Disclaimer: Do I look like Jonathan Larson to you?
What's His Favorite Color
"Hey Roger, can you help me with something?" Angel asked as she knocked on the door leading to the rocker's bedroom.
"Sure Ang. Whatcha need?" Roger sat up from where he had been slumped on his bed, picking out a tune on his guitar.
She walked in and sat down on the bed in front of him. She paused and looked around, a pained look on her face. "God Roger! How do you stand the smell? Did something die in here?!"
"No," Roger replied, confused. "It doesn't smell!"
"Maybe not to you" Angel retorted. "Anyway, I need your help with something. I need to ask you a question." She placed the magazine she had been holding on her lap.
"Why should I help you now? You said my room smelled and that's not very-OW!" He shut up as Angel smacked him across the head with her magazine.
"Are you going to answer the question or not?" Roger nodded quickly, fearing what would happen if he didn't agree. That magazine was pretty thick and he didn't want it messing up his hair. "Good answer. Ok, you're Collins best friend, right?"
"Yeah. Collins and I go all the way back to the third grade," Roger smiled proudly. "I was the first person he came out to."
"Great! So you could tell me what his favorite color is, right?"
Roger stared at her before bursting out laughing. "You two have been dating for how long and you still don't know his favorite color? That's just too funny! I mean- OW! Stop doing that!" Roger glared at her and rubbed the spot on his head where she had smacked him again.
"It's never come up in the conversation. Now, do you or do you not know what Collins favorite color is?" Angel smiled at him sweetly.
"Yes I do know what his favorite color is."
"What is it?"
"Well you never asked me to tell you. You just asked if I knew what it was," Roger smiled at her smugly.
"Roger, I suggest that you tell me what I want to know." Angel said calmly, but he could hear the slightly threatening tone in her voice.
"And if I don't tell you?" What could she possibly do to him?
"Davis, do you really want to find out?" Roger eyed the magazine in her hand warily and looked her in the face. She was the picture of innocence, but he wasn't fooled. This was Angel for Christ's sake! She'd beaten a cop up before! No, he didn't want to mess with her, especially after she had called him Davis.
"Fine. His favorite color is orange. Happy now?" Angel squealed and leaned over and enveloped him in a hug.
"Thank you Roger!" She continued to hug and squeeze him and he strained against her.
"Hey! Hey get off! Watch the hair! Do not mess with the hair! Uh…what are you doing?! OH MY GOD?! WHY THE HELL DID YOU JUST DO THAT?!" Roger wiped his cheek of with the back of his hand from where Angel had just kissed him.
"Oh relax honey, I don't bite." She paused a second to think about this. "Well maybe Collins, but definitely not you."
"That's more information than I needed to know! I do not want to know about your sex life with Collins!" Roger exclaimed disgustedly.
"Well from what I've heard from Mimi, you could use the ideas."
Roger blanched. "Mimi tells you about our sex life?"
Angel grinned at him. "Uh huh." She leaned over as if she were confiding something in him. "Honey, you know I've heard there's a pill that exists that can make it grow."
"GET OUT!" Roger yelled as he threw his pillow at her, missing by a country mile.
"What the hell is going on in here?" Mark asked as he popped his head in the room. "I was in my room and I heard Roger screaming. Oh, hey Angel. When did you get here?"
"Like five minutes ago. I was down at Mimi's and I had to ask Roger a question about Collins. Roger was screaming because I told him he had a small penis." Angel replied.
"Oh right," Mark nodded and then paused and looked around. "What smells?"
"My room doesn't smell!" Roger yelled at him.
Mark scrunched up his brow. "Yeah it does." He paused as if he had just realized something and looked at Angel. "You didn't know something about Collins?"
"No! Excuse me for not knowing every little detail about him! So I don't know his favorite color! Is that really such a crime?!" Angel's face was becoming slightly flushed with anger.
"Calm down Angel. It's not that big a deal," Mark assured her, but added under his breath, "Although it surprises me, since you two are attached at the hip and are always-OW!" Roger laughed at the sight of Angel whapping someone besides him on the head with her magazine. Mark glared at him before asking, "Why'd you do that?"
"Because you deserved it," Angel snapped at him.
"Sorry! Well did Roger give you your answer? He told you Collins favorite color is blue."
Both Angel and Roger looked at him with a shocked look on their face. "Uh Mark, Collins favorite color isn't blue. It's orange."
Mark looked at him puzzled. "No it's not. It's blue."
Roger stood up and walked over to Mark. "No man, it's orange. I've known him since third grade and it has always been orange."
"It's blue! He told me it was blue!"
"Orange!"
"Blue!"
"Orange!"
"Blue!"
"ORANGE!"
"BLUE!"
"I'M HERE!" Maureen shouted as she threw the door to loft open and stepped inside, Joanne behind her. "I have had the worst day ever in my entire-" She stopped when she heard the uproar coming from Roger's bedroom. "C'mon Pookie. Let's go find out what's wrong and why no one is paying attention to me."
"Maureen, the entire metropolis of New York doesn't revolve around you. They obviously are having problems of their own, and they don't need to hear about yours." Joanne sighed. She'd had a long day at the office and Maureen wasn't helping.
"Of course all of New York doesn't revolve around me! The entire universe does! Besides, if they're having problems, maybe we can help them figure it out." Without waiting for Joanne to protest, Maureen dragged her over to the bedroom door. As they stepped in, they saw Roger and Mark right up in each others faces screaming at each other and Angel sitting on the bed, watching them like one would watch a tennis match. She had a giant grin on her face.
"His favorite color is orange!" Roger shouted at Mark. "I should know! I've been his best friend since third grade! You didn't even come around until fourth grade! How could you possibly know him as well as I do?"
"Obviously I do know him better than you do since I KNOW THAT HIS FAVORITE COLOR IS BLUE!" Mark shouted right back.
"WHOSE FAVORITE COLOR ARE WE TALKING ABOUT AND WHY DOES IT SMELL LIKE HOMELESS DUDE IN HERE?!" Maureen screamed twice as loud as both of them. They both stopped and looked at her.
They both started talking at once, trying to speak over the other.
"It doesn't smell!"
"Blue! He hasn't a clue-"
"It's orange! I would know-"
"-blue-"
"-since third grade."
"-crappy musician who can't even-"
"-and she asked what his favorite color was and-"
"SHUT UP!" Joanne yelled a them. They both shut up instantly. "What the hell is going on here?" They both opened their mouths to speak, but Joanne held up a hand to silence them. "Angel. I want Angel to tell me what's going on."
"Certainly honey. I asked Roger what Collins favorite color is and he said it was orange. Mark came in and said that it was blue. They've been screaming ever since."
Joanne looked at Angel, puzzled. "You didn't know something about-" Seeing the look on Angel's face, both Mark and Roger had leaned over and clamped their hands over her mouth.
Maureen chuckled. "They're both wrong. His favorite color is black."
Mark and Roger turned and looked at her and answered at the same time, "Not it's not"
"Uh yeah it is. I know it for a fact. Collins favorite color is black."
"It's orange!"
"Shut up Roger, you don't know what you're talking about. His favorite color is black."
"No, you are both wrong. It's blue."
"Actually, all three of you are wrong. His favorite color is green," Joanne piped in.
"How do you know Pookie? You haven't known him as long as we have, and you've never lived with him!" Maureen stated, standing with one diva-ish hand on her diva-ish hip.
"I know his favorite color is green because we were talking about cars the other night, and he said that if he ever bought a car, he'd want a green car because that was his favorite color. So his favorite color is green."
"He might have just meant his favorite color car was green. His favorite color is black," Maureen huffed at her girlfriend.
"And why do you think it's black?" Joanne glared at her.
"Because I asked him what his favorite color was because I wanted to buy him a birthday present. He told me to get him something black. So I bought him black boxers! That's how I know!" Maureen glared back at Joanne.
Angel perked up at the mention of Collins underwear. "Oh! You mean the black silky ones with the smiley faces all over them?"
Maureen turned and grinned at Angel. "Yeah! I saw them and just thought they were SO cute!"
"I love those boxers so much! They look so great on his ass!" Angel exclaimed.
"Can we please stop talking about Collins' ass?" Roger grimaced. Those were some visual images he did NOT need in his head.
"Yeah. Let's get back to talking about his favorite color. Which is blue!"
"Just drop it Mark! His favorite color is green! He said it was his favorite color, so it must be his favorite color!" Joanne was up in his face now and she looked particularly threatening.
"Pookie, I have known Collins for years. He would not lie to me. His favorite color is black." Maureen sidled up to her girlfriend and wrapped her arms around Joanne, grabbing her ass.
"I've known him longer than you have. I've known him the longest and he's always told me his favorite color is orange!"
Mark turned to Roger and yelled "BLUE!"
"ORANGE!"
"GREEN!"
"BLACK!"
"ORANGE!"
"BLACK!"
"GREEN!"
"BLUE!"
"What the hell is going on in here?!" Everyone turned to see Mimi and Benny in the doorway. Roger glared at Benny and went over and pulled Mimi away from him.
"What were you doing with him?" Roger hissed at her.
"Calm down Roger. I knocked on the door and no one answered, so I went down to see if Mimi knew were you or Mark were," Benny explained.
"Yeah Roger. That's all. Would you learn to trust me and when will you learn to do laundry? It smells like shit in here!" Mimi shot him daggers.
Before Roger could retort, Benny asked, "What's going on here? We heard you guys screaming random colors."
"Benny, I might hate you, but I know that you will know the right answer because you used to be best friends with Collins. What is his favorite color?"
"That's easy. It's-" Benny started to answer, but Mimi interrupted him.
"Red."
"No it is not Mimi. His favorite color is pink," Benny stated.
Everyone stared at him.
"What?" He didn't like the fact that they were all staring at him. It made him nervous, especially since Angel was glaring at him.
"Pink?!" Maureen looked at him incredulously.
"Yeah. It's pink."
"And why would you think that?" Mark scoffed.
"Easy. He's gay. All gay men like pink."
They all stared at him in shock and then parted to let Angel through. She was glaring at him and he shrunk under her gaze. He backed up until he was pressed against the wall and she towered over him. He realized that he probably had not said the right thing.
Angel continued to glare at him as she asked, "You think that just because a guy is gay, he automatically likes pink?"
Benny winced at the poison in her words. Gulping, he replied, knowing they would be his last words, "Yes."
Before he could even realize what she was going to do, he felt her magazine collide with the top of his head. She then smacked him in the ribs. She then seethed at him, punctuating each word with her magazine contacting various parts of his body, "You. Disgusting. Stereotyping. Pig. How. Dare. You. Say. That." She continued to reign paper blows to him.
"Should someone stop her?" Mimi inquired.
"No." They all replied.
Maureen turned her attention back to Joanne and pouted her lips. "Pookie, why don't you believe me? I know his favorite color is black!"
"It won't work this time Maureen, so you can put the pout away. He told me his favorite color is green."
"But it's not! It's blue and everyone knows it!"
"What do you know Mark? You're too busy filming to notice something about your best friend. It's orange."
"Shut up Roger! It's red. Trust me, it's red."
"And how would you know Mimi? You haven't been best friends with him since third grade!"
"Blue!"
"I just know it's red. I have my reasons."
"I. Hope. Your. Testicles. Shrivel. Up. And. Fall. Off. You. Son. Of. A. Bitch."
"Blue!"
"Pookie that's not very nice! Why do you always have to be right? Why can't I ever be right for a change?"
"Blue!"
"Mimi, I think you just don't know so you're pretending that you do. It's not cool babe."
"Blue!"
"Honey Bear, why would someone say something was their favorite color if it wasn't?"
"I. Killed. Your. Dog. And. I'm. Glad. It. Was. Your. Dog."
"Blue!"
"I don't know Pookie! I'm just getting sick of you always being right! It isn't fair!"
"BLUE!"
"Fuck you Roger!"
"BLUE!"
They are all too busy to notice when Collins stepped into the room.
He looked around the room at all of them. Mimi and Roger were fighting and she looked like she was about to slap him. Maureen was glaring at Joanne and yelling something about how unfair Joanne was being. Angel was beating Benny in the corner with what looked like a rolled up magazine. And Mark was standing in the middle of the room yelling the word 'blue' at the top of his lungs.
"Uh…hey guys," Collins said. Surprisingly, they all stopped what they were doing and looked at him, but not before Mark gave one final shout of 'blue'. "Someone want to tell me what's going on here?"
"WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE COLOR?" they all shouted at him.
"Why?"
They all started talking at once and he couldn't understand a single world of it. He raised his hands to silence them and yelled, "SHUT UP!" Silence. "One person. Angel, would you please tell me what's going on?"
"What does she get to explain it? I'm your best friend," Roger mumbled under his breath.
Angel gave one last glare towards Benny and then sauntered over to Collins. "Hi honey." She gave him a kiss before starting to explain what was happening. "I asked Roger what your favorite color was since I didn't know. It's never come up in the conversation before. He said it was orange, and then Mark came in and said it was blue. They started fighting over it, and then Mo and Jo showed up. Maureen said it was black and she told me she was the one who bought you those darling black boxers with the smiley faces over. You know…the ones I love. Well anyway, Joanne said that you had told her it was green. They all started fighting and then Mimi and Benny came in. Mark asked Benny what he thought your favorite color was and Mimi said it was red and Benny said it was pink! Pink! He said that you must love pink just because your gay! I mean just because you have the best ass, sorry Mimi, and are gay does not automatically mean that you love pink! So I whacked him with my magazine." She took a gasp of air since she had said all of this in one breath.
"Oh." That was all Collins could manage to say.
"So baby, what is it? What's your favorite color."
"It's red." Collins replied. There was a moments pause as they all processed that they had been wrong and Mimi gave a triumphant shout since she had been right. All of the Bohemians and Benny besides Collins and Angel started clamoring about why they had thought a certain color was Collins favorite color.
"-about the car-"
"- did those boxers-"
"-third grade man-"
"-but he's gay-"
"-I knew it was red!"
Angel and Collins sat and stared at them. Ignoring them, Angel turned to Collins and asked. "So why red?"
Collins laughed and gave her a light kiss. "I would have thought it was obvious. Red is my favorite color because it's the color you were wearing when we first met."
"Aww! That's so sweet!" Wrapping their arms around each other, Angel and Collins left the quarreling Bohemians behind. Angel had her answer and it was the best answer she could have asked for.