All I Could

by Ai-Kitsuneko Yuurei

Agent Peggy Carter on living with perhaps the greatest loss of her life. She could move on, and she could forget. But why would she not? Why does she keep on coming back to the Stork Club? Drabble.

There were nights when she would visit dance bars, buying a drink only for herself as the lazily played piano music drowned her ears in melancholy. The momentary buzz can knock the mighty Agent Carter off effectively from clearly picturing him in her mind. Her imagination can get too vivid at times, and slumping on the table made her think it was her head resting on his shoulders. There was warmth coming from Steve Rogers. He would scold her that she had too much drinks, but he'd clasp her hands a bit tighter, telling good ol' Peggy there's a bloke like him to accompany her home.

There were these couples, whose movements followed every mood of the song which played. Thoughts of "that could have been us, that could have been us," only prompted her to take another bottle of beer. No amount of tea can calm the flood brewing in the wells of her eyes.

There were these days when she felt it was too painful to keep on living, but she know he'd only let him down if she gave up on life. "Steve knew me for my strength, and if even if I die fighting for my life, my last breath will be a dying wish to live."

There were times when she thought how much he filled her existence. She made it a point to live for him, to be a testament that he lived. And why he did.

There were these moments when he managed to fully embed himself in everything she did. The rain, when he first declared that he wanted to fight seriously. The color blue, where behind those vibrantly colored and embarrassingly tight suit hid a kid's smile only Steve Rogers is capable of pulling of. There were too many of them, and whenever she would feel overwhelmed, Peggy would look for an empty field, and shoot from a distance. Every fire from the gun would send off his memories, send off his scent.

But a thousand bullets have been wasted and his blue eyes were the last thing that would come to her mind before she sleeps at night.

And all this time, she keeps on coming to the dance bar. "He made it so hard for me to forget him," she accidently blurted out when Jarvis came to pick her up from the street, broken bottles shattered to pieces beside her. Only the faithful Stark butler was the one she ever allowed to see this side of hers.

"After all this time," she heard him sigh. "Why do you keep on coming back every Saturday, here at the Stork Club?"

She looked up at the baffled Jarvis, then back to the pieces of what was once a bottle of beer on the ground. "I couldn't keep him, but this promise.. this was all I could keep."