of Disney timing)
Both: Listen guys, we'll sing a song that sums up the entire movie in case you weren't paying attention! Soaring! Flying! Windshields! We're so breaking free into a popular sequel!
Everybody: (is a good audience and gets into it)
Back in the non technical difficulty basketball game which no one questions
Troy: (scores the final shot that wins the game) Well, not like that wasn't obvious.
Coach: Yeah, see, forget that speech earlier. I told you this would happen.
Troy: Oh yeah, Kelsi, since you had a minor role you get a basketball that means nothing to you whatsoever!
Gabi: We won too!
Chad: I'm cocky but asking you out at the same time!
Taylor: And for some reason I actually agree!
Zeke: (totally crushes on Sharpay)
Sharpay: (totally crushes on herself)
All Wildcats: We have the best Alma Mater ever! We make people sing and dance too! Bet your school doesn't do that, huh? Yeah, we didn't think so. We're all together! And that may only be because we're forced to go to the same school! But yeah, dreams and stuff, motivating, send the kids out happy!
Gabi: Since I'm the head girl I'm going to descant.
Sharpay: (is suddenly nice enough to dance with the rest of the Wildcats who she hated earlier.) Whatever, I get to be the villain in the next movie again anyway. Because I so don't know how to learn my lesson.
Ryan: I move my hips like Elvis! Pelvic thrust! Step to the left! Step to the right?
Sharpay: Shut up, Ryan, this is MY solo!
Wildcats: (keep going just to cover with the credits) See? We can sing IN the credits too. Go wildcats! Sequel, here we come!
In the shortest and funniest epilogue earlier
Sharpay: These are the best cookies ever!
Zeke: Oook?
Sharpay: (ambushes!) Make me more!
Zeke: It so pays to watch Emeril.
THE END