A/N - So, this is the sequel to Time Will Tell. If you read that fic, thanks so much for coming back. I really hope that I don't let you down.
If you haven't read TWT, don't feel obligated. Parts of this sequel will make more sense if you've read it, though.
Emily couldn't stop crying. Paige was holding her and saying all of the right things, but Emily could feel the anger in her embrace. She didn't know what she could say. She knew that, when Paige was emotionally overwhelmed like this, she needed physical contact to calm her down, but for as long as they had been holding each other, the anger was still there. Emily was sorry. She had never felt so helpless and sorry.
It had happened before she knew what was going on. She didn't have time to react.
They were at the end of the season party with the rest of the team, and alcohol was flowing freely. Paige had stepped out for the ladies' room, and, out of nowhere, Cara Dauber, one of the divers, came up on Emily and started kissing her. And, of course, before Emily had the chance to shove her off, Paige came around the corner and saw it all.
But it wasn't her fault. And she would have told Paige about it, of course, but she didn't have the chance.
Paige was livid. She jerked Emily out of the way and started verbally tearing into Cara. Everyone on the team had seen Paige's game face, and it could be intimidating, but no one was prepared for the ferocity with which Paige was yelling at Cara. It was feral; animalistic. Cara was cornered, almost crouching in fear. Emily was afraid for Cara's safety. She was afraid that Paige was going to do something that would end up on her permanent criminal record. She grabbed Paige desperately by the arm and pulled her, still screaming out threats, from the room. Paige never dropped eye contact with Cara until she was physically out of the scene.
They waited in silence for the Drunk Bus. Once on board, Paige held Emily's hand, but she never looked at her, focusing her stare out of the window instead.
Emily pulled back from Paige so that she could see her eyes. "Paige, please, tell me how to fix this," she begged.
"You didn't do anything, Emily. I'm not mad at you."
"You are mad, Paige. You won't admit it to yourself, but I can see it. I can feel it."
Paige tried her best to calm herself down. She knew that she was hurting Emily, and that thought hurt her deeply. "Emily, I swear that I'm not mad at you. I love you, and I trust you. I know that you'd never do anything like that to us. I'm mad at Cara. I'll fucking kill Cara." She said it calmly, with an even tone, as though it were a statement of fact, not an idle threat that was made in anger.
"Paige," Emily said, grabbing both of her girlfriend's hands, "you're scaring me."
Paige took a deep breath, let go of Emily's hands, and walked slowly to the bedroom. Emily stood in place, trying to figure out what to do next. She heard a drawer open and close with a slam. Only one drawer, she thought. She's not gathering clothes to leave. Maybe she's just going to lie down and sleep it off.
When Paige came back, Emily noticed that her right hand was balled into a tight fist. She walked over to Emily, rather than toward the door, to Emily's relief. The relief didn't last long.
"Look, Emily. This isn't the way that I wanted to do this, but maybe this is the right time."
Oh, God! She's breaking up with me! Over Cara? Or is that just the excuse? How long has she felt like this? Emily sank down onto the couch in defeat and disbelief. Paige knelt down to be on the same level. She can't even sit with me?
Emily was drifting in and out of Paige's words. "You know that I love you… I'll never be able to repay you for everything that you brought to my life…" Emily couldn't stand the torture. She wished that Paige would just get it over with. She was shaking her head back and forth in denial and bawling furiously. She couldn't even work out the word "No!" or "Please!"
Paige paused. Emily looked up, hopeful for a second. "You're not making this easy, Emily," she said with a half smile, and the torrent of tears started again. She wants this to be easy? After four years of being together?
Paige's assault of words started again. "both known this was coming for some time…" But Emily hadn't known. For the second time tonight, she felt blindsided. Things were happening around her – to her – to them – that she had never seen coming and that she had no way to stop.
"… build a life with you… can't imagine my life without you…" What the fuck, is she proposing to me? "Make me the happiest woman on the planet… Will you marry me, Emily Fields?" Paige unballed her fist to reveal a diamond ring.
Emily couldn't speak. She began peppering Paige's face with kisses. She was still crying, and Paige held her, to try to get her calmed down.
"Emily… Emily – " Emily looked at her and smiled. "I can't put this on your finger unless you say 'Yes!'"
"YES!" Emily practically yelled, and she hugged her fiancée for a long time. As she let go, still fighting back the tears, she confessed to Paige. "I thought that you were breaking up with me."
Paige was flabbergasted. "What?" Paige pulled her back in for a hug. "Over this? Emily…"
"I know," Emily cut her off. "It sounds so stupid, now. I just… You were so angry, Paige."
Paige hung her head. "I'm sorry, Em." Emily lifted up her head and kissed her. "But I would never leave you, Emily. Whatever happens, we would work it out."
"I know, Paige. I don't doubt us. I was just scared. People don't think straight when they're scared."
A lightbulb went on in Paige's head. "I guess that's why I lost it with Cara. I guess I got scared." Emily cupped Paige's cheek and gave her another kiss of reassurance. "But, Emily," Paige continued, picking up Emily's hand and holding up her ring finger, "I need you to know that this isn't about me being afraid of losing you. I didn't give you the ring tonight to put my mark on you. When my Dad gave me the ring, he told me that I would know when it was the right time. Tonight, it just felt right. It was my way of saying that I know that we're permanent, and that I know that nothing is going to interfere with that – with us."
Emily was overwhelmed. She pulled Paige in tight and lovingly kissed her neck.
"So, wait, you and Nick talked about proposing? I wish I could've been there for that conversation!" Paige chuckled. Some of the tension in the room eased. "And just how long have you and Nick been keeping this secret from me?" Emily was trying her best to pretend to be offended, but she couldn't hide the grin that was on her face.
"Emily, I hated keeping this a secret from you." Paige knew that Emily was joking, but she really didn't like keeping secrets from her.
The summer visits with Nick McCullers became a regular thing for Paige and Emily after their freshman year. The summer after their sophomore year, he asked Paige to stay behind with him for an extra week before she joined Emily in Rosewood. He had taken the week off from work to spend with her, camping, fishing, biking – reconnecting. She was delighted to have her father back like this. Everything was carefree and light, until Wednesday night, at dinner.
"You and Emily are serious, aren't you?"
Paige smiled, unsuspecting. "Yeah, Dad. We really are."
He grabbed her hand. "I'm really very happy for you. I can tell that you're good for each other. – And I don't just mean your swimming!" They shared a laugh. Nick reached into his pocket and pulled out a box, opening it to show Paige the ring. "This is the ring that your grandfather gave to my mother. She gave it to me when I was ready to propose to your mom. Your mom left it when she went away." There was nothing in his tone – no anger, remorse, sadness. "I want you to have it for when you're ready." Paige smiled. He gave her a pointed look. "And you're not ready," he said seriously.
"Thanks, Daddy. This means so much to me. And we know that we're not ready."
"And when you're ready, you'll know."
Why does everybody keep telling us that? Paige thought.
"There's a reason that I wanted you to have this now, though." Paige braced herself. She knew her father's serious look. "Paige, it's taken us a good deal of time to get back to where we are now. Relationships can't be repaired overnight. So, you need to think about whether or not you want your mother there when you and Emily say, 'I do,' because, if you do, you need to start building that bridge soon. You don't have to give me an answer until you've thought it over. I just want you to know that, if you want me to reach out to your mother for you, I will."
"Dad, I couldn't ask you to do that."
"You don't have to ask, Paige. I want what's best for you. And, I have to believe that your mom does, too."
That statement was more than Paige could bear. "I can't talk about this, Daddy. Please, can we just keep enjoying this week?"
"Of course we can, P. But promise me that you'll think about it, okay? – Not for my sake; not for your mom's sake. For your sake."
Paige shared almost everything about that weekend with Emily. She didn't mention the ring, wanting that to be a surprise. They spent almost the entire drive to Rosewood talking about her mother.
"Is it bad that I don't want her there?"
Emily reached out with her right hand and cupped Paige's face. "It's not wrong if it's what your heart feels."
Paige took Emily's hand in both of hers and pulled it into her lap. "It's not just about me. I just think that it would be an insult to my Dad to have her there, as though she'd been there for me just as much as he had."
"Paige, your dad was right. You have to think about what state of mind you'll be in when we get married. Are you going to want to do that without your mother there?"
Paige paused for a moment, although she really didn't have to give it much thought. "Yes," she said simply. Emily looked over and smiled slightly, nodding her head. "And, I mean, even if I change my mind, I won't look back and regret making this decision today. I won't regret the way that I feel about her today."
Emily patted Paige's thigh before she returned her hand to the steering wheel. She smiled to herself. "Is it weird the way that we talk about getting married? – The way that everyone talks about us getting married?"
"Not weird at all," Paige asserted. "We're soulmates, remember?"
"It was a good secret, Paige. It was a nice surprise. And the ring is beautiful," Emily said, settling back into Paige's body.
They were silent for a while before Emily spoke again. "Paige, promise me something."
Paige tensed slightly. "What?" she asked apprehensively.
"Promise me…" Emily struggled at what she was about to ask of Paige. "… that you'll let this thing with Cara go." Feeling Paige bristle behind her, she turned around to face her. "Paige, I was really frightened tonight. I'm still afraid of what might happen. Please, Paige? Promise me?" She was trying not to allow the tears to start again. And as if on cue, Paige's phone buzzed. Emily saw Paige's reaction and knew who had texted her. "Paige. Please. Give me your phone."
Paige shook her head.
"Paige. I love you. Please trust me."
Paige handed over her phone.
Cara had texted an apology, playing the "I was drunk" card.
Emily picked up her own phone and texted Cara. I've managed to get Paige calmed down, barely. Please take my advice and keep your distance. From both of us.
It was a restless night for Paige. With some perspective, she could see herself for who she had been at the party, and it scared her. She wasn't afraid of what she might have done to Cara. She was afraid of how Emily had seen her. She had exposed a side of herself that she didn't know existed. It scared her to think that she could so easily become that desperate, territorial, psycho girlfriend.
"Em," she whispered, to wake her, but Emily was already awake, sensitive to Paige's emotional state because of the way that it showed in Paige's restlessness as she lay next to Emily. Emily stroked the arm that Paige had wrapped around her waist but gave no spoken reply. "Emily, are you awake?" Paige pressed.
"I'm awake," Emily responded, not sounding at all as if she had been asleep.
"I'm sorry." Emily heard the tears in Paige's plea and turned around, looking questioningly into Paige's eyes in the dim light of their bedroom. "I let myself get out of control. I'm sorry. It was – I was wrong."
Emily cupped Paige's cheek and nodded slowly in understanding. She leaned in and gave Paige a soulful kiss before she turned around again in her arms. "Emily!" Paige sounded desperate. "Do you forgive me?"
Emily turned around again. She didn't think that she was the one to whom Paige needed to apologize, but that wasn't what mattered right now. "Oh, Paige, of course I do." She gazed intently into Paige's eyes, gently stroking her forearm.
"I love you so much, Emily."
"I know that you do, Paige. I love you."
"I just need for you to know. I lost control because I thought that I had to protect you. It wasn't because I was trying to possess you."
"I know that, Paige."
"I mean, I know that you would never cheat on me. I'm not saying that you would. I just want you to know that, if that kiss had been about your feelings for Cara, I would've been pissed, but I wouldn't have lost control. And I know that I shouldn't have lost control no matter what, but I don't want you to be afraid of me, Emily. I don't want you to think that I'm some crazy bitch who's going to snap if you hurt me."
"Oh, Babe, is that what you're worried about? Paige!" Emily kissed her slowly. "I know you better than that! I trust you with my life. You know that, don't you?"
Paige nodded her head slowly, sniffling back the sobs that were threatening to break free. Emily pushed her onto her back and lay on top of her, running her hands up and down the length of Paige's arms. She knew that Paige needed reassurance, and that, for Paige, a touch – just being in physical contact – did more than words ever could.
"Hey," Paige whispered, once she had finally calmed her body down. Emily rolled off of her and snuggled into her side. "How did this go from me comforting you to you comforting me?"
Emily shrugged. "I guess that's why we're a couple. When I'm down, you pick me up, and when you're down, I pick you up."
Paige smiled. "I love that. I love us. I love you."
Emily smiled contentedly. "I do, too."
Sunday morning, Paige and Cara received e-mail that Coach Meehan wanted to meet with them and the diving coach. The season was over, and Paige was graduating that year, but they were still representatives of Stanford swimming, and there were still team functions that they were both expected to take part in.
"I'm going to be with you," Emily asserted.
"Em, you can't. Besides, it would be like ganging up on Cara." Emily was surprised that Paige was able to consider Cara's point of view. She took that as a good sign.
"I know that I can't be there physically," Emily replied, "but I want you to remember that I'm there with you." She took off the cupid's heart necklace that Paige had given her for her birthday in freshman year. "Here. Wear this, and remember that I'm with you."
Paige put the chain around her neck and wrapped her arms around Emily.
The meeting was tense. Paige kept her eyes unflinchingly on Coach Meehan throughout. She held the cupid's heart between her thumb and middle finger, idly running it up and down the chain. Coach Meehan went on about the Cardinal way, the example that they were responsible to set for their teammates, the fact that, even after they graduate, they're still ambassadors for the team, and that he should have heard about this from them, not their teammates.
There would be repercussions. Their scholarships were safe. This would have implications on the selection processes for end of season awards. Then, he got to the point. "Have you two worked things out?"
"Yes!" Cara said, eagerly.
"No," Paige replied calmly, her eyes unwaveringly on her coach as her fingers formed a fist around the heart. He nodded in understanding.
"Are you two going to be okay sharing the stage or volunteering together with the rest of the team?" the diving coach asked.
Cara didn't dare venture a reply after the way that Paige had contradicted her last time.
Without hesitation, Paige replied with an emotionless, "Yes."
Coach Meehan reminded them that there was counseling available through Health Services and advised them not to throw away the friendship and camaraderie that they had built up over the years. He congratulated them on their season, and they were dismissed.