Hello, Fail Tail fandom! I guess it's time for me to finally put another of my crazy plots out there. I've been a part of this fandom for so long without a fanfic that I feel almost like this story's long overdue. XD Oh, well.

Welcome to How to Become Fiore's Most Wanted! I don't know why, but I could actually see this happening at some point during the actual series, if Hiro Mashima isn't already planning to stick it somewhere into his genius plot. I wouldn't put him past it. Also, this story takes place just before the Grand Magic Games, but after the Tenrou Arc. (After the Infinity Clock, if you're watching the anime.)

As cool and awesomely amazing as it would be to own Fairy Tail, I do not.

Step One:
Kick the Slayer Out of Magnolia

Lucy grumbled to herself as she slumped over the bar, idling stirring the ice in her drink with the straw. The celestial spirit mage was dressed in a simple black skirt and pink T-shirt, a fresh slash ripping through one of the shoulders of the fabric. Then again, if she were to mention all of the damage done, she might as well include the singed toes of her boots, the raw patches on her knees, the multiple splinters she had to pull out of the back of one hand, and the odd bruises that ran the length of her left side. Oh, and the destruction of the entire southern half of Tully Village. The Council still hadn't forgiven Natsu for the last time he was there; that old clock tower had been all-too expensive to repair, or rather build from scratch.

Noticing the blonde's gloom, Mirajane paused in her daily routine of scrubbing the counter long enough to mosey over to where Lucy lounged about. "What's wrong, Lucy?" she asked politely.

"They went on another rampage during a job," the mage mumbled, head slumped on the bar. "We only made 100 jewel after the damages were counted up, and split five ways, there's no way I'll be able to make my rent payment in time. And to think Erza has to put up 200,000 jewel every month," she added with a shiver.

Mira smiled sadly. "Maybe next time?"

"But I have to pay in a week, and I've only saved up 20,000!" Lucy exploded.

"What if you took on a job by yourself? That way, there would be no way anything could get broken," suggested Mirajane, picking up the empty glass Cana slammed down on the counter at that moment.

"You're going out alone?" the card mage raised an eyebrow. "What about Team Natsu?"

"They got a little too rambunctious," said Mira.

"And now I've only a week to gather up 60,000 more jewels for my rent," Lucy moaned.

"Then just go. It's not that hard," Cana smirked. "You're pretty tough."

Lucy smiled softly at the mage, remembering when they had teamed up for the S-Class Trial on Tenrou. It was encouraging to know that her nakama wasn't just saying that to make her feel better, and had in fact seen what she could accomplish.

Mirajane refilled Cana's mug before passing it back to the woman, who grinned broadly and exclaimed, "Well, good luck!" and sauntered off, probably to challenge someone to a drinking contest. Lucy resisted the urge to sigh and shake her head.

"If you want, I could ask the Master if he has a job he thinks might suit you," offered Mira. "There's probably a few that hasn't been put up on the board yet that might interest you."

"Would you? Oh, thank you, Mira!" Lucy gushed. The spirit mage was beginning to feel better already. Who knew? If Mirajane managed to find the perfect job in time, Lucy might be able off her rent and have some extra money on the side!

With another smile and a nod, the Take Over mage slipped out from behind the counter and disappeared into the crowd to find Makarov.

"Luuuccyyyy!"

Lucy felt her joyful mood go straight down the drain as a certain dragon slayer popped into view. His grin was hard to miss, nor the look in his eye.

"I'm bored! Let's go out on another job!"

"So you can destroy another town? No way!"

"Aww, c'mon, Luce! It can be just the two of us! I don't mind ditching stripper over there, and Erza won't mind if we give her cake!" He flashed his canines and stared at her hopefully.

"You did most of the damage this time!" exclaimed Lucy indignantly, taking a sip of her ice water.

"Please, Luce?"

It was hard to resist that adorable pout of his, but Lucy took a deep breath. "No. Besides, Mira's already promised to ask the Master about a job that I could do on my own."

Natsu frowned. "You're going on a job by yourself?"

"Yes," Lucy deadpanned. "I am capable of taking care of myself, you know."

"I don't like the idea of you going off by yourself, Lucy. You could get hurt." Lucy felt tempted to point out that all of her current injuries were from her teammates' wreaking havoc, and not from lack of her own abilities. "I'm coming with you."

"No way! You'll only wreck the place like you always do!"

"Hey!"

"And you know what? It'll probably stay that way until I manage to gather up enough jewels to pay off my rent! Every time I go out with everyone, someone has to start a fight and all of our reward goes down the drain!" Lucy shot the dragon slayer a pointed look.

"We managed to get 100 jewels this time!" Natsu argued. "And it's usually ice pick who-"

"My rent's 80,000!" Lucy screamed, but none of the guild seemed to notice. They were all probably too busy brawling to notice. "Everyone here just does nothing but fight and get us into trouble lately! I don't wanna be homeless at the end of this month!"

"Then it can just be the two of us and Happy!"

"No! No one's coming with me this time, and least of all you, Natsu Dragneel," Lucy jabbed a finger in his face. "You're far too impulsive and destructive! How do I know you won't pick a fight with the first person you disagree with? I'm going alone!"

Natsu's gaze seemed to falter. "You mean... you're leaving Team Natsu..?"

"Until I can gather up enough money to pay off this month's rent, yes." Lucy hated the distraught look that overcame her nakama's face, but she was at wit's end.

Meanwhile, the gears in Natsu's head struggled as they attempted to turn. Lucy didn't want- no, couldn't stay in the team if everyone kept messing up. She was leaving to pay her rent, nothing more. It wasn't like she could bum money off of anyone when her funds got low. Taking her own job would be a sensible thing. She wasn't doing this to avoid Team Natsu, or spite them. She just needed the jewels, right? Right. Besides, Lucy had always compared her abilities to the rest of the team, and felt inferior. This might be her way of trying to get stronger. In the end, this might be able to benefit everyone involved.

But of course, our little dragon slayer's mind was still hung up on one thing.

"At least let Happy come with you. I can't let my nakama just run off without a little help," he insisted.

"No. I want do this by myself," Lucy stared him down.

"What about Wendy?"

"No..." Lucy growled through clenched teeth.

"Then I'll come."

"No, Natsu!" Lucy exploded. "No one's coming with me! Not Happy, not Wendy, and especially not you! How many times do I have to say it? I'm taking on a job by myself because the rest of the team is too crazy and won't listen to a word I say!"

"I can be good! I promise!"

"No! You can't! And you know what? I refuse to go on another job with anyone until you learn to settle down!"

Natsu's eyes widened. Lucy couldn't mean that! She wouldn't just abandon them, right?

"In fact, I won't go on a job with you until you can prove that you can control yourself! If you can't stop worrying about me going off on my own, then you take on a solo job as well! If you can complete the entire mission without so much as a single jewel going towards paying off damages, I'll let rejoin Team Natsu."

"Lucy?" The blonde looked up at the sound of Mirajane's voice, her rage momentarily put on hold. The Take Over mage extended a paper towards Lucy, which she took. "Master Makarov seems to think you'll like this one."

Natsu and Lucy peered down at the writing while Lucy read it aloud, "'600,000 jewels will be offered to any wizard capable of standing in as the maid of honor at the wedding of Luna Hughes and Akihiro DiMaggio in Crocus'- WAIT! Luna Hughes? As in the Luna Hughes, the up and coming designer Sorcerer Weekly's looking to hire?" Lucy gaped.

"The very one," Mirajane smiled. "She designed the dress I wore for the last issue. Luna's a very nice woman, and she loves mages. Look at a few of the other tasks required for the job."

Lucy's mouth hit the floor at the next part. "'The couple would like for the mage to wear one of the bridesmaid's dresses made by Luna herself, as well as entertain the guests before the reception with a few of her magical abilities.' This is perfect! Thank you, Mira!"

"Entertaining sounds like fun, but I don't know about the wedding part," Natsu remarked. The dragon slayer wasn't really into overly formal occasions where he had to be still for extended periods of time.

"You won't be coming with me, so you won't have to worry," Lucy said firmly, slipping the paper into a pocket of her skirt.

"Crocus isn't the safest place-"

"Natsu, I meant what I said about taking our own jobs. I won't go out on any more jobs with you until you can complete one on your own without breaking anything," Lucy pointed crossed her arms, refusing to sway despite feeling considerably better. 600,000 jewels was a lot, and she wasn't really angry anymore... NO! Lucy was a woman and she wasn't about to seem indecisive, no matter how many times Natsu gave her puppy dog eyes.

"What happened?" Mira asked, glancing between the two. Usually the duo was inseparable, but it seemed as though they had fallen out quite badly.

"Natsu doesn't think I'm capable of going on a mission by myself," Lucy answered indignantly, finishing off her last sip of water.

"But what if something were to happen?" the slayer protested.

"Then I'd take care of it myself," decided Lucy, standing. "Thanks for the drink, Mira, and the job."

"No problem," the barmaid replied, taking up her glass. "Have fun in Crocus!"

Without another word, Lucy strode across the guild, kicked open the doors, and disappeared into the night. Natsu felt his heart grow heavy; Lucy wasn't really that mad with him, was she? She couldn't mean all of that, right?

Mirajane glanced down at the gloomy dragon slayer, who had suddenly slumped onto the counter, much like how Lucy had when she had first arrived. "You all really do have a habit of wreaking havoc," she pointed out softly. "Perhaps she just needs a break."

"Yeah, that's all. A break..." Natsu mumbled, sliding away from the bar and slinking over to the rest of Team Natsu.

The Take Over mage watched him go, a frown on her beautiful face. She really hoped that the two would get over this fight before either of them could do something really stupid. Spending some time away from each other might do them a world of good, but all Lucy had really asked for was proof that Natsu could control himself. In the best situation, the boy would see it as a challenge and try his hardest, but the worst would leave him sulking around the guild. Mirajane contemplated calling over Lisanna to send after the dragon slayer, but Erza already seemed to be talking to him- or rather, threatening him.

"Tell me what happened!" demanded Erza, pounding her fist into the table and causing everyone surrounding it to jump.

"Eek! Okay! Okay!" Natsu flailed momentarily before continuing. "Lucy just got really mad at me and said she wouldn't go on any more missions with me until I could show her that I'm not always destroying things!"

Gray snorted. "Likely chance."

"What was that, stripper?" Natsu growled.

Erza loudly cleared her throat, leaving the two to wrap their arms around each other's shoulders and chant, "We're the best of friends!"

"That's exactly what Lucy was talking about!" Erza scolded. Both boys shivered at her tone, even though her dark eyes were only fixed on Natsu. "Now, what did Lucy tell you. What did she say?"

"She told me that I had to do a solo mission and not pay a single jewel to repairs if she wanted me to come back to Team Natsu..." the dragon slayer muttered.

"That doesn't sound too hard," Wendy piped up with a smile. "You could go on a little job, right? That way, you wouldn't have to put much force into it anyways. Or you could go on one where you had to destroy stuff."

"Good idea, Wendy," Erza nodded in approval, then glared at Natsu. "Are you paying attention?"

"Yes, ma'am!" he squeaked.

"Then what are you waiting for?" she growled.

Natsu was standing in front of the request board before you could say 'nothing.'

"This really sucks..." he grumbled, scratching the back of his neck and scanning the available jobs with a keen eye. They were all really weird, too cheap, or didn't look like any fun. So far the most interesting one was to escort a carriage to the borders of Fiore- for 15,000 jewels. Despite the small reward, protecting someone somewhat went along the lines of getting payed to destroy things, right? Like fighting off bandits?

The dragon slayer was ready to set the entire board in fire when he noticed the edge of a request sticking out from under one about helping fill the mayor's backyard pool. Eyes narrowed, he flicked the other request up out of the way and scanned the paper.

Not ten seconds later, the boy slammed the request down on the counter and shot Mirajane a toothy grin. "This one!" he crowed.

The mage took a moment to look at the paper before giggling. "I can't believe no one else took this one already! It's been up for a week!" Mira pulled out a binder from under the bar and began to leaf through the pages. "This is the perfect job for you!"

"I hope Lucy will think so too!" he nodded.

Mirajane's eyes flitted up to meet Natsu's. "Aren't you a little worried that she might not like you taking a job so close to hers?"

"Nope! I can keep an eye on her and do the job!" Natsu said proudly.

"If you say so," Mirajane smiled, pulling another piece of paper from the binder. "Here are the rest of the details."

"Thanks, Mira!" the dragon slayer snatched up both papers and shoved them in his pocket. He couldn't wait to see Lucy's face when he showed her the reward money!

In the meantime, said celestial spirit mage was soaking in a tub of steamy hot water. She bit her lip as the previous hour floated through her mind.

"In fact, I won't go on a job with you until you can prove that you can control yourself!"

She hadn't taken it too far, had she? Surely not, Natsu could handle himself. The thought kept creeping into her mind: what if 'handling' wasn't the problem, but controlling? Her eyes narrowed as she willed away the thoughts. She had been perfectly within reason. Team Natsu really had been getting too wild, especially that dragon slayer. Yet as she had the time to cool off, the mage realized just how reckless her words had been. What if she had offended him?

"Natsu? Offended?" Lucy scoffed, sinking lower in the bathtub. Where were her thoughts going now? At least she wasn't daydreaming about him again... She shuddered at her mind automatically recalled the forbidden images. "Bad Lucy! No!"

Sighing deeply, Lucy pinched her nose and sank completely under the bubbles. She needed to stop worrying about everything and concentrate on her job. She would leave Magnolia in the morning and be ready to take on the job by midday, easy peasy.

Team Natsu would just have to wait.

The following morning, Lucy briefly stopped at the guild before boarding the train to Crocus. After a restful sleep, the mage felt like her veins were pumping pure adrenaline throughout her body. Lucy did feel a little bad that the only person who had talked to her when she had walked into Fairy Tail, but then again, everyone else seemed to be passed out on the floor. They probably had another party, but for what, the celestial spirit mage could only guess.

What saddened her most was the lack of the cheerful fire dragon slayer. She hadn't seen his face amidst the mix of faces in the heaping pile. What if she really had insulted him?

"No, it's just Natsu. He wouldn't get so worked up over something like that," Lucy decided, staring out the window. The girl decided to apologize to him as soon as she returned, anyways. She really hadn't meant everything she had said the previous night. Hopefully the rest of the team had managed to talk some sense into Natsu.

Then again, sense wasn't exactly something he was known for.

That idiot probably thought I was serious. He might have actually taken on a solo job, Lucy mused with a half smile. It's Natsu. He'll be fine.

She didn't know that at that exact moment, the dragon slayer was riding in one of the cars behind her, moaning softly as he hunched over the seat, barely maintaining consciousness.

...I... will never ride... another train for as... long as I... live. Natsu groaned loudly as he slumped to the floor.

A few hours later, the train rumbled into the station. By that time, Lucy had completely forgotten about her worries as she hopped from the train. Grinning broadly, the blonde checked her map for a final time before striding off into the crowd. It was time to collect that reward!

On the other hand, Natsu wasn't doing too well. The boy barely managed to drag himself off of the train before it began to chug out of the station. His stomach was still churning, but he felt better on solid ground.

"Never taking a train..." he muttered, trying to shove himself to his feet. This is pathetic... Why didn't I let Happy come?

"Hey, are you okay?" a soft voice asked him.

The dragon slayer wearily glanced up to see a young man staring down at him with worry. He wore a dark poncho, rugged pants, and a striped fedora that covered most of his face, though it didn't quite hide the odd tattoo that trailed the man's jawline.

"Hate transport," Natsu mumbled, clutching his gut.

"Here." The man crouched down on one knee and rested a hand on Natsu's shoulder. The boy watched as a purple magic circle flashed, before the man stood and offered his hand. "How's that?"

"Ne?" Natsu took his hand, and then noticed something odd. "I don't feel sick anymore!"

The man laughed. "You're welcome. It'll wear off soon, but I think you'll be fine by then!"

"Thanks so much!" Natsu grinned. "I didn't know other mages could use healing magic like Wendy!"

"Wendy?" the man blinked.

"Thanks again!" Without another word, the dragon slayer dashed off into the crowd, sniffing deeply for Lucy's scent.

The young wizard stared after him for a moment, but not without catching a glimpse of the red mark on the boy's shoulder. "What an odd person..." The man shook his head. Those Fairy Tail wizards really were weak.

A few minutes ahead of everything, Lucy checked the papers for a final time before wrapping her knuckles on the door of a regal apartment. The two-story marble structure stood tall over the simple condos around, ivy curling up the sides. The shingles were a glimmering periwinkle, the window shutter's a fading purple, with extensive wear-and-tear on the golden door frame arching high over Lucy's head. The mage absentmindedly fantasized about what it would be like to live here.

I bet it's just as beautiful on the inside~! Lucy mentally squealed, eyes glowing.

At her knock, there was a small pause before the door swung open to reveal a lithe woman with long violet hair and silver eyes, wearing a deep blue dessy twist dress. Instantly, the woman's eyes lit up as she asked, "Are you the mage sent by Fairy Tail?"

Lucy nodded. "Are you Luna Hughes?"

"I most certainly am!" Luna laughed, her face breaking into a grin. "I was a little worried when I heard which guild accepted, but it doesn't look like we'll have any problems! Come in, come in!"

The designer ushered Lucy into the apartment, though the younger girl could barely breathe. The inside was somehow more gorgeous than the outside. She hardly had time to look at all of the chestnut furniture and gold trimmings before Luna handed her a small bag.

"This is the down payment. I know traveling all the way from Magnolia must have been tiring, especially since we had only received word of your comings this morning," Luna explained, leading Lucy through another doorway. "I hope 100,000 jewels will give cover any expenses you might need to pay for your troubles."

100,000 jewel down payment? Lucy almost fainted, but somehow managed to gush, "Oh, thank you!"

"I hope it's enough," Luna fretted. "If not, I should be able to give you another 100,000 before the wedding."

The celestial spirit mage was speechless.

"But while you're here, we might as well get down to business! Here, have a seat, and don't worry about your bags. My fiance sent someone for them a while ago," Luna lead the awed Lucy into the living room and sat on the couch, patting the seat next to her. The blonde could only look around and try not to gape as she followed the older's lead.

"Your house is so wonderful," she breathed.

"Oh, no! This isn't my house! This is where you will be staying this week!" Luna giggles at the sight of Lucy's mouth plummeting. "I forgot to add that in the request, didn't I? Oh, dear..."

"I'm staying here?"

"Yes, if you want to, that is. I can make more accommodating arrangement if it's not to your tastes."

"No, I think this just fine..." Lucy said in a daze.

"Now, onto business. First off, you already know me, Luna Hughes. You may call me Luna, but who are you?"

"Lucy."

"Lucy..?"

"Just Lucy." I don't really want her to know I'm a Heartfilia!

Luna beamed. "Well then, Lucy of Fairy Tail, it's a pleasure to meet you!"

Lucy took the hand offered to her and took it. "Likewise, Luna!"

"Lucy, tell me..." Lucy frowned at the sudden loss of volume in Luna's voice and the darkened look that clouded her vision. "I need to discuss something of utmost importance with you. Tell me, Lucy, how good are you at keeping secrets?"

Lucy seemed to be doing fine. Natsu had tracked her scent all the way this street where she was greeted by a cheerful woman in a flowing dress. She looked nice enough, but Natsu still had his doubts. Regardless, he had his own job to finish; he could catch up with Lucy easily enough afterwords.

Not half an hour later, the dragon slayer found himself sitting across from a man in a fresh tuxedo calling himself Druce Arkwright of the Rune Knights.

"So you see, that's why I put out a request," Druce finished, wringing one of the cuffs of his jacket. "I'm worried about my friend's wedding in a few days, especially with all of the warnings we've received, on top of the heightened crime rate. I'll admit that I was a little skeptical when I heard that a Fairy Tail wizard had accepted this job, so I hope you're capable of proving me wrong. Akihiro is a dear friend of mine, and I couldn't bear to see his special day go wrong."

"Don't worry about it! Fairy Tail mages always support one another!" Natsu grinned. "So, I gotta protect the couple, make sure no one messes up the wedding, and catch the Chameleon? Got it!"

"Remember, we don't know much about the Chameleon, so we would appreciate even the slightest amount of..." Druce's words were wasted, as the eager wizard ran already dashed off. The man took a deep breath. "Oh, Akihiro... I tried..."

Meanwhile, a certain dragon slayer was already fired up and itching to catch Fiore's Most Wanted: the Chameleon. Too bad he didn't make it to the end of the street.

"Hey, you! Fairy Tail!"

Hmm... intertwining jobs..? I wonder how this will work out.

Lucy: Oi! You're the author!

I suppose so. That just means you'll have to be extra nice to me until this is finished, or else. Besides, you're not suppose to know what Natsu's doing!

Lucy: -gulps-