Everything In My Pocket
Chapter One
Baby I know that all your pain will pass
I know you're sad, but it won't last
I'm betting you everything that I've got in my pocket
When you're staring out into the sky
See what you have
And don't ask why
Things can't be different, they're perfect
-Minnie Driver, "Everything I've Got In My Pocket"
It is late, and most of the people in the office have gone home already.
Casey sits at her desk, her right hand resting on her chin and the left holding a picture. She feels the cool, glossy surface of it under her finger tips, and she sighs as she tilts her head to the side and stares intently at the picture. It is an old picture; Casey'd received it years ago and she had stowed it away in her mini album that she always kept in her purse. On the back is a phone number that paralyzes her every time she wants to call it. The phone number is a link to a past that she wants to forget.
She sighs and then places the picture flat onto her desk and she leans back in her chair. She has a mind to call the number; glances at the phone and then back at the picture.
She has had the picture for eight years, and can count on one hand how many times she's looked at it. She grins tearfully as she runs her finger over the boy's face. She notes his strong features, despite his being a bit small for his age, nine, and she likes that the picture had captured him in a moment of play. She knows that he has grown up to be strong.
She turns the picture over to the back and she looks at the message:
Please don't be a stranger to us anymore.
784-7993
Casey turns the picture back over and she looks at it again.
She is so deep in thought, that she doesn't hear the knock on her door.
Olivia looks into the window and sees Casey looking at something intently on her desk. She opens the door and pokes her head in.
"Casey?"
She looks up then, and she grins. "Hey."
"Hey," Olivia says. "Can I come in or…"
"Yeah, come in," Casey says as she puts the picture aside and out of Olivia's view.
Olivia comes in and takes a seat in the chair across from Casey's desk.
"You really went out on a limb for Shane," she comments and Casey nods.
"Thought the kid deserved a second chance to get better."
Olivia crosses her legs and puts her hands into her coat pockets. "What makes you think he won't do it again?"
Casey shrugs. "Maybe he will, maybe he won't," she huffs. "He's fifteen, Olivia. He has an addiction to sex. There's gotta be something a little fucked up about him, right?"
Olivia is taken aback.
"I didn't mean to upset you."
"You didn't, I just…" Casey pauses and bites her lower lip. "I had to do something."
Olivia looks at Casey.
Casey has definitely gotten prettier with age. Olivia remembers when Casey first came on as ADA for the squad; she had been too thin, pale, and had a chip as big as the state on her shoulder. And her hair: a mass of red unruly curls. She didn't like her then-she had been much too annoying and in the way. Once Casey hit thirty, she finally began to refine herself and become a little less brash and a little tougher in a sophisticated way. She is truly one of them now. The Casey of four years ago couldn't hold a flame to the Casey now.
But.
Every so often, the fire in Casey's emerald green eyes will betray her. They reveal a part of her that she holds close to her heart, and those rough edges that Olivia thought had smoothed out will come forth.
This case had brought out that side of her again and Casey knows it.
"Do you want to talk about it?" Olivia asks.
"Not really," Casey says as she puts her hands in her lap.
Olivia sighs. "Talking about it will help…"
"Don't try to shrink me on this," Casey interrupts. "Much as you hate shrinks, you sure do act like one sometimes."
"I do hate shrinks, but it's not healthy to let things fester," Olivia says softly. "Now we can sit here all night and make small talk and BS each other, or you can tell me why the hell you put your ass on the line for Shane."
"What do you want me to say, Olivia?" Casey asks.
"I just…I don't understand, Case," Olivia says. "You're beating yourself up over this just like you did with that other kid. Jason…"
"Jason King," Casey says quietly.
"Why, Casey?"
Casey doesn't want to talk about it at all, but she trusts Olivia. But she has never entrusted Olivia with this. She knows that Olivia will insist that she talk about it, and that bugs Casey. She thinks Olivia should consider becoming a counselor because she has a way of getting others to talk. Olivia is more open than she used to be, and Casey admits that Olivia is a much better person for that. She is more relaxed than the other guys.
She fingers the picture and then she picks it up and looks at it again.
"We deal with rapists, child molesters, and murderers everyday," she says solemnly. "Sometimes…there's just no…hope. We have to hope Olivia. And that's what I felt for Shane. I looked at him and I saw his potential and all he could be. Someone had to be on his side and hope and care…"
Her eyes water and she hands the picture to Olivia.
Olivia takes the picture and she inspects it. It is a picture of a handsome little boy.
"Cute kid," she says. "Who is he?"
Casey wipes a tear that escaped and sniffles. She is debating on whether or not she wants to talk about this, and she decides that she needs to. To help her realize the truth. To help her pick up the phone.
To help her heal.
She sighs and her shoulders slump.
"Case?" Olivia inquires. "Who is this little boy?"
Casey looks at Olivia. "He's my son."